vinc3nc

Biggest Fumble of My Life (DO NOT REPEAT)

97 posts in this topic

2 hours ago, meta_male said:

I honestly hate this attitude. 

Haha yeah, good instincts bro.

Guess how the story continued. First meeting was fun, second meeting was a bit strange but ok and at the third meeting she started to play some weird power games. She became the only woman ever where we already are in the bed, both naked having foreplay and then she left:D

You could call that another "fumble" but I just didn't feel like playing along... pride> sex, no matter how hot the woman 💪

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

She became the only woman ever where we already are in the bed, both naked having foreplay and then she left:D

Haaa I would’ve beaten myself up so hard about this back then. Reminds me of this Spanish girl while back, super hot but trashy attitude. We’re walking, arm over her shoulder, she spots two friends and shakes me off. Later in bed my dick collapses and slides out. In hindsight it makes sense. Not every fumble is really a fumble. Pride > sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah it's just like @Globalcollectivesaid:

"probably the most overrated thing in the universe for men is sex with someone really hot. Yes its fun but its nowhere near as good as people make it out to be"

It's a weird cultural program running of maximizing quantity of sex and physical attribute (she was a 7,8, 9 whatever).

But connection, non-physical stuff matters immensely IME, although some guys now will come and tell me that's a feminine POV. But hey, everybody does things his/her own way 💁

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

But connection, non-physical stuff matters immensely IME, although some guys now will come and tell me that's a feminine POV.

I’ve heard this before too. I don’t think wanting connection is feminine, adapting to the herd is feminine. Chasing numbers for validation is the most feminine move of all.

Curious though, how’s that search for connection treating you so far?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, meta_male said:

I’ve heard this before too. I don’t think wanting connection is feminine, adapting to the herd is feminine. Chasing numbers for validation is the most feminine move of all.

Curious though, how’s that search for connection treating you so far?

Ha, that's a good question. Probably best answered in layers.

Re average quality of sex increased tremendously - in ONS, affaires, F+ and especially in relationships. Of course it's not always great, there are variations and sometimes I still see that there was too much thinking with my dick :D But all in all, good direction I will continue. And it's much more fun cuddling instead of having the feeling to send her home afterwards.

Re quantity, against popular opinion, the number of women that enter my life also increased a lot. It's this strange paradox in life of "you get it once you stop looking for it". Doesn't mean I'm passive, I actively talk to women, give signals but most of the times with the intention of "let's find out where this goes" vs. "how can I get you to have sex with me". Funny thing is that the possibilities for connecting are truly infinite. The last girl I have been with we barely talked, lots of nonverbal communication. In this case the mutual connection was mostly physical. 

In relationships I feel the biggest difference. You can truly build trust, deepen the connection, find amazing ways of communication. Doesn't mean that you can't do a quickie before work. But the energetic exchange and potential, the whole tantric stuff can be mind-blowing. Barley scratched the surface. Obviously that's something that's not happening without connection it has to be more then just a dick going in and out :x

And all in all: the more authentic I am, the less mask, the more authenticity people show in return. Not for everyone, not all the time but the trend is clear. Also re other men not only dating.

How's your experience? I agree with the going with the herd btw. A lot is IMO the need for validation. " I can get a girl to have sex with me, so I'm worthy of love" is what I believe to see. 

Edited by theleelajoker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@theleelajoker Interesting, thanks for sharing! SOunds like you found a solid path. Mine’s the opposite right now. I’m in between phases, big dry spell and half the time I don’t even feel like trying anymore. I do notice shifts like women approaching me and giving signals where before I felt invisible. The catch is that when I move on their signals they often turn out to be “flirty but taken”...so it goes nowhere. So, no real "results", unless I start strategising more, which feels exhausting. Yet at the same time I can't stop thinking about it.

Not fun, but maybe necessary before the next phase. I literally have no idea, I just go by intuition.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

58 minutes ago, meta_male said:

@theleelajoker Interesting, thanks for sharing! SOunds like you found a solid path. Mine’s the opposite right now. I’m in between phases, big dry spell and half the time I don’t even feel like trying anymore. I do notice shifts like women approaching me and giving signals where before I felt invisible. The catch is that when I move on their signals they often turn out to be “flirty but taken”...so it goes nowhere. So, no real "results", unless I start strategising more, which feels exhausting. Yet at the same time I can't stop thinking about it.

Not fun, but maybe necessary before the next phase. I literally have no idea, I just go by intuition.

