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I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but I notice that when I get sick my consciousness paradoxically increases. I’m talking about a common cold by the way, not serious sickness. This is interesting because you would expect consciousness to go down, but what I find is that you get closer to the “bare existence” experience when you’re sick. Since you can’t do the things you normally would do, it’s like a small reset button for your life, and you get a chance to really reflect. Also, you get closer to a samadhi “nothingness” experience (which I suspect is what death is like). Bernardo Kastrup actually argues for something similar to this point. He says that mystical experiences were more common in the past because it was harder to survive, so it was more common to have sickness or injury as a part of normal life. Just like how psychedelics correspond to low brain activity, mystical experiences could correspond to low brain activity as a result of sickness or, in the extreme, near death experiences. I’m not sure Kastrup is completely correct about people in the past having more mystical experiences, but he’s definitely onto something. Have you noticed the same trend of more sickness, more consciousness? If not, try tracking when you get sick over the next year and find out what the trend is. I’m interested to hear your opinions!

Deep sleep and death are the same nothingness. Awakening or waking up from the nothingness means you never actually die or sleep, because you are able to always awaken from the nothingness. You can know you are awake. But you cannot know you are asleep or dead. You can only awaken from death and sleep in awake conscious state, upon awakening. You can only be aware of being aware. As Awareness you can’t disappear in sleep or death, if you could you wouldn’t be able to wake up from sleep or death. You wake up because awareness can’t die or sleep or disappear. Awareness is always here and never not here. Awareness can never know its not here, it can only know its here. And here it is, it’s you.

Some insights from contemplating: There is a spectrum for all the possible sets of mental disorders and illness. Mental Disorders is a blanket terminology that generalizes any particular kind, combinations and rate of all the different kinds of mental stability. By definition, a mental disorder, characteristic traits, or a mental illness can be caused by basically two factors: genetics, and a very underdeveloped psychology/ ego development. It can be triggered by trauma as a way of coping with the parts of yourself that were fragmented as a defense mechanism. There are very different kinds of ways an ego can fracture especially during critical stages and phases of a person's development, like infancy -toddler-child-teen-adult. If you look into the development and state of consciousness of someone with borderline personality disorder, they experience a strong fear and reaction to any form of abandonment, they have a fragile sense of self, a. Lack of self reflection and they experience emotions as whole realities. There is no sense of object permanence. Study the psychology of various mental illness from experts in the field like Dr ramani durvasula PhD, lise labanc, especially in the context of relationships. Also someone with narcissism, BPD don't have a solid sense of self which if you get a hit on it, is quite sad. Because they don't experience a stable sense of self like you possibly do, it's not nothingness like the void of enlightenment, it's a nothing where there should have been a a stable healthy ego that gets solidified during the critical points throughout a babies life, but for some reason it got stuck before a healthy secure ego can form.

