Struggles with Game as an INFP

[Miguel1]

12 hours ago, ROOBIO said:

But when I did connect with someone? It was intense. Intense connection, real intimacy, something that felt almost beyond just dating. Like I was actually seeing the person and they could feel it.

This is why I’ve learned to value and try to focus more on finding introverted girls to date.

Extroverts are wild monkeys.

[YIDIRYIDIR]

13 hours ago, ROOBIO said:

But when I did connect with someone? It was intense. Intense connection, real intimacy, something that felt almost beyond just dating. Like I was actually seeing the person and they could feel it.

oh boy, i might have some bad news for you. your next break up will be as intense.

[Oppositionless]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Extroverts go socialize to recharge. And they can't stop yapping verbal diahrea.

 

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Story of my life. Like.. everything here, how do you describe me so well

When I hang out with my friends, I literally have to tell them:

”Don’t let me talk or I will go on forever!”

You're an ENFJ Miguel, correct?

Different types of extroverts are quite different, some are more or less extroverted than others .

ENTP's are not as extroverted as ENFJ's. I love seeing my friends as much as possible but I shut down hard in the club .

Edited 5 hours ago by Oppositionless

[CARDOZZO]

Also, let these strings go away - INFP, INTP, ABCD, FFHI, Stage This, Stage That.

Stop creating bullshit to limit yourself. 

[bazera]

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Story of my life. Like.. everything here, how do you describe me so well

So you really recharge when you socialize? That's so foreign to me. 

If you identify as extrovert, can you tell me what exactly is the appeal of socialization for you as an extrovert?

For me, it's fun and exciting to do that from time to time like maybe once every other week. I just get loose, be humorous and enjoy myself, but then I need to come home and sit in silence for 3 hours to recharge, lol.

[bazera]

[Ulax]

@ROOBIO I struggled/ struggle with game too. I am ENTP. Which is sort of an ambivert.

I find it hard to work out what I actually disagree with in pick up and how much is just me wanting attraction to work in a way differently than it does.

But i dont know, i haven't done pickup properly for more than 4/5 months at a time. I made some significant progress, but not that much so i can't really speak that well on the subject.

I did notice that I stopped seeing women as so special the more i did pick up last time. There would be women who stood out to me, but women as a whole became less mythical lol.

I'm sort of back to that mythicalising now again cos i haven't been gaming. I'm thinking of giving it another serious go again soon.

Edited 4 hours ago by Ulax

[Miguel1]

57 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

You're an ENFJ Miguel, correct?

Different types of extroverts are quite different, some are more or less extroverted than others .

ENTP's are not as extroverted as ENFJ's. I love seeing my friends as much as possible but I shut down hard in the club .

Yes, I am ENFJ. 8w3 Ennegram.

I’ll answer you and @bazera in my next comment as I cant quote both of you on phone.

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

32 minutes ago, bazera said:

So you really recharge when you socialize? That's so foreign to me. 

If you identify as extrovert, can you tell me what exactly is the appeal of socialization for you as an extrovert?

For me, it's fun and exciting to do that from time to time like maybe once every other week. I just get loose, be humorous and enjoy myself, but then I need to come home and sit in silence for 3 hours to recharge, lol.

I do recharge when I socialize but the caveat is that the more I mature, the less I need it for recharging.

ENFJ’s dominant function is extraverted feeling and second introverted intuition.

The more I mature, the more introverted intuition becomes dominant. Getting in touch with that side of me has always felt like ’going back home’. It is the side of me where my depth arises.

Otherwise I am just a shallow, charismatic, witty guy.

Now to answer your question:

I get energy from coming into a room and brightening the whole environment. Probably my looks (but also presence, the way I carry myself) affects a lot how others’ energy changes when I enter their presence, and their shift in energy affects my behaviour, which then further affects  their energy and then my behaviour.. so basically me lifting everyone’s mood makes me energized..

Top that with my wittyness, ability to tease and flirt (or not) and it’s a lot of fun.

But I do notice that after the initial stage of superficial level socializing (all fun and games), my introverted intuition does come out and then I crave to connect with the person deeper.

If it only stays at the superficial level, I quickly lose the recharging.

The issue is, most people are not capable of, nor interested in deeper connection. At least in typical places I meet people.

