My Path to Transcending Sex as a 32-Year-Old Virgin

[eTorro]

Hey everyone,

I’m feeling called to share something really personal about my spiritual journey, and I’m excited to hear what you all think. I’m 32, a virgin, and I’ve been working to transcend my sex drive—not by pushing it away, but by watching it with total awareness. It’s been a wild ride, and I’d love to open up a convo about this with you.

For me, spirituality is about peeling back the layers of my ego, and sexual desire has been one of the biggest layers to work through. Instead of acting on those urges or trying to squash them, I just sit with them. I observe the cravings, the heat, the thoughts—everything—without judging or jumping in. It’s like letting a wave roll through me and fade on its own. I’ve been using this letting-go approach, staying super mindful, and honestly, it’s shifted things big time. I’d say I’m about 80% free of my sex drive now. It’s quieter every day, and I feel like in a year or two, it might just dissolve completely.

This isn’t about thinking sex is “bad” or anything—it’s about wanting to live from a place beyond those instincts. It’s tough sometimes, sitting with those urges without reacting, but it’s also freeing in a way I can’t fully describe. I’m not trying to be a monk or deny who I am; I’m just chasing a deeper kind of peace.

I’d love to hear from you all:

Has anyone else tried letting go of sexual desire or other instincts as part of your spiritual work? How’s it going for you?

What’s your take on balancing human drives with spiritual growth?

If you’ve played with non-attachment or mindfulness like this, how’s it changed how you see desire?

I’m not saying this is the way, just my way so far. I’m super curious about your experiences or thoughts—lay it on me!

[Sugarcoat]

In my experience, with enough self dissolution comes an end to sexual desire, but it’s very hard to achieve.

I have no libido , I wish I had it. Why would you not wanna enjoy sex in a moderate amount?

[Sucuk Ekmek]

7 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

In my experience, with enough self dissolution comes an end to sexual desire, but it’s very hard to achieve.

Well, in my experience, with enough self-dissolution comes a new beginning for sexual desire, but acting on it isn't always easy.

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, Sucuk Ekmek said:

Well, in my experience, with enough self-dissolution comes a new beginning for sexual desire, but acting on it isn't always easy.

What does self dissolution mean to you? For me you end up feeling like you barely exist. But I think there are different kinds of self dissolution 

[Sucuk Ekmek]

8 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

What does self dissolution mean to you? For me you end up feeling like you barely exist. But I think there are different kinds of self dissolution 

It hardly means anything; you feel like a charming animal, or one that's bleeding. No home, no more intellectual games, forget your favorite clothes. In a way, you barely exist that is right. Mystery.

[Schizophonia]

@eTorro 

All of this is unconscious, but if you believe you're being compelled to "succeed," one way to regain your freedom is to create a character who is "above" their need for success, in this case sexual success.

This gives you a feeling of "height," of power, but it's neurotic.

Edited July 1 by Schizophonia

[eTorro]

52 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@eTorro 

All of this is unconscious, but if you believe you're being compelled to "succeed," one way to regain your freedom is to create a character who is "above" their need for success, in this case sexual success.

This gives you a feeling of "height," of power, but it's neurotic.

Thank you for your reply.

I had many encounters with women, and my response was always the same: I avoided them when the sexual encounter was about to happen.

I'm social by nature, and I talk to them regularly, but when it comes to romance, I keep a healthy distance.

I aim to completely overcome my ego and find total peace. Tranquility. Stillness. 

[Salvijus]

How long have you been able to abstain so far? 

[aurum]

I think if you are honestly capable of transcending sex, go for it.

Sex can be a huge distraction from deeper consciousness work, especially if you're a man.

The problem is I think almost no one is truly capable of that. So you're better off just owning whatever desires you have until you age out of them.

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, eTorro said:

Thank you for your reply.

I had many encounters with women, and my response was always the same: I avoided them when the sexual encounter was about to happen.

I'm social by nature, and I talk to them regularly, but when it comes to romance, I keep a healthy distance.

I aim to completely overcome my ego and find total peace. Tranquility. Stillness. 

What’s the point 

You're going to die soon anyway .

Edited July 1 by Schizophonia

[Sucuk Ekmek]

57 minutes ago, aurum said:

 

Sex can be a huge distraction from deeper consciousness work, especially if you're a man.

 

Sex could be the key to the upcoming work of consciousness.

[aurum]

3 minutes ago, Sucuk Ekmek said:

Sex could be the key to the upcoming work of consciousness.

I've not come across anyone who seriously uses sex in that way. Maybe some fringe tantra teachers, but that's about it.

Sex, especially the pursuit of it, mostly just pulls you into the Dream. You're doing it for fun and pleasure, not contemplative work.

Which is not to say you shouldn't have sex or pursue it.

[Sincerity]

3 hours ago, eTorro said:

but when it comes to romance, I keep a healthy distance.

Why? What are your beliefs in regard to romance?

[Sugarcoat]

6 hours ago, Sucuk Ekmek said:

It hardly means anything; you feel like a charming animal, or one that's bleeding. No home, no more intellectual games, forget your favorite clothes. In a way, you barely exist that is right. Mystery.

It’s the end of your normal life

[Sucuk Ekmek]

2 hours ago, aurum said:

I've not come across anyone who seriously uses sex in that way. Maybe some fringe tantra teachers, but that's about it.

Sex, especially the pursuit of it, mostly just pulls you into the Dream. You're doing it for fun and pleasure, not contemplative work.

Which is not to say you shouldn't have sex or pursue it.

You are right about pleasure and fun, but the thing is, you don't have to pursue them either. Sex will find you. When it does, depending on the circumstances, it may lead to a higher version of yourself. But perhaps that requires a person who is not pursuing fun and pleasure.

 

[aurum]

Just now, Sucuk Ekmek said:

You are right about pleasure and fun, but the thing is, you don't have to pursue them either. Sex will find you.

Lol.

Maybe if you're a woman.

[Someone here]

Sex is overrated.  Ice cream and cigarettes feel better to me . Its like what ..you cum and done and its over .so what now ?

If you really want to transcend sex then keep indulging in it until you get sick of it and see its futility. 

[meta_male]

@eTorro This sounds like the least risky path of life imaginable. What makes you sure this isn’t just avoiding intimacy?

[LordFall]

I mean sure you can find ways to not think about it and in times when I was mostly working on myself and my purpose I didn’t think about it too much(although fapped a lot) but perhaps an even deeper question is why would you go through that? Perhaps the deeper growth if you’re a 32 year old virgin is learning how to get laid? 
 

@Someone here You can have much deeper and satisfying sex if you want to then come and done lol 

[Schizophonia]

20 hours ago, Someone here said:

Sex is overrated.  Ice cream and cigarettes feel better to me . Its like what ..you cum and done and its over .so what now ?

If you really want to transcend sex then keep indulging in it until you get sick of it and see its futility. 

Yea cigarettes and ice cream taste good lol but maybe you never had good sex 

Edited July 2 by Schizophonia