Existential Dread (I need spiritual guidance pls)

[QandC]

I dont wanna make this into a long-ass post like my previous ones. I'm just seeking some spiritual guidance.

i've been inte spiritually since 2015. It's changed my life in unbelievable ways. Its gotten to the point where I see every value, ideology, feeling, thought, vision etc etc in a soup of consciousness.

this has allowed me to release my past identity and surrender to the flow of the universe. Its a great feeling. But as you can probably predict; this is not equal to a complete ego death.

that's where I struggle - I keep jumping from different states of consciousness. One day I'm deep into red and impulsive behaviour (as I feel there's still karma to resolve there) and the next day I switch to a more holistic perception. Like from day to night, my 'mind' changes too.

this doesn't affect me as a person, because I'm just enjoying this ride. I dont want this experience to be filled with fear and dark intentions. I guess I haven't gotten past the morality. I know morality doesnt exist. For me it just exists as a thought, but this thought affects my emotional body. Even though I'm above it, as a third-perspective-awareness.. this is not what I wanna see in my own movie

I might be spiritually unhinged, and thats what scares the sh*t out of me. Its not a fear connected to my identity or survival. More like a bothersome experience in my field of consciousness.

i'm so grateful for what I've reached, but it feels like I have many untied knots in me. Perhaps I developed spiritually too pre-maturely. There's one side of me who's viewing all of this freakshow soup, and a part of me that's been left behind in the gutter which I can't seem to disconnect from.

 

Please, I need spiritual guidance, cus' my self-identity or whatever's left from it is crumbling. I barely believe my parents are my parents. And this is unwillingly

blissful in one way - dark af in another

 

..and still I turned it into a long-ass post. Lol

Edited November 25, 2024 by QandC

[Princess Arabia]

19 minutes ago, QandC said:

I dont wanna make this into a long-ass post like my previous ones.

 

19 minutes ago, QandC said:

.and still I turned it into a long-ass post

No one there making that decision. The decision is being made. 

22 minutes ago, QandC said:

I dont want this experience to be filled with fear and dark intentions.

Problem is, you keep focusing on what you don't want. That's why you keep getting and doing what you don't want.

[QandC]

12 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

 

No one there making that decision. The decision is being made. 

Problem is, you keep focusing on what you don't want. That's why you keep getting and doing what you don't want.

Yeah true

but it seems I'm not in control of it. It literally feels like I'm not the one typing these words. It's like trying to penetrate my past morality through my 'new perception'

 

this is really difficult to express through words. I just hope there's someone out there who can understand what I mean in terms of emotions

[Sugarcoat]

I don’t know what to write to you in terms of helping but I can share that I’m struggling too with a severe disconnect from myself, almost like I barely exist . 

[Shrek_Of_Justice]

I feel like, there are times in life where you can simply not change your situation, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't know what your situations are, but I assume they are bad, and that that is what causing you to experience this dread and disconnection.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is come up with an idea on how to change your situations and then do that. And until then, try to minimize your own suffering and take good care of yourself.

[Ishanga]

13 minutes ago, QandC said:

Yeah true

but it seems I'm not in control of it. It literally feels like I'm not the one typing these words. It's like trying to penetrate my past morality through my 'new perception'

 

this is really difficult to express through words. I just hope there's someone out there who can understand what I mean in terms of emotions

Don't fall into the trap of "I am not the one typing these words" or there is no one making decisions and things of that nature..

To be Human means You have the most ability to be in control of the only thing that matters, that is how You are Experiencing Life right now, so now You have noticed some suffering appearing, its probably unconscious things becoming Conscious, this is good in a way.. To be on the Spiritual Path means Life is going to be on fast forward, your going to burn thru Your Karma more quickly than others because You want to be Free from it all within this life span, not many.. So things will start to come up, that may some how disturb You, that's okay, Accept it all, knowing and unknowing, as this is what is happening, it was inevitable that it happened, if You dwell on it and suffering arises from it, more Karma is being developed and needs to be dealt with.

