Frustrated Sexually and in Other Ways I Cannot Explain

[Oso]

I have decided to write whatever is about to come out via pen and paper as my perfectionism has less of a grasp around my throat as in comparison to writing in a doc. 

There is a million places I could start. Perhaps first I should address you, the reader. 

I don’t know at the moment where this will end up but it is my desire to talk with you. 

I desire it deeply. Being able to reflect with another human is a great gift.

Therefore, I genuinely invite you to respond and speak your mind to the content herein. I would like to hear what you have to say. I'm at such a point in life where that reflection is needed. 

- - - 

So, all of that precursory information for what?

Well, I need to shine a light on myself and my current condition. 

I am 21 years old. The next thing that came up in my head was “I am sexually frustrated.”

That is true. I am. I place a lot of value into the thought of an intimate partner, yet lack so much genuine experience. 

I’ve had a handful of various relationships with women, and have had far less sexual experience, something I both crave more and feel starved of the older I have gotten. 

I don’t even know what to say about it. I’m experiencing the intuitive feeling that I have got this all wrong and mixed up.

- - - 

I feel like I’m going crazy in so many ways.

As I write this, I attempt to remain grounded in some form of calm sanity, yet it is tough.

The more I dig, the closer I feel to breaking open a raging demon’s cage.

Intense and overwhelming blank-mindedness floods my head, and I feel how I imagine a hollow from Dark Souls feels. 

It all feels rather fucky. From this point I don’t know where to go. On my chest is the weight of a million things that want to be said, but I can’t make out what any of them are.

It is frustrating. I need to talk this out.

[Leo Gura]

Most people are sexually frustrated. Go work to get the sex you desire. That's better than sitting around hating your situation. Once you start taking action towards your goal every day you will feel better, even if you don't hit the goal yet.

Also, learn to sexually satisfy yourself. Do don't need anyone for that. You should be able to satisfy yourself sexually more than another person would. Do that to hold yourself over until your work pays off.

Edited yesterday at 04:16 AM by Leo Gura

[RendHeaven]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Go work to get the sex you desire. That's better than sitting around hating your situation. Once you start taking action towards your goal every day you will feel better, even if you don't hit the goal yet.

^

[samijiben]

Thanks for dumping out your heart, Oso.

You are a young man, hopefully a handsome one, with a bright future & lots to give...

So Give! Stop looking to receive, to get more, to fix yourself — Start looking to give, give, give! 

Maybe acts of service will help you get over yourself — another way to gain closure on this matter is to just SEE FOR YOURSELF — you do not need a girlfriend. You do not need sex. You do not need human intimacy.

All you need is nothing, and it is already yours. This is not a simple one-and-done epiphany kind of thing, but an ongoing participation in the unfolding of yourself.

Its all about staying on your Tippy Toes, brother. If you so much as miss a step, you run the risk of getting expelled to the badlands where zombie-energy is forever on the rise. 

 

[samijiben]

Oh, and about the sex:

Go ahead and start lookiing to get your johnson wet. Get yo cock up in some pussy!!

NO! don't you see how twisted this is? Not because it is wrong or perverted or even just plain stupid to pursue sex — it isn't. It's just that you got things backwards, man.

Look, what Leo and others say is not just good advice but necessary  —  because if you continue to dwell in this problem without doing anything about it (that is, going out there, and getting your johnson wet — or developing a deep intimacy with a woman, whatever), it will fester & make you a sour soy boy.

So by all means, start developing your social prowess. 

When it actually comes down to "IT," however, you must Must MUST (eventually, God-Willing), face the real source of "your problem."

You gotta go there, man. And not just now. Time and time again. This is a commitment. This is a commitment to being. This is a commitment to love. This is an enchanting adventure that does not end. Enjoy.

