Dating One Person At Once vs Multiple - Before Commitment

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, LordFall said:

You can have many life partners, if you'd only like one that your personal desire not a reality of how a lot of human beings arrange their life on this planet. 

Read the damn opener

[LordFall]

I did read it AND I gave you a framework to reach YOUR stated goal that should help make the process better and add more value to your life.

Which is why I'm calling you out for proselytizing your philosophy as the one true way instead of having the humility to think of it as your own conclusions that fit your desires. 

Edited 7 hours ago by LordFall

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

@something_else Your dates lasts 30 min?

Ehm, no? Did I say it did 

I’m honestly not sure what point you’re trying to make here

[Jirh]

@Miguel1 You are a difficult person.

[Valach]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

Because laughter happens when you are relaxed and in the moment. Not when you're thinking about the future and evaluating if this is a person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. That puts you both in a job interview frame of mind, lots of pressure.

I'm not saying it can't work to be clear, I just don't think it's optimal.

But you do not built relationships on laughter. As @Miguel1 said a lot of what works within the realm of casual or PUA dating is basically an antithesis of healthy long-term relationships.

I am not saying that having fun is an enemy, but there should be some level of seriousness and vetting in the dating process and that is inherently not as emotionally stimulating.

It is quite interesting when it comes to this if you think about it. There is a general consensus that focusing on just what feels right is not the best life strategy - then I would just play videogames, jerkoff, smoke weed etc. Yet when it comes to dating most peoples vetting process is basically "How emotionally stimulating is this person" - it's nuts.

[something_else]

22 minutes ago, Valach said:

But you do not built relationships on laughter. As @Miguel1 said a lot of what works within the realm of casual or PUA dating is basically an antithesis of healthy long-term relationships.

I am not saying that having fun is an enemy, but there should be some level of seriousness and vetting in the dating process and that is inherently not as emotionally stimulating.

It is quite interesting when it comes to this if you think about it. There is a general consensus that focusing on just what feels right is not the best life strategy - then I would just play videogames, jerkoff, smoke weed etc. Yet when it comes to dating most peoples vetting process is basically "How emotionally stimulating is this person" - it's nuts.

It’s not the only thing that matters, but it’s certainly important. Good luck building a long term relationship if you don’t share a sense of humour.

The long term stuff comes after a few dates. No point in planning a life together if you don’t even know whether you’d enjoy each other’s company at dinner, a movie, drinks, games, chilling at home etc.

I have a strong suspicion that the people who look actively for a ‘life partner’ tend to be the type who jump from relationship to relationship and break up after like 6 months. You try so hard to force everything to be long term even if it isn’t meant to be, and then it blows up.

[KosmicGeng]

I can recommend everything from him:

https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks/videos

He has some video on the topic, yet the more I conscious I became, it was more akin to the mojo naturally manifesting, and I saw how my intuition might do that, as I only have reference experience from a perspective that wanted to have a two life partners, simply due to the energy and support, I yearned to have as well as the fecundity at times I feel in me, when I am at peak health, this is a more moderate, but highly educated take, being married has many stigmas, social benefits, capitalistic benefits, and life benefits, where I tracked more the synchronicity aspect, after doing deepak chopras work, also Leo mentioned it's cruel to not mention to a girl you want multiple women, I for instance still crave two, or one who can give me the benefit of two, and I'd like to be married to both and have kids, irregardless of the challenge, it's a bit reckless, but I don't think I will get it that quickly out of me, at times my own depth is deeper, and I just require two women, as one women can't fill that level of depth, but I also still have to explore, the biggest obstacle is simply purpose and financial freedom, this would come automatically I bet just "causal success" is not enough for two women imo, and the social paradigm does not benefit it, besides some hippy stuff. 

I wrote for instance with a girl who was open to it, and she just asked if you had the money, and she was very loving, this was only via text though, and with open chinese women, I am highly attracted to. 

