AlldayLoop

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Posts posted by AlldayLoop

  1. Posted

    @Truth Addict I remember being an innocent kid, even though I had attachment issues and all + anxiety. I went to a strict private school, and on my first day of kindergarten (I skipped pre-K due to developmental issues), I made a best friend instantly. We played peek-a-boo while sitting at our desks across from each other, and the teacher yelled at us to stop. That is my first vivid memory of suffering. 

    Ever since then, my innocence declined and snowballed to the point of immense anxiety and depression, among other things. 

    Fast forward to today, and I’m starting to realize that all I ever wanted and want is Love. And all along this suffering I’ve been searching for it in neurotic ways. I’ve lost friends, girlfriends, family members, opportunities, you name it.

    I’m here for this guys. I want to be conscious of this Love that I always knew before my innocence was “lost”. I want to be free of this bondage, and not separate myself from others anymore. 

  5. Posted

    1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

    This is false.

    The Absolute does not subscribe to such dualistic logic.

    Love is precisely Nothing.

    Everything perceivable or conceivable is The Absolute & Love.

    You speak of things you have not directly become conscious of.

    So when I am directly conscious of another human being or beings and relating with them (positive or negatively), am I experiencing myself as Infinite Love in them and as them simultaneously?

    How about from the egos perspective? Is that just a limited form of this Infinite Love?

  7. Posted

    7 minutes ago, wavydude said:

    Woukd you say that this type of fellings of meaminglessness and existential depression stems from other past traumas and unresolved emotional conflicts or the they can ba a thing on their own  ? 

     

     

    Past traumas and unresolved emotional conflicts for sure. Actually, I put meaning in everything which part of the problem. 

  20. Posted

    1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

    That's the paradox.  If he awoke it wouldn't be there like it is now.  It would lessen with each awakening.  Medication would start to work for him at that point.  And he would be conscious he was God so he would realize there is no where to go.

    I can relate to this in my own life and current stage. I was never suicidal, but definitely non-compliant with medications and even with the spiritual path. I’m now starting to find the strength to awaken and the less my ego. tries to control every situation, the more the true I reveals itself, even if it’s just a tiny beam of light..

  21. Posted

    @winterknight Thank you again for your openness and honestly. I would still be half-assing this entire process if I stayed comfortable with my current ignorance. 

    10 minutes ago, winterknight said:

    And anyway meeting him was hardly the end of emotional turmoil. That took 20 more years of my own work. 

    Thank you for this also. My ego is still self-pitying and demanding that this awakening process should be effortless and natural. 

  22. Posted

    You mentioned on your website that you struggled with existential depression in your teenage years. In a sense, I am starting to realize I have, and still am going through the same thing. It’s scary, in that, it seems that everyone else around me is able to survive and act in societal norms (work, friends, leisure time, etc) whereas someone like me is constantly crippled by a feeling of isolation and fear. 

    Can you please share how you were able to endure those teenage years? The time before you met Swami Bodhananda Saraswati?  

  25. Posted

    @winterknight Out of curiosity, do you do any meditation or self-inquiry practices anymore? If not, when was the last time you’ve done so?

    Also, how could it be that someone like Eckhart Tolle could have have a spontaneous awakening... by self-inquiring about himself, all without having any serious intellectual framework of spirituality to begin with? Why do others seemingly spend an enormous amount of time building up this intellectual foundation, listen to masters for hundreds of hours, and do all sorts of non-conventional techniques to even get a taste of the true self? 

    I didn’t mean to sound like I’m whining and making excuses as to why I can’t discover who I am, but is there a logical explanation for this?