7 Handshakes with 5-MeO-DMT June 3rd 2025 - June 12th 2025 Table of Contents: 5-MEO-DMT Failed Attempts 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0001 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0002 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0003 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0004 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0005 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0006 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0007 5-MEO-DMT Failed Attempts: 5-MEO-DMT Attempt 1 0001 - Dose is way Too Low My Scoop is the small end of the yellow double scoop. (Pictured: The microscoops) Date: August 4th 2023 2:31 plugged half scoop at 6mm mark. Felt nothing of note. 3:10 plugged 1 scoop at 5mm mark and stood up immediately. Felt nothing of note 3:37 pm snorted half a scoop 7 minutes in: Feeling tingling in my nasal cavity as I sit here with my head upside down for the first 10 minutes. I felt the burning in the back of my throat as I felt the substance leaking back there lol 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0001 Date: June 3rd 2025 Context: In Ireland with my fellow Actualized.org enjoyer friend. We have no Microscoops or anything of that sort. Just a pair of eyeballs. So we just put a couple grains in an oil burner pipe, and used a normal lighter, and off to the races we go. It's pretty ironic that the most powerful substances are the hardest to measure. In the future, I will invest in an e-mesh setup, and use microscoops. Right now in the current scenario I find myself in, this is not accessible. As expected, shortly after taking a hit for the pipe, within a minute you are fully skyrocketed into the state of consciousness of the dose you just took. This psychedelic experience is not beginner material. The set and setting was indoors sitting on the floor wrapped in blankets, sitting cross-legged. I have my trip sitter directly sitting in front of me where we hold hands and maintain eye contact and have verbal affirmations of love of God to aid in grounding. HIT 1 The come up was gnarly. I just had a few grains, but overall it was very well handled. Due to my already established experience with other psychedelics, I was able to “hold on” and not reject the experience. However, how deep it went with just a couple grains was completely unexpected, but I hung in there nonetheless. I'm glad I just did a few grains! I had vibrations in my hands and I made a comment around the emphasis of how stable I was 5 minutes later. I had a little bit of tactile enhancement, feeling in my hands, increased body awareness. I tried to take a look at my hands to see if there's anything extremely noticeable in these different states of consciousness, but nothing that I could penetrate right there, the dose is too low for anything obvious to be revealed to me. ((( For Context... Personally, the attitude that I take with psychedelics now is that things will reveal themselves with a proper high enough dose and with the proper focusing of your consciousness. For example, when I became conscious for the first time that I have no head when I was on mushrooms, it was just obvious, I was focusing on "what is actuality", and I realized that there was no physical head present. Or when I was on another trip of mushrooms and how everything around me was revealed to be made out of nothing. Nothing IS going on. This became completely obvious. The room felt holographic. Or another time when I was tripping on 6.5 grams of mushrooms, and the fact that I was the only experiencer in reality became completely obvious. With all of this in mind, I am assuming that what is to be revealed to me on 5-MeO-DMT will just become obvious and apparent. In my experience, the best insights come from just having a good contemplation practice sober, and then letting that sober contemplation inform your direct experience in these Peak States Of Consciousness when you're on a psychedelic, paying attention to the truth of direct experience. I have yet to use LSD-like substances and just practice long bouts of contemplation on a continual basis. I’ve done this with LSD Trip 002 and LSD Trip 004, and it was powerful. At this moment of my life, my contemplation muscle is relatively weak to where I need it to be. So I don't try to force any insights, they just come when they do. I just go through the motions of contemplation and pay attention to the actuality of direct experience, and see what comes up. Now with these initial doses, I'm pretty much just trying to get used to doing the substance. With experience, I will be able to integrate much more contemplative thought or intentions into my trips but I think just getting myself to that higher state of consciousness is above all, the most important. The studies and contemplations that I've done sober will ultimately feed into those heightened states. I noticed after just reading through parts of the book “God is Nothingness”, nothingness was immediately more understandable and accessible. So likewise, I gotta study more into the Nature of Consciousness. I've gotta crack Leo’s book list wide open and read the crap out of it! End of Context...))) It was an intense come up like a ton of bricks. Like a Tsunami that hits you before you understand what's going on. The most important thing that will ground you through this experience is focusing on love. This is my experience so far. I would rate this an overall come up intensity 7 out of 10. This psychedelic will immediately demand your seriousness. It slapped away any hint of jokiness or tomfoolery attitude out of my consciousness. This was the real deal, this is serious work. I understand now why shamans are so serious with the song and dance that they do. Although I believe it largely to be unnecessary to have all the rituals, I understand why it is done with the utmost seriousness. The song and dance is just a medium through to practice an attitude of seriousness and devotion to set the tone for the psychedelic. At the end of the day, it's how your state of consciousness IS, going INTO the 5-MeO-DMT trip, and your level of readiness. I can understand now, how you have to want God deeply with your entire heart; coming from a place of intense yearning and wanting to know God like a man whose head is on fire wants a pool of water. This level of desire for God will be the bridge to let go of yourself and to endure your fear, to really lean into the experience to cross over into a proper ego death, and breakthrough. HIT 2 I took a second hit about an hour later, it was much easier, more stable, most likely also because I was playing a song that I deeply connected with emotionally and I think that becomes an anchor throughout the experience. HIT 3 20 minutes later I hit the pipe a third time, and it was really easy, very stable, and I'm starting to get increasingly comfortable with the unique state of consciousness. And now I have noticed a really bad taste in my mouth from the substance probably being burnt a little bit. HIT 4 23 minutes later I hit the pipe for a fourth time, it was a slightly bigger dose, but it was handled seamlessly. It was very stable and I just had silence this time, I was very relaxed and calibrated. I can see how you can lose yourself completely, you're just gone, and you just completely dissolve. I've realized doing NSDR before a 5meo hit could help significantly because it relaxes the nervous system End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0002 Date: June 4th 2025 Dose: Unknown. 1-5mg Smoked. Hit 1: Biggest hit so far. Had to swat away the mind like flies. Thoughts about backing out have no good use here at all. That trip was tough. I was zoned in for a solid 9-10 minutes. You need to weep to receive God. You need to want God from a place of deep sadness. Sadness is divine. There is something powerful in Sadness. God's eternal love is patient. Love = Surrender Love = Death Death = God = Selflessness I have a slightly heightened access to accessing the beauty of God in direct experience, and the love that comes from a state of selflessness. When you shut off your own thoughts that come from self-interest, you become much more understanding of others' need for love and you become a vessel of love. You lean into someone's jokes the more you love them. You can feel the polarity of positive and negative in your words and in your tone of voice. What is God's love? Hit 2: about 50 minutes later: Felt half as strong Hit 3: 5-7 minutes later Not much to write home about, still not as strong I experienced a lot of brain fatigue later. I can definitely see the value of plugging 5-MeO-DMT. To get that prolonged experience in that peak state of consciousness, to really soak in what is obvious in that state of consciousness. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0003 Date: June 8th 2025 Just in the preparation of 5-MeO-DMT, I am noticing all of the ways I am a devil with my judgement. I have to cultivate an environment of love to create a proper set and setting for these trips. This session I took several hits, starting with a very tiny bit, and then just taking hits subsequently, until probably about four to six hits in total. With some inhales more successful than others. Nothing experienced here knocked my socks off, like in the last session. But I had a positive encounter with an easy light caress into the 5-MeO-DMT space. The ego prevents you from being serious. That's its job to distract you from this work. Selflessness = Intelligence Death, ego death gets recontextualized into dissolving into love. I look forward to the exhaustion of dying to God. The previous days I've noticed significant more stress being held in my body with acne forming on my face, neck and my shoulders especially on my back. I also had all the stress and fear get channeled into my hip flexors which artificially tightened them significantly to the point of inability to rotate my right leg outward. So my body was experiencing LOADS of fear. After today's session my hip mobility was significantly restored because my body was finally able to relax. Today was another session of experience to get comfortable with 5MEO. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0004 Date: June 9th 2025 Contemplations from earlier… All your problems in relationships dissolve when you own other people as part of Self. Because it IS you. There are no others. The realization of no others helps you own other people as part of your complete identity. Smoked freebase. During/After the trip… The mind ceasing is not death. Fear is part of what you are. And you must own it. Say a prayer of love with your mind as you inhale the pipe. Contemplate WHAT death is. Death appears to be the dissolution of the mind. And the mind is what the Ego appears to be. What you identify with is the ego-mind. So when the mind dissolves, you think you're dying. But that's just the ego-mind dissolving. Smoke the full intended amount on the first go. That is leaning into the intention. And into the fear. If you're taking 5-MeO-DMT, it appears that the best is to front your desired dose right away. Rather than smoking a little bit, then going for a bigger hit right after. For me just one hit is enough. I'd feel too fried otherwise. Last trip I was fried from taking more than one dose. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0005 Date: June 10th 2025 Time: 5:36pm 1 hit. Very manageable Tears roll down my eyes as I enjoy connecting with the Death of my dog. I imagine the connection felt with my mom holding the hand of someone in hospice dying. Holding eye contact. The sadness of the death of someone you love appears to be an anchor while you get eviscerated on 5-MeO-DMT. Focus on the death of someone you know of when you die on a psychedelic yourself. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0006 Date: June 11th 2025 Smoked. Good Solid Dose. I see that one must pass the threshold and lose your mind into bliss. My courage and trust in you God will lead me through all fear. I recognized that my trip sitter was not serious as I needed them to be, so he was very distracting. He got cocky with it. I'd rather of had tripped alone. End of Report. 5-MeO-DMT Trip 0007 Date: June 12th 2025 Smoked. Easy dose. I need to have a much better dosing method for sure. End of Report. Next time I use 5-MeO-DMT, I want a much more controlled dose and measured dose. I also have thoughts around upping the dose significantly to create a sure-fire breakthrough. I think dosing too low poses its own risk, dosing high enough where your ego gets laser-blasted to smithereens appears to be useful here. Where the psychedelic just throws you off the cliff...

