Dating One Person At Once vs Multiple - Before Commitment

[Miguel1]

16 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

If at some point there’s only one person you really want to focus on, then focus on them.

This is the issue. It is not a matter of ”if”. It is a matter of conscious intention.

[Xonas Pitfall]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

This is the issue. It is not a matter of ”if”. It is a matter of conscious intention.

Interesting. Wouldn't you say there have been periods in your dating where you wanted to focus on a singular person? (Or at least "narrow" down to 2-3?) Perhaps I’m different here, but after getting to know several people, I usually have a very clear sense of who I want to focus on getting closer to. If I don’t have that feeling, then I simply don’t.

I suppose a useful step here is learning to recognize that feeling, but you might just be different in that regard.

Edited 9 hours ago by Xonas Pitfall

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

Of course small talk is part of it. But should it last for the majority of the date? Or just the initial moments?

I am not trying to put you down, the fact that you even think so is a problem. I am just genuinely confused.

Notice, feelings are part of your truth. Not the whole truth.

Of course it's just the first few moments - but if it never gets beyond smalltalk, or smalltalk is that person's substance, then you know it's not the person for you. 

You are putting me down, you just can't see it. You are condescending. I don't care if you don't claim it. It still happened.

Never said feelings are the whole truth. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I am not sure if you are consciously aware of what you are doing @Miguel1 . Your rhetoric has a recurring tendency to sidestep the user's actual point by moving the conversation onto a conceptual frame where you have already established the terms. You are dismissing through reframing. Not engaging with what is said.

You did this to Xonas in your exchange, and with myself. 

It's this strange move toward epistemic positioning: you take the role of the person who identifies the deeper principle, correct the users framing, distinguishes the percived “real” issue from the superficial one, and explain the other's misunderstanding. This is subtly patronising and is not beneficial for the type of relational discussion you want. You position everyone as a subject to be corrected.

I know this isn't your intention.

But it is what is happening.

Edited 8 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[KosmicGeng]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

With you, I am not sure what do you mean by half the things you say.

I don’t do dating apps. I only meet girls IRL. During those meetings, it can last from 5 min to many hours. I get a very good sense of what they are about, if we spend many hours together.

Then if I go on a date with them, I further get to know them. How she thinks, how her humour works, how she carries herself, how healed she is, what is approx her maturity level etc.

I don’t see a reason why would I need multiple dates to decide if I just want to focus on getting to know this girl. Some people date multiple people for months before dropping everyone else and just focusing on one (not commitment yet - just purely getting to know).

How do you have resources, time and energy, to get to know many people at once, on a deep level, and remember everything? I would need an excel for it.

Ask questions, I really enjoy answering them, I can't go to any length of depth if there are no questions just experience from me and some friends who were very good with women, especially after improving life circumstances, naturally for e.g becoming a teacher in chemistry and sports with a masters degree, changed a friend of mine to get massive offers, but he still had an issue at times and required alcohol in order to be not shy, which I thought was a little weak, make the intention enjoyment. 

I do online-dating and then meet irl, it has some advantages that you know what to expect, in person you can manipulate a lot with body language, especially, if you dance etc. but also build a lot of depth, especially if it's something pulling you to GOD, which it seemed with dancing, I get similar experience with the right music to relate here a bit. 

The Nr.1 reason not to commit to only one girl is and dropping everything is, it can be an act of overcommitment, if it's not done with a detached energy, and life priorities are in order, survival and neediness kicks in quickly to have sex etc. and go about the animalistic qualities of life, which can be beautiful, if done more properly, at times I am convincend dancing is just gods murder in communication based on the intensity , the core point is the intention, it can just be a strategy to date multiple to leverage the survival advantage, or you can have a nefarious manipulative intention, to play with women and do harm, I presume your the more of the first, but PUA samsaras/kriyas/conditioning, can pull you into a slightly manipulative pattern, which is not bad if the intention in your heart is in the right place, generally I would always trust the depth of the heart, if it's just one, and you feel deep down in your heart that one commitment is worth more then dating multiple girls, do it! Don't waste others time for perspective your way more intelligent, then just asking for perspective on a forum, were you see the issues of the modern hostility, if you can get to god-like levels of dance, daily or weekly it's very easy to see and a fantastic confirmation to real lived and felt intuition as experience!

You can easily pull out a journal, and make core points of depth, be open-minded and write down the essentials of each date, I did this, I dated intellectually deep girls with masters, and dr's as I have a depth with integral work unmatched, in my experience the depth is mostly build through the sensuality, humour and enjoyment of the date, that can be one date to getting laid, or being a bit slower dating multiple times, but being ressourceful, not spending billions on dates in order to get laid, which is a risk imo. Imo you can't remember everything but 2-5 points of core depth and similarities can help to make a decision to date multiple, or even pull two girls into one date or lay, that is what I yearned to do, it's easier in person then online, I have more experience from online to irl, in the real world, I saw to many f*ed things, so I prefer online a bit more. 

