you are f#cked without social skills

[Olaf]

We live in society with other humans, forget about PUA, forget about finding a partner, being SOCIAL is so important. Like literally how are you gonna grow on social media without any social skills?? How are you gonna network with no social skills? How are you gonna lead your team without being social? How are you gonna be a leader, be a good speaker, be able to network, be able to sell?! You don't think sales isn't social skills?? So I have come to the conclusion that without social skills I am F#CKED! Without social skills you are F#CKED!

So I will keep socialising even WITH a girlfriend, because this is more important than just getting a girlfriend. This is about being able to network, find opportunities, grow on social media EVERYTHING! Literally I am scared of my future when I isolate myself, because it is bad, I have been living like an introvert forever and I am so good at being by myself, but now seeing how it is to be extroverted, I am scared of not being social, because being social is the only way to get ahead in life, business, relationships, everything. Convince me otherwise, convince me that it isn't, because I can't unsee it now.

[Ulax]

frfr

[LordFall]

A lot of guys giving up on their social life when they get a girlfriend cuz what they really wanted is easy validation but that's actually the best time to build capital and legacy. Most rich men are married because it puts a hamper on their lust and they can use their energy towards scaling their career and business. 

Which is why I like social media so much because you can level up your SMV by just improving your personal brand and it'll work both single and in a relationship so if you do get into a relationship that doesn't work out you can be more in demand than ever without ever disrespecting your woman while in the relationship. 

[Joseph Maynor]

This is true.  But even social media can be a block to real social relation.  You have to get out there and talk to people in person.  

[Olaf]

@Joseph Maynor yes agreed, you don't learn social skills on social media, it happens in real life with real people, it isn't even comparable. Having social skills and then dming girls is a different story. Actually go out and then dm girls afterwards, you will have the best opening lines coming out of your flow state.

[Ulax]

lmao im watching Owen's latest video and he talks on this.

I'm 1 hour 40 mins in and Owen has started talking about how there are roving beta male gangs that are starting to emerge, especially in India and how there's going to be  a beta male revolution  😂

This shi is too funny

[Olaf]

@Ulax beta male revolution hahaha 

[Jirh]

Everything has pros and cons.

Being social has many benefits, but also many dangers.

There's no better or worse. Just go with your feelings.

[oOo]

@Olaf Or maybe watch less RSD videos and think for yourself.

Any potentially positive influence, which RSD can be, should eventually be reverse-engineered for the effect it has on you. Same with chocolate, porn, money, internet addiction, validation, meditation, ideology, whatever. Don't merely consume the stimulus and become better conditioned by it. Work backwards through the conditioning until you understand why it was capable of moving you at all, then feed that understanding back into consciousness itself.

Imagine a hypothetical being doing this, an alien, for example. Every time it encounters some phenomenon that strongly affects it, the final product of its analysis isn't merely another piece of knowledge stored somewhere. It extracts the underlying pattern and applies that pattern recursively to itself. Understanding something about attraction might alter how it regulates attention. Understanding status might alter how it represents hierarchy. Understanding addiction might reveal something about salience, prediction and reinforcement. Every genuine understanding produces an immediate alteration in the organism doing the understanding.

For effect, imagine that instead of calling this "wisdom", which is often too abstract to feel physically consequential, every successful piece of reverse-engineering gives the alien an extra limb, another sensory dimension, infrared vision, another axis of movement.

Now knowledge isn't decoration, knowledge changes the architecture of the knowers eyes, what they see and how studying that seeing, returns the seer renewed. At that point you're no longer merely a cloned puppet of your influences. You're beginning to understand the engine underneath the patterns that reproduce themselves across the social system strongly enough for entire societies to remain behaviourally coherent.

And first and foremost, most of you are slaves and don't even know it. Slaves to emotions you did not consciously design, thoughts whose vocabulary existed before you did, dreams assembled from inherited cultural templates, relationship structures you absorbed before you were capable of evaluating them. Even your body wasn't selected by you. Its existence is downstream from decisions, accidents, values and circumstances belonging to other people, beginning with each of our parents.

The point isn't that "the external system is rigged." That's precisely how these influences can hook you, while giving useful advice that keeps the hook justifiable.

We're rigged before we are capable of having an opinion about the system. We enter existence inside causal machinery already operating, so our genes, nervous-system architecture, parental reinforcement, language, reward, punishment, attachment, imitation, status hierarchies, sexual conditioning, culture. Long before "you" consciously choose anything, enormous portions of what later feels like you have already been installed as tendencies, associations and categories.

The only meaningful movement out of that isn't some vague instruction to pursue "consciousness growth". That's too broad. It skips the machinery. What matters is understanding the relationship between cause and effect inside experience, sso how the nervous system constructs significance, value, how perception becomes salience, how concordance becomes thought, how thought recruits identity, how identity generates action, and how repeated action feeds back into the model of who you believe yourself to be.

Take any perception that strongly interests you, view it as a flower, then slowly peel back every layer of it abstractly until all that's left is a seed; its essence. Now plant that seed in yourself  and now every perception, more and more overtime, becomes the only life you ever needed from the external environment, life, sun, water, fertile soil and seed, that you learned to turn into inner ingredients that you gave yourself. 

Some people ask the overly broad question too much, "What is consciousness?", what if you were to live in a way in which you solely operated based on its function in the context of sentience? That is, to become sentient and more sentient. This is where life begets life. Is this not the principle of life after-all, for life to beget life for whatever natural positive/negative forces are needed for that arrival? The gift we have received, sentience, is the gift we've been given to transform this principle of "Life begets life", into something we use to transform ourselves. 

