tashawoodfall

@AION You're detached, cowardly, and lazy and think it's enlightenment what a fool. @Oppositionless No, it was a knowing and didn't come from fear. @OBEler @Leo Gura Right, because that kind of thing doesn't exist in this reality. Yeah, okay whatever helps you feel better. This knowing is just as strong as the knowing(s) you've blissed out on. This is not an idea to unknow it was a knowing that happened during Bufo and it's useless to explain to spiritual egos in this forum honestly. I will share my journal entry here since you all are mentioned lol Since coming back, I’ve carried something I can’t ignore. A KNOWING - so absolute, it bypassed thought entirely. That this world is headed for collapse. Not in a poetic or metaphorical sort of way. In a real way. Destruction, death, and catastrophe on a massive scale. I wasn’t shown when. There was no vision of a date or timeline. But I became aware - completely aware - of where this planet is heading on its current path. It wasn’t a fear. It was a knowing. It was just truth. Completion. And that truth didn’t change even as I kept asking, “What can we do?” I didn’t emerge with this knowing terrified, I emerged clear. With this clarity came urgency. I didn’t ask, “Why me?” I asked, “What can we do!?” That question didn’t come from panic. It came from something deeper. A recognition. Because in that same moment, I knew I was Source. I knew I was a main character. Not in an egoic way, but in an embodied one. That I - we - hold power. That even if this is where we’re heading Perhaps it doesn’t have to be where we arrive. When I shared this experience and knowing with "spiritual" people, I was met with dismissal. “You don’t know the future. Let go of that idea.” “It’s just your subconscious projection.” “Remember, the future doesn’t exist.” These responses, wrapped in spiritual ego and mental gymnastics, weren’t supportive. They were protective. For them. Most people haven’t experienced this kind of knowing. So they try to shrink it to something they can understand. Something they can soothe or reframe. They offer mind-based interpretations of a soul-level transmission. But Bufo doesn’t work on the mind. It doesn't generate projections. It dissolves everything but the truth. And what I was left with wasn’t belief, it was certainty. So no, I’m not confused. I’m not traumatized. And I’m far from spiraling in fear. I’m carrying something too big for small talk or spiritual bypassing. And I know now I’m not alone in this. There are others who’ve emerged from Bufo with revelations - as visceral, unquestionable truths. It's rare, but it happens. And it often drops people into a very different kind of integration. One that's not about euphoria, but about carrying prophecy… or warning… or insight that doesn’t have a clear home in the current world. Some initiations aren’t meant to be personal. My prior ceremonies showed me Source, love, light, divinity. This one felt like I was shown the other side of the veil The shadow of the collective or of the Earth itself. I was given a deeper knowing, for some kind of purpose I’m still uncovering. This wasn’t fear based. That’s why the first words out of my mouth were, “What can we do?” Not “Why me?” but “What can we do?” When I said those words, I was fully aware that my being transcends this world entirely. It was that unmistakable, familiar feeling of having woken up. And no – I don’t think my role is to fix the world. My path is to sit with this knowing, To let it shape my way of being in this lifetime. There is a paradox in all of this. Because I know this world isn’t too serious. It’s illusory in many ways. I used to believe we were completely out of control. Now, I am reminded that is not entirely the truth. It’s the truth for most people. I felt a sense of agency. Like I could create shifts. This paradox is interesting: The world is illusion. And we are here to act as if it’s real. This is my path now. To walk between the knowing that none of this matters, and the conviction that everything I do does. The voice that said, “I’m the main character” It wasn’t ego, at least not entirely. It was Source. Reminding me that I was given this for a reason. Not because I’m special. But because my soul could hold it. I now acknowledge impermanence – that everything in this world is fleeting. Much of what we obsess over or build may ultimately be insignificant in the grand cosmic sense. And now I sit in the questions: What do I do with that? How do I engage meaningfully when I see the illusion? How do I live, love, and create fully, knowing that this world is impermanent - and most of what we chase doesn't ultimately matter?