Nothing, no thing, not a thing. You are nothing. As nothing: nothing can say "my nothing" Nothing is not contained within the body-mind complex. You cannot draw a boundary around it and say, “This nothing belongs to me” “and the other person’s nothing starts where mine ends.” Nothing is undivided and universal. It does not belong to any one individual. It is the same nothing that appears to illuminate all minds and bodies, yet remains itself untouched and unowned. I fail to understand how nothingness can feel frightening when even nothing is something, just as nowhere is still somewhere in this mental conception. Nothing is just another word for YOU, or, Infinity, or, Pure awareness without an object. Seriously, there is not two infinities, or three, or four. There’s simply one, and that’s all you are. It’s so unbelievably pure and innocent. No mind will ever be able to fully comprehend nothingness because the minds job is to construct, to make something out of nothing, and can only identify with what it comprehends, never with what it cannot comprehend. Illusions have nothing else to relate to, but themselves.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #74 Thu April 16 - 11:03 AM Continued... Higher self: To let go is to dissolve into Nothingness, to embrace Nothingness precisely because it is Truth. And you are a Truth seeker, correct? Lower self: Yes, I am a Truth seeker. I want to uncover the Truth of reality and the Universe, more than anything. But at the same time, do I really? Do I really want the truth or do I just say that I want the Truth? There is a big difference between the two. Higher self: Do you ever avoid hearing the Truth in your life? Lower self: Oh yeah all the time. Higher self: Okay, give me a few examples. Lower self: I liked this girl but I didn't want to tell her I liked her because I was afraid that she wouldn't like me back. In this way, I was afraid of the truth in which she doesn't feel the same feelings towards me. If I keep it inside, I won't have to deal with the Truth and therefore the disappointment, I thought to myself. Higher self: Okay, good, is there anywhere else in your life in which you are avoiding or have avoided the truth? Lower self: But how do I even know what's true? In both a relative sense and an absolute sense. Higher self: Let's start with relative.. why do you say that your name is Ben? Lower self: Because that is the name that's on my birth certificate, that is what my parents and family and friends and co workers and students call me. That is the name I would write down on a check and it is the name on my driver's license. Higher self: Okay, would you agree that this is a relative truth? And do you see how it is NOT an absolute truth? Lower self: It is a relative truth simply because we as human beings have agreed that this is true. Same thing with the fact that the planet orbits the sun, a bunch of scientists came together and agreed upon it. Is this actually true without a doubt, I don't know... But we here on Earth all agreed upon it and now we hold it as true. But what makes this a relative truth and not an absolute truth? Higher self: An Absolute Truth is something that cannot be refuted. Someone can refute the statement the earth is a sphere. What is a sphere anyways? And maybe the earth is a cylinder or a square.. who's to say... And you sure as heck don't know that for certain, have you seen this planet from outer space... I'll answer that for you .. no you have not. Lower self: Okay, sure but you're making it seem like there is no such thing as an Absolute Truth. Why can't that be a possibility?

