I have panics attack 24/7

[Toranvor]

 

I've been having panic attacks most of the time I'm awake for about two years now; I never have a moment of peace. The first thing I do when I wake up is vomit my guts out. I have to make a huge effort to eat something without vomiting, and I'm severely underweight because of it. Most people have some reason behind their panic attacks, but I don't. It's almost as if my "panic mode" is my normal state. I've already sought psychiatric help, I've tried several SSRIs, but nothing works. I've lost all hope. I just wanted to know if anyone else on this forum is going through this or has gone through it, and if there's any hope.

[Cred]

Jesus fucking Christ. I feel bad for you.

I have developed a model that can hopefully give you a valuable perspective to your problem.

When you say that you are vomiting, my interpretation is that there is something wrong in your life that your body is trying to purge, but it doesn't know what it is. I have written several posts on this forum that are relevant for you. Here they are in order. If you read and understand them, you will gain a valuable new perspective on your issue:

What is the purpose of manic depression

 

It is a good introduction to the next post. The most important part is

Quote

It is important for you to understand that you cannot meditate yourself out of a personality disorder. I believe that a personality disorder is the natural reaction to an unbearable life situation, not a "bug" of the body or a cancer if you will. It has a purpose.

 

What is the purpose of schizophrenia

 

This is the most important post for you. You need to find out what your elephant is, but you also need to be patient with yourself. The most important part is:

Quote

So you are lying in your bed with a blindfold on with an elephant that you are not aware of sharing this room with you. If you are in this situation you have three options:

1. Distract yourself anyway which would be symbolized by staying in bed.
2. Stop distracting and start mind wandering in a healthy way while taking care of your needs and nurturing your body, which would be symbolized by standing up and start the process of touching the elephant and slowly start to identify it over the course of weeks.
3. Entering obsessive thought spirals, obsessive meditation, use of psychedelics while not nurturing your body would be symbolized by standing up, ripping off your blindfold and then FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THERE HAS BEEN AN ELEPHANT THE WHOLE TIME?????????????

If you become aware of this elephant in a sudden, violent way, you have a massive problem. Remember, since you bypassed option 2 and you therefore have not investigated the elephant prior, you see it, but you don't know what it is and where it came from. 

It seems like you are in option 1 currently. You need to move to option 2 and try to avoid option 3.

What is the purpose of paranoia

 

In this post I entertain the idea of interpreting the symptoms of a psychotic disorder, rather than analyzing it. What could your vomiting represent?

Quote

My theory is, that paranoia is your unconscious trying to communicate with you. If you analyze it's content on basis of facts, you will not be able to decipher it's meaning. A delusional paranoid thought is just as non-factual as a dream, and it contains just as much information about yourself.

The origin of all Psychotic disorders:

 

This is my best post so far. It describes the ontological basis of your problem. I interpret your vomiting as your body trying to get rid of something that is suffocating you. This means you are likely in the maw currently.

Quote

A space that looses duality collapses and becomes the maw. 

This is the ultimate risk of complete unity, which is the infinite. The maw is the state of the devoured. It results from obsession. In the maw, there is absolute constriction and the complete absence of autonomy. 

Is there something in your life that takes away your autonomy or that suffocates you?

The most important one is "What is the purpose of schizophrenia". It describes "the elephant in the room". I'm making an educated guess, that the thing your body wants to purge is such an elephant. I know that you are not describing symptoms of either manic depression, schizophrenia nor paranoia, however I believe that these illnesses result from the same origin which is self-alienation in a broad sense.

Edited 9 hours ago by Cred

[integral]

Im sorry to hear this.

First i need you to keep track of situations when your symptoms are not as bad.

1. If you are outside at a park, does the anxiety reduce?
2. If you eat milk is it worse?

And so on.

Next you got to figure out if you are poisoned -> mold in the house, asbestos paint, lead poisoning, and so on. Doctors can do lead tests, but you're gonna have to figure this out on your own. Use AI to help supplement your thinking process.

Next how exactly did this start? What was the trigger?

Edited 7 hours ago by integral

[thierry]

What you have isn’t normal. There’s an imbalance in your body, and to me it seems more physiological than psychotic. Ask for a complete blood test truly complete. Most doctors don’t actually order a fully comprehensive blood test. You need to find a good doctor or a hospital doctor and describe your symptoms. Say that you’ve already tried many things, if that’s the case, and ask for a genuinely comprehensive blood test.

 

[thierry]

But be careful: the medical system may try to refer you to psychiatry. You need to watch out for that and make sure you identify the physiological cause of all your problems. Once you are referred to psychiatry, the physiological cause may be buried under psychiatric falsehoods and mental paralysis caused by psychiatric medications. You do not want to end up in that situation. Take your time, try to stay calm, and find the physiological cause of your problem. That is your only mission right now.

 

[thierry]

Your blood test should at least contain that: 

 

Homocysteine

Active vitamin B12 (Holotranscobalamin) rather than total B12 alone

Folate / vitamin B9 (ideally RBC folate)

Vitamin B6 (PLP)

 

High-sensitivity C-reactive protein (hs-CRP)

Fibrinogen

Ferritin (can also reflect inflammation)

Uric acid

•    Ferritin

    •    Serum iron

    •    Transferrin

    •    Transferrin saturation

TSH

Free T4

Free T3

Reverse T3

Anti-TPO antibodies

Anti-thyroglobulin antibodies

 

Vitamin D (25-OH)

RBC magnesium (more reliable than serum magnesium)

Zinc

Copper

Selenium

 

Fasting insulin

HOMA-IR (calculated from glucose + insulin)

HbA1c

 

Morning cortisol

DHEA-S

SHBG

Total and free testosterone

Prolactin

 

Alkaline phosphatase (ALP) – can reflect zinc status or bone metabolism

Albumin

Gamma-GT (GGT)

Advanced lipid panel (ApoB, ApoA1, Lp(a))

 

[Cred]

I honestly think all of y'all are projecting hard. You must understand that living in this world is not that poisonous. There's so many people who can live just fine.

