kieranperez

Getting Neurosis Out (of The Body)

6 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Quote

“In any situation you encounter, you can either respond to what is occurring, or you can respond to your ideas and emotions about what is occurring.” - Peter Ralston

I’m noticing just how much my entire emotional system is built around keeping me from being conscious of what is. 

When I’m running, I’m not conscious and aware of actually running where I’m aware of my landing, the ground, the technical trail I’m running down where I need to watch my footing, etc. I’m conscious of the emotional stimulus that I’m used to being governed by day-day and I’m lost in my head which will lead to me tripping or (come close to) busting an ankle.

I feel a deep seeded neuroses and emotional block that I can just feel is there from the bottom of my throat through the center of my chest (surrounding the 4th chakra) and also in my head. 

When I feel hurt by a situation (let’s say my bus drives past me and I chase it down but eventually it zooms off or I made some mistake) and I feel this anger, I recognize automatically that I’m actually hurt how defeated I feel, I don’t know how to respond and relate to that in an honest yet practical way to. 

When I start becoming aware that I’m literally holding this feeling of being depressed as I walk around as a habit or when I’m feeling dominated by my mind when I try and sit and I’m twitching and squirming because I’m so anxious and can’t concentrate and I feel so frustrated in yet I know this is something I’m doing... this system just fights back. I might have a straight face and I’ll counter that with a lighter smile by seeing the beauty at say a view and I’ll literally feel this psychological force that “taints” it and my lips are literally shaking like an a fatigued bicep doing curls till failure, trying to get back into that straight dead face...

I really don’t know what to do about this. I could really use advice. This egoic structure is so deep I have no idea how to conquer this. Sitting in meditation is fucking hard. Being authentic feels impossible. Even running. There’s no area of day-day experience that this problem does not infect.

I’m currently considering learning and taking up Hatha Yoga to get more back in touch with my body and also because I think it will help my studies in general + loosen up more. Despite all the mobility work I’ve done in conjunction to my running, I’m now extrodinarily stiff. all over.

I want to take Shamanic breathing more seriously too but the question I have on that front is when the patterns come back. 

Edited by kieranperez

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try to be aware of that 'flow" state when you're running, when you and the trail and what you're observing are all one. Try to appreciate the times when you are present, when you do see the beauty when you do feel connected. Then just work for more of that. 

It's tough when we recognize the ego for what it is and realize how much suffering it causes. But try not to focus on the ego and the suffering because that's the part that we want to get rid of. Focus on the love, connection and beauty in between. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

I feel you on this, it'd be nice to let go of old patterns like flipping off a light switch. Development is just going to take time, we can't rewire our minds overnight. I'd just try to be more patient with yourself. Also try to mediate right after a run, take a cold shower too. This combo works really great for me.

Edited by nightrider1435

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I’m noticing just how much my entire emotional system is built around keeping me from being conscious of what is. 

Emotions can’t keep you from what is, because emotions too, are what is. It is your psychology which is keeping you unconscious. Psychology which avoids the emotions, to protect itself from being hurt. That self however, which the psychology is protecting, is not actually you. You do not need protection.  You can pretend you do, but the Truth (The actual you) can not be that falsity, so there’s the experience of  “disconnect” from the Truth via a “separate self”. 

Avoidance is only procrastinating, and avoidance is the suffering.  Meditation can slow thinking down. Then there is less quick reaction and more awareness of what is internally happening, and you are positioned to create responses. The emotions are actually needed for you to see what you are missing in your thinking.  Listen to them. Their message is The Gospel. Stop trying to read it somewhere. It’s within you. Always has been. 

When I’m running, I’m not conscious and aware of actually running where I’m aware of my landing, the ground, the technical trail I’m running down where I need to watch my footing, etc. I’m conscious of the emotional stimulus that I’m used to being governed by day-day and I’m lost in my head which will lead to me tripping or (come close to) busting an ankle.

This is what meditation is for. 

I feel a deep seeded neuroses and emotional block that I can just feel is there from the bottom of my throat through the center of my chest (surrounding the 4th chakra) and also in my head. 

Yes. That blockage is how you’re repeatedly thinking about yourself in a way your emotions are telling you is not True. What is being blocked is Love. Love will never stop filling you up. Surrender as soon as possible. (Love = Truth)

When I feel hurt by a situation (let’s say my bus drives past me and I chase it down but eventually it zooms off or I made some mistake) and I feel this anger, I recognize automatically that I’m actually hurt how defeated I feel, I don’t know how to respond and relate to that in an honest yet practical way to. 

It’s a pattern of self disparage, but that’s all. Awareness of the pattern is all that’s needed. Do this along with embracing whatever emotion arises. You’ll get deeply in touch with your “feminine side”, and shed a lot of false pressures and expectations you’ve placed on the “masculine side”. 

