EmiHyen

Just a bit of context that might help answer your great question ✨ For months, I had been contemplating how everything exists inside something else. Everything seemed nested inside larger systems, endlessly. But in my normal state of consciousness, the insight stayed conceptual. My mind could think about infinity, but it couldn’t truly feel the implications of it. Everyday thoughts would quickly take over again. “I’m hungry.” “I need to work.” “There’s this problem I have to solve.” But with the substance, my mind felt “fresh” because it wasn’t operating from its usual state. Kind of like when someone gets a bit drunk and their shyness or social insecurities temporarily fade away, allowing them to express themselves more freely 🥴 With weed, alongside that conceptual insight about infinity, the question suddenly became immediate: Wait… if this is infinite, where the hell am I? Like really? Am I one cell? All of them together? And what about what’s inside those cells? And inside that? Does it keep going forever? Do the labels even matter anymore? What is this? I looked around the room and everything felt strangely unfamiliar. SCARY unfamiliar. My mind and my body too! haha🌀The experience became more about directly feeling this overwhelming sense of unknownness. And it made sense. If I’m infinite but experiencing "Me" through a finite mind, then of course it would feel unknown. And it also made sense that, if everything is connected, then all is One. The One is this. And this is all it is. I can’t feel it now in the exact same way I did in that altered state of mind, but I can still revisit parts of it through imagination and contemplation. Since then, that experience has almost become a kind of base layer for how I observe reality now. I keep testing what I saw against everyday life itself, just by observing, connecting things, and noticing patterns. All keeps making sense. Of course, emotions come and go, and survival mode eventually kicks back in 🤜. At first, the experience scared me, but over time the integration has actually been really positive

I took some edibles since I wanted to use them to brainstorm ideas for a script I was working on and let my mind run loose. Then, at some point, I needed to pee 💦 I got up, and while walking to the bathroom, I caught my whole body in the mirror. Something about it triggered an intuitive contemplation exercise. I began picturing the billions upon billions of cells inside my body. There were too many to classify or even fully comprehend, just an endless mass of living matter. The cells were all merging, uniting, dissolving into one another. The scale of it overwhelmed me, and I became obsessed with the thought that all of it together formed my body. Where did I exist in all of that? Within each tiny cell, or only as the final result of their union? Then I thought, well, there are molecules inside my cells. So I started imagining trillions upon trillions of molecules inside the billions upon billions of cells inside my body. I was using all the power of my imagination. The numbers became so ridiculously high that everything started feeling absurd! Then another thought. Inside those "molecules" were "atoms". The number of atoms inside the molecules inside the cells was so stupidly immense, so completely absurd, but my imagination kept pushing further. The amount of tiny living things was overwhelming, and I started to feel intensely dizzy. There had to be something inside atoms too, I thought. And inside those, more things. And more after that. At some point there was no more room for labels anymore. Fuck science. Not “cells,” not “molecules,” not “atoms.” Just layers inside layers inside layers. Beings inside beings inside beings. Consciousness inside consciousness inside consciousness. Infinite Being. Infinite consciousness 💦 It hit me like consecutive slaps meant to wake someone up. Everything is united = Everything is One = Everything is INFINITE That explained reality so well! And that warm, orgasmic tingling feeling of insight rushed through my body. And then I turned my eyes toward my entire present experience, and my mind did the same thing with everything inside my awareness. And HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Here it is! I’m not inside or outside of something. THIS is me. THIS is where I have always been. Nowhere!! Absolute. I felt like my room had dissolved into an endless void of imagination. And I was everywhere. Infinite, everywhere at once. And I felt so conscious :DD I didn’t know an insight could feel that powerful. It was so experiential, so intimate. Absolute Intimacy. Spiritual Orgasm. Infinite Love. I felt deeply shaken by it. And the best part? I didn’t even have to pee anymore 💦👖

Imagine your cells operating through human ideas of good and evil. Your body would collapse instantly. Cells constantly attract, reject, destroy, and merge without moral judgment. Good and evil don't exist.

If infinity is everything, then it cannot exclude anything from itself, because there is nothing outside of it. Love, in its deepest sense, is union and integration. Human love moves in that direction. When you love, you want to merge, get closer, hug, kiss, dissolve separation. Even letting something be is a form of love, because you fully allow its existence instead of rejecting it. Infinite is Love because the Infinite is Absolute integration. Love is Absolute integration.

