Are You Aligned In Life?

[Lyubov]

Sometimes. I think the one area I am working on in my life is being open and having difficult conversations in my relationships. I'm still learning and allowing to live in Wu Wei (authentic flow). Everyone has their own story or dynamic with their ego / inner child. I am afraid of many things and will sometimes choose to go back to familiar fallacies. No one does everything perfect and living aligned isn't a competition nor a measuring stick for you being here now vs where you think you should be where there is value.  

Edited 2 hours ago by Lyubov

[Wilhelm44]

28 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I don’t think many of them are beating around the bush. It’s mostly quite directly communicated.

But none of them has yet to say how exactly is my ego behaving in such a way. And neither have you, which makes me question the point of you bringing it up.

I see a pattern though: the few people here who can relate and agree with me, are people who actually go out and approach.

It's spiritual ego that creates the illusion that we won't find a partner who is advanced enough for us.

(It's just a phase that spiritual people go through.)

[Joshe]

56 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I don’t think many of them are beating around the bush. It’s mostly quite directly communicated.

But none of them has yet to say how exactly is my ego behaving in such a way. And neither have you, which makes me question the point of you bringing it up.

I see a pattern though: the few people here who can relate and agree with me, are people who actually go out and approach.

I suppose we can’t really show you in detail without seeming harsh or evil because to unveil the ego/identity is to attack the self/person the ego is operative in. I could point out specifics but none of it would land as evidence for you anyway. I can point you toward where I would look.

Your ego seems organized around physical appearance, lifestyle aesthetics, and now, the intellect, as a means for attention and subtle superiority. I suspect you care more bout attention than superiority, but you care about both.

Edited 2 hours ago by Joshe

[Miguel1]

27 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

Sometimes. I think the one area I am working on in my life is being open and having difficult conversations in my relationships. I'm still learning and allowing to live in Wu Wei (authentic flow). Everyone has their own story or dynamic with their ego / inner child. I am afraid of many things and will sometimes choose to go back to familiar fallacies. No one does everything perfect and living aligned isn't a competition nor a measuring stick for you being here now vs where you think you should be where there is value.  

Thanks for sharing

[Miguel1]

20 minutes ago, Wilhelm44 said:

It's spiritual ego that creates the illusion that we won't find a partner who is advanced enough for us.

(It's just a phase that spiritual people go through.)

It’s spiritual naivety to think that this work isn’t lonely. There is a reason most people don’t do this work.

[Miguel1]

3 minutes ago, Joshe said:

I suppose we can’t really show you in detail without seeming harsh or evil because to unveil the ego/identity is to attack the self/person the ego is operative in. I could point out specifics but none of it would land as evidence for you anyway. I can point you toward where to look.

Your ego seems organized around physical appearance, lifestyle aesthetics, and now, the intellect, as a means for attention and subtle superiority. I suspect you care more bout attention than superiority, but you care about both.

What is this passive-aggressive language? Just say what you want to say, there is no need to play games here.

It’s amazing how much theory you guys come up with about my situation and my ego.

All I am looking for is a hot spiritual witch, and you behave like I am pretending to be a guru.

[WonderSeeker]

2 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Jirh some shit can be just hard over text in general. I had a horrible bomb like that thrown at me from an ex who called me a selfish, entitled child for floating through life on privilige. He was right. But it hurt so much I wouldn't allow the message to be received. 

And because it was from an ex, I didn't trust the source. But it was accurate.

Godammit. Reminds me when one of my ex's dropped a nuke on me IRL at my place saying I'm acting like I need to be mommy'd. She was a literal psychopath horrible-person, so I hated that she was the one to share such truth with me.

But she was right and I thank her for it to this day. I've uprooted some tendencies of looking for mother in the women I date.

Are you happy you got the truth as well?

[Wilhelm44]

44 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

All I am looking for is a hot spiritual witch, and you behave like I am pretending to be a guru.

The word spiritual ego is really not a judgement.

Everyone here has it, or has had it at one stage. It's just part of the process.

I'm being frank, because before I got married, I went through the same struggle for years.

Spiritual ego is sneaky, someone had to point it out to me.

It really did create this kind of an illusion that there's no one out there for me.

Edited 1 hour ago by Wilhelm44

[QVx]

@Miguel1, you just need to get comfortable with being alone. Your direct experience is telling you that you need solitude. I think with that solitude, you'll find the answer that you're looking for.

If you need a break from solitude, then feel free to socialise in a way that makes you as happy as you can be.

It isn't really any more complicated than that. No one here is going to be able to communicate the answer you seek, even if they do know what it is, because the answer is yours to find alone.

Edited 1 hour ago by QVx

[integral]

On 6/28/2026 at 7:37 AM, Miguel1 said:

For me, dating is extremely hard because I am used to the best looking girls. And for the past 5 years that I was in a relationship (and did hardcore actualized work), I grew my emotional and psychological age like 10-20 years at least.