Yes I know the "flirty but taken" or the "need attention for validation". Women and men both do it, for women it doesn't always need to be sex (they can almost always have it) so attention is often enough. I have done it too, probably still do it to a degree but much, much less. 

IME: Strategizing IS exhausting. It's slow suicide until you don't know your authentic self anymore. Short term gains until mid-to-long term the negative consequence eat you up.

You wouldn't believe how much open communication can make a difference. I once was on a bumble date, she was strangely distant and back and forth. After a while I had enough and I started:

"Look I'm tired. Tired of some dating BS. I'm tired of playing games, of pretending, of trying to manipulate the other one instead of going what we really want. Are you tired, too? If yes, let's talk openly.

For me, I feel like this (...) towards you. My best case scenario is ABC for tonight, MZ worst case scenario is XYZ. I'm open to find out if we find common ground, otherwise let's not waste time and part ways now".

I didn't plan it, I just felt like expressing this at some point bc of how the date went.

Going with intuition is great IME.  Continue this. Doesn't mean you don't use your brain, doesn't mean you can be strategic, too. But it's more about HOW you do things while still staying true to your intention. 

For example, if I like a girl and want to get to know her more but I see she's nervous - I often propose to walk a bit because movement is simply awesome for humans. Or I like to do other activities. Sometimes for first date I went swimming, or a bike tour. One first date we met for meditation session. Or on the dancefloor, or in a bar,  when I see a girl I like I position my self in her field of view. So I can find out if she looks, makes eye contact, has interest. And she has time to check out how I move, how I talk, how I dance, how I interact with others.

That's the strategic part. For me it's not about changing her, but creating an environment which makes it easier for her to open up and to connect and to get to know me.

Rejections are still part of life OC but the matches are cool because they are "more real"

Edited by theleelajoker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You miss out on opportunities constantly, and you don't even notice it half the time. It's not the end of the world. Focus on what you can learn and how you can feel good about this situation instead of how much of a failure you are.

On 21/08/2025 at 2:28 AM, vinc3nc said:

@aurum I meant when a girl basically lands in your lap in a situation where you least expect it. Some guys never experience that in their life, especially if the girl is way above average in looks.

I was once approached by a girl in the middle of a shopping street who stopped me and while crossing her legs and looking at me tentatively asked me what I thought about sex (in those words). I just got confused and walked away. She kind of stammered "okay, maybe next time" as I walked off. 

Just your average male density. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

That's the strategic part. For me it's not about changing her, but creating an environment which makes it easier for her to open up and to connect and to get to know me.

Okay, thanks for your advice, I appreciate reading how others go about it! The biggest block for me right now is this: I do not enjoy being where women usually spend their time. The places I look for are male-dominant, off the grid activities, where death is watching you. That’s what I love. I love being at a prep talk before a run and some viking-warrior-lookalike instructor says: “Alright guys, once you’re out there, it’s getting serious. We’ve got ambulance here, but don't be stupid.” Then slaps you on your back and says "Go."

That’s my element. Where reality slaps your face off if you're whiny. Maybe festivals or concerts, that's about it. My element feeds me, but it also starves me. Maybe I’ll burn through it at some point, maybe not. Not knowing is the part that sucks.

59 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

"Look I'm tired. Tired of some dating BS. I'm tired of playing games, of pretending, of trying to manipulate the other one instead of going what we really want. Are you tired, too? If yes, let's talk openly.

For me, I feel like this (...) towards you. My best case scenario is ABC for tonight, MZ worst case scenario is XYZ. I'm open to find out if we find common ground, otherwise let's not waste time and part ways now".

This is good, I respect people who speak openly a lot. Not easy always, but the more BS you've dealt with over the years the more you wanna avoid it going ahead and just communicate clearly. How she take it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's one of the most pain in the ass things to deal with as a man. All of a sudden, you are presented with a time window because of your instincts and social expectations, and then if you just stay passive during this imaginary time window, then the "opportunity" "passes you by". Even if it's some random woman stranger whom rationally you should not give a single fuck about, and perhaps it would actually be preferable if you did not give a fuck about her, somehow you are internally nudged towards doing something. If you don't, you're gonna feel like shit afterwards, and maybe someone else will also notice and will add more salt to the injury by mentioning it. It's really fuckin annoying


Blind leading the blind

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Basman heh. If a girl appears too forward (slutty), showing too much interest right away, touching you out of nowhere, or being overly upfront in other ways, it loses its magic, at least for me. Because then I start thinking she probably does that with a lot of men, and that makes her seem promiscuous. So if she had acted like that, I would have been suspicious, even though you could argue it would have been easier and better for me. (Just to be clear, I’m not saying the girl you mentioned was like that.)

