Is anti-feminism pro-relationships?

[mr_engineer]

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/regret-belittling-men-63-ended-up-alone-3569366?srsltid=AfmBOooulKB7f6tT6cfJaununB6BZIfmiGQpuyVPPyMRSSuf_ojfBdp5

This feminist author says that the root-cause of the dysfunctionality of her relationships was her feminist ideology. 

In case the link doesn't work, you can watch videos on youtube reacting to this article. 

Edited October 29 by mr_engineer

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@mr_engineer I will look soon - but is there a distinction made by the author between feminist ideology and toxic manifestations of it? 

Because toxic feminism appears to reduce and suppress the masculine. Which is wrong to me.

One massive way it does this is to invalidate male anger - the claim that 'all emotions are valid' is all good until we get to male anger. Because my gosh, men are fucken' denigrated for expressing this! And it is VERY wrong. Anger is a natural and normal expression. Just because some women feel unsafe around anger does not mean it warrants suppressing this in men. It leads to depression. Societies job there is to make us safe, not make us FEEL safe.

[Spiral]

You can be feminist and anti-feminist at the same time, it’s probably a solid approach to relationships. Oddly enough 

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

Valid part of feminism is women being empowered to able to make their own choices in life and live as they want to live. Which is, with the exception of the right to abortion, pretty much a status quo already. The rest of it I'd just ignore.

[Crazy_ball]

@Natasha Tori Maru After all the years of seeing this unfold, here's what I think about this. The ideology is just empty words (except for those who are actually doing something for women on the political front, which is a vanishingly small minority) This idea of the 'toxic manifestations' is also a part of the ideology. For the most part, awareness of the toxic manifestations doesn't do much to prevent damage. All it does is it serves as an intellectual defense-mechanism to defend oneself against accusations of being toxic and to escape the task of holding accountable those who are being toxic. What's being said here is more serious. What's being talked about here is the value-system of those who call themselves feminist. 

You have to understand that this is one of those ideologies that shapes people's entire personalities, it comes to change everything about who someone is. This value-system is the real problem. 

So, here's the value-system: 

• Independence, leading to an unconsciousness around human interdependence and an unwillingness to depend on anyone, 
• Female tribalism, which leads to the avoidance of men and seeing men as the 'toxic other'. Talk about how 'men are dumb, men are dogs' falls into this
• Trying to be the authority on 'health' and 'healthy society' - this one is especially pernicious. When they talk about what's 'healthy' and what's 'toxic', watch out for bias. This gives them a sense of moral superiority and self-righteousness which will justify any actual toxicity from them. Those feminists who are the gatekeepers of 'health' will call you misogynistic for uttering the words 'toxic feminism'.
• Social control - the whole talk about 'equality' and 'when you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression' is a bid for social power and social control. They tend to be naive about the right way to use the social power and are systemically unaware, which is why blanket-statements about 'the patriarchy' are very popular. Talk about how 'war would end if women ran the world' is also popular, and it's complete and total BS. 
• Emotional validation - they want emotional validation for themselves. It's not smart to expect emotional consciousness from people who are so mired in a battle-mindset, but the problem is they think they're emotionally conscious. Which they're not. At all. As you correctly pointed out, male anger does get invalidated. It's worse - men have only two emotions according to them - lust and anger. It also leads to a glorification of man-hate, which is actively denied. Leo here will directly come and deny this! 
• Superiority. Moral and intellectual superiority over men. This leads to them setting impossibly high standards for men on the dating-front, because they think they can meet their own standards! Also, if you will not admit to being inferior to a man on any front, he will have no role in your life. Which is why all of your relationships will fizzle out. 

This value-system is the root-cause of all of the toxicity. And this is the thing that needs to be looked at. Will this value-system lead to a happy life?! This article is the first real data-point that I can put across to make the case that it may not lead to a happy life. If not for this data-point, feminists would say 'we're perfectly happy with our lives, you worry about yours'. 

Edited October 29 by Crazy_ball

[Jannes]

Anti feminism can have different faces. It can have the face of forced marriage or the face of an unconscientious pick up artist. 

In the first case its anti-relationship/ anti-marriage because its forced, in the second one its anti being used as a piece of meat. So it can be both. 

..

I feel like generally pre-feminism relationships are in a sense a lot simpler and feminism might pressure women towards trying themself out and not committing that easily, just as there is/ was much pressure on women to be successful in their career. 

Just a careful take on this matter. 

[Schizophonia]

All the girls who wanted a serious relationship with me and were nice were leftists, even though I'm not a leftist myself.

Even when it comes to having children, in reality, the girls I've known (not dated, but generally associated with) who wanted children were mostly girls who were rather left-leaning/feminist.

I remember the only time a girl ever directly approached me and said she wanted me(I haven't been very few social, especially recently), and boasted that she had been told I was "very nice," was a tall goofy Dutch leftist; and in the end, she changed her mind when she saw that I was right-wing.