[RendHeaven]

51 minutes ago, samijiben said:

hopefully a handsome one

crazy work lol

and what if he's not? 😭

that could be a major hangup. A lot of guys unfortunately count themselves out based on perceived aesthetic inadequacy

@Oso let us know what's stopping you

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPTIQpfoxUs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejsCZWrV8PQ

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

Edited yesterday at 07:37 AM by Raze

[Oso]

15 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Go work to get the sex you desire. Once you start taking action towards your goal every day you will feel better, even if you don't hit the goal yet.

Also, learn to sexually satisfy yourself. Do don't need anyone for that. You should be able to satisfy yourself sexually more than another person would. 

@Leo Gura What exactly do you mean when you say I alone should be enough to sexually satisfy myself? I feel like in bodily pleasure, a genuine female partner is hard to beat. So, what exactly are you getting at there? And in what form? I know and am familiar with masturbation, but I also know of the existence of breathwork amongst other things which might be worth exploring. 

Besides that, I understand what you are saying about the work. A good journaling session or several with a focus on what work would be needed for my desires would likely yield a solid direction to begin walking in. 

[Oso]

13 hours ago, samijiben said:

So Give! Stop looking to receive, to get more, to fix yourself — Start looking to give, give, give! 

Maybe acts of service will help you get over yourself — another way to gain closure on this matter is to just SEE FOR YOURSELF — you do not need a girlfriend. You do not need sex. You do not need human intimacy.

All you need is nothing, and it is already yours. This is not a simple one-and-done epiphany kind of thing, but an ongoing participation in the unfolding of yourself.

@samijiben I understand the giving aspect. I have done it before, and it is a wonderful thing. However, if I approach it with the mindset of getting something out of it, I will fumble, and fumble hard. I'll want to avoid that to the best of my abilities as such a way of existence sucks. 

However, there are forms I want to give in and have simply been slacking on as of late. If I invest into these, things will naturally start to click as long as I'm consistent and stay tuned in. 

As for nothingness and your more advanced points, I'm aware and familiar of them, however, I'm at a stage where I don't feel like embracing them. Not yet. I was more spiritual when I was younger but neglected more egoic and human parts of myself that have needed to live. I face the consequences of that now, and seek to live, even in the face of my own ignorance so that I may be free of regret later. 

[Oso]

13 hours ago, samijiben said:

It's just that you got things backwards, man.

Look, what Leo and others say is not just good advice but necessary  —  because if you continue to dwell in this problem without doing anything about it (that is, going out there, and getting your johnson wet — or developing a deep intimacy with a woman, whatever), it will fester & make you a sour soy boy.

So by all means, start developing your social prowess. 

When it actually comes down to "IT," however, you must Must MUST (eventually, God-Willing), face the real source of "your problem."

You gotta go there, man. And not just now. Time and time again. This is a commitment. This is a commitment to being. This is a commitment to love. This is an enchanting adventure that does not end. Enjoy.

@samijiben I'm actively working on it, but it is bleak and unforgiving, especially so as I work on breaking out of this scaredy-cat nature I developed growing up. My main focus is working on building myself into the being I want to be. I am ambitious and faulter a lot, but there is direction within my chest. My intuition is strong, I am listening to it and trying to act on it despite failure. I am showing up still. 

[Oso]

12 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

crazy work lol

and what if he's not? 😭

that could be a major hangup. A lot of guys unfortunately count themselves out based on perceived aesthetic inadequacy

@Oso let us know what's stopping you

@RendHeaven Lol well I don't find this to be too big of a problem myself. I'm afraid to admit my own attractiveness despite what others say, so I won't admit to being ugly or attractive. It appears to be a relative thing from my experience. 

But what is stopping me? I mean, I'm moving, but it's just slow and I'm still working heavily on developing the proper self-discipline. It's just been a long process so far. I'm not stopped though. 

[Oso]

@Raze Thank you for sharing those resources. I'll look into them and see what happens. 

[Basman]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Most people are sexually frustrated. Go work to get the sex you desire. That's better than sitting around hating your situation. Once you start taking action towards your goal every day you will feel better, even if you don't hit the goal yet.