But you're right if the depth and intuition is there you can go for one, the real risk is the survival pressures, if you watched and took notes on some of Leo's video on survival and getting laid this becomes more obvious. I also enjoy the principle being fast with people is slow, being slow with people is fast in getting to know them on a depth level, it's a paradox, from Dale Carnegie, the classic how to meet friends etc. I am very good socially, the notes you can take on girls/women is also good to explore depth of yourself, I can send you ressources from integral life, if their wordpress is not hacked anymore, hackers are going crazy currently, I got hacked twice and their database and one e-mail of mine is lost, to build a relationship foundations via knowledge and work from TIER I - TIER III, this takes some time, I am in a very fucked period, as I also just trusted dating one girl, had the intuition and now working out the mistakes of a massively fucked situation, the relationship had a lot of depth, let alone cannabis increases intereoception by 6000% that information was presented by integral, and Dr. Keith Witt, imo best psychologist in the world. I would generally keep a layer of detachment, even if it's a bit superficial with women, I learned you never know if she has a phone, she can easily meet 2-10 guys right afterwards and you never know, untill you fucked her to GOD, she won't most likely commit, or if you don't have any provider qualities, it's very easy to just be entertainment and not true relationship material.

I hope this gives some insight and perspective, to come to own conclusions, this is a lot of experience I share here... ask questions or specifics if you don't get anything, I really enjoy answering them and if it interests you!

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru I send you a voice memo on whatsapp, lets discuss this through there

[Miguel1]

@KosmicGeng General advices like ”less is more” is that, general advice. Works on general situations.

But what I am looking for is quite niched, quite an exception.

[KosmicGeng]

8 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

General advices like ”less is more” is that, general advice. Works on general situations.

But what I am looking for is quite niched, quite an exception.

What is so unique about it?

I don't see it I have been in a lot of unique situations, I wish you the best you find your looking for!

 

Edited 6 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[something_else]

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I reject that first dates should be about hobbies, news and mainstream pop. Random talks that leads nowhere.

 

Small talk is important. Yes, it can be boring and superficial but it acts as a social lubricant towards deeper questions. You can’t just jump straight into the deepest questions. It requires build up. As Natasha said, on a first date small talk acts as a proxy for a person’s deeper attributes without creating a ton of tension.

In a long term relationship, small talk lets you figure out each other’s energy and mood on a daily basis, and it shows you care about them.

I would introspect on your dislike of small talk. I had a similar sentiment towards it and I realised that it was a defense mechanism. I had this view of myself as deep and intellectual and “above all of that superficial shit like small talk”. A lot of people actually find this mindset quite irritating or draining. Not everything has to be a deep conversation about truth.

[Miguel1]

15 minutes ago, something_else said:

Small talk is important. Yes, it can be boring and superficial but it acts as a social lubricant towards deeper questions. You can’t just jump straight into the deepest questions. It requires build up. As Natasha said, on a first date small talk acts as a proxy for a person’s deeper attributes without creating a ton of tension.

In a long term relationship, small talk lets you figure out each other’s energy and mood on a daily basis, and it shows you care about them.

I would introspect on your dislike of small talk. I had a similar sentiment towards it and I realised that it was a defense mechanism. I had this view of myself as deep and intellectual and “above all of that superficial shit like small talk”. A lot of people actually find this mindset quite irritating or draining. Not everything has to be a deep conversation about truth.

This is probably my third or fourth time I have said this in this thread but of course small talk, fun, and a good vibe is part of it. Just how much in the beginning when you are actually trying to get to know the other person deeply.

I am getting tired of repeating my answers.

[KosmicGeng]

22 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

This is probably my third or fourth time I have said this in this thread but of course small talk, fun, and a good vibe is part of it. Just how much in the beginning when you are actually trying to get to know the other person deeply.

I am getting tired of repeating my answers.

Make some moves, and touch and kiss her on the first date, learning more about body language helps, take her hand, sit on a bench, being a bit more physical and touchy can be good, not just fun, pull her into the sexuallity and feminity that she is, if her eyes do not light up, something is wrong, her eyes should have light in them. Getting to know others can be a huge distractions to the animalistic tendencies of human itself, reflect on the mistakes, I did and do thousands still, but physically I am very good, just taking her hand and walking can get you multiple dates, trusting the intimacy is the best choice to create a level of communion.

Dude, women come more automatically, if there is a sense of satisfaction, it's not that complex, I make it complex too, I can relate, but it's self-survival of the self, extracting the bias in order to fit needs and grow, it's an unfortunate grey-zone of strategic survival... can be dark or light...I come from a psychological frame, psychological dominance is also sexy as hell, but lucifer is a devil of light be careful... my experience with some crazy women, cheating etc. abusing power for feminist leftist agenda!

Most women want also healthy dominance not fun, in order to build the natural masculine & femine dynamic, I have the gift and curse of being balanced, but my core energies are more Yang than Yin... as an expression or remedy medicine to deal with survival of subtle energy

If the light is materalistic be careful, the devil will haunt you absolutely!!! I have these tendencies to let you know, I am quiet ready to master the illusion, anyhow I don't expect understanding!

