Dating One Person At Once vs Multiple - Before Commitment

[Miguel1]

16 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

If at some point there’s only one person you really want to focus on, then focus on them.

This is the issue. It is not a matter of ”if”. It is a matter of conscious intention.

[Xonas Pitfall]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

This is the issue. It is not a matter of ”if”. It is a matter of conscious intention.

Interesting. Wouldn't you say there have been periods in your dating where you wanted to focus on a singular person? (Or at least "narrow" down to 2-3?) Perhaps I’m different here, but after getting to know several people, I usually have a very clear sense of who I want to focus on getting closer to. If I don’t have that feeling, then I simply don’t.

I suppose a useful step here is learning to recognize that feeling, but you might just be different in that regard.

Edited 1 hour ago by Xonas Pitfall

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

Of course small talk is part of it. But should it last for the majority of the date? Or just the initial moments?

I am not trying to put you down, the fact that you even think so is a problem. I am just genuinely confused.

Notice, feelings are part of your truth. Not the whole truth.

Of course it's just the first few moments - but if it never gets beyond smalltalk, or smalltalk is that person's substance, then you know it's not the person for you. 

You are putting me down, you just can't see it. You are condescending. I don't care if you don't claim it. It still happened.

Never said feelings are the whole truth. 

[Joseph Maynor]

You can perceive the "creep vibe" in certain people if you are attuned enough.

[Joseph Maynor]

Pick up artistry people are nuts lol.  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I am not sure if you are consciously aware of what you are doing @Miguel1 . Your rhetoric has a recurring tendency to sidestep the user's actual point by moving the conversation onto a conceptual frame where you have already established the terms. You are dismissing through reframing. Not engaging with what is said.

You did this to Xonas in your exchange, and with myself. 

It's this strange move toward epistemic positioning: you take the role of the person who identifies the deeper principle, correct the users framing, distinguishes the percived “real” issue from the superficial one, and explain the other's misunderstanding. This is subtly patronising and is not beneficial for the type of relational discussion you want. You position everyone as a subject to be corrected.

I know this isn't your intention.

But it is what is happening.

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[KosmicGeng]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

With you, I am not sure what do you mean by half the things you say.

I don’t do dating apps. I only meet girls IRL. During those meetings, it can last from 5 min to many hours. I get a very good sense of what they are about, if we spend many hours together.

Then if I go on a date with them, I further get to know them. How she thinks, how her humour works, how she carries herself, how healed she is, what is approx her maturity level etc.

I don’t see a reason why would I need multiple dates to decide if I just want to focus on getting to know this girl. Some people date multiple people for months before dropping everyone else and just focusing on one (not commitment yet - just purely getting to know).

How do you have resources, time and energy, to get to know many people at once, on a deep level, and remember everything? I would need an excel for it.

Ask questions, I really enjoy answering them, I can't go to any length of depth if there are no questions just experience from me and some friends who were very good with women, especially after improving life circumstances, naturally for e.g becoming a teacher in chemistry and sports with a masters degree, changed a friend of mine to get massive offers, but he still had an issue at times and required alcohol in order to be not shy, which I thought was a little weak, make the intention enjoyment. 

I do online-dating and then meet irl, it has some advantages that you know what to expect, in person you can manipulate a lot with body language, especially, if you dance etc. but also build a lot of depth, especially if it's something pulling you to GOD, which it seemed with dancing, I get similar experience with the right music to relate here a bit. 

The Nr.1 reason not to commit to only one girl is and dropping everything is, it can be an act of overcommitment, if it's not done with a detached energy, and life priorities are in order, survival and neediness kicks in quickly to have sex etc. and go about the animalistic qualities of life, which can be beautiful, if done more properly, at times I am convincend dancing is just gods murder in communication based on the intensity , the core point is the intention, it can just be a strategy to date multiple to leverage the survival advantage, or you can have a nefarious manipulative intention, to play with women and do harm, I presume your the more of the first, but PUA samsaras/kriyas/conditioning, can pull you into a slightly manipulative pattern, which is not bad if the intention in your heart is in the right place, generally I would always trust the depth of the heart, if it's just one, and you feel deep down in your heart that one commitment is worth more then dating multiple girls, do it! Don't waste others time for perspective your way more intelligent, then just asking for perspective on a forum, were you see the issues of the modern hostility, if you can get to god-like levels of dance, daily or weekly it's very easy to see and a fantastic confirmation to real lived and felt intuition as experience!

You can easily pull out a journal, and make core points of depth, be open-minded and write down the essentials of each date, I did this, I dated intellectually deep girls with masters, and dr's as I have a depth with integral work unmatched, in my experience the depth is mostly build through the sensuality, humour and enjoyment of the date, that can be one date to getting laid, or being a bit slower dating multiple times, but being ressourceful, not spending billions on dates in order to get laid, which is a risk imo. Imo you can't remember everything but 2-5 points of core depth and similarities can help to make a decision to date multiple, or even pull two girls into one date or lay, that is what I yearned to do, it's easier in person then online, I have more experience from online to irl, in the real world, I saw to many f*ed things, so I prefer online a bit more. 

But you're right if the depth and intuition is there you can go for one, the real risk is the survival pressures, if you watched and took notes on some of Leo's video on survival and getting laid this becomes more obvious. I also enjoy the principle being fast with people is slow, being slow with people is fast in getting to know them on a depth level, it's a paradox, from Dale Carnegie, the classic how to meet friends etc. I am very good socially, the notes you can take on girls/women is also good to explore depth of yourself, I can send you ressources from integral life, if their wordpress is not hacked anymore, hackers are going crazy currently, I got hacked twice and their database and one e-mail of mine is lost, to build a relationship foundations via knowledge and work from TIER I - TIER III, this takes some time, I am in a very fucked period, as I also just trusted dating one girl, had the intuition and now working out the mistakes of a massively fucked situation, the relationship had a lot of depth, let alone cannabis increases intereoception by 6000% that information was presented by integral, and Dr. Keith Witt, imo best psychologist in the world. I would generally keep a layer of detachment, even if it's a bit superficial with women, I learned you never know if she has a phone, she can easily meet 2-10 guys right afterwards and you never know, untill you fucked her to GOD, she won't most likely commit, or if you don't have any provider qualities, it's very easy to just be entertainment and not true relationship material.

I hope this gives some insight and perspective, to come to own conclusions, this is a lot of experience I share here... ask questions or specifics if you don't get anything, I really enjoy answering them and if it interests you!

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru I send you a voice memo on whatsapp, lets discuss this through there