Nathan

If you're to truely understand what it really means to deprive someone else of life, to make that decision for them..you have to honestly grapple with the fact you're going to die too. Our shared mortality is one of the strongest factors that unites us, but nobody likes to think about death and we lose a lot of empathy as a result of that aversion.

You're analysing the concept of oneness and creating a gloomy narrative about it that makes you feel isolated and dejected.@Flyboy 's analogy is spot on. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you've stumbled upon something profoundly beautiful. It may feel like the complete opposite of beauty for some time; during this liminal period take good care of yourself and reach out for support when you need it. A caveat though, be careful expressing yourself about all of this in real life.

I was completely convinced of the materialist paradigm until one day I had a sober perceptible experience of shared consciousness. Everyone's emotions just hanging out in the open like that..so vulnerable and endearing. The reason I started browsing topics in the sphere of spirituality was because I was chasing that experience. I've had acid experiences where you feel like you're on the same wavelength as your trip buddies and it's like you're all coming from the same place. I don't understand it at all but I gather it relates more to feeling than thinking anyway. Interested to see what people have to say about this topic 🙂

You don't always have to weigh the effectiveness of your actions against all of the suffering in the macrocosm. Helping to make just a single person's life a little easier isn't a trivial thing, it's actually a pretty big deal. Learn to narrow your focus when it serves you. If you want to, you can take action to alleviate some of the unfairness in the world, that doesn't mean you're obligated to consume media relating to all that unfairness.

He must be swift as coursing river...With all the force of a great typhoon!

I've had two similar experiences (lots of synchronicities, beleiving certain scenarios and images represented specific meaning for me in particular and that I was supposed to encounter them etc). It did feel like I was becoming more sane as opposed to the opposite, yet looking back on actions I took in retrospect it's hard to fully understand where I was coming from. 😅 Both were diagnosed as transitory psychotic episodes and after the remission of each I wasn't advised to take a medication regimen or anything like that as a prophylactic. The first episode was very traumatising, then there was a 4 year gap of complete remission before the second. The second wasn't a big deal and I didn't really cause any issues for anybody,but it was the same kind of experience internally. My girlfriend said she wouldn't have even known if I hadn't opened up about it. You sound lucid. Interacting with people and reality in general after leaving our "normal state" for a time is bound to not be as smooth, your mind is busy analysing what happend and where you stand. These experiences can be disorienting. Time feels like it goes quicker when you're not filling it with novel, memorable content. Just take it one day at a time and don't catastrophise about the future too much. It's not the end of the world and you aren't the only person in life to ever deviate from a conventional headspace. If it ever happens again, it won't be your first rodeo and you'll handle it better. Do things you enjoy and try to employ your sense of humour when thinking about it all, it doesn't have to be deadly serious all of the time. You'll probably find yourself more equipped to relate to and empathise with people who've been through similar experiences going forward too which is a plus.

Call me out for being closed minded and making sweeping statements but the way I see it.. All of the mystical experiences reality has to offer amount to little more than thrilling distractions if they don't dent your apathy towards the plight of your brothers and sisters. Love is the path and mercy is the recognition of unity.

It's going to be okay. When the mind is building a narrative it can interpret scenarios within the context of that narrative and colour them in a particular way. I recommend engaging in an activity that's stimulating enough that it'll give pause to your thoughts and doesn't contain content that you could misconstrue as menacing or threatening. Maybe a game? Like a simple platformer like Mario or some free mobile game? Just an idea. Hope you feel better soon.

Nobody deserves to suffer Katie, yourself included. Never give credence to any story, beleif system or thought that would lead you to conclude otherwise. It's bullshit. Be patient with yourself,You've been through a LOT. Drop the expectations you place on yourself to perform in the world the way you used to be able to before all of this happend. You deserve so much kindness from yourself in light of your current circumstance that it would be criminal to withhold it from yourself. But be patient with yourself and don't judge yourself for struggling to do so. This world is unfair, but don't have to be.

@Loba ❤

You deserve your own love. Don't let some jumped up diety boss you around y'know?

Stand up for yourself. If nobody has your back, have your own back. Love yourself. ❤

Maybe one day.

Zazen meditation