How to stop idealizing women?

[Never_give_up]

Idealizing women makes me unnatractive to them. Also it makes me so anxious I forget how to talk and can't look them in the eyes or face in general. How to stop this? 

Also is it true that the more experience you have with women the less you think they are goddesses and you become more relaxed when you are with them and thus you are more attractive? If yes, how do I get experience if I find them so attractive I can't talk to them? 

When I see an unattractive woman I have no problem talking to her with ease. I even become bored talking to her pretty quickly. But when I find a woman attractive even if everyone finds her unnatractive I am filtering everything i say at least 5 times and I end up saying nothing and I don't know what they think, they probably think I am weirdo or that I am a snob that doesn't even talk to some people. 

This life is so hard for me honestly pfff. 

[TheGreekSeeker]

I think having a sister in life helped me demythologize women. 

It didn't help me get better at pick-up though.

[TheGreekSeeker]

Whenever I see a very attractive woman I instantly lose aura points. Imo I feel more dumb, I can't stop staring at her, I forget how to talk. It's normal, especially if you have Asperger's. I have mild Asperger's too. Life shouldn't be this hard I get it. However there is always room for improvement.

[Terell Kirby]

You can have a backbone without being an asshole about it-

^ what every nice guy misunderstands 

[LordFall]

The simple fix is to talk to hot women more often. Your brain knows what you’re in a rare opportunity and heightens pressure so you don’t fuck it up which makes you fuck it up. Prove your brain wrong and make it not a rare event. 

Find and download social circle blueprint 1 and 2 by RSD Luke and create a social circle with hot women that like to hangout around you and also do cold approach a couple of times a week which if you do it right will fuel your social circle. 
 

Also realize that most men never sleep with an attractive woman in their life so you’re blessed with the knowledge to learn this on the internet. Take action where most men don’t. 

Also make sure that your life is setup properly and you have value to offer. Often times we look at women as the prize because well they are. If you were a man that could attract many attractive women then your subconscious would not feel unworthy and make you anxious around them. You'd be more excited and at ease like a challenge that's not higher difficulty than you handle but just right. 

Edited 12 hours ago by LordFall

[Hojo]

Stop looking at them unless they are talking to you. In 1 week you will stop. Be around hot woman and don't look at them.

What happens is you look at them and say I want that. You identify with it and your eyes will automatically look at it without you even doing it. Now you are trapped.

Now you've made up a lie about reality. And you think about them when you jerk off and it fucks it up more.

The woman find you more attractive when you act like you dont like them. If you act like you are over desperate they know you are jerking off to them mentally or physically.

You are identifying with woman who have nothing to do with you cause they are hot. And you think if you say something different you will get them. Its not going to happen like that you have to de identify then be yourself.

The easiest way to deidentify is to stop looking.

You treat them special when they aren't.

If you do this for one week around them you will notice a huge difference. They will talk to you.

Edited 13 hours ago by Hojo

[Leo Gura]

Find yourself a real bitch and marry her.

More practically, you need to date a few hot women to directly experience how annoying they can be.

Edited 12 hours ago by Leo Gura

[AerisVahnEphelia]

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Find yourself a real bitch and marry her.

More practically, you need to date a few hot women to directly experience how annoying they can be.

you just need to find true love.
 

the belief in pattern must be deconstructed.
Reality has no rigid pattern; this is totaly a projection & religious delusion (myth of science)

You could find the most beautiful & loving girl and she is hot at the same time way beyond enlightment ( my wife )
 

the problem is ASSUMING pattern to begin with.

of course there is some SENSE for pattern existing.

But NOTHING is as similar as it looks.

 

Edited 11 hours ago by AerisVahnEphelia

[AerisVahnEphelia]

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

Stop looking at them unless they are talking to you. In 1 week you will stop. Be around hot woman and don't look at them.

What happens is you look at them and say I want that. You identify with it and your eyes will automatically look at it without you even doing it. Now you are trapped.

Now you've made up a lie about reality. And you think about them when you jerk off and it fucks it up more.

The woman find you more attractive when you act like you dont like them. If you act like you are over desperate they know you are jerking off to them mentally or physically.

You are identifying with woman who have nothing to do with you cause they are hot. And you think if you say something different you will get them. Its not going to happen like that you have to de identify then be yourself.

The easiest way to deidentify is to stop looking.

You treat them special when they aren't.

If you do this for one week around them you will notice a huge difference. They will talk to you.

Total bullshit & delusion.

Imagine there is girl who likes you even more, when you like them a lot & chase them.

they litteraly exist.
 

But again, you can't read what I m saying, you're living in a fantasy, and you're probably going to come up with another to imagine what I was pointing at.

