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About Edvard

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    Lesser Chimp

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  1. @Elton Not that much fear, because my motivation for going to university is mostly positive, while I could always get a job right now. It's just that while I now have committed to go for university, taken up loan for it, etc., I just don't want to go back now. But I think it's becoming easier after some time, gaining more momentum and working on consciousness, and I do occasionally get the "flow-feeling"/"in the zone", which I think will happen more often as I learn more and become better. If there's any fear, it's the fear of not doing what's best, not fear of going broke or dying, or living on the street. I just want to do what I want... so if there's fear, it is that I don't...
  2. @Leo Gura Are you happy? How happy do you think you are compared to an average person, and how much potential is there still for you at this point?
  3. Yeah, letting go is sort of what I contemplate. The problem with that though, is that I then won't give a shit about the exam, because the higher self wouldn't care about that and grades, would it? No, ultimately, taken to it's fullest it would be to just sit down and do nothing. But no one's gonna feed you, so passing some exams seem appropriate, but still not really authentic, because I don't decide for myself exactly what to learn...
  4. Just watched Leo's video "You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be", another funny eye-opener. He adressed something that has and still confuses me about motivation. I'm currently attending a univerity studying physics. If I dropped every neurotic motivation, I would play poker all day, maybe do some math that I want to do and do it in my own speed, without needing to pass all those exams. So, the point is that those exams make me neurotic, because I have to guilt myself into working towards them in order to pass them. Otherwise (authentically) I wouldn't care about them. Of course I could drop the need to do it, but without a plan that won't really make things a lot better. Because I'm also thinking that if I'm not happy working hard, then I'm not unconditionally happy either... What does Leo mean in this sense when he advocates dropping all the motivations to be happy? I like doing math, I just don't like it so much in a university setting. But if this would be my purpose, isn't university a good way to go...? So my question is therefore, should I accept some neurotic pursues for a while until it may get better and thereby enjoy it more? Or is this neurotic need for passing exams a sign that I should do something else? Of course, I could take some easier classes and have a better foundation to make it easier for me later on (which would be harder economically), and I really haven't ultimately found my life purpose, so I figured I'd try a bachelor in physics to see how that goes... Thanks.
  5. That's not what you told me? I said that I would like to enjoy physical pain, but that hurting is just still hurting, and you replied, quote: "It will stop "hurting" when you become more conscious. "Hurting" is a projection of the ego-mind." Is that still true, or are you saying that pain requires medical treatment only for unconscious, egoic people?
  6. @Preetom What about science seeming to show masturbation reduces risk of prostata cancer?
  7. Yeah, that often happens, but without morality. They don't need the rules, but do what feels authentic. And if their authenticity is totally against their culture - I guess that's fine for them. What may be looked at as horrible these days, may be accepted or preferred in the distant future.
  8. @Shiva Makes sense, but this is what you start to care less about when becoming more conscious and dissolving the ego, it seems.
  9. Is it right to kill a cow? Most people would say yes. Is it right to kill a dog? Most people would say yes if it is against a human being's benefit and no if the dog serves a human. Does a baby suffer by being quickly killed? What if we have an overpopulation problem? You have to explain why a baby's life is more worth than a cow's life. The only one to make such a distinction is the ego. For the ego there is right and wrong. There are only right and wrong moves to make when it comes to reaching a goal that is beneficial for the ego's survival. So in that sense, yes, but of course ultimately nothing is right and wrong - which could be a mindfuck to the ego, which is my point; that getting realizations like these and things like free will makes you much closer to understanding that you ultimately are nothing, and that's when you start to see the problems of the ego. Which ultimately isn't a problem, making it a mindfuck. At least it seems like it's an important step on the road to enlightenment.
  10. Nothing is right or wrong - no way to live, no ideology, no knowledge or any concept. Not even saying so is right. Not even saying that saying so is not right, is right. Which makes me wonder, what is right about the path of self-actualization? Why is that right for me? The answer must be that it's not right, but still the understanding that nothing is right or wrong, we tend to say is right, but how is that right? - What to do...? Life ain't easy. But that's wrong, just a projection, which is also wrong. - Just shut up and be. My mind talking to itself. Ah... so that's right! NO!!! stfu!!! This post just happened...sorry... too ba... ehm..
