Please help

[Monster Energy]

Hey,

I’ve been stuck in something around sex and pleasure, and I’d really like to hear how others see this.

What I’ve noticed is that it’s not just desire. There’s often a strong feeling of compulsion and fear around it.

It goes something like this:

I feel a strong pull toward sex, pleasure, and intensity

But at the same time there’s this sense that I have to get the maximum out of it

If I don’t reach that peak level, it feels like I’m missing something important

It almost feels like it’s “life-or-death important” not to miss the best possible feeling

At the same time, I can understand mentally that pleasure is just an experience and nothing needs to be maximized, but in actual experience it still feels very real and charged.

What I’m trying to understand is:

Is this basically an addiction to intensity?

Or is the real issue the “must” feeling and fear around it?

How do you let go of the idea that peak pleasure is something you need to reach, without suppressing desire itself?

It doesn’t feel like I’m suffering from pleasure itself, but more from the feeling that I need a certain level of it for things to feel okay.

Would really appreciate any insights, especially from a more consciousness/self-inquiry perspective.

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBOSqgPg8jc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3s3us4HnqI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_pleasure.pdf

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-S5xzA0AbE

 

Edited April 28 by Raze

[Hayato]

It could be an adrenaline addiction. When having sex a lot of adrenaline is released which gives you the high and adrenaline is very addictive.

1 hour ago, Monster Energy said:

How do you let go of the idea that peak pleasure is something you need to reach, without suppressing desire itself?

By realizing that you don't need pleasure to be complete/happy maybe? After every peak there is a valley, metaphorically speaking.

[Lyubov]

I would look beyond your emotions and keep your line of thinking simple. Inner issues are really not that complex but I don’t say this to dismiss your own unique story and challenges you’ve faced. You are getting lost in the emotion. There are beliefs and story behind this. What do you believe about yourself here? 

[Vynce]

Maybe the rest of your life doesn’t offer as much pleasure and therefore sex has to compensate for it?

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, No1Here2c said:

Forget about it

You go long enough without it stops being such a worry

Being an incel/mgtow is not a solution to life lol. Just ends up in a compulsive porn addiction. 

[Jordan of the Shire]

See the contraction, know there is space within it, let go, enjoy. 

You're stuck in the *need more* or *not enough*

Practice gratitude and appreciation at the first release instead of looking for the next one.

By release I mean spaciousness. If you're contracting in the pursuit of pleasure. That must not feel great. You're chasing away the carrot. Find the space where you are, enjoy that, rest there.

Edited April 28 by Jordan of the Shire

[Carl-Richard]

Self-forgiveness, and then you try again.

[Lila9]

It sounds like an addiction. All the compulsion and sense of FOMO you describe.

You can get free support for recovery through SAA. There are also Zoom meetings.

https://saa-recovery.org/

[Cred]

I have the theory

Sex addiction is compulsively seeking and clinging to intimacy. It is the obsession of unity. Every person has the desire for unity but when people are deprived of intimacy they start seeking it compulsively.

I think you read my post about pedophilia, it's the same mechanism (the abyss).  Sex addiction happens, when you experienced abandonment in your life. Did your parents separate? Did your parents not give you the love you needed? Did your parents abandon you? Did you have friends in your childhood that you could count on? Where you at some point in a relationship that they suddenly ended?

When you experienced abandonment at some point in your life, you will always fear it and cling to intimacy as long as you have not worked through the trauma.

The brutal reality of the fear of abandonment is that when you cling to your relationships you tend to lose them bc humans want to feel free in relationships. And when that happens you are abandoned again and your fear becomes stronger which amplifies your clinginess. This negative feedback loop is one of the most tragic things in human experience, and it can drive you and your loved ones into suicide. So try to avoid it.

Edited April 30 by Cred

[Carl-Richard]

8 hours ago, Cred said:

I have the theory

Sex addiction is compulsively seeking and clinging to intimacy. 

I have theory of how a Cred post goes:

"I have a theory. This specific thing is this very general thing. *Proceeds to give an explanation of this very general thing*. I have now explained this specific thing, even though it could be explained by a range of different concepts, not just this general one."

Edited April 30 by Carl-Richard

[integration journey]

8 hours ago, Cred said:

I have the theory

Sex addiction is compulsively seeking and clinging to intimacy. It is the obsession of unity. Every person has the desire for unity but when people are deprived of intimacy they start seeking it compulsively.

