Biggest Fumble of My Life (DO NOT REPEAT)

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

Have you ever tried a double fumble? You're dating somebody and then somebody else hits you up in the DMs who you already know are a sealed deal but you leave them out in the cold because you're busy (because you weren't aiming at dating people anyway and you have zero strategic mindset), then you fumble the first date and then you fumbled the other one too because you were too slow (now they were dating somebody else).

75 fumble points. Clear double - fumble as you find it in the books. 

How did you fumble first date? I'll add 20 fumble points if it was you being distracted by the DM, watching your phone too much hehe

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

You think of her as so special because she was pretty. There’s an abundance of petty girls everywhere. That kind of scarcity mindset isn’t gonna help you get girls. 

[theleelajoker]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You think of her as so special because she was pretty. There’s an abundance of petty girls everywhere. That kind of scarcity mindset isn’t gonna help you get girls. 

@Sugarcoat

Got a fumble story from female side for us?  : )

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

@Sugarcoat

Got a fumble story from female side for us?  : )

My entire life has become a kind of fumble not gonna lie 

[Carl-Richard]

8 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

75 fumble points. Clear double - fumble as you find it in the books. 

How did you fumble first date? I'll add 20 fumble points if it was you being distracted by the DM, watching your phone too much hehe

Incredibly sleep deprived and simply being inexperienced. I wasn't aiming for anything on that date anyway (it was framed as a "study group", just the two of us), but I felt the first impression I gave her that made her interested got pretty recontextualized.

When I think back, I essentially fumbled all the girls in my college class because one time one of them inquired on part of a big chunk of them why I don't talk to them more at our parties. And I was like giving some non-answer but internally I was like "wuh- what?". That was when I realized how subtle the ways some girls show interest (or how they might be interested, but if you don't approach them, you won't know).

Edited August 23 by Carl-Richard

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

My entire life has become a kind of fumble not gonna lie 

You gotta stop posting in that thread and get your thoughts on something better, seriously 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, theleelajoker said:

@Sugarcoat

Got a fumble story from female side for us?  : )

I don't have one - I have the female perspective of receiving the fumble from the guy though 🙃💀

I was left totally confused 

[Carl-Richard]

Here's one where I "felt" like I fumbled the ball but I actually didn't (it's just a funny story). It was the same girl that inquired me about not talking to the girls by the way (but that happened later), so we were kind of close, but she was in a relationship and we were aware of those boundaries.

Anyways, it was one of the earliest parties late in summer and she had only brought a wollen sweater to the party, which was a mistake because it was actually hot. So after some time (and we had been drinking for a while and were in a very good mood), she asked me if she could borrow a t-shirt. And I was like "of course of course, come with me" and we ran downstairs really fast like two excited kids to my room (we usually hosted those parties) and I found her a white not too big one.

And when I turned around, she had removed her wollen sweater and of course stood there only in a bra with a cheeky grin, and I literally paused for a microsecond to process what was happening, because I had not thought that far yet, that this was indeed going to happen. My response was literally (internally) "oh wow, I didn't expect that". But yeah, of course, that's why she had to borrow the t-shirt. So I gave her the t-shirt while looking like I had seen some shit (and I had, because she was incr333dibly hot, I'll save the deets). Man that threw me off 😂

And indeed, even though I knew about the relationship boundary, my instincts were screaming for a solid while after that: "whaaAt??? you had a half-clothed girl in your room and you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING???" Poor poor head of young early twenties me.

Edited August 25 by Carl-Richard

[theleelajoker]

 

7 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I don't have one - I have the female perspective of receiving the fumble from the guy though 🙃💀

I was left totally confused 

Equally good, let's hear:)

[theleelajoker]

10 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Here's one where I "felt" like I fumbled the ball but I actually didn't (it's just a funny story). It was the same girl that inquired me about not talking to the other girls by the way (but that happened later), so we were kind of close, but she was in a relationship and we were aware of those boundaries.

Anyways, it was one of the earliest parties late in summer and she had only brought a wollen sweater to the party, which was a mistake because it was actually hot. So after some time (and we had been drinking for a while), she asked me if she could borrow a t-shirt. And I was like "of course of course, come with me" and we ran downstairs to my room (we usually hosted those parties) and I found her a white not too big one.

And when I turned around, she had removed her wollen sweater and of course stood there only in a bra with a cheeky grin, and I literally paused for a microsecond to process what was happening, because I had not thought that through yet, that this was indeed going to happen. My response was literally (internally) "oh wow, I didn't expect that". But yeah, of course, that's why she had to borrow the t-shirt. So I gave her the t-shirt while looking like I had seen some shit (and I had, because she was incr333dibly hot, I'll save the deets). Man that threw me off 😂

And indeed, even though I knew about the relationship boundary, my instincts were screaming for a solid while after that: "whaaAt??? you had a half-clothed girl in your room and you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING???" Poor poor head of young 22-23 year old me (yes I was one of the oldest guys there, I had done a year of another degree and spent a few years "working" before that 😆).

Haha not a fumble but funny story

[Sugarcoat]

14 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

You gotta stop posting in that thread and get your thoughts on something better, seriously 

I guess you are referring to the suicide thread. Well I wouldn’t have kept on writing in it if it weren’t that people kept on replying, so i just reply to people. 
 

But if you feel it’s too negative you can remove it, it’s okay for me. 
 

