nightrider1435

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Posts posted by nightrider1435

  1. Posted

    So I tripped last night on 2g of shrooms and overall it was good. I was blissed out and seeing myself as everything. Lots of laughing... because I was conscious that it was just me talking to myself my entire life.  

    I figured my peak was over and I was coming down, so I decided it would be a good idea to smoke the devils lettuce. Well... that's when the trip took an unexpected turn. It felt like I was going into a peak again, but in a more twisted way. I was concentrating on an object in my room, and it triggered me to go into a ego death. 

    It happened so fast and very spontaneous. All of a sudden my heart rate skyrocketed, this sense of intense fear washed over my entire body.  I really triggered my ego last night to a new degree, this was a type of fear that I had never felt before. My inner voice started to become really dark. I was sitting on my bed with my hands death gripping my mattress and with a snarl on my face, almost like a wild animal. I wasn't in control of my body at this point, and it felt like I had this angry entity inside of me. I was in such a detached state of being that it literally felt like my own mind attacked me. My mind felt like this hissing snake in the corner of a room.  I was becoming to one with everything, to the point that it felt like my experience was dissolving into this black hole. My 23 year old male ego wasn't having it, the ego was in a full panic trying to keep itself constructed.  This was out of my control, I couldn't get myself to surrender to this. 

    The best way I can think of describing this is it felt like my experience was crystallizing together. Imagine a shattered window that's still intact becoming a perfect window again.

    I ended up just trying to distract myself the best I could by listing to some music so I could just ride it out. What would had happened if I surrendered and let it play out? Shit, I don't know. That was a very.... humbling experience, my ass got handed to me. It's hard to put into words how intense this really was though. I will never smoke weed during a psychedelic experience ever again, because everything was fine up until that point. I've read similar reports on reddit, weed tends to turn trips dark and twisted. Be careful about mixing anything with a psychedelic, you never know what could happen. This was my first bad experience with a psychedelic out of about 12 trips now. 

  6. Posted

    Dosed 2g of pure psilocybin extract at 10pm last night. I've been taking these 2g trips every two weeks lately, and this one ended up being a pretty intense experience compared to my other trips.

    This one was more intense due to the fact that I smoked some weed before the two hour peak started to settle in. For me when I take shrooms it takes about an hour for the trip to start and then I enter this two hour peak where I'm just rising and rising and rising until you reach a climax then you start coming back down.

    My sense of self was beginning to fade. Awareness began to shine through my experience like filling an empty bucket full of water. Everything started to look block like, if you taken shrooms you know what I mean by this. The nothingness really started to make itself known. I'm just sitting there in my room, and my ego is literally seeing that I am nothing... absolutely fucking nothing! It felt like the illusion of my mind was just staring back at me like who's there? No one! No one is there! Can the light of a flashlight turn back and look at itself? Can one side of a coin see the other side? What if it could? This started to become really unsettling for my ego, it just felt insanely fucking eerie. A sense of fear was starting to rise so I asked myself why be scared? You are it, are you scared of yourself? I knew that I shouldn't be scared but still, the fear continued to arise, it was out of my control. Is this thing scared of its own death? Hell yeah it is. Don't underestimate facing your own death, if you tell yourself your not scared your're most likely full of shit. It actually feels like you will die, I am not kidding. The you that you thought you were will cease to exist and you will be left with nothing. I am it, you are it, we are all it, you could say that you're just playing one big game with yourself down here, trying to distract yourself from what actually is. 

    You come down here, to this world experience, and it's like you get lost in your own game. Its so complex, there's so much going on here, that you actually convince yourself that this is real, that all of this is actually happening. Your life already happened and didn't happen, simultaneously. There's actually no one here, other is a illusion, you are just fooling yourself. When you're having a conversation with someone it's just life talking to itself. It really is all just you, and you will underestimate this too until you actually become conscious that this is true. It's actually pretty baffling to see the extent of much you deceive yourself, but it's almost like you have to because you couldn't be here otherwise. 

    We're all running around here trying to seek something outside of ourselves in this materialistic realm because we think it will make us happy. Don't get me wrong, that brand new car that you always wanted will make you happy. A promotion at your job that you worked hard to receive will make you happy. Buying your dream house that took you years and years to save up for will make you happy. All of this stuff is fine and all, there is nothing wrong with it, however it is all short lived. That happiness your're seeking eventually maxes out and your right back to where you started. You're happiness doesn't have to be dependent on something outside of yourself, true happiness comes from within.  You could waste your whole life doing this, you'd be like a hamster running on a wheel for eternity, always ending up right where you started. Always trying to be somewhere else than where your at. Again, it's all a distraction to prevent you from seeing what is actually true, your ego does not want you to do this.The thing is you already have it all, there is no where else to go but right here right now. Anything that you'll ever truly need will arise effortlessly during the right time in perfect harmony, not by force. The ego can twist this around, like oh well it doesn't really matter then, let's just stare at a wall until I die because what's the point? No! You came here to experience life so enjoy the ride. Realize that this is all just a game and in the end none of this matters, like at all. It's all temporary and it will all pass. Just do your best, love yourself and smile. One day this will all come to an end and you will merge back with god. 