This forum is filled to the brim with highly sensitive people. When HSPs are mentally unwell, they develop chronic problems and psychosomatics.

All of y'all have the same mental problems and you projecting them into some substances that poison you. This is textbook paranoia.

And now you're in infecting another person with your paranoia. It's very dangerous advise.

Edited 6 hours ago by Cred

[Sugarcoat]

That is so sad to read I’m sorry you feel like that

Even if you can’t pin point specific thoughts or situations related to the fear, I think theres some quality to it that could be identified 

For example, is your anxiety related to a state of disconnect from the world/yourself, emptiness, ungrounded ness in the body ? As in more of a disturbingly detached state (not the spiritual use of the word…….)

Or is it more in opposite direction of feeling too much, like you feel every little thing inside and the outside world with inputs is overwhelming?

 Thoughts that occur during anxiety could give clue what it’s about. But then if it’s too many different things it can seem like it’s not anything in particular. 
 

So there’s nothing that gives you some ease? Because the mind is good at suffering but it’s also good at finding coping mechanism, those could also give clue. 

Edited 5 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Toranvor]

15 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

That is so sad to read I’m sorry you feel like that

Even if you can’t pin point specific thoughts or situations related to the fear, I think theres some quality to it that could be identified 

For example, is your anxiety related to a state of disconnect from the world/yourself, emptiness, ungrounded ness in the body ? As in more of a disturbingly detached state (not the spiritual use of the word…….)

Or is it more in opposite direction of feeling too much, like you feel every little thing inside and the outside world with inputs is overwhelming?

 Thoughts that occur during anxiety could give clue what it’s about. But then if it’s too many different things it can seem like it’s not anything in particular. 
 

So there’s nothing that gives you some ease? Because the mind is good at suffering but it’s also good at finding coping mechanism, those could also give clue. 

It's very random, like the most random thing you can imagine can cause me a huge trigger and I start spiralling, like seeing a cat crossing the street.

And while i'm spiralling the most prevalent idea during a panic attack is that of "needing to escape from something" when there is nothing to escape from or nowhere to escape to, like, if I keep panicking I might die, and then? If I take a sleeping pill I will sleep and wake up tomorrow and go to work, and then? and then? and then? I'm trying my best to put into words my thought process during my crises, because it's very difficult to explain

 

[Hojo]

@ToranvorEgo trying to escape death. Fight or flight responce. You are waking up.

[Cred]

21 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@ToranvorEgo trying to escape death. Fight or flight responce. You are waking up.

@Toranvor Yes I would suggest you to focus on grounding exercises instead of intense meditation. Meditation can make your situation worse I think

My top 3 guesses are

1. You are in a very close relationship with someone toxic who is abusing you via manipulation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse etc.
2. You have enormous backlash from meditating or taking psychedelics that is uncovering trauma, which itself comes from toxic people you are in a relationship with like your parents
3. Capitalism is suffocating you

I really don't think It's something physiological except if you live in Hiroshima or something.

[Sugarcoat]

56 minutes ago, Toranvor said:

It's very random, like the most random thing you can imagine can cause me a huge trigger and I start spiralling, like seeing a cat crossing the street.

And while i'm spiralling the most prevalent idea during a panic attack is that of "needing to escape from something" when there is nothing to escape from or nowhere to escape to, like, if I keep panicking I might die, and then? If I take a sleeping pill I will sleep and wake up tomorrow and go to work, and then? and then? and then? I'm trying my best to put into words my thought process during my crises, because it's very difficult to explain

 

Yea if you’re in bad condition inside then  small things can trigger, and I can imagine if anxiety is very overwhelming it’s not easy to make sense of thoughts. If you have moments of less anxiety then you could maybe think “ what is it about this moment or my state or thoughts that is different from when I’m in panic?”  Just some thoughts. But I guess maybe you’re already in your mind too much , so then approaching it from a place of trying repetition of relaxation exercises could help…Sounds super basic but still 

Edited 4 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Hojo]

@Cred Literally what I think it is is ego seeing conciousness. Ego sees conciousness and goes wtf was that im dying. The person interprets it as im panicking but they are dissosiating from ego. The ego is panicking cause it can't exists as conciousness. When the ego panic the conciousness thinks it panicking cause they are identifying with the voice.

Edited 3 hours ago by Hojo

[Ramasta9]

If you can remind and train yourself to take long deep breaths through the nose and semi-forced out the mouth for at least 3 - 5 minutes multiple times a day you may notice it will make a big difference. Once you feel more stable try focus on some yoga, meditation, fasting and eating cleaner, laying off the drugs, junk foods, sugars, salts, processed foods, being in nature and the sun more often, touching the earth with your hands and feet, breathing in mother earths energy, feeling it balance and stabilize your nervous system, going for swims in the river or ocean, sitting with trees, ect.. all these things help but paramount is the breath and grounding practices. Also if you can source some medical grade CBD oil, this can help a lot.