@NewKidOnTheBlock true dat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Okay, thanks for your advice, I appreciate reading how others go about it! The biggest block for me right now is this: I do not enjoy being where women usually spend their time. The places I look for are male-dominant, off the grid activities, where death is watching you. That’s what I love. I love being at a prep talk before a run and some viking-warrior-lookalike instructor says: “Alright guys, once you’re out there, it’s getting serious. We’ve got ambulance here, but don't be stupid.” Then slaps you on your back and says "Go.".

Nice, I could have more of this. Seriously. Too much office, too much big city, too much comfort, too much safety, too much softness. Want and need to get back more to nature and stuff where I really need to trust myself.

And re you, the environment & not being where women spent time but wanting conection: well, it's subconsciously torturing yourself, isn't it? There's tons of possibilities to have both, your nature stuff and meeting women.

And I'm not judging, it's the same for me: if I miss nature, what the fuck am I still doing in the biggest city in my country? Fucking stupid humans if I am allowed to say :D

This inner conflict, this "I want A but I do everything to have B and then I'm pissed and hate myself not having A and going for B"...so goddamn weird. And I see this dynamic everywhere with (almost?) everyone. Job, connection, purpose, intimacy, health... humans are so strange creatures.

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

This is good, I respect people who speak openly a lot. Not easy always, but the more BS you've dealt with over the years the more you wanna avoid it going ahead and just communicate clearly. How she take it?

In this situation, she took it well. She opened up, said her part, her intentions and it felt like a good moment where we connected a bit. Didn't work out in general because just too different but finding out who fits is part of the whole game.

In her case, she was just to scared (trauma) and too set on checking a man for marriage material immediately. She was mid thirties so the "train is late panic" did not let her be smooth and patient but very tense. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Basman said:

I was once approached by a girl in the middle of a shopping street who stopped me and while crossing her legs and looking at me tentatively asked me what I thought about sex (in those words). I just got confused and walked away. She kind of stammered "okay, maybe next time" as I walked off. 

Just your average male density. 

Haha nice! I think we need a thread with just stuff like that! :D

Anymore with more fumble stories?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, vinc3nc said:

@Basman heh. If a girl appears too forward (slutty), showing too much interest right away, touching you out of nowhere, or being overly upfront in other ways, it loses its magic, at least for me. Because then I start thinking she probably does that with a lot of men, and that makes her seem promiscuous. So if she had acted like that, I would have been suspicious, even though you could argue it would have been easier and better for me. (Just to be clear, I’m not saying the girl you mentioned was like that.)

A good slut doesn't need to be your wife. Just have fun and see what happens. I mean, what if your wrong?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

you get it once you stop looking for it.

Totally, because you look for what you don't have.

Technically you can manifest everything but maya is such twisted it's like the most perfectly thought prison. 


Nothing will prevent Willy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

On 20.8.2025 at 11:02 PM, vinc3nc said:

I don’t really need advice, I just hope some1 out there learns from it and doesnt make the same mistake.

The mistake is taking drugs and then taking your thoughts with any more than a pinch of salt afterwards.

The day after I tried MDMA for the second time (many many years ago), I got some cash from my friend to buy weed for us, and in my post-MDMA stupor, I had fumbled away the money somehow. And this was kind of a big deal because I was broke myself, so I couldn't have returned the money or paid it from my own wallet. 

I searched frantically along the road where I had been walking just before, and I was literally crying and showing it intentionally to people passing by (in a kind of "help me"). And after not finding the money after having searched for at least 30 minutes, I gave up and were about to phone my friend to say "I'm sorry man, I lost the money". But right before that, I found the money in some odd part of my wallet (or my phone case, I can't remember).

When that happened, I was so relieved, and I felt so dumb for having gone through all that stress for absolutely nothing. 

Now, the moral of the story wasn't that losing the money wouldn't have been a big deal. It was that my emotional state was so incredibly fragile compared to normal that I blew it completely out of proportions.

Edited by Carl-Richard

Intrinsic joy = being x meaning ²

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Totally, because you look for what you don't have.

Technically you can manifest everything but maya is such twisted it's like the most perfectly thought prison. 

@Schizophonia

It's crazy, isn't it? Admittedly, Maya fucked me over many times. It also gave a lot, but I can still see how I am still mightily entangled. 

There is a passage from Heinrich Zimmer, Philosophies of India. Transcendence of Maya as the undeniable human task.