Whether reality is absolute perfection and absolute dysfunction isn’t the point. After seeing beyond the veil, I get it - there is no point. We’re just here, in the now. Either blindly following our programming or, if we’ve awakened, moving in alignment with our natural rhythm. There’s nothing to seek anymore (I've let go of the idea/need for "purpose"). My intention going into ceremony was "to let go of the search and allow what’s true to remain" And I'm finally starting to see I got exactly what I asked for. I believe 5-MeO-DMT is a sacred Earth medicine. It’s not like other psychedelics that work on the mental body - this one goes straight to the soul. And my soul hit me with a KNOWING - so intense and absolute I can never unknow it. The knowing that this world, as it is and as I know it today, is coming to an end. Unless you’ve received that kind of knowing, you wouldn’t understand. I imagine it’s something like what a person feels after a stage 4 cancer diagnosis - the unmistakable certainty of the end. That was the gift I was given. And that truth isn’t wrong. This world will end - whether soon or not, it will. Because the world is ending - this moment is enough. A lot of things don't matter as much. The pain of being forced into mundane labor, just to scrape by in a mediocre, soul-numbing life is almost more bitter in contrast to the world ending. My human experience has become a bit more uncomfortable now because I am more aware of the truth of the situation. It's more painful to waste time and energy on what I deem to be stupid shit. I just want to be free while I'm here and move through life effortlessly. Human nonsense doesn’t concern me and I’m not afraid of death for obvious reasons. Integration is the most important part of doing a bufo ceremony (which I did in a proper way). I had no control in the manner it all unfolded as it was meant to. My journey right now is about letting go of a lot of the bullshit.

About the dosage - it’s possible I received more, since it wasn’t measured and I went first. But everyone else at the ceremony likely had a similar dose, and they all experienced beautiful states of oneness. I would feel so much more at ease if I had come across even one account of someone who, upon taking 5-MeO-DMT, received a strong knowing that the world is heading toward utopia. But in all my searching, I haven’t found anyone who’s had a similar experience to mine. As you know, 5-MeO-DMT isn’t like shrooms or ayahuasca, which work primarily on the mental body. This wasn’t a projection. It didn’t arise from fear or fantasy. It was a KNOWING. Of course, every human I share this with will say something - anything - other than validate it. Because no one wants to hear this. I didn’t want to hear this. I was perfectly content in my little box. I hadn’t been thinking about the end of the world. And now… I can’t un-know it. Integration after this has been brutal, because I can’t shake what was shown to me when I took the God Molecule. I’m going to research more about what shamans believe regarding the spirit of Bufo and the deeper meaning of its “gifts,” because what I received has been deeply unsettling.

5-MeO-DMT (Bufo) Ceremony Trip Report – July 13, 2025 The ceremony took place in a group of about 10 people, held with a shaman and his wife facilitating in their home. I had done plant medicine before, including previous Bufo ceremonies where I connected deeply with Source but this time was completely different. I was called to go first. The shaman approached me with the pipe, prayed over me for protection and guidance, and instructed me to inhale slowly and completely. Once I couldn't inhale more, he told me to take one final deep breath and hold it as long as possible. I trusted the process, knowing from past ceremonies to focus on surrender and breath. As I inhaled the vapor, I felt the medicine take hold almost immediately. I laid down on my back, arms open wide, grounding myself with the reminders: surrender completely and remember to breathe. Within seconds, the familiar challenge arose–it felt like I was dying, with breathing becoming labored and heavy. But I stayed focused on my breath. During this phase, I noticed the distortion in my face again, a sensation I've come to recognize from other ego-death moments in plant medicine. My face felt twisted and contorted, with an energy that had a tinge of something "demonic" or not-good–hard to describe exactly. It wasn't scary this time; I allowed it, ignored the discomfort, and kept breathing through it. Then, everything went black. While "down under," I have no recollection of what happened. This is common with Bufo experiences; the experience is so profound and non-dual that memories don't form in the usual way. The shaman explained that flashbacks or insights might surface in the weeks or months ahead, as the medicine continues to integrate. When I regained consciousness, I was back in the ceremonial room, but this world was different because now there was/is a very strong KNOWING–not thoughts, not beliefs, but an absolute, unshakable certainty/knowing that the world is doomed, catastrophic–filled with destruction and death on a massive scale. It wasn't a fear or a vision; it was truth affirmed deep in my being, a knowing. I didn't want this to be real, but the knowing was so powerful, so affirmed, that I couldn't deny it. I looked directly at the shaman, and said, "What can we do?!” Then I turned to his wife, peering deeply into her eyes, and repeated, "What can we do?!” Despite the heaviness, I also knew the truth of who and what I am–eternal, connected to Source. This world isn't too serious; it's illusory in many ways. I felt a sense of agency, like I could do something about it, perhaps shift or influence the outcome. As the shaman helped ground me back to this reality–holding space and guiding me–I blurted out something like, "I'm the main character, and this is crazy." The words just came, raw and unfiltered. Then I thought I’d just chill and drink my water and grapple with the new reality. Then the emotions hit: I cried a lot, releasing waves of grief, and acceptance. After that, I accepted the experience and laid back down while the others took their turns. Everyone had shared that they had a beautiful experience connecting with Source and discovering deep knowing - which I’ve had before but my experience this time was something so completely different. I am now in the process of integrating…and honestly it’s challenging. That KNOWING remains. And what to do with it? I don't know.