[something_else]

13 minutes ago, KosmicGeng said:

I wrote for instance with a girl who was open to it, and she just asked if you had the money, and she was very loving,

Sorry, but you’re going to get absolutely railroaded if you fall for stuff like this. She was interested in money, not love or depth

[KosmicGeng]

38 minutes ago, something_else said:

Sorry, but you’re going to get absolutely railroaded if you fall for stuff like this. She was interested in money, not love or depth

It's not as clear as day, we were open to building a relationship that had the benefit of having more then one women, and she simply asked for the logistics, we built the relationship first then I asked her if shes was open for it, practically said yes, and if I had the money, it was more logical, she was more interested in the life of the ressources we could build, and another dynamic I opened, her parents were affluent, so the money was not the true issue, she was paid everything for and simply craved a relationship that had depth. I can be superficial at times, but it protects me more, just letting everything out at times costed me more then giving me gain, but every failure is learning, this was the first time I asked a girl if she was open, and I followed the tip from Leo to ask right away if she was open, instead of torturing here with guesswork about my intentions, and she said yes and if I had the money, obviously she could gun for the money again, but it was an interesting experience to me mostly. 

I did a course on healthy long-term relationships, most young girls are not ready to put in that type of work, so success and financial abundance accounts to more "healthy and stable relationships", but it does not disclude the issues of manipulation, fame and toxic values, I did Leo Guras life purpose course, so I choose more healthy vales, but after this relationship failure I still have to learn go out and game, but I have to put many pieces in order, after having studying with the peak of A.I here, and doing it myself, as I see to many issues, for e.g 12 volumes on love lost from Darwin etc. which is imo highly important and I faced a lot of corruption. Hope this gives some insight, she was conscious about money, but yes I also agree she could've just been about money, but just framing her like a gold digger would be wrong, as she was kind, responsive and loving about me, and the connection I had while working out and she put in effort, which was a good sign. 

This was with a chinese women. 

Edited 5 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[Rafael Thundercat]

No matter what style you look for. One thing is the same: I you relating with someone or some ones. So is great to have fundations

Foundations on choice and foundation on the relationship if is supposed to be long term. There is no bypassing on this matters.

 

[KosmicGeng]

@Rafael Thundercat This women is awesome I am watching this, thank you for sharing!!

I reflect upon this and share my experience from the relationship, the after effects have been going on for a while, as I yearned to have a spiritual experience, but when I practiced next to her, she just feel asleep and said she was tired, and just wanted to manifest money, instead of focusing on love and god, our values were completely afflicted by her intentions imo, but let me be healthily self-critical here.

I am definitely still recovering, and I still require experience that are causal with women. 

Edited 3 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[KosmicGeng]

1 hour ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

No matter what style you look for. One thing is the same: I you relating with someone or some ones. So is great to have fundations

Foundations on choice and foundation on the relationship if is supposed to be long term. There is no bypassing on this matters.

On the video, what I experienced and my reflection, I put it in my own words.

The women I was in a relationship with was somewhat of a broken bird or how they call it, but I did not notice that, as she changed a lot. I was in the provider and protector role, and absolutely clean, in terms of health I did not smoke anything nor drink alcohol, she smoked cigarettes with cannabis, I ventured in the experience, I only smoked cannabis clean, as I disliked the effects smoking cigarettes has on me, now I vape and occassionaly yearn to smoke.

We had the same love-language, but different values, and she could not keep-up with my pace it was a serious issue, that she could not take on the role of a nuturing women, as she yearned to repair old relationships, and I have self-destructive and sabotaging tendencies, where my dark tyrannic side comes out, and she had the same dark tyranny, but in a sneaky way, where she cheats, controls and acts like a gold digger, and abused innocence

I never had true money problems, and she abused my financial situation, I paid for everything, as she thought the money of me and her family can be put back into her family, and I would've loved to invest in the family, as I enjoy family life, it's just not a value I can commit myself to, as my purpose and work is of more importance, even actualized.org and my journal is more important to me than family, as I see the issues of the socially constructed way.

She was unable to help us build the foundation, I setup, I gave everything provision, protection, but she had nothing going on, and I had the opportunity to heal via her mother, as she was a healer, but she smoked and had nasty habits, so I said don't touch me and she had a racist attitude towards blacks, but was kind in person a monster

I did deeper psychological work with Dr. Keith Witt, ever since I was 14-16 I told myself, I am going to be my own therapist, and took every information I can find on the internet to heal and understand myself and my patterns better, the interviewed person lacks some deeper more integral TIER II - TIER III levels of relationship advice, where she would be open, she just did not do the work. I finished the entire course, and I am working with ChatGPT on the healing aspect of the relationship.