Logistics are everything.

I’ve come to notice that I am much more in social mood in the beginning of the day when I’m fresh and well rested. During evenings and especially nights, I really crave depth and intimacy.. and feel much more into melancholicness.

——

Don’t have time to read through and fix the text now.

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[bazera]

@Miguel1 Okay, got it. You seem like a guy who’d be fun to be around 

36 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I’ve come to notice that I am much more in social mood in the beginning of the day when I’m fresh and well rested. During evenings and especially nights, I really crave depth and intimacy.. and feel much more into melancholicness.

Same for me actually, when it's warm outside, a warm spring weather, I like to drive around in the evening or at night when there is no traffic, or just sit at my balcony during sunset trying to do what you described but with myself. Those moments are one of my best memories.

It's funny, my best memories doesn't involve other people much. 

One question, when you mention deeper connection with another, what do you mean exactly? How do you express that with another? Do you have specific topics that you like to talk about, you mean just deep presense and listening to others in that way, or what?

Edited 3 hours ago by bazera

[Oppositionless]

@Miguel1 you've never struck me as shallow, .  But also this forum displays the deeper side of people. 

@Ulax entp gang .

 

 

[Ulax]

8 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

@Miguel1 you've never struck me as shallow, .  But also this forum displays the deeper side of people. 

@Ulax entp gang .

 

 

Gang gang

[Something Funny]

@mmKay all people need social contact

[Leo Gura]

Pickup is very, very unnatural for me. I can do it, but only if I force myself, and I can never be great at it. Because I am deeply introverted and I don't like empty talk.

[bazera]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

but only if I force myself

What's the reason behind resistance? I don't think you have much anxiety doing it, right? Is it just that you have much higher priorities and you just don't like doing it?

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, bazera said:

@Miguel1 Okay, got it. You seem like a guy who’d be fun to be around 

Thank you!

On my laptop now, so I will write a more in-depth answer.

I have to mention now tho as I just recalled it. One of my main drives as ENFJ is Social Harmony. I get immense joy if I can provide harmony into a social environment. Usually into a smaller group as that is easier to do and more intimate -- but I do love myself a big social event where I am in the middle of organizing and making sure everyone is having a good time and is in a loving mental space.

Honestly, in recent years I've contemplated deeply that one of my main reasons I got into spirituality was precisely because I believed that only via spirituality, can we as human species as a whole, have proper social harmony. And I was not wrong, just that the spirituality I knew back then wasn't deep enough. If we go all the way to Truth as spirituality -- as the work we are doing here -- I truly believe that's how we will find True Social Harmony at the end. But it will take hundreds and thousands of years yet.

Quote

Same for me actually, when it's warm outside, a warm spring weather, I like to drive around in the evening or at night when there is no traffic, or just sit at my balcony during sunset trying to do what you described but with myself. Those moments are one of my best memories.

It's funny, my best memories doesn't involve other people much. 

Don't get me wrong, most of those times I like to be by myself too. Rarely do I find a person I actually want to be properly intimate with, vulnerable and open up fully (or even half-way) to.

Quote

One question, when you mention deeper connection with another, what do you mean exactly? How do you express that with another? Do you have specific topics that you like to talk about, you mean just deep presense and listening to others in that way, or what?

That's the thing. As I said in my original comment, unfortunately having true depth is virtually impossible with most people, as they are not interested in that.

When I say depth, I want to truly penetrate the other person, on a body-mind-soul level. I want to know how they REALLY, AUTHENTICALLY (and not some BS socially correct answer that they answer unconsciously, and have so for a million times) feel and think about important topics in life: meaning of life for them, what are their biggest dreams and goals, what kind of a person they truly are: their values, their personality traits, weaknesses and strengths. What is their level of empathy and moral development? What are they most afraid and scared of? What do they deeply desire, want and need in a romantic partner? What kind of friends do they have? Why did they break up from their last relationship and what did they learn from it?

How self-aware are they? How aware are they of their self-deceptions, biases, assumptions and judgements? What is their cognitive development?

How in touch with their emotions are they? Do they have the ability to open up and be vulnerable? Are they overly emotional? Can they regulate their own emotions?

Just to give you an idea of depth. Of course this is found out in a beautiful way, mutual way, mixed with laughter, happiness, nostalgia, bittersweetness, warm hugs, perhaps some tears of sorrow and joy as well -- and not in an interviewy way.

