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Everything posted by Timotheus

  1. Dosage: 20g Magic Truffles Duration: 6 hours (instead of the usual 3 hours for this dosage and substance) First of all, if you don't want to peel onions too much or don't want to rely on more or less dubious people,these truffles are EXTREMELY easy to get here in the EU. I made a shroom tea and added some lemon tek to it. I highly recommend it. I am now at a point where I can see when many of my traumas come up, that they're not me. My mind comes up with all sorts of more or less terrifying stories and images, but I can be at peace with it, cause I am that what's looking. So I was doing fine up to a certain point where I was just brutally made aware of the fact, that there is no love in my life and seemingly has never been there. I thought I was fucked, my brain chemistry and conditioning simply won't allow that to be any different in my life. "Okay I have to accept this" "This? This for eternity? This hell?" It seemed unbearable - I had to turn on music. It didn't help. I switched to a non duality talk. And then I cried out of pure gratitude. This burden seemed to be washed away from me. My sense of self started to dissolve. My whole body felt like it was slightly vibrating and pleasantly warm. At this point, I was no longer afraid to die, I would have been completely okay with that. I had short glimpses where I realized that I am my whole field of perception. I was my living room. I almost creamed my pants, like really. This was like I would have imagined sex with the person you love to be like - to some degree. Although my chances to attract the opposite sex, objectively speaking, are above average, I did not have the privilege to experience this pleasure, since I am deeply wounded by feelings of unworthiness and therefor being open to another person or vulnerable always seemed to be unbearable and too terrifying to me and so I lost some chances. It felt like this wounds were directly addressed at this point. It was beautiful, but at the same time there was still resistance, I had difficulties allowing this love and beauty to flow through me, it was like a force gently dissolving all this pain. "I do not deserve this" - I was rolling on my couch and made some kind of wrenching moves. The beauty and warmth at this point was completely unrelatable to anything I have ever experienced in my life so far - writing this almost makes me tear up. Speaking about sex, sex still seemed nice at this point, but mostly because of the love and joy I could be able to create within another human being by doing so. My neighbors were having a party. It was quite noisy, which usually would have disturbed me, but I was just so happy for them having a good time. I tried to share my love with them, simply by loving them. "How can I share all of this with the world?" All I could think of then was: "It is all perfect. It is perfect. It is just so beautiful..perfect..perfect". Something then told me that this is just the beginning- I got hit by a tiny tiny glimpse of what's going to come and I was immediately terrified by its beauty and had to resist. What then followed were probably about 3 hours of non stop laughing and crying, every thought that came up at this point made me laugh and every recognition of the perfection of creation made me cry. Everything you ever wanted is to be found in death. Thank you
  2. @now is forever No cake for me.
  3. @now is forever You again....
  4. Did someone just say "steam christmas sale"?
  5. I don't know. Whenever I think, IT is close or distinctions begin to collapse, things just happen: I immediately get new great insights on how to improve my life, old friends write me I haven't heard from for a long time, girls smile at me or chat me up. Sounds familiar?
  6. @now is forever Hm.., but I can just sign out and be save?
  7. How important is access concentration or a certain Dyhana for Kriya? I never see the "light" as it is described in the book, which is why I assume it is wiser to first work on concentration solely.
  8. @Nahm Thanks! Efficient pointer. Is this a date or something?
  9. I'm telling you Good advice, but also... nice try @RichardY Yeah thanks, now I know how mythology came into existence.
  10. And a little less soft:
  11. They'll find you first @bejapuskas
  12. Thanks for the friendly reminder, I'm gonna get such a nice bike soon, anyway
  13. Connect with: Big picture/long term thinking, compassion, pride, hate, pretension, tenacity, your own mortality, longing for succes/self approval and or the wish to put an end to suffering.
  14. "The drug has found its way into countless "everyday lives" and has solved countless "everyday problems."" http://www.psychedelic-library.org/stafford.htm
  15. @MM1988 You focus way too much on how it doesn't work with you. Almost every other post of you concerns this topic. One rather obvious point that's often overlooked is just lack of opportunities. And all the rest is something you can work on. Let it be money, personality, social proof, authenticity and last but not least tons of experience with the opposite sex. Put your energy in crushing your negativity concerning this topic and just be determined. Face your fears.
  16. Confront the fears underlying this caring mechanism. Again and again and again. That's the only way in my experience. And of course, cutting some parts off of that ego also helps.
  17. How do mental illnesses fit into this model? For example psychopathy, as it does not seem to relate to universal care and if it's not possible to heal this "illness" one cannot evolve further? Or is psychopathy just an extreme case of a certain emotional underdevelopment?
  18. I think hearing about all these noble stages above orange can make you lazy. There's a trap in idolizing these stages too much and becoming passive and stunting your growth; also of course it can lead to too much mental masturbation and fappery on this forum. As said many times, you cannot skip stages. Even though I still do spiritual practices, watch and listen to non duality for getting some kind of relief and deep relaxation, having many glimpses per week where I lose the sense of being a long lasting separate entity inside of me, sensing more peace and even love - this character still remains hungry. They don't tell you this So I'd like to encourage you to post some good old orange inspirational material, since Leo doesn't provide that much motivation to pursue these dirty things any longer. Business advice, pickup, motivational videos - whatever. Long term, I want to become a massive value provider and uplift humanity - in the meantime I'm gonna invest myself into heaven. Let's get filthy rich, shredded and last but not least, let's get laid <3
  19. @waking_dreams Inspiring, but keep in mind that you still have to read Leos 200+ books