  11. Now that I've meditated for about 5 months without missing a single day, and 1 hour every day for the last 1,5 months, effects are starting to show up, a lot of good but also some annoying and scary things. 1) I dream a lot more, and the nightmares are getting raelly scary because they feel much more real, and even when I awake I still see the nasty imiges from the dream for some seconds more, thinking that it's still real. This happened last night. 2) I have gotten a little dizzy sometimes because I feel like the "images" of reality is floating so much around without thinking about the body, this has especially become the case the last days, after switching from 2*30 min a day to sitting still for one hour in a stretch. Are these normal symptoms? I guess they may, and I know there are some negative bi-effects from meditation, just want to hear if you experience some of the same? Should I do something about it, or just keep meditating without break? Thanksl.
  12. At the university I'm attending now, the professors actually recommended to work at least 13-15 hours on each of three courses every week, and some may need more, especially the first semester to keep up.. was a little surprised about the amount of work required, myself.
  13. What would your advice be to someone who experienced being beaten, slapped and "hair-pulled" by his mother and father countless times throughout his childhood, because of being a rebellious kid? Would it be low consciousness and vengeance like to report it as a grown up and get replacement from the state, or would that feed into a victim mentality and backfire later in life? Only visible damage is a scar on the ear, and probably a bad influenced personality. Do you think it should be forgotten and forgiven, and move on or should it be reported? And if the parents still have kids (younger siblings) and they occasionally are beaten, would it be morally irresponsible in your view not to report it, if the family on other areas are quite normal, and relatively fortunate (given that a report may totally split and divide the family, which would create lots of chaos and not knowing the outcome makes it quite hard)? Thanks.
  14. I had a big taste of awareness yesterday. At least I had an amazing breakthrough in my meditation practice. I literally became things around me, although from the same perspective, but stopped identifying with my head or thoughts. My head became empty, and I felt I was at different places, I litterary felt that I was 2 meters in front of Edvard.. I also, for many minutes experienced utter peace and also joy, but still emptyness. Almost like some notion one may have of heaven. How it happened. When I meditate, I tend to experiment and shift between different techniques. Sometimes I try to let everything happen, and really embodying the idea that we don't have free will. I feel that helps, and sometimes I'm a little more focused on releasing thoughts a bit more actively. But embodying all sorts of concepts, especially Leo's videos abaut moralization is something I can recommend. I watched it some days ago, and to embody what he said was a large piece in the puzzle for me. I found that embodying what he was saying in those videos could be really effective when meditating. Because they really are enlightenment truths. Stopping to moralize also goes for putting awareness on your own moralization. Meaning that everything that happens is what should be. If you get upset over yourself, or try to create strict rules that your mind says you SHOULD follow, you are fighting a losing battle against reality. The last days I embodied this in different ways. Ie. you probably have thoughts that you don't want to think, yet sometimes they appear. The problem is that you may subconsciously view those thoughts as morally wrong, and you suppress them. You may even, without knowing it fear those thoughts. What I, from my experience, found was that this is a huge hindrance. So what I did was that I almost intentionally made all sorts of dirty and horrible thoughts, which I had never wanted to think my whole life arise. I just let everything come in and out, having absolutely ZERO moral obligations. I dropped every meaning, and my awareness had a change. Some days later (last night), I really focused on the present moment. The paradox is that your mind wants to seek something in the future but the future NEVER arrives. You have to drop everything and «lazer focus» your awareness closer and closer to the true present. The hard thing about this is that it takes effort, but the feeling of effort, frustration and anxiety is a good indication that you're far from the present. At some point you have to stop caring about whether you get enlightened, because in the end it's all about enjoying what already is here right now, as you're seeing it for the first time. What has also helped for me is doing a concentration technique: lazer focus on one specific sensation for like 2-5-30 mins, i.e.
  15. @Nahm Well, I'm not the only one to use that word, reality. Leo uses it too, particularly in his videos about moralism and free will. Everything/reality just is - being - and you are the only one, there's just one perspective in the universe, for me, and for you. If that perspective has low consciousness and a suffering ego, that is the solely reality that exists, as hell. That's what I mean.