I would highly recommend you join several free SMART Recovery meetings. It’s very helpful for getting emotional support and helping you to reframe things and connect with others on similar journeys. It’s free, you can join via zoom. You may want to change the location distance to 1,000 miles to give you more options for online zoom meetings. visit: https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/ Sit in on one meeting give it a try 🙂 I really hope to see you there 🩷

How is this created in a human's psyche? It's relation to human nature? Is it about unresolved trauma and is it 'curable'?

@ArchangelG Thanks for suggesting Peter Ralston. Never heard of him before and like his no-nonsense sort of approach. It's also cool to find he did so many interviews with Leo which I look forward to also diving into. Thanks again

Thank you, appreciate your recommendation. I actually feel I did embrace Green very much so in the past…It's dawning on me that maybe I'm in between Green and Yellow thinking I was regressing into Orange (but find no pleasure in materialism or status) in a weird space with a touch of depression, probably several unhealthy beliefs, very much a lone wolf now…starting but not finishing projects…trying to put concepts in different domains together…so I got quite the mixture going on here Anyway thanks again.

"Fuck love" is an interesting book you might enjoy…it talks about pragmatism versus emotions in regards to who you choose as a partner…

codementor.io. There's also companies like Custombuildapp that allows you to build your own app without software development skills…and for graphic design/branding Fiverr maybe? Good luck.

Used to be into tarot cards all of that classic Green stuff…and now bored with it. Not sure what's going on just makes me laugh.

I'm finding it challenging to become motivated by anything. I start projects and then get bored with it. Money and status isn't motivating. Relationships are not motivating…maybe I'm just in a depressive spell. It's challenging to find meaning. Even if it's just about having fun or evolving…it doesn't create any sort of spark in me anymore. I remember a few years ago having a reaction to materialism and thought I was transitioning into Green but I feel like I regressed.

I feel I have…it's been beneficial because I no longer have to work and there's no fulfillment with money anymore which is probably why I'm looking elsewhere… Perhaps I do need to dive more into that style of self-help. Thank you.

To put it briefly…Suffered a lot of trauma and found Leo's channel 6 years ago (actually saved my life) When his first enlightenment video came out, it basically shook my whole world…to the core. I have to admit these last few years I've been embracing stage Orange (materialism etc) all while keeping these challenging truths in the back of my mind. I'm finding it difficult to believe or subscribe to Stage Green… and no amount of watching leo's videos or Gaia or sage seems to quite get me there. So I feel stuck in a shallow place with no faith which has in a sense helped lead me into a bit of depression and biweekly alcohol binges. Not sure where to go from here…

So a lot has happened. Basically I went out on a date ended up having sex that night and before I know it literally 2 weeks later I’m pacing back and forth at the marriage license office while this crazy dude is getting a marriage license. Before I know it I’m saying vows at some random quick wedding chapel in Vegas. There was no prenup so basically I’m a multi millionaire now. i no longer need to work and got a badass new car and a 6 karat ring ? Here’s what I’m now facing. Fucking belly of the beast. I have no excuses now I have to do my life purpose work now. my ego has been backlashing so much and I’m just trying to put myself together. what helps is visualizing and talking out loud to myself to work through some detrimental beliefs