    Now do I have what I said above embodied? Haha...no, there is still much work to be done for me. Psychedelics are nice in the sense because they remind me why I'm doing all this in the first place, and gives me motivation to keep going. It's like I need constant reminders because my mind will just try to cover all this up again.

  7. Posted · Edited by nightrider1435

    I feel you on this, it'd be nice to let go of old patterns like flipping off a light switch. Development is just going to take time, we can't rewire our minds overnight. I'd just try to be more patient with yourself. Also try to mediate right after a run, take a cold shower too. This combo works really great for me.

  8. Posted

    2 hours ago, Highest said:

    Are you conscious or understand that the non-dual state of  mind and consciousness and awareness is the Truth and that the ego state of mind and awareness and consciousness is an delusion and an illusion?

    Yes, and it's like my mind wants to hold it, but it can't, like sand falling through your fingers. You think you have it only for it to fall through again. The mind can't grasp this, because you are it, are being it, and have always been it, and it contains you, the person in the experience. So simple that its actually pretty hilarious, which is why I think once one has a realization it's common just to sit there laughing your ass off.

  9. Posted

    5 hours ago, Deepconcepts said:

    Do i think anyone or everyone should take kratom?

    No, infact i'd advise against it, clearly as a whole we're incapable of making calculated decisions and using moderation. Peoples minds are so closed and kratom isn't much of a mind opening substance honestly.

    I would agree with this, depending on you some people should stay clear from Kratom. The stuff is cheap, it is plant based, legal in most places, easily accessible locally or online, it can make you feel great but also easily turn into a daily habit, become a crutch. The quitkratom sub on reddit is filled with horror stories of people who clearly abuse this stuff, I'm talking 20gs and up a day for months or years, which is insane. I wouldn't want to imagine the withdrawals from that much use.

    5 hours ago, Deepconcepts said:

    Kratom comes in so many different strains and each strain can be different in strength & effect. Even the same strain can be different depending on what plant it came from. No two snowflakes are alike, that means no two alkaloid profiles and plants are either.

    From my experience, reds are more euphoric and sedating. Whites and greens give me more stimulation and energy. I've also heard that the strains are just one big myth primarily use for marketing, its basically all the same, there is no difference. I'm not sure whether that is true or not though.

    5 hours ago, Deepconcepts said:

    Kratom can be enjoyable and i think it's one of the more mature substances out there, i certainly don't feel like making bad decisions or making a mockery of myself on it like i do with alcohol. At low doses, i get a clear and gentle stimulant and nootropic effect my verbal recall, fluency and physical energy seems increased without any increase in heart rate, which i find unique too since i am sensitive to stimulants.

    At higher doses i feel a much different effect, and the likely hood for being that responsible full of energy icon i was at low doses disappears and the effects start to become very sensual, even though it is a good feeling i avoid high dosing because i don't ever want to sacrifice productivity for enjoyment and neither should anyone else. 

    Anywhere from 2-3 grams is a good moderate dose. A 5 gram dose will have me feeling really good, and even then I find it doesn't really effect my productivity at all.

  11. Posted

    3 hours ago, Vagos said:

    This is a serious question. 

    Is there any serious argument about why you shouldn't suicide? 

    If one killed their mind it could make the situation a whole lot worse, IMO. Awareness doesn't go away, there's no telling where you would end up next if you killed yourself. There is no easy way out, and I'm sure there would be consequences for killing your mind.

  12. Posted

    I'm interested to hear some opinions about Kratom on here. I went and picked some up at a local head shop today since it's legal where I live. I bought a strain called "Malaysian Red Vien" and started out with a 3g dose. Within 20 minutes I began to notice some mild euphoria, overall just felt more relaxed and peaceful. I had a great mediation session after taking it. This could be a good tool for consciousness work but like psychedelic's it deserves your respect. From what I've been finding out the withdrawals can be bad if abused, so you wouldn't want to be taking it everyday. 

  13. Posted

    11 minutes ago, Enlightenment said:

    My first ~10 MDMA trips had incredible magic and love to them and didn't cause any comedown the next day at all, in fact, I've always had a good afterglow for some time after. The last few times when I took it, there was no magic, little to no increase in empathy, two days of low mood afterward and this was after taking over 8 months break so I see no point to take it anymore. I think neurotoxicity with MDMA is a non-issue if used responsibly. Even though something had to change in my brain I see no negative side effects.

    @Enlightenment I would get that afterglow too, I'd wake up the next day just feeling more pure. You might just have to wait another year or two before you can experience the magic of it again. I've done it about 5 times in the years 2016 & 2017, haven't messed with it since.

  23. Posted

    I would ask yourself what is positive in your life right now? What are you not appreciating in your life right now? Do you have people that care about you? Do you have a roof over your head every night? A bed to sleep in? We get so caught up in the negatives that we completely lose sight of what is good right now. As long as you keep your awareness there you will keep fueling that mindset, like pouring gasoline on a fire. Speaking from my own direct experience in dealing with my own darkness, in times like these often life is trying to teach you a lesson, big or subtle lessons, so remain present.