Disillusionment is real. Warning: Wall of text incoming https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/103717-who-loves-post-modernism-new-video/?page=5 I thought it would be relevant to re-post something I shared some years ago on the topic " What I do know is that when I grasped the true nature of Meaning, Value and Purpose, I fell into a Dark Night of the Soul of pure relativism for a good 2-3 years in my early 20s before trascending it This relativism stuff is no joke. It can seriously destabilize your mind, your life and your identity. I have a lot of empathy for why people have a knee-jerk reaction against it. What if your life is a house of cards that can crumble with a little shaking of your fundations?" "When I first realized the true nature of meaning, value, and purpose, it felt as if the very foundation of my reality had collapsed. Meditation already had begun this process, but your video on understanding these concepts burst my bubble in an aggressive and blunt way. Something which was definitely not the right time for or something that I was looking for at that moment, but I already was aware that curiosity kills the cat when I went down that rabbithole. It was as if knocking over the first domino led to the rapid, uncontrollable, unstoppable collapse of my entire conceptual framework of reality. Once I realized that certain things were mere social, cultural, linguistic or human constructs, it didn’t take long for me to question EVERYTHING ELSE in my life or that I was capable of thinking of, leaving me with a profound sense of absolute groundlessness, and a freedom SO VAST that it was ABSOLUTELY TERRYFING. One of the most insidious aspects of this relativism was how my ego hijacked it for self-serving purposes. When nothing holds inherent meaning, the ego can rationalize any behavior, no matter how destructive or self-defeating. I found myself trapped in this mindset, using relativism to justify my fears, addictions, and self-destructive habits. Even though I knew, on some level, that judgments, rejection, and failure "shouldn't matter," I remained paralyzed by these fears. The ego thrived on the infinite double standards relativism allowed, twisting logic to maintain its grip. I would rationalize that personal development was pointless, meaningless, and biased, making no sense to pursue. Growing up, I was deeply absorbed in video games. 10+ years of WoW. 5 years of LoL , besides of dozens of other videogames. The stories, quests, currencies, characters, competition, victories, defeats within those games were incredibly real to me, not just pixels on a screen. They provided real sense of progress, purpose and achievement. Realizing that these experiences were mere constructions was painful. It shattered the illusion I had built around them and took away a lot of enjoyment and escapism. Some realizations like that my parents gave me my name, and that it could have been anything else, as of today seems so obvious and a surface level insight, but it's actually not obvious. I bet more than 3/4 of the human population is not aware of that and truly belives their name is real and belongs to them. I realized that things don't have names, that we create them with arbitrary sounds and symbols and concepts, and that different things are called different ways in different languages, and we just use this system for comunication. It's not truth. I realized that morality, ethics, manners , good or bad are relative, that the law is groundless and relative ( and why it exists ) , that possessions aren't real but social and mental constructs, that countries don't exist, money is a construct, that time is subjective and age doesn't really exist. These realizations only worsened my sense of confusion and disorientation at the time. I was 21 years old and had just started living on my own for the first time, fresh out of school. The world of meanings that had defined my life—exams, grades and worrying about what my classmates thought of me—crumbled away. Academia and the sense of safety it provided revealed themselves to be nothing more than a game and an illusion. The importance I had placed on these things disintegrated, leaving me feeling utterly groundless and foolish, like I had wasted all that time. As this process unfolded, I came to a realization that no matter what happens, everything is "absolutely okay." This insight led me to stop inhibiting my impulses, which inevitably pulled me toward distractions, addictions, and comfort. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months as time flew by, and I found myself increasingly detached from any sense of purpose or direction. I stopped judging and moralizing my actions, instead choosing to simply observe whatever I was doing and go with it. This approach dissolved much of the internal resistance I once felt and allowed me to sink deeper into the present moment, for better or worse, which ended up just leading me to seek out comfort and pleasure while avoiding discomfort and pain. For weeks, I would lie in bed, utterly unmotivated and aimless. The female attention and aprooval I once craved stopped being meaningful. I convinced myself that day and night didn’t truly exist, so there was no reason to wake up at any specific time. I saw no point in maintaining basic hygiene or even wearing clothes the "right" way. I would go to the supermarket unshowered, wearing dirty clothes, messy hair and shirts backwards and inside out , rationalizing that there was no right or wrong way to dress. When I had a part time job at a restaurant, I remember letting some customers walk away without paying because in my mind it didn't matter. My sense of self-importance crumbled as well. I realized I was no more significant than a fly or a cockroach, and this realization left me feeling profoundly insignificant and purposeless. Even ending my own life literally didn't make sense, something I never considered seriously. This extreme relativism led me to a state of profound laziness but also access to unconditional happiness. I found that I could lie in bed for months, feeling ecstatic, almost like what I imagine being high on heroin is like, without needing to do anything to achieve this happiness. This was an absolute ambition killer. The sense of meaninglessness was so deeply embedded in my mind that any attempt to take action felt like a distraction, causing emotional resistance. It was as if taking any step away from doing nothing would shatter the fragile peace I had found in this state of inaction. I didn't know who or what I was anymore. I realized that identity, what you yourself identify as, is absolutely groundless and are just meaningless or self-constructed labels. The one thing that didn't crumble was my sexuality. I considered that if absolute relativity is true then everyone is in actuality pansexuaI. But in practice I was just not attracted to men. Period. I didn't need identify as a man , adult or human for the validity truthfulness of my feelings of attraction and preference to whatever I perceived as an attractive female. This shift also marked a clear and sharp transition from analytical thinking to a primarily intuitive approach to life. Intuition gradually became my core mode of operation, guiding my decisions and shaping my reality. I began to connect with and respect my emotions in a way I hadn’t before. Emotions became central to my experience, driving my choices and dictating how I engaged with the world. At that time, this intuitive, emotion-driven way of living was deeply ingrained in me, and emotions, feelings, and intuition were the only ground I could rely on. The descent into relativism also isolated me from others, as I saw them as characters in a game - NPCs, unaware of the constructed nature of their realities. It was a lonely existence, like living in a "Truman Show" where everyone else was oblivious to the truth. Every person I encountered was locked into their own paradigm of understanding the world, unconscious of the constructed nature of their reality. No one would understand me. I couldn't relate to anyone and actually people would judge me and reject me for thinking or talking in these ways. People said I was depressed, when actually I felt more sane than them but confused. This descent into nihilism and relativism eventually pushed me toward "mysticism". As I understood the nature of meaning, language, and concepts, I also deeply understood I didn’t know what anything was anymore; I faced deep not-knowing. I intuitively began practicing "neti neti" meditation and "actuality meditation," which led to temporary heightened states of consciousness and experiences of non-symbolic awareness. These practices helped me trascend the conceptual limits of the mind and connect with a reality beyond words, thoughts and even perception, leading to things like seeing the ox' tail with what I think is a samaddhi experience ( this entire " perception bubble" is made out of the" same stuff" , even "me", the observer, is made out of the same " stuff ") , the insight that thoughts literally APPEAR INTO EXISTENCE from pure nothingness in the most direct way possible, and later some accidental astral projection. I also realized that non-duallity is so non dual it entails duallity, which just mindf*cked me again, and that I was engaging in spiritual bypasing. Eventually, though the pass of time, the school of hard knocks, awareness , trial and error and tremendous amounts of confusion and needless suffering, , I began to see that while all things might be meaningless, there is a universal law of cause and effect. Both cause and effect are meaningless in themselves, but they have real consequences nevertheless, and I personally have real preferences toward certain consequences over others. To deny that would be self-deception. It's obvious but it did not make sense for so long. For instance, I would rather be free than in jail. This is a child-mind level insight I had to re-learn. I realized that being bummed out by meaninglesness is a mental fallacy. Meaninglesness is meaninglessness, not negative. These realizations helped me begin to rebuild my life by recognizing that life itself operates with a deeper intelligence that transcends these constructs, with inherent logic and rules that we discover through trial and error and direct experience. I realized that relativism doesn’t hold up in the practical world; it’s only a limitation of the mind, logic, conceptual frameworks, and language. Being locked in this experience and perspective of being · an alive human being · comes with specific biases and preferences. Something obvious but aparently, not so obvious. This going full cirlcle understanding allowed me to see the limits of Relativism and Nihilism : They overlook nature's nature." - - - I'm 28 right now and that experience still affects my day to day every single day.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #73 Tue April 14 - 10:35 AM Lower self: Higher self, who am I? Higher self: You are God, you are the eternal being that is an infinite shape shifter, you are beyond time and space, you are eternal, you have no name, you have no self, you are Nothingness. Lower self: But I can't experience this. Higher self: Why not? Lower self: Because I am Ben. I am a human being that experiences emotions and thought patterns and I love to dance and I have a family and friends. I certainly don't fee like God or an eternal being that is beyond time and space. How do you rectify that? Higher self: Those things are true in a relative sense, you are in a human body, this is correct, your name is Ben, this is correct, you have a family that raised you and loves you, this is also correct, you have friends that care about you, you have their contact information in your phone, you can text them whenever you want. But these are what we call relative truths, what we're focusing on are Absolute Truths. The Absolute Truth is that you are God. You are an eternal being. You are the One and Only Creator. And when I say You, I am talking about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. We are ALL One and the Same. And in that sense Ben is God but when we talk like this, it's not Ben anymore, we're in a realm that is beyond labels. This is the non-dual realm. Lower self: But how do I experience this? I believe you, trust me I really do. I can see that you are full of so much wisdom and what you're saying does make sense. But I feel like I'm down here on the ground and you are flying up their near Saturn. How do we bridge the gap? You need to come down to my level so that we can have a real conversation. Higher self: I will attempt to come down to your level. What do you want from me, my son? Lower self: I want the experience that you're talking about, I want to experience this non-dual realm, this realm of Nothingness. Without the experience, I have nothing to grasp. Higher self: Ahhhh.... But that is precisely the problem my dear, there is NOTHING to grasp. Let go of your wanting to grasp and hold onto things. Let go. Let it all go and you will find what you're looking for. Lower self: Okay... Understood... But how do I let go?

