What makes you not commit suicide?

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-08-03 at 4:04 PM, Basman said:

 

When I went through my period of feeling suicidal in my early 20s, what made it stop was a) taking more action and isolating less, b) finding allies/realizing that I am not alone, and c) steer my mind away from negative and suicidal rumination. You have a certain degree of influence over your mind. When my mind was spiraling into suicidal thoughts I would tell myself that I don't need to kill myself, that it is not helpful to think about, and that I can change my situation. The rumination was what was causing the majority of my suffering, so "banning" that essentially relieved me immensely. In hindsight, I felt really alone and I lacked emotional support for an immature mind. I was afraid of not being loved so I isolated myself. 

 

I have also found changing your mindset can help in overcoming some of the suffering. But then it’s also so ingrained in us to feel negative about certain circumstances so it can be hard to stop the mind. 

On 2025-08-03 at 4:04 PM, Basman said:

 

You describe that you have "no self" or something and that you don't experience the wants and emotions of "normal people". It sounds like you are just emotionally numb to be honest. I'm not too knowledgeable on emotional numbness since it not something I ever really had to deal with, but I believe it is an arm of depression. I have a depressed friend who once threw 4 stacks into a dodgy crypto currency just to see if he would feel anything. Apparently, it can get silly. But looking through this thread, you seem to clearly enjoy connecting with people, so I don't believe you are actually entirely devoid of a wish to live. So I ask, do you feel alone? Do you have anyone to talk to about your struggles in person? Not necessarily about your suicidal tendencies, but in general? You might not feel comfortable to have an emotional talk with someone, even your closest allies, but as have grown as a person I felt more and more comfortable just sharing how I feel. It is enormously liberating and it gives me a sense of being true to myself. Remember, humans are built to connect and love each other. When you see one of your own struggling, you want to help by nature. 

 

Emotional numbness is a symptom of the state I am in.

 I am slightly depressed and that’s also a symptom of the state I am in.

The enjoyment I feel from connecting with people on here is like a 1 out of ten in strength. It’s really weak.

I have a subtle wish to live

To answer since you asked

 I am alone sometimes but it doesn’t bother me.

I can talk about my struggles to my family but I don’t feel the need to. I don’t have much of a need to talk about it at all. 
 

On 2025-08-03 at 4:04 PM, Basman said:

Lastly, I would recommend you get rid of all of your suicide paraphernalia ASAP. Especially guns. Suicide is often committed on impulse. You don't need that stuff because you don't need to harm yourself. You can change your circumstances, change your mind with better principles and gain allies. That is at least my opinion and experience with suicidal suffering.

I have a more casual view of suicide than the average person. I believe it’s up to me so I don’t mind having things around that could help 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-08-04 at 8:59 PM, Joshe said:

https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Upward-Spiral-Audiobook/B00T3J3M54?source_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp

Thanks

[Sugarcoat]

22 hours ago, Behind20 said:

If you're able to commit suicide, that means you're strong. To be sble to kill yourself. You're not weak. you're strong. 

I’m coward to actually do it 😆 

[Sugarcoat]

20 hours ago, MaskedFool said:

The potentially lethal impact it would have on my family members afterwards. I still don't know what I'll do once I end up alone. But I think I'm doing pretty well, this is a year longer than what I had thought I would last already.

Strong🙏🏻

[Basman]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have also found changing your mindset can help in overcoming some of the suffering. But then it’s also so ingrained in us to feel negative about certain circumstances so it can be hard to stop the mind. 

Limited success shows you that this is something you can work on. You can completely change how you think about yourself and your life. I've done it.

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have a more casual view of suicide than the average person. I believe it’s up to me so I don’t mind having things around that could help 

The only reason people kill themselves are because they are suffering. You just don't seem to understand why you are suffering.

The nuclear option is so disproportional from what I can see so far. You have plenty of space to work with. It comes off as frivolous from the perspective of a relatively healthy mind. At the risk of sounding harsh, do you expect life to just be handed to you? It seems almost disrespectful. Of the opportunities and advantages that you have. 

[Sugarcoat]

7 hours ago, Basman said:

Limited success shows you that this is something you can work on. You can completely change how you think about yourself and your life. I've done it.

I deal with physical pain and I have been able to shift my mindset to think less negative about it but only to a certain degree .
 

It’s like it’s so deeply ingrained in us to have aversion to physical pain it feels extremely difficult to think positively about it.

