Are You Aligned In Life?

[Terell Kirby]

7 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

And so, this saddens me quite deeply. Being alone is very hard as a natural extrovert.

Any extroverts here that struggles with this?

I had to reframe my extroversion as something that makes me unique. It’s not endless nonsensical chatter that excites me the most- it’s the ability as a natural extrovert to express myself most powerfully through words and exchange with other minds.

I choose socialization as my primary medium for this- but doesn’t always have to be the case. Just so happens that socializing is often hijacked for nefarious and unconscious purposes- but there is such a thing as a rich exchange of emotional expression through verbalizing. 

[Miguel1]

17 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

I had to reframe my extroversion as something that makes me unique. It’s not endless nonsensical chatter that excites me the most- it’s the ability as a natural extrovert to express myself most powerfully through words and exchange with other minds.

I choose socialization as my primary medium for this- but doesn’t always have to be the case. Just so happens that socializing is often hijacked for nefarious and unconscious purposes- but there is such a thing as a rich exchange of emotional expression through verbalizing. 

That is beautifully reframed, thank you.

I will contemplate it.

[Hojo]

I have never made a plan about my life so I don't know and never know.

[CARDOZZO]

1. Be complete for yourself. 
2. Read (Mode One - Alan Roger Currie)
3. You have a choice. If you really do not want to play games, you just stop it. At this point on your journey, focus on being complete for yourself, being happy for no reason and playing life as a game, maximizing passions, interests and focus. 

Edited 8 hours ago by CARDOZZO

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Which areas of your life do you currently feel the greatest mismatch between your feelings of 'how you desire to be' and your actions?

[Jirh]

@Miguel1

I don't think you're an extrovert.

A natural extrovert genuinely likes being social without rules or expectations. It is actually a refreshing and recharging experience for him/her.

A natural extrovert is not out there playing games to manipulate or get something. He is just being himself. Enjoying being social because that in itself is rewarding for him.

[Miguel1]

30 minutes ago, Jirh said:

@Miguel1

I don't think you're an extrovert.

A natural extrovert genuinely likes being social without rules or expectations. It is actually a refreshing and recharging experience for him/her.

A natural extrovert is not out there playing games to manipulate or get something. He is just being himself. Enjoying being social because that in itself is rewarding for him.

I am an ENFJ. We have a deeper side to us, more reflective that comes online more with maturity. This side functions like an introvert.

As for social games and manipulations, I’m talking something meta here. Human games are not truthful, no matter how extroverted you are. Literally every other blogpost Leo talks about this directly or indirectly.

[Jirh]

@Miguel1 

Pardon my bluntness, but clearly you are choosing to play those games at the cost of your authenticity, therefore creating a heavy facade that's tiring and draining you, even though no one is forcing you.

I would examine the small choices made every day in social situations. There is virtually no real excuse for engaging in games and lies and manipulation unless physical safety is on the line. And even then, I would say, in many cases, you can figure out smart ways to stay true to yourself without endangering your physical body. For example, if religious persecution is a threat, you can choose to make an absolute boundary that you do not discuss these private matters.

But I doubt physical safety is the motivation here. You probably want social benefits like validation, belonging, sex, etc... and the price has become too high for you. Not because the price is real, but because you are making payments in cheap currencies like games, lies, and manipulation instead of the truth.

The real question isn't "Why are people so fake?". It's "Why do I keep showing up to a game I hate, hoping to win a prize I don't respect?"

You are absolutely free to stop engaging in whatever is causing you pain. I'm not saying you have to, but it's worth contemplating why you haven't yet.

Edited 2 hours ago by Jirh

[Miguel1]

@Jirh Thanks for your input.

But I don’t think you actually read what I have been sharing.

It’s been very clear in my opinion:

I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake.

This is the dilemma I am struggling with.

It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

[Jirh]

33 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake.

You said the max you've tried is 75-85% authenticity.