Wow this is cool "One possible way of envisioning the human passage is the following. We think of ourselves as originally emerging from the unknown, from darkness, nothingness or non-existence into the light of consciousness. But as consciousness develops we discover the increasing ability to see in the dark, see into the nothingness or mystery within ourselves and eventually realize that this darkness and nothingness is the divine from which we emerged and with which we are one. Thus we discover that our original darkness IS true light. Midway in this passage, divine light (darkness or unknowing) and the light of consciousness are in balance, with neither outshining the other. But as we move beyond this mid-point, divine light begins to outshine the light of consciousness until, in the end, the light of consciousness goes out and only divine light remains. From this vantage point we look back on the passage and see that although consciousness was the veil that dimmed the light, this dimming was necessary in order to make the human dimension possible. But if consciousness makes human existence possible, it is also not separate from the divine, nor does it completely hide it; on the contrary, consciousness or self is man’s faculty or medium for experiencing the divine — so long as it remains, that is [this is key]. Our passage through consciousness is the gradual return to the divine; we leave the divine unknowingly and in darkness, but we return knowingly and in light"

Yes. Even nowhere is still somewhere. Zero-Energy Universe Hypothesis: This theory proposes that the total amount of energy in the universe is zero, with positive matter energy exactly canceled by negative gravitational potential energy, suggesting that from nothing, everything (or "nothingness") can emerge.

I'm a beginner psychonaut, and despite not having tripped that many times, I've had the privilege of being able to access some absurd states of consciousness. I'm going to go over my two deepest trips so far, what I've derived from them, and some of my problems with this path and Actualized.org. In my previous trips on mushrooms, I got glimpses of god, oneness, timelessness, and the screen of consciousness, but they were never the full picture. When I took 4g of mushrooms soaked in lemon juice (lemon juice doubles the potency for me) I expected the trip to be significantly shortened, but it stayed just as long, maybe even longer than normal (like 8 hours) The onset was rapid, in full effect in 20 minutes. I get heavy body load on mushrooms, so I was pretty uncomfortable at this point. The visuals kicked in soon, and a beautiful mosaic rested behind my eyes. I had been reflecting on one of Leo's claims which is that psychedelics raise your level of consciousness. I'm still not sure if that is true, but I started to get the sense that my consciousness was elevated. Feelings of oneness emerged around this point, and I became aware of the screen of consciousness. I got up to walk around, and found extreme difficulty doing so. My physical perceptions were very distorted. If I turned my arm right, it felt as though it would twist into a pretzel. If I walked straight, it felt like i was walking diagonally. After this my bodily perceptions expanded. My physical body seemed to take up more space. My presence seemed to fill the whole basement. I felt very plant like. I felt like a lovecraftian monster. Most accurately I felt like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors, but larger. At this point there was no sense of being human. I still saw a human body, but all ideas of human-ness were gone. And what was left was a disturbing sense of nothingness. I also had an insight into infinity, but I think it was a sort of one dimensional look at it. I haven't quiet fully integrated this trip, even three months later, nor do I really think I can integrate it. My most intense trip was last night, which I finally broke through on DMT, and entered the "hyperspace" Before with DMT I had two issues. One was the intense body load it gave me, and the other was how irritating the smoke is on my lungs. I attempted to resolve this issue by getting a THC buzz before hand, and it solved both issues. I then weighed out 25mg, loaded it in my pipe, heated it, and six inhales later, I felt the body load (although not uncomfortable this time) and was getting slight behind the eye visuals (similar to ones I get on mushrooms) Then it struck me. The visuals became higher "resolution" and merged into my reality, and taking me out of it. I felt myself traveling through different spaces and in my mind was thinking "this can't be happening" I would be in a room, and then the visuals would change rapidly and I would be in a different room. Although I wasn't really in these rooms, I was the rooms. I didn't enter another reality, I became it. The shifting of rooms became more intense, and increasingly fluid, and mischievous. It was chaos, and destruction. I had the feeling that this aspect of consciousness wanted to destroy just as much as it wanted to create. It was the most surreal and euphoric experience I have ever had, yet the most terrifying. I snapped myself out of the hyperspace early. I could have stayed another minute or two, but it was too much. 30 seconds of being another dimension is enough. After exiting, I paced around my room. The only words I could think was "Holy shit. Holy shit. What the fuck." The weird thing about these experiences is not because of what they tell you, or what theories you come up with because of them, It's seeing the shapes the screen of consciousness can take, and how suspiciously easy it can take those shapes... Before when I saw Leo use "CONSCIOUSNESS" in all capitals, I thought he was being dramatic. But seeing the shapes that consciousness can take, this seems entirely appropriate. I also understand why "hyperspace" is the name of this place. It doesn't feel like a place, but one that connects all existing possible spaces. I'm incredible grateful that God keeps himself hidden from him. If God in its truest form is anything like where I went, I'm not ready for God. My goal is still God/Truth/Infinity/Love. Even if this is all horseshit, I will still pursue God. I can't imagine anything better to pursue. And despite not coming across much Truth, Infinity, or Love, I still have found this process incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Despite wanting nothing more than Truth, I still don't know if omniscience is possible. I've had feeling of knowledge, and transcendence, but how do I differentiate any of that from finite forms of knowledge? I hear lots about this state of knowing where "You just know." but how can you know that to not be self deception? I'm incredibly skeptical of my psychedelic experiences, and will not take what they tell me as Truth (but will still take them as hints) As of now, I know a few things: 1. Phenomena exists (I think therefore I am.) (I am) 2. Consciousness can morph into absurd shapes (and smoothly) 3. That I don't know. My baseline has raised significantly the past few months (I attribute that partially to mushrooms, but mostly to mediation and Kriya) I can retain much greater awareness of the screen of consciousness throughout the day. I can't recognize it as God currently. Really all that I have learned is that I know nothing. I knew that I knew nothing before. But I didn't know what nothing meant before, and I didn't know how much there was to not know about. What do yall think about this? How is true knowledge (Gnosis, omniscience, God consciousness) actually possible?

