I'm addicted to meditation & actualized.org

[Nick_98]

Hello, This post is one of the most interesting post you will see. I'm trying to do the opposite of what actualized.org teaches. I'm trying to quit meditation, I can't. I've tried to lie to myself and follow a belief system , I couldn't. I tried to quit the work several times , but every time I come back to either Actualized.org or Meditating. 

I'm posting this to ask you how to quit ? and why can't I ? 

I'm tired of not reaching Awakening, and at the same time being interested in Spirituality. I sit and watch my Breath every day, why do I keep doing it ?

I thought like I've chosen this path at conscious will , but it seems now that the path got me in its trap.. I spend everyday at least a while meditating or contemplating about the nature of existence. I don't have problem doing that ,in fact my problem comes entirely  from being tied to wasted effort. 

If I spend this time worrying about my future or my career , wouldn't I be better off ? 

The problem is I keep coming back to it , I come back to meditating , I observe my thoughts and don't engage with them , i try to contemplate. But at the end I'm not an awakened being , so Why am I wasting all this effort ? 

Did I choose the path , or did the path choose me ? I don't know. 

Does anybody suffer from the same problem ? I just want to live like a normal guy , but I can't ! I always come back to meditating , it's a form of addiction to me its embedded to my personality. 

What do you think my future will be ? Will I reach any kind of spiritual understanding ? Did you ever get stuck like that ? Is this a part of the process ?

Sorry for the long rant, I am looking forward to see if someone relates.

Edited July 31 by Nick_98

[ExploringReality]

Have you had a significant breakthrough in your consciousness before? A psychedelic experience? I'm not talking about feeling good, or seeing something foreign, I mean a complete break from ordinary perception and senses. That happened to me, I had a spiritual existential crisis that completely shattered my entire world view, ideology, and perception of the world and Self. I cannot live like a normal person because I value Truth, Understanding, Consciousness, High states of consciousness and philosophy. I can do the normal things like sex, party, socialize and do the family thing but it's hollow and I see through the sham of modern society. I can't not listen to actualized.org, Alan Watts, Ramana maharashi, ect ... I enjoy serious inquiries and exploring reality over partying and distractions. 

You will get ego backlash and your life unfolds in chapters and phases. 

Stop looking for a spiritual achievement that you don't have. Try to refrain how you think and be open to the possibility that everything you think about your journey is ass backwards.

[Michal__]

Being addicted to meditation is good :D.

[Davino]

@Nick_98 I've been there brother. It's very hard. I was searching for Truth for many years. Lost, wondering in the dessert. Many nights I was eaten by the same thoughts. Will I ever get it? Is it worth it? Why am I even doing this? What is the point?

Sometimes you don't chose the path but the path chooses you. Know that one day your blessed moment will come and everything will be worth it, as a matter of fact, it will be a bargain.

[gettoefl]

It's the only thing you can't be addicted to. Ask instead, what problems it is visiting on you. For example, time management or relationship boundaries. Remember that ego and meditation are sworn enemies.

[r0ckyreed]

Once you take the red pill, there is no going back. Ask yourself why you took the red pill in the first place. Maybe that will help you move forward. We can’t move back and we can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

[Jannes]

I am just wondering if you are addicted to real spirituality or a sweet idea or idealized goal of what a spiritual archievement would be like. 

If you are addicted to real spirituality, well its hard to imagine that this would lead to suffering.. I get of course that it can make you less capable and compedetive in other areas of your live but isnt the pursuit itself radiating a sense of importance or beauty? 

[Alex_R]

I binged actualized.org content for like 2 years, awaken many times on lsd,  but now i leaved it for a while to focus on my work.

[ChrisZoZo]

I suspect you might be a troll, but I will give you a genuine answer.  

You need to have a push and a pull. 

The pull would be the advantages of stopping and the push would be the disadvantages of not stopping.

You’ve not really said what you dislike about the fact that it’s a waste of time so I don’t wanna put words into your mouth but work on that and try to come up with a pushing factor. Then do the same for a pulling.