The book from Deida "Dear Lover: A Woman's guide to Men, Sex and Love", clearly showed me she misses some aspects of spirituality, divine love, divinity, white light experience that you can experience love and yogic healing in a relationship, yet the dangers are real with the shadow/moon aspect or dark knight aspect everyone has. 

She is right about most stuff, with the independent women etc. and the ex was hung-up about children, I am open, but we had to build foundations and instead of building and supporting the man, she just hide in her family, I did not notice it, but the time felt good and well-spent, the core issue was the value mismatch that she put family as nr.1 value, and my kindness and benevolence and her dark side of blaming men, and these feministic tendencies I have from my female lesbian aunt, that hates men deep down, that goes even back to penis envy and freud was a bad telltale sign.

Imo, men reflect in groups more deeply on relationships and carry the larger burden, as women are more social, they can handle these damages in a group more effectively, especially if there is a social benefit for expressing the pain of the heart break. It's true women look for an angle that takes care of everything, partially, but there are also a lot of sane women I dated, where simply the foundations and values did not match, and she was only attracted to my potential not my maturity, and she provided to little, and was fed-up with the supportive role, and just wanted the career and success, but had nothing going on besides cleaning-up others mess, instead of helping me.

I was tyrannical, as I was under constant time pressure and demands of others, she was also a gamer, but we never really created a doing/being relationship that way, besides consuming cannabis etc. which I still enjoy, but it made it difficult, as she blamed me most likely to get nothing done, and just invested in her friendships, instead of investing in the relationship, it was my first relationship, so I was exploring even if I knew better.

Partially they treated me like trash for the family, also due to being half-black and the brothers understood me more, but also were fearful around the women, so I did my best to be this inspirational path, but it lead to the exact problems she mentions, it sustains the relationship a bit, but not forever, as passion/motivation and inspiration is flowing, but it's just the spice, that keeps the relationship going the main activites should be based upon values.

I even sent her the entire course, so she could do the work, idk if she ever did it, but fundamentally I prepared a lot and she pushed me out of a conscious relationship with desire, and flirting which I enjoyed, especially the strong female attention, but I still have to put the notes from the course I did into A.I and work with to fine-tune and attune to what I truly crave.

I worked a lot of self-love she had none, and I was focused on healing, she practically did not have the integral knowledge foundation, I built for a decade to be were I was at, then became envious of A.I and my purpose and I felt as if she tried to claim that as her own, and science itself, but imo she and her story is a shame to science itself, how I experienced it and the elite of the elite treated me as a child of god, which was very nuturing to me, to have that level of respect, even when I was not the best.

She secretly acted dismissive, when I was innocent and genuient, while I had some anger problems, mostly with what we talked about. It's difficult to contemplate this, as I see more issues, especially with the naivity of children and the financial costs, and the priviledge of a supporting family, I'd love to have kids, but I have to carry everything on my own, with my own story of this, and I still require causal experience and prefer two women than one, based on the scientific information I consumed. 

She only played the status game while I craved depth in character, for instance I had a chinese women on a date that really loved my character, but it was a huge issue with family etc. I am very open-minded and she lacked open-mindedness was controlling and princess like, in order to shit on males, and not be a Queen with dignity, while I am more of an emporer figure.
----
The best part of her was:

- Archetypal work with tarot/astrology/occult/esotericism for character growth (she only did it for fun, but I also include psychological clean-up and shadow work and character growth with my visionboard of it
- The shared space we had and the sex was very good and healing to both, but her envy killed it absolutely, I contemplate envy since I was 13-14 and do practices against it, I forgot how powerful gratitude is

The most negative part was:
- The abuse of innocene and gratitude for her power drives and kicks, just to be a wild ox-monkey and her overemphasis of friends, instead of mastering relationships

There is more to say this is good, the work I did, I have to find meaning in a more mature women that is younger or go for causal sex, I did so much psychological work solo, and still have to do it, most psychologist are shocked what I know, as they just run their training as a myopic paradigm, and hence lack access to the spiritual dimensions of life, yoga won't fix this, a serious intent for spiritual practice does.
---
She is right about love not being present the whole time and that we expect to much, and love has to be nutured, but she did not do the course work, so it was impossible to have a conversations, as my needs are to advanced and I had to already dumb it down for the experience, as it was a serious issue finding a quality women, I enjoy also the more darker/slutty feminine side, but it missed the core aspect of what Deida teaches, and at times it's simply easier to let the man win and be supportive, and not this hyperindividualzed girl, who just hunts like nature to get her children etc. 