⚠️ Warning, only read if you are mentally stable ⚠️ I've done a psychedelic retreat, 8 trips back to back on a variety of substances (10+) in mid-heavy doses for two weeks. I was starting to get more conscious and infinite with each trip, reaching new levels of Awakening every time, it's shocking how deep you can go with psychedelic retreats, it seems you max out, only to breakthrough in the next session, I was blasting through every limit till this happened... So what I'm sharing is what I would have loved to know before hand. Most of the times the limit to your awakening is that you just can't get really there, you're not conscious enough, but as you keep on pushing you encounter harder and harder limts to break, what you will discover if you go hard enough, deep enough, long enough is a seemingly unsurpassable wall of FEAR. You'll be so fucking conscious that you may realize on the other side are the best realizations you could dream of, your whole life search, but that wall won't move an inch and will makes you recoil consumed by an incomprehensible fear. With some time for integration and contemplation, fear is designed to protect your 'self' hence imagine the fear you have of not burning your hand while cooking, multiplying it by a trillion for the destruction of all that you are and all that is, moreover fear makes you act in a flash and not to become contemplative, being one of the hardest hindrances to surpass in Awakening. I was haunted in particular by these 3 fears: 1. Death / Universal anhilation: I would die and everything would die with me, if I dared to take a step further and Awaken to the ultimate Reality of what I am, what God is and the ultimate Infinite singularity: my human self would totally die, I would never come back, the human life, all my dreams and aspirations, my family and friends, this universe, everything would vanish forever, like sand blown by the wind. It's not even that "other people" would find my dead body and cry over that, no no, it's even more radical than that, this whole dream, this whole fucking movie, would come to an end, I would resolve all of existence and become God in my Infinite Reality forever beyond any limitation. If any other particular dream would unfold, at all, was dubious, as I standed in the midst of an infinite consciousness singularity sucking me and all of Reality into oblivion. 2. Too much / Infinity A fear of too muchness, of overstimulation overflowing, of fuck it you've really gone tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo far this time. You've fucked it up, you cannot take it, it's impossible to fucking take, every part of your psyche cannot hold it, all safety limits in all dimensions are beeping like a nuclear bomb is going to explode. You've gone through these fears before, but never like this, never like this. After inspecting you realise that 'too much' is just a pseudo word for Infinity, what you truly fear is Infinity. 3. Insanity (totally losing your shit) Insanity, levels of insanity imagineable, levels of distortion, despersonalization, uncontrollable delirium, totally imagineable, no framework can hold your mind, you've lost memory, history, self, context, you only get context from two past frames behind you which dissolve into nothingness and no ground on the next frame but a chaotic flux of unrestricted consciousness, so fucking mad that you can't even call yourself mad, all personalities, all psyches, the whole of reality, an assilum, a delirant carnaval playing in your infinite mind tirelessly and absolutely awake. These fears are very strong and existential, I couldn't breakthrough them with more psychedelics but recoiled in fear again and again, the wall is still there and it needs time and understanding to integrate it with of course surrender and Love. These fears are here and will haunt you before your greatest Awakenings, beware!

How do you experience yourself? Human? Aiien? Nothingness? Awareness? How do you imagine reality? Dream? Movie? Normal Life? Physical? Ethereal? God's Mind?

@Someone hereThere is a hole in every human that makes them strive for something. When you see non existence that hole is filled and fomo is gone. Fomo is fear of God/ non existence. The hole isnt filled with nothingness.

Try it yourself. Do exactly what you’re asking: remove all your assumptions and beliefs. What is anything you can be sure you know? Try to remove everything. The only thing you will be left with is pure “is-ness.” This is now, therefore it is. This is in my direct experience, therefore it is. This “is-ness” is truth, or pure correspondence that things are just what they are, not some other way or with some filter, assumption, or perception added to them. Just A = A. This is what it is. It won’t have any thoughts or any further veil of perception. It really does feel like pure nothingness, or a vacuum of existence, just pure being.