I have been trying to stop resisting it and have found it help a little bit

7 hours ago, Basman said:

 

The only reason people kill themselves are because they are suffering. You just don't seem to understand why you are suffering.

 

I find I understand why I’m suffering

7 hours ago, Basman said:

The nuclear option is so disproportional from what I can see so far. You have plenty of space to work with. It comes off as frivolous from the perspective of a relatively healthy mind. At the risk of sounding harsh, do you expect life to just be handed to you? It seems almost disrespectful. Of the opportunities and advantages that you have. 

I am in a quite unusual state. Years and years of self inquiry left me in this very empty disconnected state that I’ve been in constantly for over a year now. Its not caused by my thinking.

No I don’t expect life to just be handed to me. I don’t know why you’d ask such a question 

[Schizophonia]

@Sugarcoat Look at your pp and your photos.

Everything that happens is in line with what you really want, your ego; that's what makes reality perfect.

And if I suggest you try to be a little more playful (showing cool photos of you smiling, doing activities, etc.), there's a reaction (ego, reaction = ego) with egoistic motives (fear of being ugly, cringe, etc.).

Dissolution is a playful excuse; indeed, you've dissolved things, but all the new problems mentioned are egoistic.

You can't be saved, no one can be saved; because almost no one wants to delve into their unconscious.

I have the particularity of being extremely open to it, and even there, my selfish reflexes are extremely strong and exceed my conscious understanding/openness; Shadow working is something.

And I say; all this is ego, otherwise you would be starving yourself like Ramana Maharshi.

And Ramana wasn't dysthymic, "empty."
It's not as if dissolution tended toward emptiness until the ego dissolved enough to fall marginally into an inverse state of ecstasy; that has nothing to do with it.

[Basman]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I deal with physical pain and I have been able to shift my mindset to think less negative about it but only to a certain degree .
 

It’s like it’s so deeply ingrained in us to have aversion to physical pain it feels extremely difficult to think positively about it.

Are you physically ill? That changes the picture quiet a lot if you are dealing with chronic pain. 

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I am in a quite unusual state. Years and years of self inquiry left me in this very empty disconnected state that I’ve been in constantly for over a year now. Its not caused by my thinking.

No I don’t expect life to just be handed to me. I don’t know why you’d ask such a question 

My understanding of suicide is that it is usually an escapism where you percieve there to be no other alternative to one's suffering due to a malignant outlook and a lack of affirming experiences from others, IE. A lack of love. 

My stance is that suicide is disproportional relative to the issue at hand. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can change within a year. When I recommend this position I assume you have the health and ability to change your outlook and circumstances, which most people do. If that is not the case then lets make that explicit.

All I'm really saying is that you should count your advantages first so you have a more accurate picture of your situation. In my experience, suicidal people are very emotional and highly cynical of their situation in a way that isn't necesarilly accurate. 

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

@Sugarcoat Look at your pp and your photos.

Everything that happens is in line with what you really want, your ego; that's what makes reality perfect.

And if I suggest you try to be a little more playful (showing cool photos of you smiling, doing activities, etc.), there's a reaction (ego, reaction = ego) with egoistic motives (fear of being ugly, cringe, etc.).

Dissolution is a playful excuse; indeed, you've dissolved things, but all the new problems mentioned are egoistic.

You can't be saved, no one can be saved; because almost no one wants to delve into their unconscious.

I have the particularity of being extremely open to it, and even there, my selfish reflexes are extremely strong and exceed my conscious understanding/openness; Shadow working is something.

And I say; all this is ego, otherwise you would be starving yourself like Ramana Maharshi.

And Ramana wasn't dysthymic, "empty."
It's not as if dissolution tended toward emptiness until the ego dissolved enough to fall marginally into an inverse state of ecstasy; that has nothing to do with it.

I can’t know if my problems are due to ego because I don’t know if they would be there if my ego was fully dissolved. 
 

But it does seem to me like my problems are due to ego, the self reacting to a disconnect within the self/lack of self

Self dissolution is self dissolution, it means what it says. My self almost completely disappeared: and it hasn’t came back to normal for over two years. 
 

It feels empty because there’s a lack of a sense of “something”. The appearance lacks significant substance. My skull feels hollow like I’m barely there, same with other people. 
 

I used to feel bliss when my self got thinner: but it was a temporary bliss. 
 

Ultimately it led me to an almost empty state.

You can’t really compare me to Ramana because he reached full enlightenment and I’ve never been there.

Edited Friday at 12:58 PM by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

6 hours ago, Basman said:

Are you physically ill? That changes the picture quiet a lot if you are dealing with chronic pain. 

