LittoDitto

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About LittoDitto

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  1. @QVx I have not yet. But it's on the to-do list =) @Cheese Uhm, previously I thought Psychotherapy was wrong, then I thought I could do it by watching videos and researching and what not, now I think you don't really know what it is unless you experience it first hand. Unfortunately the suicidal thoughts remain. @Schizophonia Thank you!
  2. Today I'm having a normal day which I probably experience once every 150 days or so. Why do you think this is, and how can I create more of these days? I've asked this question to myself on these rare days, but I haven't come up with anything particularly conclusive. All of my current traumas are dormant. Thus creating a normal day. I have never gone to therapy, taken psychedelics, or taken anti-depressants. I do consider doing these things on a daily basis. For about 6 months I have taken small steps everyday to try to help/heal my traumas. My other days I would consider as major depression. Finally I've been in major depression for about 3 years.
  3. Great clip. I think of this video often. I used to watch it a whole lot, but I've definitely been weening off of it. Not because i've forced myself to do so, but because of let's say, "the power of time". I find in the process of healing, when you don't have to do things that you were absolutely forced to do previously, due to trauma, that could be the bread and butter of healing trauma.
  4. The music genre of Chillstep has a good amount of Alan Watts in it.
  5. I think if you feel like you're gonna cry, or you're crying, that's good.
  6. I find life is better with out negative thoughts arising, but when one comes up, it usually cascades into more negative thoughts until I am overwhelmed and there is no fixing it when it gets to that point. I could try loving the negative thought, but what does that mean? Do I say "go away negative thought" or "I accept you negative thought" or "this might not be true, negative thought" etc? If you know how to love a negative thought, or another productive way of dealing with a negative thought, it would be a pleasure reading what you have to say. Thank You. Edit: Also under the same topic, what do I do with a negative emotion?
  7. If we're saying, More advanced school system = Less cheating than that's fine, but if what is written above is true, that means there will be less people who cheat, and those who do, have to create more advanced strategies to do so, thus making it harder. Would that benefit the cheater in the long run? I would say it's possible. It's how the cheater interprets what they did, and what it means. Cheater's are not aware of the big picture of what they are doing until after they are done cheating, whether by being caught, or graduating (or ceasing to cheat, I suppose). Even then, the big picture can be kinda murky. I don't think there is a way to make the system so perfect that no one ever cheats in school. Is a cheater a part of the system, or separately trying to defeat the system? I would say both.
  8. For what it's worth, I've watched the "Spiritual Perspective On Suicide" video many times over. It has helped me.
  9. Well, when I have wrote down questions on a index card, I found it's pretty effective at addressing personal fears/concerns to a doctor. The last time I saw a doctor, I didn't write down anything and just told myself I would bring up my questions naturally. I chickened out and didn't ask any questions. You can put your questions on your lap so the doctor will address the index card, or it will encourage you to go forward and ask your questions.
  10. Thanks Everyone.
  11. I have had suicidal thoughts for the past two years because of the following reasons. I have recessed gums. I have lost interdental papilla in between my two front teeth. Gum disease has been mentioned, but I would say out of these big three problems, this has recently been the least prevalent. Fear: Teeth will fall out. I don't want to smile at people because of missing interdental papilla (very little eye contact). Nerve damage. My least fear (worth mentioning) is everything to do with a gum graft. Causation: So the best hypothesis for this happening is because I used to smoke weed. I quit two years ago when I noticed my recessed gums. So I would brush my teeth, and I would imagine that I was being over-aggressive during brushing and it caused recession. I also lied to my dentist about smoking weed mostly because of a misunderstanding. Treatment: The treatment for gum recession and perhaps restoring some or all interdental papilla is gum grafting (I have not spoke with a dentist about restoring papilla, but I have done research). One of my top fears is learning that after a dental injection to be numbed (like when you have a cavity), you COULD receive nerve damage. It is very rare that this would happen. Discussion: I have seen a few dentists, and a periodontist (a dentist who specializes in gums). My primary dentist has told me it's nothing to be worried about and to accept my gums as they are. It is difficult to have a trusting relationship because of what has unfolded above. I have not told him that in the past I smoked weed. The other dentist I went to to get a second opinion, said that I should see a periodontist. He may have also said that my teeth would not fall out but I really should have wrote that down or something because I can't remember if he said that or not. The periodontist said there was some work that should be done with my gums, and I should get gum grafts for certain teeth. Conflict: So basically I just mean that if I wanted to get a gum graft, I'm worried I'll receive permanent nerve damage. So basically different things are making me be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Healing/Hope: So the gum grafts working and there being no issues would be nice and could solve my depression. Same with the interdental papilla. Also, to hear that my teeth are not going to fall out from the second opinion dentist would be nice. I would like to discuss treatment options with a dentist about lost papilla, as well as risks/solutions of nerve damage. Thanks for reading, if you have any advice/questions that'd be cool. Also if you have had experience with this subject, that would be super cool.
  12. Here is a somewhat similar piece of art: https://hopalongvr.dghost.net/ This works best on Desktops/Laptops. The only drawback is the mouse sometimes gets in the way. You can put the mouse at the top of your web browser and click the refresh (reload) button (or F5 for PC) and it will center. Just keep hitting F5 until you get an image you like. Using the direction keys on the keyboard, you can hit up/down to change the speed of the visualizer, and use the left/right keys to change the spin. For the super best experience, using dual monitors is ideal. You can put your mouse cursor on your secondary monitor while having the visualizer on your primary monitor. Hit F5 to refresh the visualizer, and then you can hit the "F" key to make the visualizer fullscreen! Hitting the "H" key will get rid of the toggle info. Lastly, CAUTION: This is a spiral optical illusion, meaning staring too long at the visualizer will mess with your vision once you take your eyes off of it. (Things will look all loopy for maybe 30 seconds) Put your favorite song on, and have fun!