Nodding while someone talks to you

Max Cooper has some cool videos

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ll just share my experience in case it helps. My first panic attack was so intense that it created a feedback loop. I started having more panic attacks because I was afraid of having them. It wasn’t just the attack itself; it was the fear of it happening again that kept triggering the next one, and the next one. It genuinely felt like I was dying Deep down, I kind of knew I was creating this suffering, but I didn’t know how to deal with the overwhelming sensation. I just didn’t want to feel that again, and that resistance made everything worse. Then my psychiatrist started labeling it, saying I had this condition, this problem. And I started doing the same. I began telling myself, “I’m sick,” “my life is ruined.” That added a whole layer of narrative on top of the experience, and honestly, it made things worse. At some point, I realized I was building a whole story around what was happening. So I opened myself again to the possibility that I was creating the suffering. What helped me was this: I started sitting with it, almost like it was medicine. A few times a day, I would sit down and let the panic come. Instead of fighting it, I surrendered to it. I even accepted the idea that I might have panic attacks for the rest of my life. This time, I wasn’t a victim. It felt like looking my fear straight in the eyes. It felt fucking horrible at first. The first week was really hard. A few weeks later, something began to shift. Through consistently observing my mind, I learned to consciously unhook from the sensations and experience them as neutral, like textures, waves, or colors moving through me. It was like hearing someone talk and only noticing the sound and texture of their voice, not the meaning of what they were saying. When the narrative was gone, I was at peace. The “bad sensations” were just appearing on the canvas, and "I" was no longer part of the equation. Just sitting with it, without resisting, started to dissolve it. The fear was integrated. Resistance was feeding that feedback loop. It was difficult, but I haven’t had a panic attack since then Wishing you the best!

It’s only harmful if you’re being deceived by it. At the end of the day, porn is a constructed experience, a performance. What you’re responding to is an image, not reality. You’re jerking off to pixels on a screen. It’s not that different from watching too many romantic movies and starting to believe that’s how relationships are supposed to be. Of course, it can become addictive. You can grow dependent on it. But it can also be a way to explore and appreciate the beauty and vastness of sex. It all depends on how you relate to it. That’s why it’s 18+. Because you’re supposed to have the judgment and maturity to handle it

Money is an abstraction of value. Ideally, more money means more value being created. Value expands the possibilities of a system. If the idea of money isn’t deconstructed, it easily becomes corrupted. At some point it stops being about value and turns into simple accumulation: hoarding money, chasing comfort, status, or just playing the survival game. People with large amounts of money could be creating incredible systems and meaningful projects instead of just conforming to existing patterns. But most people don’t see the abstraction behind money. They just want more of it. It’s like a body that keeps eating but refuses to process the nutrients. From a spiritual view, money is a way consciousness organizes itself to bring possibilities from the infinite into reality. 💵

It took me a few days to grasp it, even though it seems obvious now. Conformity is present before any words ever appear. The mind is already operating from it 🥴

Love the exercise I’ve been thinking about it a lot these past few days and playing around with concepts. Here are my insights: It’s interesting to think that listening go beyond sound and becomes the attention to what appears in awareness. You can listen not only to sound, but also to your body, your thoughts, and many other things that appear there. When you start drawing connections between what appears and your experience, understanding begins. Not listening is just hearing. But a sudden loud noise can still make your body react, which shows that the body also listens in its own way. It "understands" that something is happening before the mind turns it into a narration. When listening becomes understanding, it becomes, in the end, a narration. That narration can be corrupted by bias, or it can stay connected to Truth. It stays connected to Truth when it remains grounded in what is real and open through not-knowing. The person speaking and the one listening are both constructing narrations, so both can be biased. Listening well means slowing down your assumptions, because the faster you fill the gaps with your own biases, the less accurate and truthful your understanding becomes. People also reconstruct their own experience while speaking, so do not take everything they say as the full truth. Listening well means staying curious and skeptical enough to let a clearer truth emerge.

@mozzarella Aww, you’re welcome. Explaining it actually helps me make sense of what happened in my direct experience. Feel free to share any insights or discoveries you have through your process so we can compare them. That would be awesome! My DMs are open if you ever want to chat more

@mozzarella So nice! I started with just 10 minutes a day and slowly increased the time . Yes, it’s creepy when you realize how much effort the mind puts into avoiding quietness and nothingness. It’s so healthy to return to that baseline of awareness. It’s not that your ego dissolves or disappears. You’re a biological being, so the ego will always be there, coming and going. What really changes is your relationship with it. What works for me is simply sitting down and surrendering to whatever thoughts appear. Watching thoughts is almost like listening to someone speak without decoding the message. If boredom appears, just feel it. If it was a color, texture, what would it be? Notice how it is harmless. Feel the thoughts, the awareness, the emotions. Don’t try to change them or say, “Oh no, I’m thinking or feeling this again.” Instead, try to feel the "rendering" of everything. Thoughts, sensations, emotions. This is difficult to explain because it’s something you have to realize in your own direct experience. Think of meditation as a kind of experimentation until something clicks. My meditations are never perfect. The ego never really goes away because it’s the tool the mind uses to make sense of things. But sometimes, when you manage to detach completely for a moment, you feel this deep peace. It’s not really pleasure… it’s more like a quiet, stable peace underneath everything. That’s what I look for in meditation, and it makes the practice satisfying and lasting It's my second way to rest besides sleeping (dreaming just estimulate my mind more haha) And you should check Leo’s videos about meditation too, including his guided meditation. They are greaat!

Saying something is conformity might itself be conformity. The ultimate trap. I’ve noticed that conformist thinking rarely goes through real deconstruction. When questioned, it stays on the surface: “That’s just how it is,” “Because it’s cool,” or “I read it somewhere.” That’s usually how you spot a conformist. Non-conformists give freaking cool insights

You are the engine creating everything. You dream persons, animals, atoms, and universes. Not a bad résumé. Truth might feel harsh to the ego, but in reality nothing is missing