[Hojo]

@AerisVahnEphelia This man has a serious problem. He needs to step back and regroup himself. You have no idea. If he chased a woman now he would fumble instantly. You dont chase people in an unhealthy mindset. His mindset needs to get off woman.

First step is to disengage and stop identifying with it. Then he can come back after.

If you notice his problem he is asking is not about how to chase woman its that he is overthinking about everything and fking it up. You cant overthink then chase that will ruin everything. Chasing is a game of play, this man is in no state to play hes taking it too seriously.

He needs to stop overthinking, you do that by disengaging and letting the thoughts settle.

He thinking about woman that arent there and the self dialogues and sex fantasies pile up over years of doing this. Thats why he cant look them in the eyes, because he is thinking dirty thoughts and dosent want them to know.

I dont need to come up with another its right the first time.

Life is hard for him cause hes lying to God about whats happening via imagination.

 

If he stopped lying to God about fking woman and identifying with them he will be able to look them in the eye and talk to them normally. Then he can play. Then like Leo said he can realize that the hot ones are just as boring as the ugly ones.

 

If he keeps going with fantasies and lies to himself about what is happening he will stay this way forever.

Edited 11 hours ago by Hojo

[LordFall]

47 minutes ago, AerisVahnEphelia said:

you just need to find true love.
 

the belief in pattern must be deconstructed.
Reality has no rigid pattern; this is totaly a projection & religious delusion (myth of science)

You could find the most beautiful & loving girl and she is hot at the same time way beyond enlightment ( my wife )
 

the problem is ASSUMING pattern to begin with.

of course there is some SENSE for pattern existing.

But NOTHING is as similar as it looks.

 

How do you find this true love? Seems like some people have an easier time at it that others. I think someone's best bet is optimizing for the patterns you can spot and if somehow the universe decides to drop a perfect partner on your lap take it otherwise follow proven systems that yield predictable results. Like cold approach and social circle game. 

Edited 11 hours ago by LordFall

[Hojo]

@LordFall Well first if you have a plan to sleep with 100 woman you gotta throw it away. You cant find a true love with a plan to sleep with 100 woman its not logical to the brain. You would have already labelled your true love as number 45 before my love or even a person.

Often time you will fall in love with a person that you met randomly and didnt really think about. When you fall in love with a person they become beautiful.

Edited 10 hours ago by Hojo

[LordFall]

Sure I think that can be true but I'm weary of infatuation it can cause problems. For me to fall in love with someone they would have to fit specific traits or I would reject them. Beauty in the way you describe it is not really the issue, if you believe in non-duality we all come from love and are beautiful in many ways that's not necessarily the issue. The issue for me is does this person fit into the life I wanna live and can help me achieve my goals? 

[Hojo]

@LordFall Well falling in love with a woman is a goal that beats them all. Its the best thing for a man to experience in life. Its a special experience that God created. Working and goals are man made but God created man and woman falling in love. Nothing man made compares to what God created because God created the human body specifically for doing that.

Its not special for the universe but its special specifically for human beings. God made human body so you can give your soul to someone and they can hold it. A cat cannot do this.

You cant actually give them your soul but you can pretend you are doing it an its just as real.

I would go so far as say the only reason you exist now as a man is so you can give yourself away to a woman.

You cant do this with a checkbox to have sex with 100 woman.

The only reason you want to have sex is to experience God. When you give yourself away to a woman you are left with God(nothing). Thats why you are a human man to experience that pleasure of knowing God but the dark side of it. When you see the dark side you can appreciate the light and love with no bounds.

A man wont surrender to another man or thing he will only surrender to a woman that he is in love with.

Edited 10 hours ago by Hojo

[Ulax]

General comments

I get you bro. You think you might sometimes be seen as a weirdo in their eyes or as though you're acting better than them. I sometimes think that some women think that of me sometimes too.

However, those impulses to filter for a good enough thing to say are what near everyone experiences around people they perceive as having a lot of value relative to them and a lack of understanding of how to close that gap. And when it comes to hot girls I'd say 95% of dudes feel this way around them. So, its not just a you thing :). I feel this way a fair amount too. I mean hot girls also feel like this towards dudes they are really attracted too. So, its just a human thing.

You can do a range of things to work on not knowing what to say, and being more competent around hot girls. For example, having female friends, focusing on just being friends with girls at first, learning game, learning social skills. You can't really beat learning some game though. Its only natural that if no one has given you good advice on how to get a hot girl into you that you won't know wtf to say! Especially given the laughably deluded mainstream advice on it. 

Todd V is the best teacher, in my experience, for learning game hands down. You need good basic conversational skills too though.

That said, I have MANY struggles in this area. So, I'd focus on advice from dudes who get significant results with girls from cold approach.

That said, I like to give my thoughts here because although well-meaning I see other advice on this sub-forum and online which is clearly delusional. So, focus on my advice over the deluded shit hehe. For example, guys/ girls who give advice on cold approach having never cold approached once in their lives. Much of it is cope, or feeling threatened by game.