 

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help.

6 hours ago, Basman said:

 

My understanding of suicide is that it is usually an escapism where you percieve there to be no other alternative to one's suffering due to a malignant outlook and a lack of affirming experiences from others, IE. A lack of love. 

My stance is that suicide is disproportional relative to the issue at hand. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem that can change within a year. When I recommend this position I assume you have the health and ability to change your outlook and circumstances, which most people do. If that is not the case then lets make that explicit.

All I'm really saying is that you should count your advantages first so you have a more accurate picture of your situation. In my experience, suicidal people are very emotional and highly cynical of their situation in a way that isn't necesarilly accurate. 

Suicide can simply be because someone can’t bear their suffering.
 

Even if the suffering isn’t permanent per se it can still be going on for a long enough time. 
 

If someone is suffering in unbearable ways, why does it matter that maybe in 2 years it will improve? It’s still unbearable in the present moment and for a long enough time. Some may not find it bearable to go through at all

On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either. 

I can have a positive thought but the thought is so weak, it doesn’t change my state both mentally or physically. 
 

A thought cannot create a positive emotion, it cannot fulfill me, it doesn’t have that power. That’s how it is for me at least.

I find that the reason I haven’t killed my self yet is that it hasn’t gotten to an unbearable point yet

The mental part is bearable. I can handle being empty and slightly depressed and devoid of emotion, libido and human connection.

The physical has been kinda bearable too. But it could get worse

Until then I’m holding on.

Edited Friday at 04:40 PM by Sugarcoat

[Carl-Richard]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either.

Do you link it to the chronic pain?

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Carl-Richard said:

Do you link it to the chronic pain?

I find the subtle depression (it’s hard for me to tell how depressed I am, but it’s not so severe) to be linked to it but not the rest

[Schizophonia]

Soon saved by THCA

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Soon saved by THCA

🤫

[Carl-Richard]

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I find the subtle depression (it’s hard for me to tell how depressed I am, but it’s not so severe) to be linked to it but not the rest

I had a period where I was sort of numb, certainly dissociated, back when I was meditating very heavily and on very long streaks of nofap, at the beginning of university.

Firstly, I had a severe ego death experience on weed which I tried to push down (and ironically also during my meditations, but I still kept meditating). The way out I figured was instead of ignoring thoughts and feelings during meditation (and in general) was to dive into them and magnify them (and stop with the extreme nofap).

The combination of doing very energy intensifying things with also trying to push down the inevitable products (mystical experiences) lead me into this weird half disembodied state. Everything was happening very quickly, and there was like a lack of depth to things. I would go to parties and drink tons of alcohol and say a lot of weird things that in hindsight just sounded completely unhinged, and that if I had the sensitivity and emotional awareness (of my own and also other's emotions), and of course the lack of intense half-constipated energy (that played a role), I would come off as relatively normal.

So if your symptoms are not related to chronic pain, it's likely they're related to something you're repressing. Or you could have some other physical illness causing it.

Edited Friday at 09:21 PM by Carl-Richard

[Basman]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help.

I see. If it is an "invisible" illness than it can be harder to get good treatment. I have a relative with fibromyalgia. I have seen how exhausting chronic pain is first hand. There is mental component to it though. Her autism makes her hyper-fixate in a way that causes stress, which the nervous system overreacts to. The doctors recommend treatment that help her handle her symptoms better on a personal level in addition to other things. 

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help.

Suicide can simply be because someone can’t bear their suffering.
 

Even if the suffering isn’t permanent per se it can still be going on for a long enough time. 
 

If someone is suffering in unbearable ways, why does it matter that maybe in 2 years it will improve? It’s still unbearable in the present moment and for a long enough time. Some may not find it bearable to go through at all

On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either. 

I can have a positive thought but the thought is so weak, it doesn’t change my state both mentally or physically. 
 

A thought cannot create a positive emotion, it cannot fulfill me, it doesn’t have that power. That’s how it is for me at least.

I find that the reason I haven’t killed my self yet is that it hasn’t gotten to an unbearable point yet

The mental part is bearable. I can handle being empty and slightly depressed and devoid of emotion, libido and human connection.

The physical has been kinda bearable too. But it could get worse

Until then I’m holding on.

No one can stop you if you decide to actually kill yourself. 

But it doesn't make sense to kill yourself if it is only temporary because you will naturally want to live when you are in state of relative ease, IE. not depressed, mentally ill, etc. If you get better you'll want to live, but you'll rob yourself of that opportunity permanently by committing suicide. 

