How The Hell You Reach Play As An INTJ?

[something_else]

15 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@The Caretaker You gotta practice going out and just learning to let go, not think, and party.

You don't need many wingmen. Just 1 or 2 good ones is enough. Someone you can party with.

I recommend as an assignment for you that you go out solo to a nightclub, any nightclub on its busiest night, and don't even worry about talking to girls, but just focus on partying. Party solo. Dance, have a few drinks, have fun. Your only goal should be to actually have fun. If you don't have fun, you've failed the assignment and must re-do it next week until you succeed.

Your problem isn't girls. Your problem is that you don't know how to have fun in public.

This is exactly what changed the game for me. When I first started going out I was a creepy loner who went out alone just to meet girls, then I stopped doing that and just went out because I wanted to have fun. Suddenly people actually wanted to be around me. Surprise surprise, that included girls. I also made quite a few friends.

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Vodka cranberry.

Don't get hammered. One or two drinks max. Just enough to loosen you up.

If he never drank then one of those WILL get him hammered. Better get a Radler (beer + lemonade)

@The Caretaker

Edited July 23 by meta_male

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

If he never drank then one of those WILL get him hammered. Better get a Radler (beer + lemonade)

He should explore. Beer buzz is very different than a scotch whiskey buzz. For me, beer is almost like a neurotic hyper state but a scotch and soda has a heavier, more relaxed, nice and warm tingly feeling. And it's better at bringing logical thought to a halt and making you completely spontaneous. 

You should try a scotch and club soda with ice. It's an acquired taste but sip on one of those for about 20-30 minutes and you'll be good. 

Edited July 23 by Joshe

[Insightful27]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

and just went out because I wanted to have fun

What did you do to have fun alone?

[aurum]

Alcohol is trap.

If you're young and have never experienced it, I understand wanting to try it. I definitely did some drinking when I was younger.

But ultimately I found it much better to just give it up.

If you're going out a lot to expensive nightclubs, the $$$ for drinks adds up quick. It's horrible for your health. And while it does loosen you up, it also makes you sloppy.

What you want is looseness + clarity. Which you can only get without alcohol.

You can build your state while you're out so much that you wouldn't even think of buying alcohol. You will feel way better without it. And you'll be having such a good time that other people won't even believe you if you tell them you're not drinking.

[meta_male]

4 hours ago, Joshe said:

For me, beer is almost like a neurotic hyper state

What you mean "neurotic hyper state"?

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

What you mean "neurotic hyper state"?

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I move faster, I'm more hyper, and something about a beer buzz just makes me feel more neurotic or something. It's like it's more heady, where whiskey is more body. Maybe it's just me. 

Edited July 23 by Joshe

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 hours ago, Joshe said:

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I move faster, I'm more hyper, and something about a beer buzz just makes me feel more neurotic or something. It's like it's more heady, where whiskey is more body. Maybe it's just me. 

I understand this.

I raw dog reality now - no substances (unless you mean coffee which is almost a psychedelic to my system it is so potent).

Bourbon turns me into a fucken demon. I have permanent injury/scars to my ears from getting into fights with women at clubs. Think me poking people eyes and getting thrown out. I lost most of the integrity of an earlobe because my fighting partner got to my dangly earing...

Wine makes me sloppy and sleezy.

Gin makes my giddy, hyper and focussed.

Tequila I black out quickly.

Needless to say you can see why I quit.... 

Edited July 24 by Natasha Tori Maru
This all sounds pretty insane - luckily I am past this shit and really emotionally stable at this point :)

[Eskilon]

48 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I understand this.

I raw dog reality now - no substances (unless you mean coffee which is almost a psychedelic to my system it is so potent).

Bourbon turns me into a fucken demon. I have permanent injury/scars to my ears from getting into fights with women at clubs. Think me poking people eyes and getting thrown out. I lost most of the integrity of an earlobe because my fighting partner got to my dangly earing...

Wine makes me sloppy and sleezy.

Gin makes my giddy, hyper and focussed.

Tequila I black out quickly.

Needless to say you can see why I quit.... 

I never understood the appeal of alchohol besides the mood change. It's not even a dopaminergic substance(ike say a tasty juice, a candy, or even coca-cola), it tastes like trash.

I feel people drink out of conformity too, "to not be the weird one that doesnt drink" cant imagine people drinking willingly out of pleasure

Edited July 24 by Eskilon

[Joshe]

36 minutes ago, Eskilon said:

I never understood the appeal of alchohol. It's not even a dopaminergic substance(ike say a tasty juice, a candy, or even coca-cola), it tastes like trash.

I feel most people drink out of conformity, "to not be the weird one that doesnt drink" cant imagine people drinking willingly

 I know types who were conformist by not drinking. Squares. 