You were not “defeated”, that is how you interpreted the situation. There is truly no such thing as done, so you can never actually get it “wrong”...that’s a duality, a self judgment, which happens only in thinking which has gone rogue from emotions. 

When I start becoming aware that I’m literally holding this feeling of being depressed as I walk around as a habit or when I’m feeling dominated by my mind when I try and sit and I’m twitching and squirming because I’m so anxious and can’t concentrate and I feel so frustrated in yet I know this is something I’m doing... this system just fights back. I might have a straight face and I’ll counter that with a lighter smile by seeing the beauty at say a view and I’ll literally feel this psychological force that “taints” it and my lips are literally shaking like an a fatigued bicep doing curls till failure, trying to get back into that straight dead face...

I hear that. Stop experiencing the suppression of this all day by manning up and getting your ass on that cushion no matter what bullshit the ego comes up with. Do not wait years, you’ll wonder how they became decades. Stop talking and get on the cushion. Bring water and tissue and long haul it. Big Love is eternally patient. You must make the decision to give it your time. Don’t be fooled by how allowing and unconditional it is.

I really don’t know what to do about this. I could really use advice. This egoic structure is so deep I have no idea how to conquer this. Sitting in meditation is fucking hard.

No, emotional suppression is extremely taxing. It’s a huge energy drainer. Think about it - meditation is literally just sitting there. It’s fighting against experiencing your emotions which is so hard. 

Being authentic feels impossible. Even running. There’s no area of day-day experience that this problem does not infect.

Being authentic means no “separate self”. The emotions will reveal how you created that separate self in your mind as armor, as protection. Being vulnerable will reveal itself to be the superior holistic Way, but you have to choose to. How you see yourself, shapes your understanding & experience of the world. Miracles happen every single day. 

I’m currently considering learning and taking up Hatha Yoga to get more back in touch with my body and also because I think it will help my studies in general + loosen up more. Despite all the mobility work I’ve done in conjunction to my running, I’m now extrodinarily stiff. all over.

Hard to say. Sounds like another way to stay of the cushion big guy. 

I want to take Shamanic breathing more seriously too but the question I have on that front is when the patterns come back. 

The patterns include cutting out the emotions. This is why you’re on the hamster wheel / rollercoaster. (Suffering) You still do not understand dude. Big Love is going to get you. You can run all you want buddy. 

 


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

11 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I’m noticing just how much my entire emotional system is built around keeping me from being conscious of what is. 

That's true for everyone. "World is not the way you think it is, world becomes exacly by the way you think" - Mooji.

There's enourmos enourmos amount of memory in you which is shaping your present experience. It would be true to say that you never experienced a single moment the way it is. What you experience is always distorted by your emotions, thoughts, ideas, prejudices, likes and dislikes, cravings and aversions etc.. all of that is what is called data or memory or karma. This data that is in you descides everything about you. How you walk, talk, breathe, think, feel, what you want, how you persceive life everything is descided by this data or memory aka karma in you.

11 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I really don’t know what to do about this. I could really use advice. This egoic structure is so deep I have no idea how to conquer this. Sitting in meditation is fucking hard. Being authentic feels impossible. Even running. There’s no area of day-day experience that this problem does not infect.

Thats right, this karma is affecting every single moment in you, you never experience reality as it actually is, your experience is shaped and distorted by lifetimes of memory or karma :D

"I have no idea how to conquer this." There are methods to become self-realized and there're methods to dissolve karma. It means you're dissolving everything that is influincing your perception, you're starting to see things just the way they are. you're going from untruth to truth. 

For example vippassana meditation has nothing to do with nondual mystical experiences, god like consciousness etc. The aim is to purely dissolve karma or cyclical memory in you. Even in nondual states of consciousness there're enourmos distortions happening in your experience. You're still not seeing the way things really are. That's why this question, "how do I know that what I experience is the ultimate truth?" Well the answer is nondual experiences are still not the ultimate truth, until there's a single like or dislike in your mind, even if it's somewhere in a subconcious mind, even if a slightest craving is there that means your experience is distorted experience. It's not the truth. That's why in Bhuddhism in vippassana they dissmiss any kinds of samadhi experience as useless, they are only concerned about dissolving karma. Which is actually a very smart attitude towards life and spirituallity. Unfortunatelly many spiritual seekers don't know about this and they can't even compute what I'm talking about here.

11 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I’m currently considering learning and taking up Hatha Yoga to get more back in touch with my body and also because I think it will help my studies in general + loosen up more. Despite all the mobility work I’ve done in conjunction to my running, I’m now extrodinarily stiff. all over.

Hmm.. actually sadhguru's surya kriya hatha yoga practice has an element of dissolving karma. So you would get both, health, mental benefits, getting in tauch with your body and also dissolving karma which is the whole point of spirituality.

 

Edited by Salvijus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now