I do actually think suicide can be an answer in certain extreme cases, but those are situations where the problem is deemed permanent thus a permanent solution is proportional. I assume that you are young and that you haven't had much contact with mental health professionals, therefor I would recommend the position that you don't actually know if your problem is permanent. It is more than likely something that can be worked with or at least managed. 

Life is worth living, you just don't have the mental health to appreciate it at the moment. 

The thing about depression is that it is self-reinforcing. Depression makes you wait for motivation before taking action, but motivation actually comes from action, so you never end up acting and stay depressed. You have to act first before you get motivation. That is how you beat depression very broadly speaking. You need a degree of grit to be happy as a person otherwise you end up subject to the whims of your mind. 

[Joshe]

• Acknowledge inherent worth; practice self-forgiveness; connect with others who affirm your value.

• Accept that mistakes are part of growth.

• Small acts of care or responsibility; exposure to inspiring, supportive environments that awaken will.

Is the life of a newborn baby inherently valuable? At what point does life lose its value? Your life was once precious, just like that of a newborn, and it still is, but you’ve forgotten. If you know how to love someone else, give that same love to yourself. Try to see you are inherently valuable and deserving of life and love just because you exist. 

Edited yesterday at 06:01 AM by Joshe

[Sugarcoat]

13 hours ago, Basman said:

I see. If it is an "invisible" illness than it can be harder to get good treatment. I have a relative with fibromyalgia. I have seen how exhausting chronic pain is first hand. There is mental component to it though. Her autism makes her hyper-fixate in a way that causes stress, which the nervous system overreacts to. The doctors recommend treatment that help her handle her symptoms better on a personal level in addition to other things. 

I’ve tried to not view it so negatively because it adds to the suffering. To not stress about it before hand in my mind. 
 

Some spiritual teachers say that pain and suffering is not the same. So suffering is pain+ resistance. It’s hard idea to swallow but I’ve been trying to identity the ways I resist in my mind and seeing if I can stop doing that, if it could help the pain.

13 hours ago, Basman said:

 

No one can stop you if you decide to actually kill yourself. 

But it doesn't make sense to kill yourself if it is only temporary because you will naturally want to live when you are in state of relative ease, IE. not depressed, mentally ill, etc. If you get better you'll want to live, but you'll rob yourself of that opportunity permanently by committing suicide. 

I do actually think suicide can be an answer in certain extreme cases, but those are situations where the problem is deemed permanent thus a permanent solution is proportional. I assume that you are young and that you haven't had much contact with mental health professionals, therefor I would recommend the position that you don't actually know if your problem is permanent. It is more than likely something that can be worked with or at least managed. 

Life is worth living, you just don't have the mental health to appreciate it at the moment. 

The thing about depression is that it is self-reinforcing. Depression makes you wait for motivation before taking action, but motivation actually comes from action, so you never end up acting and stay depressed. You have to act first before you get motivation. That is how you beat depression very broadly speaking. You need a degree of grit to be happy as a person otherwise you end up subject to the whims of your mind. 

I see your point. It can apply to many. 
It’s common for people to apply a normal world view onto my mental problems that are in no way normal. It simply isn’t applicable in the same way

I won’t go into if my problem is permanent or not because it’s not necessary but I do find I have an understanding of the mental aspect of my problems. 

 

Edited yesterday at 12:06 PM by Sugarcoat

[Basman]

9 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I’ve tried to not view it so negatively because it adds to the suffering. To not stress about it before hand in my mind. 

Some spiritual teachers say that pain and suffering is not the same. So suffering is pain+ resistance. It’s hard idea to swallow but I’ve been trying to identity the ways I resist in my mind and seeing if I can stop doing that, if it could help the pain.

You need treatment to deal with serious illness.

However, if your disease isn't understood such treatment may not quiet exist. Such as with fibromyalgia or MA. Then you can at best hope to manage the symptoms. 

9 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I see your point. It can apply to many. 
It’s common for people to apply a normal world view onto my mental problems that are in no way normal. It simply isn’t applicable in the same way

I won’t go into if my problem is permanent or not because it’s not necessary but I do find I have an understanding of the mental aspect of my problems. 

But the degree of severity is everything. You don't amputate if you have a cold. 

How do you actually know that your situation can't be treated? Have you checked? I'm just trying to understand. 

My issue really is that I don't think suicide is grounded in reality 99% of the time. It is almost always due to a myopic view of emotional isolation and impulsivity.