When did you first become conscious, and what do you remember?

[Xonas Pitfall]

When was the first time you came to consciousness? What age were you? What was the memory, and do you remember how it felt?

I’d love to hear everyone’s stories.

For me, I think one of my first memories was watching a video game that arrived for our kindergarten PC. It had a very strange mechanic. If you stumbled into an obstacle while racing a car, the controls would suddenly reverse. Pressing left might make you go up, down, or right, randomly, and vice versa.

I think that uniqueness broke my brain a little, and I became aware of myself. I was around three or four years old.

I completely forgot this memory until years later during an LSD trip. After it was over, that night I dreamed about myself coming to consciousness and remembering this memory.

Neat 

[Xonas Pitfall]

Hmm... trying to describe it: coming to consciousness for me has a very weird, tunnelling feeling. It’s like the entire “consciousness field” suddenly collapses into a focused zoom. You gain a sense of self, a fixation point, as if awareness locks onto a center.

[Rilles]

We have to make a distinction between self-awareness and being.
 

My first memory of distinction ever as a character was a nightmare I had as a toddler, of my toy ladybug probably trying to eat me, that was definitely the first distinction of me vs something else, the first true definition of fear/survival. 
 

Awareness of ones lowercase self was a gradual process and not a one-time thing, I never had that ”oh I exist moment”. 

Edited 20 hours ago by Rilles

[Xonas Pitfall]

Very interesting. I think my father also had a similar way of coming to consciousness. Apparently, when he was still in a crib, the TV was playing a horror movie with a monstrous, butterfly-like entity eating someone alive.

He’s retained that memory to this day because it was so terrifying. He said he couldn’t really separate himself from the person being eaten, or from himself, so it felt as if he was the one being consumed by the butterfly alone. Scary stuff.

[Leo Gura]

My first memory was me alone late at night in my crib as a baby. But that was before I had a self or even a world. Just darkness.

I became self-aware at a specific moment in pre-school when I looked down at my body, my hands, and I realized this was Me!

Edited 11 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Nemra]

I don't remember it clearly, but I was about 5-7 years old when I identified with my body. I remember more clearly that I was trying to understand what time was.

Also, I remember clearly that I was going back from a grocery shop and realized that I was here and totally alone. Then I stopped walking and was shocked for a moment, but continued my way home as if nothing had happened.

[LastThursday]

My first self-aware memory was of me being picked up by my mum and tucked into my pram, with her looking down directly at me. It's interesting because supposedly you don't form solid memories until you're about two years old. But I guess there's wild variation between people. My next memories are of me walking about, so there's definitely a gap of at least half a year or more.

[CARDOZZO]

1. Observing a huge blue gate.
2. 2002 FIFA World Cup.

[Jehovah increases]

I would say about  3  years old was my first memories  by that time I had my own bed  and so did my brother and we slept in the same room this when I became  aware. Before that I have no recollection of anything. Thought about this a few times in my life good question. I have heard stories of humans remembering being in there mums womb I doubt there is any truth to this. but then again there could be.

Edited 18 hours ago by Jehovah increases

[Rilles]

1 hour ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Very interesting. I think my father also had a similar way of coming to consciousness. Apparently, when he was still in a crib, the TV was playing a horror movie with a monstrous, butterfly-like entity eating someone alive.

He’s retained that memory to this day because it was so terrifying. He said he couldn’t really separate himself from the person being eaten, or from himself, so it felt as if he was the one being consumed by the butterfly alone. Scary stuff.

Sounds like what psychologists refer to as the Symbiotic Stage, but sort of in-between , as he still had fear around it suggesting self-preservation. I had a nightmare recently where I merged my psychic self-structure with some sort of malevolent machine entity, it was very unsettling.

Edited 18 hours ago by Rilles

[Leo Gura]

39 minutes ago, Jehovah increases said:

I have heard stories of humans remembering being in there mums womb I doubt there is any truth to this.

Unlikely but probably possible for exceptional people.

[cetus]

I remember being put in my crib one summer afternoon. The sheer curtains that were hung in the windows swayed as if they were dancing in the warm breeze.

I also remember my first feeling of oneness with reality. It was spring or summer. I was about 4 or 5 years old playing in my sandbox with my Tonka trucks. And suddenly I stopped and I remember looking around because there was this unforgettable feeling of total connectedness with everything around me. There was no separation between me and the sky or the grass or the trees. And went much deeper than just the physical connection. It felt like infinite Love.

Edited 17 hours ago by cetus

[Jehovah increases]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Unlikely but probably possible for exceptional people.

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Agreed.

[Jannes]

I have got a bunch of memories from kindergarden but I dont know if self awareness was happening. 

[AION]

Consciousness is like a fart 

[cetus]

20 minutes ago, AION said:

Consciousness is like a fart 

@Entrepreneur was recently asking for a definition of consciousness and what is meant by high vs low consciousness. Mind if we use this as an example?

[AION]

29 minutes ago, cetus said:

@Entrepreneur was recently asking for a definition of consciousness and what is meant by high vs low consciousness. Mind if we use this as an example?

I don't mind

[Rilles]

58 minutes ago, AION said:

Consciousness is like a fart 

Everywhere and nowhere, and nobody seems to be responsible for it.

[Hojo]

I have tonnes of memory from being a kid. But self conciousness came when I was jerking off as a 9 year old and I came and thought I was dying.

I have earlier memories but I feel the terror of self awareness came in then.

I started edging very early in life. I would lay there and jerk off and feel the feeling and try to make it the best possible feeling ever and then one time I came and thought I broke something in my body and had my first panic attack.

Edited 11 hours ago by Hojo

[Jowblob]

I'm not sure but the most earliest memory i can think of is my mother showing me her pussy and tried to have sex with me (also not 100% sure) , i remember i could feel the radiation coming from her pussy like it was this motherly love vibration. And i remember at some point while all this was happening i got aware for like 1-3 sec, didn't feel uncomfortable or anything just that in these 1-3 sec i was aware to make a memory.

Edited 10 hours ago by Jowblob