I think you read my post about pedophilia, it's the same mechanism (the abyss).  Sex addiction happens, when you experienced abandonment in your life. Did your parents separate? Did your parents not give you the love you needed? Did your parents abandon you? Did you have friends in your childhood that you could count on? Where you at some point in a relationship that they suddenly ended?

When you experienced abandonment at some point in your life, you will always fear it and cling to intimacy as long as you have not worked through the trauma.

The brutal reality of the fear of abandonment is that when you cling to your relationships you tend to lose them bc humans want to feel free in relationships. And when that happens you are abandoned again and your fear becomes stronger which amplifies your clinginess. This negative feedback loop is one of the most tragic things in human experience, and it can drive you and your loved ones into suicide. So try to avoid it.

We were trying to summon you a week ago, where were you? 

[Cred]

3 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

I have theory of how a Cred post goes:

"I have a theory. This specific thing is this very general thing. *Proceeds to give an explanation of this very general thing*. I have now explained this specific thing, even though it could be explained by a range of different concepts, not just this general one."

What's wrong with generalizing?

Finding a single principle behind different phenomena drastically reduces complexity.

This does not mean I reject precise concepts. I just like my concepts ordered in this hierarchical way. It improves thinking and makes communication and didactics easier.

[Cred]

3 hours ago, integration journey said:

We were trying to summon you a week ago, where were you? 

Wait what did I miss 😭

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Cred said:

What's wrong with generalizing?

Finding a single principle behind different phenomena drastically reduces complexity.

This does not mean I reject precise concepts. I just like my concepts ordered in this hierarchical way. It improves thinking and makes communication and didactics easier.

Only generalizing, or generalizing a lot, can cause some issues. An antidote could be listing different alternatives and then synthesizing them. For example, with sex addiction, you can list many things: trauma, personal predisposition, personal beliefs, culture, neurological issues, cognitive styles, attention, awareness, executive control, values, life orientation, suppression, transmutation, habit.

And sex addiction might not even be the right concept here. The OP seems to be struggling with some obsessive-compulsive thoughts around sex. It can often come from a desire to control or do things properly, which can come from many things, perhaps a belief, perhaps trauma, or personal experiences that cause lack of control and expressing it through control over sex can be a byproduct. Or perhaps a general cognitive style of control. And maybe you can challenge that need for control with acceptance, either by accepting the controlling behavior or relinquishing the need to control at all. What are you aiming at with the control after all? Feeling at ease with yourself? Or is the goal more important than that, is it bigger than yourself (maybe it isn't in this case)?

Edited April 30 by Carl-Richard

[Cred]

@Carl-Richard

The style of a lot of my responses is akin to the fragment in Jena Romanticism. It is primarily meant to be thought-provoking rather than 100% true.  When it manages to make you contemplate about my points, it has completed its purpose, even if you come to the conclusion that the perspective is limited.

[Cred]

18 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

I have theory of how a Cred post goes:

"I have a theory. This specific thing is this very general thing. *Proceeds to give an explanation of this very general thing*. I have now explained this specific thing, even though it could be explained by a range of different concepts, not just this general one."

Okay I think I know where our conflict might come from.

Is it possible that you have a formal background in psychology?

The problem is that psychology research is extremely relevant for the development of my ideas, however I did not spend enough time getting familiar with the methodology, rhetoric and the way of thinking of formal psychology to be able to integrate it properly.

I think that people like you and also @oOo sense this ignorance.

The reason why I have not yet sifted through psychology research yet is simply bc I was fixated on other facets of my theory. Eventually, I'm planning to go down that rabbit hole. I hope that in due time our conflicts will reduce. This does not mean that I'm planning to pose less risky hypotheses, simply because I like starting with risky hypotheses to then refine them. I'm encouraging you to keep pointing out limitations in my ideas.

Having looked at psychology research briefly, it seems what I'm doing scientifically is akin to factor analysis. But I need to learn more about it to be able to contrast properly.

[Ziran]

On 4/28/2026 at 10:31 AM, Monster Energy said:

Is this basically an addiction to intensity?

Maybe?  It's the desire to procreate.  There's millions of years of inertia behind it.

[Ziran]

On 4/28/2026 at 10:31 AM, Monster Energy said:

How do you let go of the idea that peak pleasure is something you need to reach, without suppressing desire itself?

Vicariously

[Ziran]

On 4/28/2026 at 11:13 AM, No1Here2c said:

Forget about it

You go long enough without it stops being such a worry

Or... have kids.  Bye-bye sex drive.  Hello screamy-snot-wagons.