I kinda pity squares who never pushed fun to the extremes I did. For all those types who remained clean and sober, studying, doing the right thing, going to the movies and playing board games or doing other geeky shit while we were having the fucking time of our lives, those people don’t know what they missed. I know this because I had a square friend group as well. I experienced more joy and laughed more and harder in my 20s than 100 squares combined. Alcohol was a common element, plus drugs, sex, and good friends. 

Notice how there are squares in the world completely biased against alcohol. Many of these people are said to have sticks up their ass because they never really had very much fun. 
 

Edited July 24 by Joshe

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Yes I cop immense shit for not drinking.

People attempt to shame you 'Oh loosen up' 'Have some fun'. It's basically because your teetotalism shames THEM, so they project back onto you. They feel you are morally judging them when no. I just don't want it. Simple. It's about me. Not YOU.

Plus, aussie drinking culture and construction go hand in hand... its fever pitch over here...

[Joshe]

5 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Plus, aussie drinking culture and construction go hand in hand... its fever pitch over here...

Yeah, I know what you mean. I actually worked construction in my 20s and lived in the Florida keys, which is probably the heaviest drinking population in the country. I’d get shit if I didn’t want to go out drinking. 

[meta_male]

11 hours ago, Joshe said:

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like I move faster, I'm more hyper, and something about a beer buzz just makes me feel more neurotic or something. It's like it's more heady, where whiskey is more body. Maybe it's just me. 

I see. I don't feel any more neurotic from having a beer than from whiskey. Probably just neurotic all the time, lol. But yeah, whiskey has that warm, tingling body effect.

9 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I have permanent injury/scars to my ears from getting into fights with women at clubs.

Wtf 🤣 That story went from "I used to drink gin" to "I fought women in clubs and lost part of my ear" real fast.

Edited July 24 by meta_male

[The Caretaker]

19 hours ago, Something Funny said:

I just feel like most pickup guys are gross (no offence to anyone) and I don't enjoy spending time with them. I think it actually adds more pressure and makes me more stressed.

I think I could find just normal friends to go out with, but then I guess it would be weird from their perspective if I approached girls all the time, instead of being with them.

I have the same perception of them, but might keep an open mind if this will resolve my core issue.

 

18 hours ago, something_else said:

This is exactly what changed the game for me. When I first started going out I was a creepy loner who went out alone just to meet girls, then I stopped doing that and just went out because I wanted to have fun. Suddenly people actually wanted to be around me. Surprise surprise, that included girls. I also made quite a few friends.

It makes sense even in theory, but this is not a skill or a life experince I had so far 

 

13 hours ago, aurum said:

Alcohol is trap.

If you're young and have never experienced it, I understand wanting to try it. I definitely did some drinking when I was younger.

But ultimately I found it much better to just give it up.

If you're going out a lot to expensive nightclubs, the $$$ for drinks adds up quick. It's horrible for your health. And while it does loosen you up, it also makes you sloppy.

What you want is looseness + clarity. Which you can only get without alcohol.

You can build your state while you're out so much that you wouldn't even think of buying alcohol. You will feel way better without it. And you'll be having such a good time that other people won't even believe you if you tell them you're not drinking.

Maybe avoding it is a trap too. I used to drink with my school/family social circle when I was younger. It was a conformist way to live and I hated it. So I am not glorifying alcohol, nor do I belive I will enjoy it. But small doses might help me lose and finally get momentum.

 

7 hours ago, Joshe said:

 I know types who were conformist by not drinking. Squares. 

I kinda pity squares who never pushed fun to the extremes I did. For all those types who remained clean and sober, studying, doing the right thing, going to the movies and playing board games or doing other geeky shit while we were having the fucking time of our lives, those people don’t know what they missed. I know this because I had a square friend group as well. I experienced more joy and laughed more and harder in my 20s than 100 squares combined. Alcohol was a common element, plus drugs, sex, and good friends. 

Notice how there are squares in the world completely biased against alcohol. Many of these people are said to have sticks up their ass because they never really had very much fun. 
 

Dude, I feel you are being too harsh. If anything, all "party" people I meant were total morons and lose screws. They had such I shitty life direction that I don't know If any of them will have any energy left by 40.

Both extremes are fucked up. So far I lived my life as a "square" you mentioned, but want to move the pendulum closer to the middle.

Also personality type played a huge role in that. I am sure If I got in your social circle and you got in mine, we would end exactly in the same place we are now. You would find somebody to party and I somebody to geek out. Our predisposition plays a huge, huge role.

[Joshe]

8 hours ago, The Caretaker said:

Dude, I feel you are being too harsh. If anything, all "party" people I meant were total morons and lose screws. They had such I shitty life direction that I don't know If any of them will have any energy left by 40.

Both extremes are fucked up. So far I lived my life as a "square" you mentioned, but want to move the pendulum closer to the middle.