Also, learn to sexually satisfy yourself. Do don't need anyone for that. You should be able to satisfy yourself sexually more than another person would. Do that to hold yourself over until your work pays off.

Just like with your imagination essentially?

[freddyteisen]

@Oso If you’re in a city, do daygame/nightgame.

When you’re on the move around the city; grocery shopping, in parks, going home from job or whatever you do, and you spot a cute girl, go up to her, say she looks cute, and have a conversation.

Be prepared for lotta rejection, but of the many girls you meet, some want to meet you again.

Take the lead, set up dates, and at some point you’ll find a sexual partner. The current girl I’m seeing I met in the park, when I was on my way home after training calisthenics. Ofcourse it adds to eat well, train and get lots of sun/natural light; health = looks.

Edited 12 hours ago by freddyteisen

[samijiben]

15 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

crazy work lol

and what if he's not? 😭

that could be a major hangup. A lot of guys unfortunately count themselves out based on perceived aesthetic inadequacy

@Oso let us know what's stopping you

Was just tryna lighten up the mood broski. Nothing is stopping him. There is a special one for every one, even Frankenstein.

4 hours ago, Oso said:

@samijiben I'm actively working on it, but it is bleak and unforgiving, especially so as I work on breaking out of this scaredy-cat nature I developed growing up. My main focus is working on building myself into the being I want to be. I am ambitious and faulter a lot, but there is direction within my chest. My intuition is strong, I am listening to it and trying to act on it despite failure. I am showing up still. 

I feel you man. Right there with you. A lotta people reading your comment relates but is too pussy to say so, instead posturing as machoman

If you want to have the best time ever — a ball, if you will — all you gotta do is EXPLICATE YOUR DESIRE TO YOURSELF, then Pursue it!

Counterintuitively, it is the explication-process that is hard & grueling. The pursuit is fun and effortless.

But 1st thing's 1st, habibi. Understand what you really want outta life. If you what you really wanted (REALLY wanted) was an attractive partner, you would be pursuing that already. 

But my guess is that shit is just a TAD BIT more tricky than that lol — your surface-level desires and true-hidden desires are mixed up and confused. Gotta seperate that shit, bro. Understand what you want. 

Then, go get it.

All the Love to you, man. If you are ever feeling down, go further down. The bottomless pit is the end.

 

[MarkKol]

My experience is, you have to call people, message people, knock on people's doors, usually your family and friends, and just initiate meetings and fun activities to do with at least 1 person, like a friend or cousin, preferably more people, and usually the more girls the better, but not necessary, it can be mostly men too.  

You dress nicely, get a haircut, put on perfume, and go to a bar with 1 or more people and just laser focus on conversing with them, fake laugh, and talk like you're interested, don't be disinterested, and don't be looking around constantly. When women see you not paying attention to anyone around you and still talking and laughing with your friend(s), it gives an impression of confidence and detachment, they catch interest in you, and once a woman is interested she's gonna keep looking at you, that's the main sign, other signs include hair flipping and stuff, but contstantly watching you is #1.

Once she's looking at you constantly and maybe even smiling... she likes you. The rest is just give me your Instagram/number and going on dates.

Works at any age, any city size, small or big, best at casual bars and not loud, dark, and crowded clubs where women can't see or hear you. 

This is how I got laid at 5'8 60kg, I'm basically a woman myself. No cold approaching in New York City. It can be done in cities with <30,000 people

The more social your friend(s), the better; you're much better off with that one obnoxious friend who lies and exaggerates his stories than someone who doesn't talk much. It's very important that you just immerse yourself in conversation with someone and stop thinking about attracting women.

The truth is, women will find you very charming and attractive just by seeing you, even act extroverted and detached in public. But again, this only works in social settings; you can't do it alone.

Hope this helps, works wonderfully depending on your acting skills and ability to tune out of your environment. 

[Lyubov]

First off I read what you had to say and I can tell you’re facing some challenges in your life. I understand where you’re coming from. I struggled a lot to socialize and get sex in my early 20s as well. Especially in these days where it seems the rules for society and socializing are constantly being rewritten and whatnot.