Now that I am single, you could say that my emotional and psychological age is of an 40-50 years old’s. Yet, I don’t get attracted to older people, nor younger ones that are not that physically attractive (I am used to the best).

So, not only my emtional age is way higher than the girls’ I am attracted to, but also the girls that I am attracted most likely haven’t had to develop themselves psychologically too much (due to being spoiled).

Despite all this, my brain is wired for deep intimacy and human connections.

And like Natasha said the other day (paraphasing): she needs someone with whom she can have meaningful conversations with.

For me to have a proper connection and intimacy with a girl, I need to be attracted to her physically, but also intellectually (to a certain degree).

So as a 31 years old, I am looking to find someone who is 24-28 (ideally 24-26), is emotionally relatively mature, doesn’t have much baggage and traumas at all, has secure attachment style, is overall a good human being with a good heart, is capable of relaxing into her feminine with me, and also is wise and intelligent enough to have some meaningful conversations with me here and there — and oh yeah, is also physically quite attractive.

If I find a girl who has all these qualities and is ”8/10” attractive, it would be a dream. But it feels like trying to find a unicorn.

What makes it harder is how do you attract such a girl? Do you apply your best game to her? Or do you lower your game as much as possible to screen for this girl, because a girl like this would appreciate mature, conscious behaviour, right?

At this point in my spiritual and psychological development, applying hard game is exhausting as hell because it is purely dishonesty. My brain chemistry is so wired for honesty and being truthful that going against it feels like pushing a huge rock forward.

- - - - -

Sorry this turned out to be my release thread.

But please, this is not just about me. Feel free to share how is it going with you all? Are you aligned in life? Get in touch with your heart and me know.

At some point, you just give up on needing any of these things from one person.

Just accept them for their flawed level of development, and focus on other things.

Where does this idea come from that we need a romantic dream relationship?

A lot of people are dysfunctional to the point not being around them is best but after that point if the person isn't a net negative then their flaws are accepted and you move on.

Everyone is so picky, the bare minimum here is that you want someone that isn't a net negative to your life. Doesn't have to be a pixie dream girl 

Quote

At this point in my spiritual and psychological development, applying hard game is exhausting as hell because it is purely dishonesty.

Yeah, it feels that way, but if the framing is that, I'm gonna approach this person and make them feel good because I'm introducing good vibe, so I am providing value to their lives through this conversation, then you're not gonna feel as soulless about it.

Edited 58 minutes ago by integral

[Elliott]

31 minutes ago, integral said:

At some point, you just give up on needing any of these things from one person.

Just accept them for their flawed level of development, and focus on other things.

Where does this idea come from that we need a romantic dream relationship?

A lot of people are dysfunctional to the point not being around them is best but after that point if the person isn't a net negative then their flaws are accepted and you move on.

Everyone is so picky, the bare minimum here is that you want someone that isn't a net negative to your life. Doesn't have to be a pixie dream girl 

Yeah, it feels that way, but if the framing is that, I'm gonna approach this person and make them feel good because I'm introducing good vibe, so I am providing value to their lives through this conversation, then you're not gonna feel as soulless about it.

This doesn't make sense to me. Then why are you in a relationship at all? It's to get what you want out of it.

[integral]

8 minutes ago, Elliott said:

This doesn't make sense to me. Then why are you in a relationship at all? It's to get what you want out of it.

Yeah, people need to get certain things out of it.

What people confuse as love is just getting their needs met.

What's realistic is getting a net positive relationship and that's about it.

What you're looking for is one basic metric to be met, like that the person is mature, both have a healthy sex drive, both are going to work towards finances.

There's always gonna be flaws.

Everyone is living in an unrealistic fantasy

Edited 25 minutes ago by integral

[Miguel1]

11 minutes ago, integral said:

What you're looking for is one basic metric to be met, like that the person is mature, both have a healthy sex drive, both are going to work towards finances.

People are wired differently. I am wired to need intellectual intimacy as well. I get bored really fast in a relationship if we can’t explore ideas and thoughts together.

But she doesn’t need to be my copycat in her thoughts. Just open-minded and wise enough to discuss deeper, more complex topics too.

That’s very important to making me feel like she is my partner.

[Elliott]

25 minutes ago, integral said:

What you're looking for is one basic metric to be met, like that the person is mature, both have a healthy sex drive, both are going to work towards finances.

So, when she gets disabled and can't work or have sex, you kick her to the curb..... you want a slave..... or at least transactional relationship. I would not like that, I want a deep explorative relationship like best friends, love, a unique and intimate relationship, irreplaceable with any other human.

Edited 1 minute ago by Elliott