It was odd, a lot of twin-flame karmicequse experience, I still have to contemplate more I learned a lot I charted close to 1000 people know including wu-xing etc. I have a layer of maturity I built for years on health etc. now I completely messed it up, due to how society functions and I know my darkside very well, but I am also still recovering, just putting in the Keit Witt books into A.I and doing some of it's work is very good, I leave it at that. 
---
My core mistake was seeing her as quality women to build foundations, while she was no different then an abusive slut, even an OnlyFans girl seems to have more dignity then this women, imagine someone pulled a knife at her vagina for who she is, that is insanity. 

I am very glad I trained with Shinzen he has a new book on healing, also but she is fundamentally fucked to me, I will never ever date a women with such similarities again, and do my best to recondition myself, I deserve way better then someone who is like this. 
- 

Edited 2 hours ago by KosmicGeng

[Natasha Tori Maru]

The problem with how this dialogue is infolding is that an interpretive conclusion is reached prior to doing enough information gathering first (IE there are no genuine probing questions being asked to understand how other users arrived at their dating strategies, why it worked etc).

The answers are being funnelled through a pre-existing frame and a conclusion is reached. Essentially it reads like a frame is adapted and the model is rigid and doesn't want to be updated.

It's not difficult to see this play out as whenever information that might contradict the model is encountered it is discarded without much inspection (hence the lack of questioning, flat two word responses discarding users views, methods and experience). Reacting not responding.

And I have a feeling this is because what is being said is misunderstood due to a lack of open curiousity around other users experience and methods (again as there are no who what why when questions, and simple "no" answers). I don't really understand the purpose of the thread myself when this is the pattern here. But I see a genuine attempt to work out a path for dating, it could simply be that there is so much emotional load behind the dilemma it's making it hard to take on alternative views that might push against an existing model. I get it as it is normal. I go through the same thing often.

I don't see that the issue is that a particular conclusion was reached - it's that it was jumped to without truly understanding what was said by other users beyond a surface proposition.

Edited 1 hour ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru You are correct. This is exactly what is happening, I am very well aware of it, and that I am doing it.

Yet, at the same time I see no real counter-arguments for me to actually stop and prope further.

Mostly what I hear is exactly just pre-existing frames, defenses and projections. No new information being presented.

The whole idea of this thread and every last one of my threads is just to tackle the same problem, from different angles — to see if they inspire new perspectives, challenges and arguments.

I want to be challenged, yet most of the challenges thrown at me are kinda silly.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Miguel1 I think it's happening from both sides.

It doesn't look like a clash of character or egoic battle. More like a clash of epistemologies.

I think if you asked more questions, rather than taking it as a challenge, it might help you reassess how YOU know what you know, and how you used your experience to derive conclusions (and clear up any hasty conclusions made when we think we understand what someone is saying). Sometimes others have information we can use that will help us update our models - and this information needs to be assessed, discarded, or used to update our understanding. It's just hard if there are emotions involved - and this topic is emotionally loaded to fuck because it touches on the very meaning of being human, and the human experience - connection. 

I admire you for putting yourself though this process. I do it with people on real life, and I don't know if you are anything like me, but it is painful. 

When I engage in something like this, I remind myself that every time I am judging someone else, their experience, or then - I am blocking what I genuinely feel. You might notice you can't actually be in touch with how you truly feel when you judge someone else. That helps move through the pain faster and see with clarity.

Edited 13 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[aurum]

Ultimately there has to be some process by which you get to know someone.

And that process by definition will start with less probing, less commitment.

Really it's not a question of "should I keep it light?" or "should I be super serious?". It's a question of when and how much.

Also, you can do both simultaneously. I can keep our interaction quite light on the surface, while internally I'm actually looking at her quite closely and making judgments. "Seriousness" does not have to be explicit.

Once I'm confident I see long-term potential, I will stop seeing other people pretty fast. Could easily be 3-5 dates and we are there.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@aurum you describe my process as well. Once I know I am decisive. 

When and how much is the essence of the quastion.