The safest path is the Bliss Path, in Bliss You don't care about what is unconscious to You coming up in Your Consciousness, Your Blissed Out naturally.. So work on that, get Peaceful of Your own nature first, Accept what is, Live Now, Respond to Now Consciously, do some Energy Work, Kriya work, get the Energies working in the right direction and  more in Your Awareness, this will bring Peace to You naturally, then it smooths things out, Your at Ease Naturally, then Life opens up and You can handle it easy..

Edited November 25, 2024 by Ishanga

[QandC]

2 hours ago, Ishanga said:

Don't fall into the trap of "I am not the one typing these words" or there is no one making decisions and things of that nature..

To be Human means You have the most ability to be in control of the only thing that matters, that is how You are Experiencing Life right now, so now You have noticed some suffering appearing, its probably unconscious things becoming Conscious, this is good in a way.. To be on the Spiritual Path means Life is going to be on fast forward, your going to burn thru Your Karma more quickly than others because You want to be Free from it all within this life span, not many.. So things will start to come up, that may some how disturb You, that's okay, Accept it all, knowing and unknowing, as this is what is happening, it was inevitable that it happened, if You dwell on it and suffering arises from it, more Karma is being developed and needs to be dealt with.

The safest path is the Bliss Path, in Bliss You don't care about what is unconscious to You coming up in Your Consciousness, Your Blissed Out naturally.. So work on that, get Peaceful of Your own nature first, Accept what is, Live Now, Respond to Now Consciously, do some Energy Work, Kriya work, get the Energies working in the right direction and  more in Your Awareness, this will bring Peace to You naturally, then it smooths things out, Your at Ease Naturally, then Life opens up and You can handle it easy..

I'm not making this up as a belief. This is seriously how I experience reality

what'd u think; this was some soft-core acceptance to reality equals bliss equals Knowing

no fucking way. Truth is all the gruesome shit in acceptance. Its almost like I wanna puke cus' of my acceptance to unconvential ways 🤮

@Leo Gura pls help me

[Breakingthewall]

The more openness there is in my mind, the more discipline settles in my life. It is a natural process, not intentional. I don't know if in your case this will be useful or not, for me the more connected I am with myself, the more intolerable are stupid, addictive, meaningless behaviors, and the tendency is towards efficiency, order, self-control, cleanliness in behavior, and this brings balance

[Ishanga]

25 minutes ago, QandC said:

I'm not making this up as a belief. This is seriously how I experience reality

what'd u think; this was some soft-core acceptance to reality equals bliss equals Knowing

no fucking way. Truth is all the gruesome shit in acceptance. Its almost like I wanna puke cus' of my acceptance to unconvential ways 🤮

@Leo Gura pls help me

I don't think I meant to imply that You are making this up, You asked for suggestions, I just gave You some...Acceptance is just a starting point, it is resistance to what is that causes lots of stress and stops all progress on the spiritual path imo...

[Eph75]

@QandC

Can you speak more to the discrepancy you experience between that red and impulsive and the holistic perception? 

What's there when you "go red" and how is that contradictory to the holistic perception?

If you're able to see it, is there some meaning within that "red"? 

What are the implications of the emotional body?

[James123]

@QandC do not what about yourself? Can you be sure that the one who saying and believing these sentences are real?

Spirituality is being in love, death, birth, life, what happens being in love. Therefore, no personal expectation can be there.

[Leo Gura]

@QandC Sounds like you lack groundedness.

I suggest you focus on earthly work and building discipline at work. This will ground you.

It is hard to help you because your articulation of your issue is so vague. Do you have mental illness? Or is it something else? It's hard to know because there is not enough information.

Try to be more clear and specific about what your issue is and what you need help with.

Edited November 25, 2024 by Leo Gura

[QandC]

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@QandC Sounds like you lack groundedness.

I suggest you focus on earthly work and building discipline at work. This will ground you.

It is hard to help you because your articulation of your issue is so vague. Do you have mental illness? Or is it something else? It's hard to know because there is not enough information.

Try to be more clear and specific about what your issue is and what you need help with.

wow.. 'mental illness'.

So if someone else says they experienced God it's more valid?