In this particular case in this thread, i wouldn’t have brought my own situation into it if it weren’t that he asked me directly about my perspective. And i was just being honest, because what i wrote is very accurate to my dating life. I am not looking for sympathy, he didn’t reply to it and that’s fine to me

I just express myself, and sometimes it’s a more negative expression. 

Edited August 23 by Sugarcoat

[integration journey]

On 8/21/2025 at 2:00 AM, meta_male said:

Real question is: how do you train your nervous system to strike?

Interesting question. Any thoughts on this? 
 

[theleelajoker]

On 23.8.2025 at 1:32 PM, Sugarcoat said:

I guess you are referring to the suicide thread. Well I wouldn’t have kept on writing in it if it weren’t that people kept on replying, so i just reply to people. 
 

But if you feel it’s too negative you can remove it, it’s okay for me. 
 

In this particular case in this thread, i wouldn’t have brought my own situation into it if it weren’t that he asked me directly about my perspective. And i was just being honest, because what i wrote is very accurate to my dating life. I am not looking for sympathy, he didn’t reply to it and that’s fine to me

I just express myself, and sometimes it’s a more negative expression. 

I get you about answering honestly.  Didn't reply because I thought it won't be fun or of any other use digging deeper.

The fumble stuff has the intention to take a situation and feel a bit better about it by laughing about oneself and hearing that it actually happens to most (all?) people in one way or another. Sometimes it's not the situation to take it with humor, that's also alright IMO 

[Sugarcoat]

14 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

I get you about answering honestly.  Didn't reply because I thought it won't be fun or of any other use digging deeper.

The fumble stuff has the intention to take a situation and feel a bit better about it by laughing about oneself and hearing that it actually happens to most (all?) people in one way or another. Sometimes it's not the situation to take it with humor, that's also alright IMO 

It’s ok I respect your decision. I understand 

I can tell you about a fumble that relates to this thread which is when I in high school had a crush on this great guy (I say great because it was my impression) in my class but I was just so shy I barely ever talked to him so I walked around crushing on him for half of high school without taking the chance to get to know him. I don’t regret anything because we would probably not be compatible anyways I realized. But I’ve genuinely missed opportunities with guys (even when they were interested) because I just felt shy . 

Edited August 24 by Sugarcoat

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, integration journey said:

Interesting question. Any thoughts on this? 
 

Millions Dollar question. I feel a lot of what happening is not character, personality etc but due to disregulated nervous system. 

At peak relaxation states things that were incredible hard for me for very long times suddenly are very easy.

But if the nervous system has been chronically disregulated for a long time it's not easy because few hours of sports, sleep, meditation,  sauna don't do the job IME

[carterfelder]

It's actually a privilege to feel as much as you do. Dudes who just make a move and don't have these hang-ups don't have much depth or empathy. In the end, when you're ready for an LTR, and the woman you meet has deep love for you and vice versa, you'll receive infinity times more pleasure than all those promiscuous, shallow dudes ever had.

[vinc3nc]

5 hours ago, integration journey said:

Interesting question. Any thoughts on this? 
 

At the end of the day, it’s just a habit. You have to actively train yourself to take action until it becomes part of who you are, something you do naturally, without it feeling strange or requiring much effort. For me, I’m definitely not there yet.

@carterfelder heh, thanks. Molly intensified the emotions afterward. And honestly, I’m not the most social person to begin with, so there’s also a bit of scarcity mindset in play.

[Carl-Richard]

On 23.8.2025 at 1:32 PM, Sugarcoat said:

Well I wouldn’t have kept on writing in it if it weren’t that people kept on replying, so i just reply to people. 

You are in control.

Edited August 25 by Carl-Richard

[BlessedLion]

Usually for guys playing “hard to get” too much doesn’t work. You have pursue and show some interest, no woman is just going to chase you around. Especially in Latina cultures, if you don’t show attraction she literally thinks you think she’s ugly. 
 

But also don’t sweat it, just learn and do better next time. It’s easy to fantasize and imagine what if but she could’ve had a bf, been flakey, left, whatever. 

[meta_male]

On 22.8.2025 at 10:13 PM, theleelajoker said:

Yeah interest and online dating might solve the problem, what would to do then?

Bro, I'd have to come up with some other problem. Let's say my dream girl messages me and asks me out, I'd be like: something's off here.

On 22.8.2025 at 10:13 PM, theleelajoker said:

25 fumble points for not taking your shirt off. But -5 because I feel with you for that felt out of shape often too and another -5 because you went for the kiss anyway. Playing hard to get later, no fumble points she said no so it was your turn now. Pride> sex

Haha alright, I can live with 15 fumble points. Let me not even bring up the time a girl invited me to sleep at her place (too late to head home after date)…and I did, literally just slept there. Sleep > sex (but blue balls). She did become my gf later though, so I guess it worked out and cancels out the additional points of not making a move in bed. 😂 Which proves you can go through life with roughly 15 fumbling points and still win.

On 22.8.2025 at 10:13 PM, theleelajoker said:

"Before you leave, what about...."

She cuts me off, laughs, says something I don't remember but the energy was a clear "no thanks".

BRUTAL. That freeze when you know it’s your moment and your body just ditches when you get cut off. Worst part is walking home and lying in bed after. You can’t even comfort yourself with “at least I tried” because she was like: nah, don’t even start.