Now as it concerns "social skills", what is the most fundamental principle you can think of? Probably communication right? What predicates the sophistication of our external communication and therefore the people we're most likely to attract in our sphere relative to skilled movement across our planet? The way we communicate with ourselves. Our self-communication is the art and science on learning the relationship between emotion, thought and identity curation within consciousness, and how memory and our prefrontal cortex, can be used to establish a feedback loop between experience, time and consciousness growth. This is the very essence of what I have been talking about, where we implement the gift that sentience has given us to unrig ourselves from the environments feedback loops, and rig ourselves as much as we can to what make up the inner feedback loops of consciousness where growth and experience, beget more growth and experience, aka "life begets life". As for more on inner communication, I'll leave the rest for your own discovery. 

Edited August 20 by oOo

[Olaf]

@oOo trust me, talking to yourself will not make you good at social skills. If it was that easy everyone would have what they wanted. Social skills is hard to learn, but worth it and takes guts and action. Something many people don't have in the spiritual niche. 

[oOo]

58 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@oOo trust me, talking to yourself will not make you good at social skills. If it was that easy everyone would have what they wanted. Social skills is hard to learn, but worth it and takes guts and action. Something many people don't have in the spiritual niche. 

Politely, you've mischaracterised me. 

Mischaracterisations are due to the way that we communicate within ourselves, inclusive of but much broader than merely the verbal language that we speak, from our emotional stasis to the areas of our brain we can feel more active than others.

Mischaracterisations cause most social conflicts.

Mischaracterisations occur due to first ontological, and secondly, epistemic mistakes we make in our own, for example, emotional and cognitive reasoning which leads to social projections on what is happening but isn't. 

So when it comes to inner communication, I am not just talking about talking within oneself, but it is your job to devote yourself to understanding what good inner communication would look like in a way where its also going to help you socially. Instead, what your brain did if you noticed, was that you thought about the relationship between what you knew about inner communication and then projected it upon negative social outcomes and social intelligence in general. By slowly learning to become meta-cognitively aware of our social, cognitive and emotional processing of those subtle mistakes we make in our own reasoning about our own experiences, it also helps us empathise with others, and too because we can make better distinctions, know when empathy is good for us and less so, as well as the kind of empathy that needs to be employed for the situation, if we choose to think at the time from a socially cooperative perspective.  

I am not responsible for further future mischaracterisations you may make from my words. 

My participation in this thread has ended here, best wishes irrespectively!

 

 

Edited August 20 by oOo

[Olaf]

@oOo just take action instead of writing these long posts  it really isn´t that complicated, you could have approached 10 people in the time of writing this post.

[MuadDib]

@Olaf The disgruntled knight has spoken. The Last Templar rides from the thread. Best wishes irrespectively!

[Olaf]

@MuadDib you were never part of the thread  how can you leave if you were never in it?

[Lucasxp64]

Social introversion bias is not the same as low social skills. Look at Alex Becker channel on YouTube (110M+ networth) for example, he says he's an introvert, he doesn't want to dance his ass for the rest of his life on his youtube channel as his income generating activity, that's why most of his money came from his ad tracking company called "Hyros".

The nuanced point I'm making is that for an introvert person, something like "social skills" may seem like just like a single thing. It's not.

A lot about social skills is just improving internal emotional regulation and removal of social inhibitions.

Removal of social inhibitions is not the same as high social intelligence, there are plenty of people that are very loud and with low inhibition but they are doing it from an ungrounded place of need that doesn't translate into socially integrating in all environments.

Think of the high school bullies or the students on the back they were very loud and did appear to befriend everyone. Did they actually befriend everyone? No, they were just befriending the other loud low-conscious idiots.

Social skills are actually feeling high in the social hierarchy, feeling that felt sense of interpersonal status to be high so that you don't feel like you are less than anybody. That automatically removes inhibitions and lets you act and feel with less fears.

Somethings about social skills are merely logistical and financial barriers as well, like if you think you're dressed like shit or you think you're lesser than others, it will make you self-conscious and you will fuck up in social situations, in a business call, etc.

That really takes inner game and outer game, it takes rehiring limiting beliefs and weird pet hypothesis about other people and emotionally learning through exposure if hypothesis are true or not as well.

Removing that inhibition there alongside being grounded as fuck, that's modern apex predator vibes.

By being grounded I mean: Being aware of the environment, other people around you and their intents and emotions and being calibrated and thinking alongside them right there, instead of being in our heads with our arms crossed feeling socially low status or fearful or unable to get ease from their presence.

When we are fearful we lose flow state and we physically can't even think, our intelligence drops to a passive object.

Obviously it also takes THEORY, it takes REALPOLITIK/Machiavellianism, knowing the game-theoretic aspects of the interaction, its expectations, what cards the other person has on their hand, what beliefs they hold, how you can bargain with them, etc.

This last point is not like kids playing with each other, where they are just "being socially inhabited". We can be social but still be naive of the complex dynamics, that's yet another point.

Edited 1 hour ago by Lucasxp64

[Basman]

I'm quiet introverted and I can experience anxiety interacting with people, but I've found that usually I handle conversation quiet naturally. Often I realize that I didn't have to think about what to say or how to respond. It's natural. It's more about your inner state. How comfortable you are mentally.