 

[Alexop]

Healthy feminism is mostly showing how toxic masculinity is destroying women's sanity and femininity and correcting this. Teaching men how to deal with women better, how to understand their needs, how to complement each other in and yin yang way. Teaching men how to accept their feminine side and emotions. More EQ and less aggression 

Toxic femininity is just unconscious reactive shit against toxic masculinity. It is bulldozing masculinity completely instead of understanding it and clensning it of toxicity. And teaching women how to basically become men because men become toxic if we let them be men right?

Edited Wednesday at 04:24 PM by Alexop

[Jannes]

On 28.9.2025 at 2:23 PM, Schizophonia said:

I myself am very left-wing.

 

On 9.11.2025 at 8:06 PM, Schizophonia said:

even though I'm not a leftist myself.

and in the end, she changed her mind when she saw that I was right-wing.

 

On 25.10.2025 at 3:37 PM, Schizophonia said:

[Schizophonia]

8 minutes ago, Jannes said:

 

 

Lol.

To be clear, in high school I was definitely right-wing.

Several years later, my views evolved and I even became interested in Marxism, so I have many left-wing ideas.

But overall, I still vote right-wing for certain reasons, without going into details.

Edited Wednesday at 08:19 PM by Schizophonia

[Emerald]

Second-wave Feminism definitely has a lot of messaging like, "Act in a traditionally Masculine way to be considered equal to men in terms of validity and value" notions. And there are the ideas of "women need to 'lean in' in the workplace to be treated equally."

So, it sets up Masculinity as the superior thing to be measured up to.... and frames everything around equal access to the traditional Masculine role and work opportunities.

So, it subtly puts Masculinity on a pedestal almost as much as the patriarchal paradigm does.

It's like, "Both men and women should be allowed to equally pursue the superior path of Masculinity (which we've reframed as gender-neutral, so we don't consciously think it's Masculinity... even though it is)."

Third-wave Feminism (in contrast) tends to have a lot more nuances to it though, as it's more about awareness of oppressive social systems and intersectional awareness than it is about Second-Wave Feminism's focus on fighting for equality with men in the workplace by proving "women can do anything a man can do."

It's different forms of Feminism for different eras. And this woman was definitely raised in the era of second-wave Feminism.... which was the main form of Feminism in popular culture from the 1960s until the 90s-00s decades.

Of course, PLENTY of second-wave Feminists got married and had children. But that wave of Feminism can cause a woman to go into opposition to relationship, motherhood, and lifestyle dynamics that she would have otherwise preferred in her attempts to prove to herself that she's equal to men.

But with the woman in the article, she's still thinking very narrowly and only seems to see only two options... either to go back to traditional values or keep following her 2nd wave Feminist values or some incoherent Frankenstein mash-mash of the two.

She doesn't understand any other way to relate to her Feminist values that doesn't involve competing to be equal to men.

And you can tell at the end, she's struggling because she's trying to find some in-between option because she only sees two options. But the idea of playing second-fiddle to a guy is untenable to her, so she doesn't know where to take up real estate.

And she's not exploring the actual vulnerability she's trying to protect herself from.

So, I think her issue is that she fears being made inferior... and perhaps unconsciously sees Femininity as inferior, herself due to internalized misogyny (some of it enforced by patriarchal societal patterns and some of it enforced by 2nd Wave Feminism).

So, she's caught between these two untenable polarities. And she becomes a porcupine towards male partners to avoid the vulnerabilities of either one.

And this has caused her to hide her vulnerabilities because her 2nd Wave Feminism hides a deeply ingrained patriarchal outlook that to be Feminine is lesser than being Masculine. And so, this spurs her into competition and combativeness.... and pushes her to constantly prove to herself that she isn't inferior to men and she's just as much a man as they are... despite believing deep down and fearing that she is inferior.

So, her relationships with men have been like two rams fighting for dominance. And this left little space for her to soften up and connect intimately with her partners.

So, she can attract men based on her leaning into what she's passionate about and engaging in stimulating conversation... but she can't connect intimately because she has made vulnerability an enemy. So, relationships fall apart.

But there is no actual clash between these things. A woman can be sovereign and empowered towards what she's passionate about... and be able to soften up and connect at a deep level with her partner. 

But it seems like she believes it's an either/or situation... and is very black and white in her thinking.

Like, "I can either be really passionate about what I'm passionate about. learn several languages, and read Nietzsche.... or I can have a close relationship with a man, but I have to choose."

[Basman]

Feminism is a relatively broad notion of female sovereignty that is still evolving with differing points of view on things. There are plenty of feminists who have healthy relationships. This women subscribed to a particular antagonistic ideology. Of course you are going to be lonely if you are being mean to the people you want affection from your entire life. That's what bigotry does.

2nd wave feminism illustrates that living in reaction against something is in of itself a kind of conformity. The things you reject still determine your beliefs and actions. A lot of women would probably be happy being housewives if they didn't feel like it was somehow shameful for example. 

[Basman]

Link to article without the pay wall: 

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/lifestylegeneral/i-regret-belittling-men-at-63-i-ve-ended-up-alone/ss-AA1O4jxM?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=68ed463a583f4732b17b3430b3a7d69e&ei=21#image=7