The substance of everything is Nothing. The reason form appears the way it is right now is because that is currently what you are dreaming. However, the substance of the dream is ultimately Nothing. Consciousness is not a special kind of form and it doesn't sit between form and formlessness. Consciousness is Nothing. Consciousness is God's POV as it dreams up this current moment. God is, of course, Nothingness. Are you sure the body is a container for the "I"? Your Ego is simply a series of thoughts occurring in your Mind (which is located Nowhere) which have falsely taken ownership of God's POV and created an illusory identity. But the substance of thoughts is also Nothing.

@Leo GuraYou define God as Existence itself ..also Infinity ..Nothingness..Love..Absolute Truth. Ontological and metaphysical nihilism focus on the "Nothingness " aspect more . If you meant to say they are not wrong but just not holistic or missing other aspects then I do agree .

Below is full texts quotes from Chatgpt about ontological nihilism and metaphysical nihilism. If you think metaphysical solipsism is crazy then you ain't seen nothing lol. I actually totally agree with the entire text and I think it is also obvious and non-debatable. And it's fascinating also to note that this aligned perfectly with Buddhism's worldview . Starting with ontological nihilism : "Ontological nihilism is a philosophical view that denies the existence of any kind of objective reality or that there is no inherent "being" or "substance" that defines existence in the traditional sense. It's a subset of nihilism that focuses specifically on the nature of being and existence itself. Here’s a more detailed breakdown: Ontology refers to the branch of philosophy that deals with the study of being, existence, and the categories of being. It explores questions like "What exists?" and "What does it mean for something to exist?" Nihilism is the broader philosophical stance that life lacks inherent meaning, purpose, or value. Nihilism can apply to ethics, knowledge, and metaphysics. So, ontological nihilism takes nihilism a step further by claiming that nothing truly exists in a substantial or enduring sense. There might be phenomena, objects, or experiences, but they have no permanent or intrinsic being. According to ontological nihilists, all entities are either illusory, fleeting, or not truly "existent" in the way we typically understand existence. Key Points: No Objective Existence: There is no objective, independent reality. Everything that we perceive as "existing" is either a construct of our minds or transient in nature. Denial of Substances or Entities: There's no underlying "substance" or "thing" that grounds all existence. The things we think of as "real" may not have an essence or intrinsic nature. Influence of Other Nihilistic Ideas: Ontological nihilism often overlaps with metaphysical nihilism (the idea that there may be nothing in existence at all) and epistemological nihilism (the idea that knowledge is impossible or meaningless). Examples: A radical version of ontological nihilism might argue that the universe itself, and everything in it, lacks any true essence. Things only exist temporarily or relative to human perception, but no one or no thing truly "is" in any objective, substantial sense. Philosophers like Husserl and Heidegger (to some degree) explored similar themes, though their work wasn’t strictly ontological nihilism. They focused on the way we perceive and experience existence, questioning whether it could be reduced to nothingness or if it always depends on perception. In summary, ontological nihilism is the belief that existence itself, as we conceive it, is not grounded in anything fundamental or permanent." I totally agree with all of that. 100% accurate description of reality as is . Moving on to metaphysical nihilism: "Metaphysical nihilism is a philosophical position that suggests that nothing exists in the most fundamental sense of the term. Unlike other forms of nihilism, which focus on the meaning or value of life, metaphysical nihilism specifically challenges the idea of the existence of any kind of substance, entity, or object in the universe, or at least the possibility of everything that exists being nothing at some level. At its core, metaphysical nihilism proposes that there may be no objects or entities that persist through time or have an inherent existence. This doesn't necessarily mean that things don't exist in a superficial, practical sense (like trees, rocks, or people), but that the totality of existence could be void of any enduring or fundamental things. In extreme versions of metaphysical nihilism, this position even suggests that the universe might not exist at all, or that it could just be a contingent, temporary structure without any essential being. Key Features of Metaphysical Nihilism: Denial of Fundamental Existence: Metaphysical nihilism denies that there is any fundamental, enduring substance that everything else is grounded in. For example, it rejects the idea of some basic "stuff" (like matter or energy) that everything is made of. Contingency of Objects: It holds that all objects or entities in the universe might be contingent, meaning they could either not have existed at all or could cease to exist without any fundamental reason. Essentially, there is nothing that requires the existence of particular objects or the universe itself. The Possibility of "No Existence": In its extreme form, metaphysical nihilism suggests that there might be no entities, no objects, no universe—just complete nothingness. Some versions suggest that the universe could have come into existence by chance or that it might vanish into non-existence, and this could be equally likely or even inevitable. Denial of Ontology: Metaphysical nihilism is closely related to ontological nihilism, but with a specific focus on the non-existence of all entities or substances, rather than just the denial of a particular kind of existence (e.g., rejecting the existence of essential "beings"). Variants of Metaphysical Nihilism: Strong Metaphysical Nihilism: This version argues that there is a total lack of existence, meaning that nothing exists at all—there is no universe, no objects, and no things in any sense. This is an extremely radical stance, but it is taken seriously by some philosophers, particularly in relation to questions about the ultimate fate of the universe (e.g., could the universe "cease to be"?). Weak Metaphysical Nihilism: This version might argue that individual objects or entities do not have any necessary or essential existence, but it doesn’t necessarily deny that the universe as a whole could exist. For example, it might suggest that objects are only contingent (they could exist, but they don’t have to), and that even though things may exist now, they could just as easily not have existed at all. Existential Nihilism (Not to be Confused with Metaphysical Nihilism): While metaphysical nihilism concerns the very essence of existence, existential nihilism is often more concerned with the meaning or purpose of existence. It suggests that, even if existence is real, it lacks inherent meaning, purpose, or value. Philosophical Roots: Leibniz: The 17th-century philosopher Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz raised questions about why the universe is the way it is, suggesting that the existence of the universe might be contingent. He proposed that things could be different, and perhaps nothing at all might exist. David Hume: In his skepticism about causality and necessity, David Hume questioned whether there is any necessary connection in the world, which aligns with the ideas in metaphysical nihilism about the contingent nature of existence. Contemporary Philosophers: More recently, philosophers like Peter van Inwagen and David Lewis have examined the implications of metaphysical nihilism through debates about the possibility of a "quantum vacuum" or the nature of possible worlds, where they consider whether nothingness could be a genuine possibility. Example of the Position: A classic formulation of metaphysical nihilism is the "nothingness" argument: Imagine a possible world in which nothing exists—no physical objects, no events, no time, no space, just pure nothingness. Metaphysical nihilism entertains the possibility that our universe could, in fact, be a contingent state, and there could easily be a possible world where nothing exists at all. This view is not necessarily about denying the existence of particular things (like trees or mountains), but rather about suggesting that existence, in the most absolute sense, is not necessary. Criticism: Challenge of Possibility: One criticism of metaphysical nihilism is the question of how nothing could be considered a "possibility" at all. Some argue that we cannot meaningfully talk about "nothing" because even the concept of "nothing" seems to imply some kind of something. Logical and Conceptual Problems: There are also challenges to the coherence of metaphysical nihilism. If nothing exists, then there wouldn’t be any possibility of there being a world where things could not exist. Some argue that non-existence might be an incoherent or impossible state to conceive. Conclusion: Metaphysical nihilism is a radical philosophical position that challenges our common understanding of existence by suggesting that nothing exists at the most fundamental level or that existence could be contingent, even unnecessary. While extreme in some versions, it has been influential in the history of philosophy, raising questions about the nature of existence, reality, and whether there is any essential substance or foundation to the universe." The only thing I disagree with is the idea that "nothing exists at all " or "there is no existence whatsoever ". This is totally wrong and false . There is obviously apparent existence..but like it's described above on all the other points like contingency..lack of substance or ultimate ground ..etc its all spot on. Please do read the two texts and let's discuss whether what's said is accurate or not ..hopefully without using AI lol.