I am suggesting that you try 100%, even if it costs you in the beginning, because it's more rewarding in the long run.

Quote

It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

I am suggesting questioning this.

You aren't really forced to work in a big company for survival. There are plenty of ethical jobs that satisfy most basic survival needs. But you are asking for more and paying the price and refusing to see that you are doing so.

You aren't misaligned in life. You're choosing to misalign yourself and refusing to take responsibility for your choices.

Edited 1 hour ago by Jirh

[Miguel1]

@Jirh I stand my ground.

Your view of the world, survival, and human relationships is quite lacking in my opinion.

Of course I have tried to do 100% authenticity plenty of times, that’s why I know it doesn’t work.

As long as you are a wage slave, it is VERY hard to have a truly 100% ethical job.

Studying the work here on Actualized.org should make this quite obvious.

[Jirh]

@Miguel1 Well, then I have nothing more to offer. Hope you find a solution to this dilemma. Good luck.

[oOo]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake.

Literally step back, run a real-life simulation of Nelson Mandela saying the exact same thing you said. I am confident I won't need to explain why.

Quote

This is the dilemma I am struggling with.

It's a dilemma because you can't see the delusion.

Quote

It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

This comes across more as a narcissistic projective defense. 

Go to a health food store instead. 

Spend time building a healthier emotional language and subsequent vocabulary on where you begin and where another ends in the context of your own extraversion. Is the extraversion there simply to gain fuel from another, or develop a genuine connection or at least not seek anything in return?

Build your own set of questions. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I tend to agree with @oOo @Jirh here.

There is something you are getting egoically from believing you are above certain things. The frame you use feels off to me, personally.

Feeding egoic belief could be causing the feeling of misalignment.

Consider you are afraid of being 100% authentic for the fear of rejection, abandonment or being cast out. These are fundamental things for humans. All of us. Sometimes shit is real simple and we make it complex. By facing rejection the wrong people often fall away - and the right people who exist that can change your view appear. These people, you won't have to entertain games with.

I also note this has been a constant thorn in your side for a while, but you are rejecting what the above 2 users are saying without really trying to sit with the initial bad taste. I would personally try to sit with the feedback for a longer time. A week or so, prior to rejecting.

Sometimes the things we are avoiding the most have the greatest opportunity for growth. 

Edited 23 minutes ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Wilhelm44]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

@Jirh Thanks for your input.

But I don’t think you actually read what I have been sharing.

It’s been very clear in my opinion:

I have deep social and intimacy needs as an exteovert, but I find the social games required for it to be ingenuine and fake.

This is the dilemma I am struggling with.

It is almost like you are forced to work for Coca Cola for survival, but their values are completely against yours.

Just out of curiosity, how many spiritual women have you been in a proper relationship with ?

Edited 40 minutes ago by Wilhelm44

[Zenterus]

@Miguel1

I only read the first page on this thread, so far and I'm in a very similar place as you but with a bit more clarity on the path forward.

If you want to attract an aesthetically beautiful yet conscious woman, you cannot do it from the "game" paradigm.

Game is designed to attract the most attractive women in large quantities, however, what you're looking for is quality, thus you must proceed differently. 

I'm at a stage, just like you, where social games are boring to me, sexual validation is meaningless and the promise of real intimacy with a quality woman is my only real motivation to date.

But to attract such a woman, you cannot water yourself down for the masses. You can't play social games. You have to be so authentically polarizing and so niche and have such a strong "buyer frame", that you romantically alienate/disqualify 99.9% of women out there so that you only relate to women who share your values.

Additionally, your lifestyle should be fully immersed in the types of social activities that are aligned with your values. So, if you want a deeply spiritual woman, she's probably not in the club. She might be at a creative workshop, or salsa class, or in the park reading a book. You have to zero in on a social life that maximizes your chances of running into this type of girl.

