What makes you not commit suicide?

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, AION said:

You need to find more drives to be alive

Honestly when you think about it. Death is not objectively bad. I do have a quite causal mindset around it. I sometimes forget that others see suicide as inherently negative while I can just write about it casually. 

[Schizophonia]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Honestly when you think about it. Death is not objectively bad. I do have a quite causal mindset around it. I sometimes forget that others see suicide as inherently negative while I can just write about it casually. 

Reincarnation into pork in the worst slaughterhouse 

[AION]

@Sugarcoat you are going to die one day anyway, it is a natural process 

[Sugarcoat]

10 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Reincarnation into pork in the worst slaughterhouse 

I try to have that in consideration 

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, AION said:

@Sugarcoat you are going to die one day anyway, it is a natural process 

Can’t wait 😍

Jk (or lowkey not)

[Schizophonia]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I try to have that in consideration 

More seriously, it is forbidden in your system to be magnetic/return to the self, which creates this feeling of emptiness.

Like you think you look crazy when on the outside you look dry and very studious, if you're crazy then I'm Charles Manson lol

People don't want to die when they're suffering more than you because they've already access to symbolic death, "madness."

 

[Schizophonia]

Obviously I am mirrored, and not just a little given the frequency with which I interact with OP.

It says about me that I'm afraid of "thinking with my dick", "my trips".

"Self-dissolution" put apart

 

I feel like i'm non that attached to my parents, but i'm afraid of them.

I feel like i'm non that attached to my my friends, but i interact more with them and not the way i would because i'm afraid to lost them for some reasons.

I feel like i'm detached because i don't have motivation, but i do sport because i'm afraid to gain fat.

 

etcetc

 

I'm mirrored on that energetic phenomenon, this point of view

[Schizophonia]

Emptiness and wholeness are the same thing; emptiness as we understand it is in fact anything but empty; on the contrary, it is saturated (with "black," "empty" space...).
Dissolution is more love; if there is no more love, then it is not dissolution, it is saturation of a poor frequency maintained unconsciously (repressed; again, repression is unconscious; it is not a struggle; the struggle is already partially unrepressed), by fear (unconscious) and habit (strong ego).

[Judy2]

@Sugarcoat...a few more thoughts, cause i'm feeling inspired:

it's not just that you have a life or that you are alive....you ARE LIFE! so it is really natural for you to want to be alive - because you are Life - unless there's a part of you that feels separate from it, which tends to make the matter a whole lot more complicated, as you can see when you look at the average human being and the way in which they suffer. you're still Life, in that case, but a bit like an illusory knot in the fabric of life that tries to be its own thing, and wonders why it feels so separate and disintegrated. 

you say that you feel disconnected or that you lost your sense of self, but i am assuming that this is not the same as the sort of spiritual dissolution of the separate self. in this case, i would suppose that it's more as though the self has gone into hiding and that something is being suppressed to a more intense degree than before. perhaps this is worth inquiring into a little further. ...just my impression from what you are saying and without any judgement whatsoever, it's just what i understand the situation to be from what you have shared. perhaps inquiring a little into this can help you. it's possible to let this sort of thing go full circle, rather than judging yourself for feeling even more separate or disconnected than what is considered normal. so you could in fact see this as an opportunity to find out what true connection means. 

all the best<3

and sorry if i couldn't articulate this any better...i hope i'm making some sense here. 

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

More seriously, it is forbidden in your system to be magnetic/return to the self, which creates this feeling of emptiness.

Like you think you look crazy when on the outside you look dry and very studious, if you're crazy then I'm Charles Manson lol

People don't want to die when they're suffering more than you because they've already access to symbolic death, "madness."

 

It is not forbidden in my system to be magnetic/return to the self. Actually I am very focused on the self, it’s just that there is not much of it.

I don’t really think I come of as crazy mostly

i dont understand what madness has to do with symbolic death and not wanting to die

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Obviously I am mirrored, and not just a little given the frequency with which I interact with OP.

It says about me that I'm afraid of "thinking with my dick", "my trips".

"Self-dissolution" put apart

 

I feel like i'm non that attached to my parents, but i'm afraid of them.

I feel like i'm non that attached to my my friends, but i interact more with them and not the way i would because i'm afraid to lost them for some reasons.

I feel like i'm detached because i don't have motivation, but i do sport because i'm afraid to gain fat.

 

etcetc

 

I'm mirrored on that energetic phenomenon, this point of view

Who are you talking about?

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Emptiness and wholeness are the same thing; emptiness as we understand it is in fact anything but empty; on the contrary, it is saturated (with "black," "empty" space...).
Dissolution is more love; if there is no more love, then it is not dissolution, it is saturation of a poor frequency maintained unconsciously (repressed; again, repression is unconscious; it is not a struggle; the struggle is already partially unrepressed), by fear (unconscious) and habit (strong ego).