I have a few lessons I learned that I hope can maybe help you see this from a wider perspective. 

I think first is that it would be very beneficial for you to recognize you are creating all your emotional pain. It’s your belief system. There’s people out there who are in a similar situation as you but it does not bother them because in their belief system they do not believe they are lacking value because their needs for intimacy aren’t being met. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel how you do, and I’m not criticizing you at all. I’m simply wanting to draw your attention to this suffering structure you are indeed creating, because in a counter intuitive way you creating this internal pain is actually making it harder for you to tap into your true and authentic power. You’re so fixade on these things you wish were different and any associated beliefs around them that you aren’t aware that is pulling you from finding some resolution here and moving forward the best way possible. I would ask yourself why you believe this whole thing is a problem? What do you believe about yourself? I would imagine you have some beliefs around you not being good enough or your life lacking something because you aren’t socializing / experiencing intimacy as much as you would like. You have to address those beliefs and realize that regardless of your sex life your value is unaffected. Your value and worth and life just is and sex does not somehow make you better or make it so that you aren’t “missing out.” You are exactly where you’re supposed to be always and that’s ok. In what way does creating painful emotions in your life on this issue somehow help you find resolution for it or gain more sex? I think you are punishing yourself and would benefit from being on your own side and being there for yourself during challenges like this. 

Now apart from what I just wrote, which is probably the most important stuff to focus on because it is your foundation, you can look towards setting intentions. You want to have more sex. That’s a fine intention to have and sex is nice to have sometimes. What now are some things you can do to have this come into your life. Be honest with yourself, what are some mindsets or ways of looking at life that would more likely bring you closer to this? What are some logistical changes you could build up to? Most importantly in what ways are you sabotaging yourself from living in your flow and effortlessly doing the things that are right for your life to bring about more sex? 

[samijiben]

3 hours ago, Lyubov said:

First off I read what you had to say and I can tell you’re facing some challenges in your life. I understand where you’re coming from. I struggled a lot to socialize and get sex in my early 20s as well. Especially in these days where it seems the rules for society and socializing are constantly being rewritten and whatnot.

I have a few lessons I learned that I hope can maybe help you see this from a wider perspective. 

I think first is that it would be very beneficial for you to recognize you are creating all your emotional pain. It’s your belief system. There’s people out there who are in a similar situation as you but it does not bother them because in their belief system they do not believe they are lacking value because their needs for intimacy aren’t being met. I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel how you do, and I’m not criticizing you at all. I’m simply wanting to draw your attention to this suffering structure you are indeed creating, because in a counter intuitive way you creating this internal pain is actually making it harder for you to tap into your true and authentic power. You’re so fixade on these things you wish were different and any associated beliefs around them that you aren’t aware that is pulling you from finding some resolution here and moving forward the best way possible. I would ask yourself why you believe this whole thing is a problem? What do you believe about yourself? I would imagine you have some beliefs around you not being good enough or your life lacking something because you aren’t socializing / experiencing intimacy as much as you would like. You have to address those beliefs and realize that regardless of your sex life your value is unaffected. Your value and worth and life just is and sex does not somehow make you better or make it so that you aren’t “missing out.” You are exactly where you’re supposed to be always and that’s ok. In what way does creating painful emotions in your life on this issue somehow help you find resolution for it or gain more sex? I think you are punishing yourself and would benefit from being on your own side and being there for yourself during challenges like this. 

Most importantly in what ways are you sabotaging yourself from living in your flow and effortlessly doing the things that are right for your life to bring about more joy and exuberance?

Now this is an example of a high-quality, high-consciousness thread!

@Oso if not anything else, be GRATEFUL that such kind, faceless folks took their time to extend their hearts (and advice) out to you! This is a precious community because there are people like Russian Love & all the others who are writing to help you, not for attention.

In the end, know that your problem CAN be solved. It is not a "helpless" situation! All the power to you, Oso!