why is the guy not interested to sleep with me again

[lostmedstudent]

ive been in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful partner for 7 years. we recently opened up our relationship so we can both explore and have fun. neither of us have been romantically involved with many others since we started dating when we were early 20s. We are both looking for FWB kind of arrangement and not looking for another GF/BF/Partner

so I met this guy 2 months ago on Feeld (its an online dating app for people who are poly/open). This guy has a long distance gf himself. both of us are looking for casual FWB. the date went extremely well. AND LET ME TELL YOU, ive never felt that much chemistry towards anyone almost instantly! he was so charming and attractive and I was totally womanized. I was just exploding with hormones and head over heels instantly. I slept with him that night and had an amazing time. this is highly unusual for me because i dont easily get attracted to people or feel super horny. i have never hooked up with anyone in my life! and boom, i meet him and there was no doubt in my mind that id happy to let him do anything he wanted to me. So after that date, i was head over heels. to me, this would be a perfect FWB situation. 

so following the date is kinda puzzling to me. I dont get hit on often, nor do i do casual sex ever, so maybe i am just naive, but this guy clearly doesnt want to see me again. It's been over 2 months, I have made several attempts to arrange a second date, and there is always an excuse and didnt work out. But we are both adults. we both have partners, if he doesnt want to see me, why isnt he telling me this? i feel like an open relationship is where you can be open and honest with the communication. I know i should just give up BUT because i have never had such incredible chemistry with anyone else, i am kind of lashing onto this and hoping in vain that i can see him again and feel so adored again. So I still text him once in a while, and he still responds to me..... so i am confused. I know there probably isnt a logical answer, and deep down i know i just need to move on and go on more dates and meet another guy who is available. BUT IT WAS SO GOOD i dont want to let it go!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHY A GUY DOESNT WANT CASUAL SEX ?!?! like im not asking him to be my BF! i just want to hook up again. i thought guys want no string attached sex?!?!??! 

[Princess Arabia]

31 minutes ago, lostmedstudent said:

. i thought guys want no string attached sex?

All of this depends on the type of guy you're messing with. Some only want it once no matter how good it was. That type of site suggests there are many other women he can get to sleep with easily. NSA doesn't necessarily mean with the same female. Many guys are like that especially under the circumstances. Why should he do it again with you when the next one is only a click away. He'll probably be the same way with the next one too. Most guys love a sexual challenge and if given up too easily they'll lose respect or won't be as eager as the first time. He's obviously not hard up for sex. These guys won't care about you personally. It's just the sex they want and with as many partners as possible. (if he's that type of guy), and joining a website /app like that suggests that's the case. The thrill is over with you. He's moving on to the next thrill.

Edited Monday at 12:59 AM by Princess Arabia

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz_PAyfQHf8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5ORa3wbad8

 

Edited Monday at 01:18 AM by Raze

[Hojo]

You went for friends with benefits and instantly got emotionally attached to the first person you met. The man dosent owe you anything you already gave him sex and now you are on a leash instantly. You both wanted to fuck and the you did and he dosent want to right now. if you want friends with benefits and feel yourself longing for them then you fked up already.

Edited Monday at 02:26 AM by Hojo

[LordFall]

A lot of men lose interest after they sleep with a woman once. I would either expect it and be okay with it or just bond deeper before you sleep with someone. What you call chemistry is what some guys build up as good game or can just be accidental. 

[theleelajoker]

7 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

. But we are both adults. we both have partners, if he doesnt want to see me, why isnt he telling me this? i feel like an open relationship is where you can be open and honest with the communication. I know i should just give up BUT because i have never had such incredible chemistry with anyone else, i am kind of lashing onto this and hoping in vain that i can see him again and feel so adored again. So I still text him once in a while, and he still responds to me..... so i am confused

He's polite, not ghosting you. But he does not feel like meeting you again, he should also say it at some point that would be respectful.

It's not about you, happens. I know quite a few friends that very often only have sex with a woman once. Infinite potential reasons why, the "novelty" stuff being the most common I have seen and experienced.

I meet women I wanted to see again - they did not, no matter how great the evening/night was. There were women that wanted to see me again, and I did not want to no matter how cool she / our time together was.

Happens. Don't take it personally. At some point, interests will align. Good luck. 

[something_else]

Whenever I've hooked up with a girl and she wanted to hook up again but I didn't, it was because the sexual chemistry just wasn't there for me.

[Schizophonia]

You're not loving, otherwise you'd be serially monogamous like most humans.
Because why bother looking elsewhere when you already have someone to whom you can give what you have to give? Obviously, you don't love your boyfriend very much, and vice versa (because otherwise he wouldn't stoop to dating a girl in an open relationship who also explains on a forum how great a guy she met was).
Since you're not loving, you encounter mirrors that aren't loving, that is, not very physically present (men tend to be for women the mirroir of their symbolic order).

 

Edited Monday at 12:54 PM by Schizophonia

[lostmedstudent]

@something_elsewhy did you hook up with her then? if there was no chemistry , i would not have hooked up. i expect the same?!?! lol clearly its different for guys

[lostmedstudent]

@Hojohes not the first person i met. i ve been on several dates. most didnt even lead to a 2nd date due to my lack of interest.  hes the first person i met that made me feel instant attraction!

[lostmedstudent]

@LordFallthat does make sense. maybe it was part of his pick up game. thanks

[lostmedstudent]

@theleelajokerthank you appreciate the advice

[something_else]

13 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

@something_elsewhy did you hook up with her then? if there was no chemistry , i would not have hooked up. i expect the same?!?! lol clearly its different for guys

There was chemistry there while we were talking, then when it actually came to the sex it just wasn't great.

Oddly I've been in a similar position to the guy you hooked up with before too, the girl was in an open relationship and I met her off Feeld. It made me uncomfortable thinking about the boyfriend so I didn't want to see her again.

I thought I'd be capable of handling it at first, but I could tell that she wasn't really that into her bf after we slept together, she was talking about how much more she enjoyed sleeping with me than with her BF. Something about that made me feel like I was ruining a relationship and I wasn't OK with that. Maybe that could be part of it in your case too.

[lostmedstudent]

@something_else i am happy in my primary relationship so i would not have made it sound like that. and i would never date this new guy. he was just very good with women. i enjoyed being swept off my feet and adored and womanized hahah! i need to find more guys with good game

[something_else]

1 hour ago, lostmedstudent said:

i am happy in my primary relationship so i would not have made it sound like that.

You made it sound like that here

[Raze]

5 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

@something_else i am happy in my primary relationship so i would not have made it sound like that. and i would never date this new guy. he was just very good with women. i enjoyed being swept off my feet and adored and womanized hahah! i need to find more guys with good game

 What are examples of his good game? 

[Basman]

Sometimes it is best to not bother with an exact explanation for people's behavior. It doesn't really matter. 

You have a pretty fortunate situation which you can appreciate, which will help center your mind a bit. 

[Basman]

If men you are attracted to are chronically making themselves unavailable to you then you should ponder why, because your then the common denominator. In that case, some kind of character flaw or logistical issue your not conscious of is holding back your love life.

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, Basman said:

If men you are attracted to are chronically making themselves unavailable to you then you should ponder why, because your then the common denominator. In that case, some kind of character flaw or logistical issue your not conscious of is holding back your love life.

This is just not true. Lots of men are one timers no matter how great the female is.

[Tenebroso]

You want men that have so many options that they can drop any woman they are involved with like whenever they feel like it. A very small percentage can trigger real desire from women and those men get to do what they want, that is a big part of woman's frustration with the current dating scene they can't control the behaviour of the men attractive enough to get your attention.