I AM God. I am you. I'm writing your fckn words right now

if this i'm spiritually unhinged please tell me. I'm inbetween being You and being lost in the soup of consciousness.

if there ain't anyone who can give compassion/relate, I suppose you all haven't experienced the dark night of the soul.

please.. if there's anyone out there who truly understand what I mean; please seek out

[QandC]

50 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@QandC Sounds like you lack groundedness.

I suggest you focus on earthly work and building discipline at work. This will ground you.

It is hard to help you because your articulation of your issue is so vague. Do you have mental illness? Or is it something else? It's hard to know because there is not enough information.

Try to be more clear and specific about what your issue is and what you need help with.

I've been through the 'earthly work' believe me. Try living on the streets for a couple of days and you will have a more clear perspective of what 'earthly' means

i'm so sick and tired of 'spiritual' people who haven't experienced the greatest of suffering. I might be wrong but my understanding of consciousness as a dim-light of going from light to dark, is a total reality for me.
I am just reaching for someone who might be going through a similar spiritual struggle. I don't wanna hear your BS about being in the moment and all of that. I spent 1 year in a Korean temple meditating and getting my back whipped every day; so let's not make sure your reply have some moral 'upper' ground

 

try living on the streets for 10 days. Then get back to me and tell me about 'Trump' and 'Spirituality'

Understanding = Being

if u haven't been it - u don't know it. And I dont give af. about what position you might have in this social hierarchy pyramide. You told me to question You and all of this, so now I do! @Leo Gura

Edited November 25, 2024 by QandC

[Princess Arabia]

3 minutes ago, QandC said:

wow.. 'mental illness'.

So if someone else says they experienced God it's more valid?

I AM God. I am you. I'm writing your fckn words right now

if this i'm spiritually unhinged please tell me. I'm inbetween being You and being lost in the soup of consciousness.

if there ain't anyone who can give compassion/relate, I suppose you all haven't experienced the dark night of the soul.

please.. if there's anyone out there who truly understand what I mean; please seek out

Try to leave the narratives behind. What you want and don't want, that is. All your ideas about what you think should or shouldn't be happening, etc. Seems like your ego is fighting back. It doesn't want to let go. It's pulling you back into the illusive nature of it's existence and because it's appears to be so deeply embedded, it feels kind of unstable. Try to see it from a distance. Acknowledge it's existence, even though it's not really there. The "me" is probably falling away naturally (not sure), but it's energetic. Imagine a roller coaster ride. Can't get off. You can only use the mind to calm yourself or scream off the top of your lungs. Either way, there's nothing to really do, but to be aware of what's happening without trying to do anything about it, in the sense of changing it, I mean. Give it space to fall away and not put any meaning to it. Saying dark night of the soul, is strengthening it, and now the mind believes it has to fix some dark night of the soul entity. 

What has helped me is to not put too much narratives on what I'm aware of. To allow for the cravings and changes to appear naturally, feed it and show it some love. Talk to it. Tell yourself everything will be alright and it's only temporary and moving through. Try to eliminate junk food and don't watch scary stuff or very violent things or the news. 

I'm not sure this will resonate, but it's the best I can do as I hear your cry for help and what came to me as I read your post.

[Leo Gura]

@QandC Again, it is unclear to us what your issue is. Try articulating it more precisely.

Edited November 25, 2024 by Leo Gura

[QandC]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@QandC Again, it is unclear to us what your issue is. Try articulating it more precisely.

I guess my biggest issue is defining my problem. Let's just ignore this thread.

[Davino]

A few days ago I asked a yogi (Swami Satyananda Saraswati) about a similar issue. He told me something I already knew but the way he said it, clicked instantly:

Quote

Being grounded is of utmost importance. Allow for integration.

If you are Awakening much more than what you can swallow

Reduce your sadhana

Till a balance is found

 

Edited November 25, 2024 by Davino

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, QandC said:

I guess my biggest issue is defining my problem. Let's just ignore this thread.

No. Sit down and articulate your problem.

[lostingenosmaze]

@QandC How about you describe your day-to-day or a particular event that bothered you recently, for example? And don't describe it in vague sweeping statements or tangents ("My day has been shitty" "Maybe this has something to do with this one thing in my childhood..."), state your day as if you're a novelist drafting their book. Make it a cohesive chapter that's specific and chronologically structured.