But, another insight is you cannot go to these social events/gatherings with the intention of meeting women. It cannot work that way. You should be going to have genuine fun and because the lifestyle adds a nourishing element in your life. Make friends with the people you meet there, build a little tribe with you at the helm. That way, you're not only maximising your own social lifestyle from a fulfillment perspective but also increase the chances of either meeting your girl by chance or through someone within your tribe.

I had the above insights when high as fuck on weed, contemplating my relationship to dating in the future and a voice, coming from deep in my subconscious, said the following:

"Do what Zenterus does fully. Go to where Zenterus would go. And engage with people while they're there as Zenterus would, and it will all work out."

But you have to accept that you will probably meet 200-300 women before you meet even just a few who only QUALIFY for you to get to know further. And even then, you might realise you're not compatible in some real way down the line. But if you accept that you're looking for something rare and exceptional, then the socializing to results ratio shouldn't be disheartening.

 

Edited 28 minutes ago by Zenterus

[UnbornTao]

15 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

And what are you doing?

Honestly, I am considering just straight up putting you into the mute list, if that is allowed.

If it’s okay for you, please let this go. You already said what you needed to say, me too.

Pointing out something that may be true of you.

Like I've said before, there's being "truthful", and being truthful. Getting clearer on which is which can be useful, and is real in the end, if it is the case.

Imagine that Leo told you this. Maybe it will land differently.

[Miguel1]

@Zenterus To me, it seems like you are the only few here who actually understands what it takes to go out there to meet random people. Being 100% authentic is social suicide in most social situations (especially if you are deep into spirituality and self-actualization). As you said, you will alienate 99%+ people.

And overall, I agree with you. That is what must be done. That’s why I also don’t optimize my IG for max stage orange girls. I have slow art, and art that requires you to be able to feel deep. I write pholosophical texts. Texts that asks you to reflect on your selfishness and biases.

All this is to screen for the few rare individuals who actually resonates.

So I agree with you.

That being said, it is hard to accept that and be so alone. Which is what I am struggling with.

I am being vulnerable and humble by admitting all this here, yet I get attacked with ”you think you are superior, better than others”, which I find weird.

Kinda disappointing to be honest.

Also, this thread wasn’t just about me, as I made it very clear, yet many of you are just making this about me and my ”superiority complex”.

Edited 20 minutes ago by Miguel1

[Wilhelm44]

6 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

@Zenterus To me, it seems like you are the only few here who actually understands what it takes to go out there to meet random people. Being 100% authentic is social suicide in most social situations (especially if you are deep into spirituality and self-actualization). As you said, you will alienate 99%+ people.

And overall, I agree with you. That is what must be done. That’s why I also don’t optimize my IG for max stage orange girls. I have slow art, and art that requires you to be able to feel deep. I write pholosophical texts. Texts that asks you to reflect on your selfishness and biases.

All this is to screen for the few rare individuals who actually resonates.

So I agree with you.

That being said, it is hard to accept that and be so alone. Which is what I am struggling with.

I am being vulnerable and humble by admitting all this here, yet I get attacked with ”you think you are superior, better than others”, which I find weird.

Kinda disappointing to be honest.

Also, this thread wasn’t just about me, as I made it very clear, yet many of you are just making this about me and my ”superiority complex”.

To be fair, half of your original post was about your challenges regarding games being played in relationship etc.

Which is why people have been reaching out, but you seem to be blocking everyone.

It does seem like you are mostly approaching normie women. (hence all the complaints about games being played.)

Have you actually made it your intention to focus on meeting a beautiful spiritual woman ?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Miguel1 nothing here appears as an attack - merely people calling it as it is seen according to the language you use. 

If you mean something different, you can step in to clarify. 

You frame "game players" as low consciousness. How is this not putting yourself above, as you also claim to be "higher consciousness"? 

I say this with love. Honestly. I get worried when people don't give negative feedback or all positive. It means they DON'T care. 

I come in good faith.