That is the basic problem in the mind of men when they start philosophizing and before they reduce their aspirations to questions of methodology and the criticism of their own mental and sensual faculties. "All this around me, and my own being": that is the net of entanglement railed maya, the world creative power. Maya manifests its force through the rolling universe and evolving forms of individuals. To understand that secret, to know how it works, and to transcend, if possible, its cosmic spell-breaking outward through the layers o[ tangible and visible appearance, and simultaneously inward through all the intellectual and emotional stratifications of the psyche-this is the pursuit conceived by Indian philosophy to be the primary, and finally undeniable, human task.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, theleelajoker said:

Want and need to get back more to nature and stuff where I really need to trust myself.

Do it! A night out under tent or tarp really resets you. Nothing like dragging your ass through the mud to remind you what's essential in life. 👌

1 hour ago, theleelajoker said:

well, it's subconsciously torturing yourself, isn't it? There's tons of possibilities to have both, your nature stuff and meeting women.

Yeah agreed. Call it self-torture or being stubborn, I just can't fake interest. It really is the biggest riddle in my life at the moment haha! Online dating would be an obvious shortcut but something about it feels off for now.

And I get what you mean about her. Mid 30s pressure can be brutal for women. Good on you for putting it out there though and not wasting months in limbo.

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Anymore with more fumble stories?

Was on a date with a biker chick once. She even kissed her bike, (kinda weird, but alriiight). End of the ride we sat by a river, she kept teasing about going to the gym and said if I take my top off she'll take off hers. I just laughed it off (wasn't in shape at all). She ended up lying in my arm, I go for the kiss later...she declined. Couple years later texts me again and I played hard to get. Biggest regret to this day 😂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Have you ever tried a double fumble? You're dating somebody and then somebody else hits you up in the DMs who you already know are a sealed deal but you leave them out in the cold because you're busy (because you weren't aiming at dating people anyway and you have zero strategic mindset), then you fumble the first date and then you fumbled the other one too because you were too slow (now they were dating somebody else).

Edited by Carl-Richard

Intrinsic joy = being x meaning ²

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Do it! A night out under tent or tarp really resets you. Nothing like dragging your ass through the mud to remind you what's essential in life. 👌

Yes I think I'll just do that. It's still warm so will be easy. 

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Yeah agreed. Call it self-torture or being stubborn, I just can't fake interest. It really is the biggest riddle in my life at the moment haha! Online dating would be an obvious shortcut but something about it feels off for now.

Yeah interest and online dating might solve the problem, what would to do then? :D

But even then, you might meet a woman, or I get a job in nature, and then I'll miss the city while you maybe even meet a second woman and then complain about not being able to decide? Damn human life...

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Was on a date with a biker chick once. She even kissed her bike, (kinda weird, but alriiight). End of the ride we sat by a river, she kept teasing about going to the gym and said if I take my top off she'll take off hers. I just laughed it off (wasn't in shape at all). She ended up lying in my arm, I go for the kiss later...she declined. Couple years later texts me again and I played hard to get. Biggest regret to this day 😂

25 fumble points for not taking your shirt off. But -5 because I feel with you for that felt out of shape often too and another -5 because you went for the kiss anyway. Playing hard to get later, no fumble points she said no so it was your turn now. Pride> sex ;)

I have another fumble story :D

Went out clubbing, took some ecstasy. Late at night, I was tired, I was still a bit high, want to go home. Wait in line for the wardrobe to pick my jacket. She just enters the club, boots, skirt, super sexy, great mood and confidence. Walks right next to me in the line. She's all my type, she gives me some attention. And what do I do? Just looking, not doing anything. Can't open my mouth.

Few people there, and a group of three guys didn't take the line to serious, went before us. She looks at me, challenging eyes: "Will you not say anything?"

Loooool I was still high on love - cuddling - peace - vibes from the ecstasy, I couldn't even open my mouth to say hello to you and now I am to confront three guys about making me wait 20 seconds longer? 

I think I said nothing, or shrugged my shoulders to play cool but obviously I was to cowardly in this state to say anything and knew it :D

I can see she's very impressed by my masculinity and coolness (pls note irony) and I eventually get my jacket while she hands in her stuff. She's about to leave, I take my hearts in both hands and start to make my pitch for exchanging numbers. I want to say I'm not always like that just high right now: "Before you leave, what about...."

She cuts me off, laughs, says something I don't remember but the energy was a clear "no thanks".

I stand there, alone, jacket in my hand and feel very miserable. I know, at home in bed that's not gonna be a pleasant memory...

 

Edited by theleelajoker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now