Eventually, this gives some insight.

Don't let me activate my black soul, but tbh I am more angry that your not getting it and avoiding the pain points, I hope this gives some clarity... the art already has many pointers, just face the devil and see what it's like, be couragous!

Edited 5 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[Inliytened1]

On 8/13/2026 at 6:29 PM, LordFall said:

@Miguel1 I think you're confusing a small 'friend group' with an expanding social ecosystem and proper social circle game. If you're talking about a group of 6 tight friends, yeah, dating through them causes drama and has limits.

When I talk about social circle, I mean hosting events, building communities, and having an active lifestyle where new high-caliber people are constantly flowing in and out of your world naturally. You aren't 'wasting time' to get a date, you're literally just living a fun, fulfilling life, building your network, and meeting aligned women along the way.

If cold approach work for you, awesome, but for many guys, building a real social circle is far more rewarding than grinding out dates and one night stands.

Just from a lifetime of experience with cold dating, I would have to agree here with @lordfall on social circles vs just dating cold.  I think a better strategy is indeed needed.  An ecosystem!  @Miguel So, what you are pushing does definitely work.  But it just seems quite limited and can be expanded apon.   I also think it would make it easier for guys that are more introverted and less handsome..For handsom extroverts it is much easier to just find one girl on an app and have success.  

[KosmicGeng]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

Just from a lifetime of experience with cold dating, I would have to agree here with @lordfall on social circles vs just dating cold.  I think a better strategy is indeed needed.  An ecosystem!  @Miguel So, what you are pushing does definitely work.  But it just seems quite limited and can be expanded apon.   I also think it would make it easier for guys that are more introverted and less handsome..For handsom extroverts it is much easier to just find one girl on an app and have success.  

To expand on this, @Miguel1 I am also an otrovert, that was a nice term you shared that gave me insight into my personality, I faced the same issue of building a network of my interest and was pulled into various directions, I am also doing my best to build my "tech/health" ecosystem of with humans and more evolved humans to engage in more social activites that are good to the soul, the risk I faced was the constant shadow of networks wanting to go out, as an otrovert, a TIER II shadow is constant networking I faced in A.I and tech, constant false hope for the value of love of learning which is stage yellow, and offering a lot of mindfulness courses at stage orange, that don't fully touch the being aspect, and the modern mindfulness movement of just framing everything in success and productivity, that was very heart aching in a sense, I hope I could give some level of inspiration, I knew I piss people off, for natural beauty alone, and having been a lifter, I am partially done with the arrogance in the art circles, as there is a lot of green-wu not, real GOD, or art that actually touches the soul of humans and mankind, and elevates it to good.

When I was on my purpose women and offers just came automatically, but I fine-tune it also, please don't misunderstand I am not propagating a mechanistic paradigm, my culture and it's constructs focuses a lot on mechanism, and frames it in GOD, if you look up german scientist and training in physics and other areas, it becomes quiet obvious, there is also more of my spirit in soul... generally speaking, but I am also quiet alpha/sigma.

I do my best to embrace my feminine but survival showed me how abusive it can be if green circles are not healthy..., I see you as beyond TIER I, to let you know!

Edited 3 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

The PUA paradigm teaches you to date 5-10 girls at once for months and months, before you drop everyone and just focus on one, when she has proved her worth to you.

They call this abundance.

I call it insecurity, and a huge waste of time and energy. I used to do it a lot so I know exactly how much time was wasted, and how I truly felt deep down.

This is what I am mostly speaking against.

This I agree with.

Definitively not necessary to push it that far once you have solid inner confidence in yourself.

The 5-10 women thing is mostly compensation.

[KosmicGeng]

11 minutes ago, aurum said:

This I agree with.

Definitively not necessary to push it that far once you have solid inner confidence in yourself.

The 5-10 women thing is mostly compensation.

5-10 is way to much 2-3 max is doable imo, 2 is already the limit for me mostly, I don't write with more then 2-3 women at a time, others I completely forget, and I just socialize. 

If you have a high sex drive, going about multiple women is fine, some have simply superior health if it's build and does not fall into the normie paradigm, which is a huge issue in spirituality imo anyhow... my 2 cents...

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

Just from a lifetime of experience with cold dating, I would have to agree here with @lordfall on social circles vs just dating cold.  I think a better strategy is indeed needed.  An ecosystem!  @Miguel So, what you are pushing does definitely work.  But it just seems quite limited and can be expanded apon.   I also think it would make it easier for guys that are more introverted and less handsome..For handsom extroverts it is much easier to just find one girl on an app and have success.  

Yes it's also more fun! You create a friend group and community around your interest and you become the center of it so you have more socialization but growth in your corner. 

I think anyone can do decent on dating apps, you just gotta take photography seriously, dress well, know your angles and find the aesthetic locations in your city to portray the image you want. Have you ever worked with a professional photographer before?