If a girl is able to go deep with me, she will experience depth no other guy can give her, not in a million years. We will know each other like we know ourselves. I will not be satisfied with less.

It will be based fully on honesty, openness, and truth. I want to deeply penetrate their soul and I will be a complete open-book to them.

Very ENFJ like actually. This is literally definition of how ENFJs work in relationships.

Edited 2 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

35 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

@Miguel1 you've never struck me as shallow, .  But also this forum displays the deeper side of people.

I was talking about normal social settings, which is basically every social setting. I have yet to find a social place where I can be more my deeper self. Perhaps there are these more spiritual places and events, but gosh the ones I've been to, they can get hella annoying as people there are mostly delusional in Lala-spiritual land. I was annoyed by this when I was last in spiritual events which was 5 years ago (and these were not mainstream spiritual events). I couldn't have a fucking normal conversation with these people. Now, as my development is like 5X higher than then, I will not be able to stand them one inch.

And yeah, if this forum was just one of another social place, I wouldn't be here. Why socialize online when I can do it in real life.

This is the only place where I can pretty much show 95% of myself and my thoughts, purely as they are (which I deeply crave in real life, and this will never be the same as real life, but will do for now ((read my above post why this is so important for me, I totally need to be an open-book. That is core to my personality. I absolutely hate pretending, hiding, dumbing down, lying, manipulating, misleading etc. things that socializing with most people requires)). Especially as people in my real life should not be able to find me here, unless they are into this work -- in which case, there are no problems.

That last paragraph was hard to write, bear with me. I gotta rush to sleep, it's late and I need to wake up early.

Thanks guys for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings. Means a lot to me, if that hasn't become clear yet, haha.

Good night ❤️

Edited 1 hour ago by Miguel1

[AION]

I'm INFP too and I can do good pickup if I really like the girl. If a girl is mid, it is hard for me to pretend I like her. And she will sense that and that will be the end of it. But I really like to joke with girls and have a good time. Making good jokes is not shallow at all. It evolves extreme presence and other important stuff. It is multi disciplinary skill like MMA.

Edited 1 hour ago by AION

[ExploringReality]

I am an enfj, I crave social depth and also that inner intuitive auxiliary. I cannot stand social shallow and hollowness, it's draining talking about gibberish and gossip, I want to have a conversation at the edge of reality. Its even more interesting being an enfj after psychedelics and awakenings, there's this mismatch which can be interpreted as arrogance or introvertion. 

I would love to have a conversation with anybody, bounce ideas off of each other and not just go deep but go very fucking deep. We could talk about car mechanics or anything as long as we really go down that rabbit hole and we can hold multiple threads of thought simultaneously etc I love being mind fuck and learning new things.

Sometimes I feel like I have to shrink myself in order to relate with people, like trying to fit the infinite in a box. I'm done with that shit, I love to socialize and be authentic but I'm not shrinking myself anymore, if people can't lift at least an inch off the ground I'm flying high baby

Edited 1 hour ago by ExploringReality

[Miguel1]

56 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Pickup is very, very unnatural for me. I can do it, but only if I force myself, and I can never be great at it. Because I am deeply introverted and I don't like empty talk.

Pickup was my food back when I was a complete devil. You have no idea what an extremely selfish version of a good-looking (exotic as well, as I am in an extremely white-skinned country, where they look at tan like a God-given gift, no kidding, and I have it naturally) manipulative, highly charismatic ENFJ is capable of, when it comes to attracting girls.

And did I mention being the top street/hip hop dancer in the country?

Back then it was also all about 18-22 year old girls, who believed any bullshit you told them, as long as they were attracted to you.

But now it is exhausting. My results suffers a ton as I go almost immediately into screening the girl for her quality and depth, and "game" her on the premise that she can and see the value of a consciously behaving man. My "results" have almost dropped to zero. But I see absolutely no point chasing pussy for the sake of pussy at this point.

I rather spend my time finding that rare gem. It's a matter of opportunity cost, as time is scarce for me right now.

If we have no potential for a healthy, long-term relationship based on truth and honesty, what is the point to waste even a minute further on it?

Edited 1 hour ago by Miguel1