Time is the substrate and carrier that makes change possible. Without time, there is no change and everything is static. Just as space is the substrate and carrier for matter and existence. Without space, there would be nothing. Without change, nothing matters. With change, everything matters. To matter is to change. To not matter is to not change. Time by itself does not change anything. It’s merely the carrier. A continuous void of nothingness changes nothing. It takes energy to change and form matter (and therefore meaning). It also takes energy to disform matter. Energy is what emerges out of nothing and nowhere. Energy is actualised change potential. A field of potential is what sits on top of spacetime. The emergence, existence and interaction of energy is what makes the world. The whole notion of physics collapses if there’s no change. This is why God loves change.

First of all, I feel this (coming back and forth on the ontology details) is epic The huge amount of common ground between our work, simply insane Regarding the other post, yes, i've read it. I was trying to understand how to point the most important difference between your notion of the Void, and my own. Here it goes. You describe the Void as apathy, nihilism, loss of will, the dark night of the soul. That's a real human experience, but it's a psychological state, not an ontological ground. The Void I'm pointing at is something else entirely. It is not empty in the sense of lacking something. It is the absolute absence of any distinction whatsoever, prior to space, prior to time, prior to the difference between something and nothing, prior to unity and duality themselves, prior to your Field. There is no inside or outside. No boundary. No wave. No observer. No observed. Not darkness, because darkness requires light to be its opposite. Not silence, because silence requires sound. Not nothingness, because nothingness is still a concept and concepts require a mind to hold them. It is what remains when every possible distinction, including the distinction between existence and non-existence, has been removed. And I want to be honest about something: the only way to really understand what I'm describing is not philosophical. No amount of reading Kastrup or refining your field ontology will get you there. You have to become it. That means temporarily leaving behind every structure you identify with. Your thoughts, your feelings, your sense of being someone, your topology, your resonance body, everything that makes you Cred. Not as a metaphor. Literally. That's why I said it's not depressing. From the outside, the dissolution of all structure looks like the worst possible thing. From the inside, there is no inside left to suffer it. But I won't pretend it's safe. It requires going somewhere your model can't follow you, because the model dissolves too. Most people who approach it turn back. The ones who don't turn back, come back different.

This is clickabit, Consciousness does not prefer pets. But humans do. One is about dying, dissolving into absolute nothingness, and coming back to build a tool that stress-tests your entire worldview against 6 levels of philosophical scrutiny. The other is about pets. 3 replies vs 74. I'm not complaining. I just think it says something interesting about where attention actually lives. Even on a forum dedicated to the deepest questions a human can ask.

It's completely normal. Being problematic or not is just perspective. It can be recognized that this needy egoic structure that wants this knowledge is completely illusory though. But its not ego that recognizes it and eliminates itself, it's nothingness 😳

Then the body is relaxed, and now is the body who's writing that is relaxed, or you/no you is in some communication with the body and you/nothingness knows that the body is relaxed? How? Then the body is real but being is unreal. Who decides what is real and unreal? The body?

Nothingness was referring to the self-illusion which identifies as being the whole of reality there. Another name for that self-illusion is spiritual ego. It's not really there, it's nothingness in disguse as being everything. Reality doesn't have an identification crisis like conditioned humans. That Breakingthewall body over there is a tiny insignificant piece of reality, it's not the whole. Laying an illusory blanket of conditioned beliefs overtop of reality to suit the spiritual ego's false agenda, doesn't make it true. There isn't a "You" in which could be the whole of reality and never will be. I can assure you of this. It's not an opinion, it's a blatant fact. The self-illusion there has been bamboozled by some kind of egoic spiritual nonsense that sounded good. That is not Enlightenment. Thats delusions of a very strong and persistent spiritual ego that will fight tooth and nail to stay in control. The physical bodies that write back and forth on this forum are real, just like deer, bear, rabbit, fox, birds, trees.....etc...etc... It's that which identifies as being "the whole of reality" which is completely unreal

All that is not thought is pure nothingness since we can think only thoughts, and all the words we use to speak of things can express only thoughts, to say there is something other than thought is therefore an affirmation which can have no meaning.