When I had ocular migraine I lost half my vision temporarily, I didn’t see black, I literally saw nothing

There is depth to the self, it has layers. Always when a layer to my self dissolved it felt like more love: but that was temporary. Ultimately it led me to less and less reality and more and more emptiness

 

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

it's not just that you have a life or that you are alive....you ARE LIFE! so it is really natural for you to want to be alive - because you are Life - unless there's a part of you that feels separate from it, which tends to make the matter a whole lot more complicated, as you can see when you look at the average human being and the way in which they suffer. you're still Life, in that case, but a bit like an illusory knot in the fabric of life that tries to be its own thing, and wonders why it feels so separate and disintegrated. 

I feel separate yes. But maybe I am life in absolute sense

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@Sugarcoat

you say that you feel disconnected or that you lost your sense of self, but i am assuming that this is not the same as the sort of spiritual dissolution of the separate self. in this case, i would suppose that it's more as though the self has gone into hiding and that something is being suppressed to a more intense degree than before. perhaps this is worth inquiring into a little further. ...just my impression from what you are saying and without any judgement whatsoever, it's just what i understand the situation to be from what you have shared. perhaps inquiring a little into this can help you. it's possible to let this sort of thing go full circle, rather than judging yourself for feeling even more separate or disconnected than what is considered normal. so you could in fact see this as an opportunity to find out what true connection means. 

all the best<3

and sorry if i couldn't articulate this any better...i hope i'm making some sense here. 

Nicely written, no problem, I see your point

When people in spirituality talk about self dissolution, from what I’ve heard, they talk about total self dissolution vs having a normal self. 
 

I have never experienced total self dissolution, only partial.

Due to my partial self dissolution, the layers to my ego that used to have existential fear, attached to physical appearance, attached to a self image, socially anxious, jealous, comparing myself etc

All of those died off.

So now I am freed from those things. 
 

But other problems came up as result :

A kind of emptiness, lack of joy, lack of human qualities like libido and emotion.

Some in spirituality talk about infinity/no self/non duality as love, fullness, aliveness, richness

And one might assume that the less self: the more of those things.

But for me, yes life got temporarily richer, and more loving, and alive when layers to my self dissolved: but it was only temporary.

In the end: it started to get more empty and those other things I mentioned.

Also to give comparison: when I tried 5 Meo dmt, it dissolved my self even further (temporarily), and I still didn’t experience the love, fullness, aliveness that spiritual people talk about: to me reality was almost dead, so empty. It was kinda uncomfortable (probably some resistance from the little ego left)

So that’s how it was for me.

You are free to have your own view, it’s ok for me.

Edited 17 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Judy2]

35 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I feel separate yes. But maybe I am life in absolute sense

Nicely written, no problem, I see your point

When people in spirituality talk about self dissolution, from what I’ve heard, they talk about total self dissolution vs having a normal self. 
 

I have never experienced total self dissolution, only partial.

Due to my partial self dissolution, the layers to my ego that used to have existential fear, attached to physical appearance, attached to a self image, socially anxious, jealous, comparing myself etc

All of those died off.

So now I am freed from those things. 
 

But other problems came up as result :

A kind of emptiness, lack of joy, lack of human qualities like libido and emotion.

Some in spirituality talk about infinity/no self/non duality as love, fullness, aliveness, richness

And one might assume that the less self: the more of those things.

But for me, yes life got temporarily richer, and more loving, and alive when layers to my self dissolved: but it was only temporary.

In the end: it started to get more empty and those other things I mentioned.

Also to give comparison: when I tried 5 Meo dmt, it dissolved my self even further (temporarily), and I still didn’t experience the love, fullness, aliveness that spiritual people talk about: to me reality was almost dead, so empty. It was kinda uncomfortable (probably some resistance from the little ego left)

So that’s how it was for me.

You are free to have your own view, it’s ok for me.

okay:) 

i don't think it will stay this way forever. things can change, your perspective can still shift, and maybe some of that aliveness, richness, joy is yet to be discovered:)

[Sugarcoat]

4 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

okay:) 

i don't think it will stay this way forever. things can change, your perspective can still shift, and maybe some of that aliveness, richness, joy is yet to be discovered:)

Thank you!

[Judy2]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Thank you!

(:

[LittoDitto]

On 7/25/2025 at 1:34 AM, meta_male said:

I realised there's no point to socialise with anyone online or offline when you're in that state. Especially not with people who've never actually been through crisis. It just makes it worse. So I stuck to myself, did stuff that grounded me. Dumb shit like building a Lego model. Taking photos. Going for walks in nature (I hated those so much).

What was your motivation to go and do stuff that would ground you? Who told you to ground yourself? Did you feel that, "yes, this is the right thing to do", and then went and did it? If it you did feel that it was the right thing to do, why do you think that "idea" of it being the right thing to do, came about?