TKP

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About TKP

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  1. This is something I haven't figured out yet. The moment I begin to focus my attention onto something for a certain amount of time, I also drift into a sleepy hypnogogic state and quickly lose the focus. I seem to alternate between this state and monkey mind. It's like I can't access the sweet spot for any useful amount of time. I have tried meditating and self-inquiry with eyes open, standing up, back straight, with caffeine or modafinil, after Wim Hof breathing, and all of these have landed me in the same place. Because of this I feel like my self-inquiry sessions are never really of high quality, I do an hour each day but with this issue I can't stay focused long enough to go deep. I've been doing concentration exercises and have recently started 10-15 minute vipassana sessions daily as well. I was expecting that this was a normal issue and that I would improve with more practice but after a year I haven't noticed any change in my attention span. Any help or ideas are appreciated, thanks.
  2. What do you have to gain from this? Just tell people lmao
  3. Like fun little reminders of God
  4. I have the exact same story as you my man. It's really frustrating since I can only meditate half the time without falling asleep. But I think @Nahm could be right on this one. I have had pretty bad repressive/resistant behavior patterns since I was basically a child, and now that I'm more aware of it I am like a big sleepy baby. Might want to look inward, try your best to bring mindfulness to every facet of your life, it's the only way you're going to figure out what's causing problems for you.
  5. Ever since I was a child I've had a consistent experience during sleep. During REM stages of sleep I would experience a very loud buzzing/static noise and a very powerful energetic sensation through the body. It was so intense that it would frighten me awake when I was younger. A few years ago, when I had grown a further appreciation for altered states of consciousness, I began to experience the sensation and instead of resisting I let it happen, and it faded away not long after. I began to enjoy having the intense experience every few nights. The first time I successfully induced lucid dreaming, I experienced this energy with more intensity than ever as I drifted straight from the waking state into a dream. This time it had an intense visual component to it, like I was zooming through stars. I noticed it's quite similar to the come-up of N,N-DMT, and ever since I experimented with DMT it became more prevalent and intense. This experience is now even stronger that I've used 5-MeO a couple of times. Last night I had full-blown psychedelic hallucinations. One time it happened in a dream where I was driving my car. I figured "holy shit I'm enlightened!", and crashed my car and died because I was tripping hard, but I didn't really care. I woke up that morning and laughed (thank you dreams for reminding me of the naive subconscious fantasies I have around enlightenment, lol). I tried googling this phenomena and haven't found any explanations. Anybody have any similar experiences or insight as to what this could be? Thanks everyone.
  6. Absolutely. I tripped very frequently before I ever knew about spirituality and consciousness, and they were never profound. There was just interesting thoughts and feelings. I even did monster doses like 1000ug of LSD in search of the ego death experience but only ended up freaking out because I didn't know what surrender was or how anything worked. It didn't take me long to conceptually understand non-duality once I started reading into it because I could connect the dots. Now that I do understand consciousness a bit better I can feel it expand every trip I take. I'm positive this would work in reverse in your case. You have a lot to look forward to
  7. I have a clean vegan diet, supplementing with B vitamins and O3, I do heavy exercise 3 times a week, I get 8.5 to 9 hours of sleep a day. I don't have a problem focusing on certain things, but every time I sit down I just feel sleepy and my eyelids get heavier. A lot of my meditation sits end up in hypnogogia and me fighting for focus and clarity. I get frustrated at how sleepy I am when sitting, I try to observe the sensation of being frustrated since there is now something strong in my awareness, but then the focus wanes and I drop down into the falling-asleep zone. When I am in the company of distraction and work I never feel this. It's impeding my progress. Is it possible this is just an unfairly powerful defense mechanism against increasing consciousness? I have been trying to just accept the fact that I'm sleepy most of the times I sit for an unknown reason, but that's not going to help anything really. Thanks guys.
  8. Hello everyone. I want to share with you an amazing insight I just had with the help of 5-Meo just now. 7 hours ago I dosed 17mg of MDMA. I had experimented with mini and microdoses of LSD and 5-Meo in facilitating deeper self-inquiry and meditation sessions with successful results. I had just read something about people having very clear introspection when using MDMA alone, so I was curious as to how it would effect a session... (this was partly true, though my ego did just want an excuse to do MDMA and feel good, "i'll do some consciousness work while i'm on it, that makes it deep and not just impulsive!") I was honest to myself about this fact after dosing, and sat down to accept it. I could go pretty deep with self-inquiry, and instead of experiencing anxiety and distracting thoughts, I just felt more curious. After 30 minutes of self-inquiry, I thought it would be good to try a small dose of 5-Meo, though larger than anything I had done before. I wanted to practice letting go while my ego was being challenged, I wasn't looking for anything too profound. I weighed 6mg, halved it, and snorted each halve up a nostril, tipping my head upside down for 5 minutes. I laid down on my bed, arms out and palms up, and felt the sensation of my most body disappearing and losing the associations with the objects in my field of vision (absolutely love this), which I have experienced on psychedelics before. I reminded myself to let go, relaxed my core, face and sphincter muscles, and allowed things to happen as they came. It began to feel so natural. An insight came to me. I don't have to do anything. There is nothing I can do. Sam does things, Sam wants things, but all I have to do is let Sam deal with it. I'm just here to watch it happen! It all makes sense! Awareness became more aware of itself than ever before. This is huge. This is the happiest I've ever felt. I will do my best to integrate this experience, but remain conscious of how this bliss can tempt the ego. Letting go has a different meaning now. You don't have to do anything to let go, other than do nothing! I love you all, thanks for reading.
  9. I had a bit of ketamine, which is pretty darn good at making things feel like a dream. Still feeling it as I type this. I think it happened for a second, I felt for a moment that everything is just a dream happening for the sake of it. That nothingness created a dream that is seen through Sam. Is ketamine making me full of shit or is this really it? Nothingness just dreaming because it can? I am typing this as Sam, just want to know if I'm not falling into a solipsism trap or anything. How can Sam know if he is really making progress on the path when 'his' experience is the only thing that is known? This experience among many others that have been known, when conceptualized by my mind seem very identical to other awakening experiences I read or listen to on the internet. But how could I possibly know that it is truth? If experience is the only thing that is true, how can an experience that feels 'non-dual' be any more truthful than the experience of being fully immersed in Sam? Can truth of experience be verified? I feel as if my self-realization is regressing just by conceptualizing my experience into word and sharing it with you all, but I can't find any other way to verify that my self-realization is progressing. Is this just one of the paradoxes that are supposed to be encountered on the path? Am I thinking about this too much? Love you all, thank you.