What Would You Do In This Situation?

[Grant6]

I am in a bit of a dilemma and am trying to seriously consider how to proceed. I recently met someone online from a dating app who lives in another country. We have been talking nearly every day for the past few months, and we haven't put any labels on our relationship but we decided to take each other seriously and not see other people. In the past 3 months that I have gotten to know her she has a top tier personality: she's funny and makes me laugh, values learning (philosophy, psychology, etc.), she's nerdy and has a lot of interests that overlap with mine, and her emotional intelligence and communication is exceptional. I would even consider introducing her to actualized.org content in the future which I haven't felt able to do with anyone in my life. That alone means a lot to me. Our values are pretty aligned overall, her open mindedness being a big one for me. Looks wise, I thought she was cute when we first matched, however this is where the dilemma emerges, the more we have video chatted and seen each other more, the more I realize I might not be as physically attracted to her as I once was. And I know that sounds shallow especially given how great of a person she is, but for me I want to be attracted to all of my potential partner and that includes physical attractiveness. So now I feel torn. It feels a bit off to give up on something special just because she is not as physically attractive as I would like. At the same time, I don't want a lack of physical attractiveness to create problems within the relationship later down the road. So I feel like I am at a bit of a crossroads, whether I should continue things with her or move on. 

[theleelajoker]

Meet her. See how it goes from there.

Stop thinking and take some action.

Have fun.

[LastThursday]

Never mind the looks. What does she feel like?

[Hojo]

If you fall in love with a woman she will become attractive physically to you. Depends on how far from acttractive it is to you. If a man fall in love with a woman she will go from 5 to 8.

[Salvijus]

Rip

[Miguel1]

Such is the dilemma of us actualizers.

Virtually no attractive girl is into self-developmental work, because they have never had to.

Especially for us more on the younger side, we rarely find older women more attractive. Which makes it even rarer to find a match, because younger girls way less likely to have done any self-reflection and self-improvement work.

[Butters]

14 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Such is the dilemma of us actualizers.

Virtually no attractive girl is into self-developmental work, because they have never had to.

Especially for us more on the younger side, we rarely find older women more attractive. Which makes it even rarer to find a match, because younger girls way less likely to have done any self-reflection and self-improvement work.

That's not even related to women per se. At a Tony Robbins event or similar you'll see about 50% women, 50% men. 

The mainstream consciousness is just shockingly low. The longer you do this work, the greater the contrast gets. 

 

[Miguel1]

@Butters Yes.

[aurum]

Give up the need for a self-development girlfriend.

 

 

[Miguel1]

13 hours ago, aurum said:

Give up the need for a self-development girlfriend.

That’s such a misalignment in values tho. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and they always ended due to me out-growing them too much.

[aurum]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

That’s such a misalignment in values tho. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and they always ended due to me out-growing them too much.

 

I think it boils down to what role you expect a woman to play in your life, and at what cost.

What is actually essential?

[Valach]

7 minutes ago, aurum said:

I think it boils down to what role you expect a woman to play in your life, and at what cost.

What is actually essential?

I am curious what role do you expect from a romantic partner in your life? What values are you screen for then? 

[Miguel1]

34 minutes ago, aurum said:

I think it boils down to what role you expect a woman to play in your life, and at what cost.

What is actually essential?

Of course there are other important roles a woman plays in your relationship, like being feminine and bringing playfulness, beauty, love, support and companionship.

But I also value meaningful and interesting conversations with my partner and my best friend, and self-improvement is a big topic there.

Also on just practical level, I would keep pushing myself to improve and it can be hard to let it slide if your partner just doesn’t care at all.

But as @Valach asked for, what are you looking for?

Edited 14 hours ago by Miguel1

[Oppositionless]

6 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

That’s such a misalignment in values tho. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and they always ended due to me out-growing them too much.

You don't find conscious women at dance? Do you ever go to yoga?

thats so depressing. 

[Miguel1]

23 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

You don't find conscious women at dance? Do you ever go to yoga?

thats so depressing. 

I dance mostly by myself, and even if I did go to dance classes with others, they would be normies just like anywhere else.

There is a reason most people don’t do this work. It is lonely and you will lose touch with most people.

[Oppositionless]

@Miguel1 there aren't any conscious spaces you could find?

Law of attraction teachings will tell you if you just raise your vibration the right person will come. 

Edited 12 hours ago by Oppositionless

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

But I also value meaningful and interesting conversations with my partner and my best friend, and self-improvement is a big topic there.

That's where you and I differ. I don't think like that at all.

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

Also on just practical level, I would keep pushing myself to improve and it can be hard to let it slide if your partner just doesn’t care at all.

I've not found that to be the case either.

As long as she is not actively restricting my growth, I'm able to grow just fine.

Whether she deeply understands my growth is not essential for me.

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

But as @Valach asked for, what are you looking for?

I'm looking for polarity, intimacy and someone who could be the mother of my kids.

Development-wise, I think SD Green is a reasonable ask. 

Edited 12 hours ago by aurum

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

I am curious what role do you expect from a romantic partner in your life? What values are you screen for then? 

Polarity, intimacy and someone who could be the mother of my kids.

Everything else is negotiable. 

[Oppositionless]

@Miguel1 I'm going to an Osho dynamic meditation meetup in an hour, if all the women are normies I'll let you know. 

Edited 12 hours ago by Oppositionless

[Eskilon]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

But I also value meaningful and interesting conversations with my partner and my best friend, and self-improvement is a big topic there.

I can relate to this. No matter how feminine and beautiful she is If she doesnt have a curious and a bit of an intelectual mind i am not relating long-term . I get bored to death lmao, some substance is needed.

Edited 12 hours ago by Eskilon