----

Techniques

Here are some basic techniques from Todd V on having things to say.

1. Yes and...

Whatever she says you say 'yes and...' then give your opinion.

Very safe way of making conversation. Which non-crazy person will dislike someone for agreeing with them and adding to the conversation.

2. I love/ I hate

For example, "I love pokemon. Its my favourite game" "I hate cold weather. It ruins my day".

I love and I hate is a very strong/ alpha way of speaking. You'll actually be less likeable, but more polarising. So, you'll have more people strongly disliking you, and more people loving you.

3.  Vibing

Basically comment on whatever comes up in conversation. For example, she says "I don't like salads", what comes to me is "I hate salads too".

A good way to do that is to wait until you something sparks in your mind to say. Then trust that whatever you thought of is good enough to say. Obviously there are some exceptions to this ;).

4. Storytelling

A good story has three parts. Firstly, a situation. Secondly, an interruption to that situation. Thirdly, what changed after or because of this interruption.

Also, you want to convey your or your character's inner experiences (thoughts, emotions, imaginations) during the story . That is the really interesting part.

For example, (Situation) I used to not like Salads (inner experience). I would just eat junk food all day, and tell myself that it didn't really matter (inner experience). (Interruption) Then I watched a documentary about how people who spent their life eating junk food die significantly younger and it freaked me out (inner experience), and I realised I needed to change (inner experience). (Change) Ever since then I've been super health conscious and I still wince when I think of how bad my diet used to be (inner experience).

Edited 10 hours ago by Ulax

[enchanted]

5 hours ago, Never_give_up said:

Idealizing women makes me unnatractive to them. Also it makes me so anxious I forget how to talk and can't look them in the eyes or face in general. How to stop this? 

Also is it true that the more experience you have with women the less you think they are goddesses and you become more relaxed when you are with them and thus you are more attractive? If yes, how do I get experience if I find them so attractive I can't talk to them? 

When I see an unattractive woman I have no problem talking to her with ease. I even become bored talking to her pretty quickly. But when I find a woman attractive even if everyone finds her unnatractive I am filtering everything i say at least 5 times and I end up saying nothing and I don't know what they think, they probably think I am weirdo or that I am a snob that doesn't even talk to some people. 

This life is so hard for me honestly pfff. 

Careful what you wish for. If you completely cease to idolize women you won't want to be in a relationship with one at all. Then you will be lonely.

Some idealization is healthy. Or if you want you can completely deconstruct the ideas of male vs female, relationships, and sex. 

[LordFall]

34 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@LordFall Well falling in love with a woman is a goal that beats them all. Its the best thing for a man to experience in life. Its a special experience that God created. Working and goals are man made but God created man and woman falling in love. Nothing man made compares to what God created because God created the human body specifically for doing that.

Its not special for the universe but its special specifically for human beings. God made human body so you can give your soul to someone and they can hold it. A cat cannot do this.

You cant actually give them your soul but you can pretend you are doing it an its just as real.

I would go so far as say the only reason you exist now as a man is so you can give yourself away to a woman.

You cant do this with a checkbox to have sex with 100 woman.

The only reason you want to have sex is to experience God. When you give yourself away to a woman you are left with God(nothing). Thats why you are a human man to experience that pleasure of knowing God but the dark side of it. When you see the dark side you can appreciate the light and love with no bounds.

A man wont surrender to another man or thing he will only surrender to a woman that he is in love with.

I somewhat agree with you. I don't think surrender is the right notion though because then the woman will have to carry you as baggage. For me I want to meet an equal in reality that God made for me to experience reality with and grow with. God is making me work for it. 

[Hojo]

@LordFall Imo you must seperate. If you grow old you will not learn the important lesson of God taking away the most important thing to you. Its not about comfort its about giving yourself away and losing yourself and then finding yourself again. The appreciation of love comes after its gone. If you are looking to be comfortable then it is not the right idea for you.

 

You arent looking for love with a woman you are looking for love with everything in the spiritual way. You cant do that unless you give yourself away and die when the thing you gave yourself too goes away.

There may be other ways i dunno.

But this way the thing will be gone and you can see its actually still there cause you are the thing you are looking for. THE ENTIRE TIME!

Then goals and dreams fade as the most important thing to you and the only thing a man will surrender to that isnt himself, a woman, is not what you were looking for either.

You were looking for the love and need the woman made you feel and its here right now.

The woman is the tool to get the emotion thats locked inside of you.

Edited 9 hours ago by Hojo

[yetineti]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Find yourself a real bitch and marry her.

A goal of yours or general advice? Or maybe a joke.

@Leo Gura

[Opulence]

You're overthinking this. Just have more conversations.