Also personality type played a huge role in that. I am sure If I got in your social circle and you got in mine, we would end exactly in the same place we are now. You would find somebody to party and I somebody to geek out. Our predisposition plays a huge, huge role.

Yes, to each their own, and of course personality largely dictates what you'll do. I'm just saying, I found value in pushing fun to the max when I was young, and now I know what it's all about, while a square hasn't a clue. Pros and cons of course, and definitely easier to blunder, but that's part of the thrill. Living like that for a while sets you up for hard knocks, which aids in your development. 

Plus, it's more fun to laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints or be bored with the squares. Pushing to the extreme for a while gives you a richer life experience, and it's fun. Just my bias. 

Edited July 24 by Joshe

[something_else]

Also, in terms of MBTI, as an INTJ try and make friends with ENTPs if you want to loosen up a bit. They'll stimulate you intellectually but also push you to be more playful and fun.

[The Caretaker]

Wanted to make a separate post about my updates, but I feel like I have too little experience to share, so I will just update here.

 

My goal was just to get comfortable and see my limits and preferences.

 

Friday night - took 250ml of canned wine, ~around 20ml of alcohol. Stayed 1-1.5h
(personal score 2/10)

• Went to an open bar in the city center -  there were a few places with music, but nobody (maybe except like 4 dudes) was dancing. I was not in the mood at all to dance.
• Alcohol didn't help either - instead of feeling more loose, I felt EVERY side effect possible (dizziness, worst motorics, etc), but not loose. I was as self-conscious as ever, but also tired. And even this amount was enough to make my head spin, so I doubt any more will make me feel good.
• The avenue was not that busy this night in particular, but I still saw maybe about 5-10 women I would approach. Maybe if I had stayed for 3 hours, things would have changed, as I saw more people coming when I left.

 

Saturday evening - 2 ice creams, 0 alcohol. Stayed 2-2.5h
(personal score 7/10)

• Went to a concert during the evening. Most of the music was meh, but one group in particular made me dance and jump quite a lot. I could not say it made me "more social" per say, but I had fun, was active, and moved closer to the scene to vibe.
• Sadly, the place was mostly family-oriented, and the number of attractive women was low, even tho the place had for sure more than 1k people.

 

Saturday evening - took 500ml of lime beer, ~around 12ml of alcohol. Stayed 1-1.5h
(personal score 5/10)

• This time I was curious if less alcohol would affect me the same. Either because it was beer or because it had less alcohol, but this time it went smoother. And also the taster was better.
• I went to a park in the city center just to relax and get the momentum going. Could not say I found that many attractive women (might be a timing problem), but still, if I gave myself the goal to approach, I would have a few options.

 

Now, what I am planning differently this week:

• First, fuck alcohol. Unless I am drinking something soft in a social company, I am not touching that shit. IDK about others, but it gives no easier time to enter the state. I remain as self-aware as I was, and upping the quantity to get wasted doesn't enter my frame.
• Tried to invite 5 different dudes from the wing group Leo sent a time ago, and all of them flaked one way or another. So fuck that shit either. I will rather look for local guys or continue to find dudes through social circles.
• Also, going alone suck. Even letting all that state stuff, it's boring.
  • So for this week, I already invited an extroverted acquaintance of mine to a bar for Friday night.
  • Invited a girl from work to a concert on Saturday.
  • And I am planning to go solo for yoga on Sunday morning.

 

TLDR;

I failed Leo's assignment to have fun at a bar/club, and that is ok. Will try again this week to just relax. Also, there is a real chance I will be flacked by both persons I invited, which is fine too. I will go solo again, but this time I will try to make a new friend at the place.

 

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. If God sends you and inshight that might aid me, I would gladly consider.

[something_else]

The key to going solo is:

• Go to the busiest places you can
• Talk to everybody

It also helps to go to places that have quieter parts where you can actually talk to people properly.

Going with a group of friends is almost always more fun, but going out solo can be very good for building social skills

[Leo Gura]

@The Caretaker Good effort.

There will be a lot of failure in game until you figure stuff out. So stick with it. Persistence is key.

It's very important to find the best locations in town where the most women are. So keep looking for those.

As far as wings go, remember, it only takes one good one. So keep looking for them. If some flake it's okay. You keep looking. You don't just give up.

Never just give up after one try on anything.

[Hardkill]

You know who’s a true introvert?

Barack Obama—calm, thoughtful, and magnetic without ever needing to be loud. His presence proves you don’t have to perform to connect.

There's no doubt that he can get any kind of play he wants.

I’m not saying you have to be as exceptionally compelling as he is, but he’s definitely someone who worked hard to become socially savvy while staying rooted in that quiet center.

 

Edited Thursday at 06:33 PM by Hardkill