kylan11

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About kylan11

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  1. Thank you all for sharing. Since it was 2 AM my time and I was tired af when I made this thread I didn't really go into details of the homicide story, which I'm gonna do now. 31 Dec 2021, 10 PM. Small party at my house. I had literally just bought it, 3 days earlier. No furniture. Just a big empty space with a carpet on the floor, dozens of hard liquor bottles and ashtrays. I was waiting for a few friends that were to join us later in the night. Me, my sister and (at the time) a friend with benefits of mine (thereby referred as M) each took an LSD gummy, 200mg. So I live in Naples. I kid you not this city is IN LOVE with fireworks. There hasn't been a single year without at least 10-15 people getting injured due to improper pyrotechnics. It's a meme throughout Italy. The whole night it sounded like fucking Baghdad. 3 AM. My friends finally came (A and T) and they took two gummies as well. Then they laid on the carpet, rolling some joints while waiting for the onset. My sister was in the other room with the window open. Not 5 minutes after my friends went inside, M remarks "jesus, it's 3 AM, are the fireworks still going off?". As she says that, I share a puzzled look with A. We were thinking the same thing. My response was: "you know what, now that you made me notice, these sound more like gunshots, actually". I think I was just trying to be a smartass. I was RIGHT. Literally 10 seconds later my sister storms into the living room and says "Guys, there's something serious going on outside." She heard a commotion and thought someone was stabbed or something. We all walk to the balcony. There's a guy DIRECTLY (like 40 feet) below us bleeding like water flowing from a broken pipe, grunting and crying. I have never seen more blood in my life. I distinctly remember looking into his eyes. HE WAS STILL ALIVE. I noticed he had been shot on the neck and jaw. No words can describe what I felt in that moment. I was one with him. I felt what he was feeling. He was so scared. No trace of the hardened criminal that (as I later learned) he was in life. A scared little child. What he once was, before fabricating this tough, violent mask he didn't even know he had. The mask had dropped. Just a frightened, little, fragile, divine child of God. Powerless. Terrified of the circumstances he was finding himself into. I felt so much LOVE towards him. A love that no attractive sequence of words can describe. This was, no doubt, a spiritual experience like no other before or after. Unfortunately my existential reflection was cut short due to my ego assessing the situation and realizing that holy shit, a murder was just committed a few feet from us. Police is gonna be swarming this street. We are directly above the crime scene. They will investigate, ask questions, look for security cameras. They might wanna enter my house. We are smoking so much weed they can probably smell it a mile away. We are tripping. We are FUCKED. So I panicked. I closed all the windows hoping that the smell would stay in the house. I told everyone to get inside. We were ready to throw everything in the toilet if it came to it. Later I learned that indeed the police talked to the neighbor directly below us. I don't know why they thankfully left us alone. Honestly I'm surprised I was able to stay so rational and relatively calm during the whole ordeal. Thank GOD it was a mild trip. I don't know what would've happened if any of us took more. The scene that followed was straight out a movie. I had never seen that many officers. Relatives of the victim were informed, including his parents. They screamed. They cried. They swore revenge. Try and imagine. CSI photographed the crime scene, took samples, the whole thing. Meanwhile we were in the 3rd floor tripping. Remember, my friends were out on the street exactly where it happened not 5 minutes before it happened. I had just bought the house. Crazy fucking night man. I've found an english article on the incident. There it is. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/italys-mobsters-settle-scores-under-cover-of-new-year-fireworks-8ls69l8v9 I should add that my sister WOULD NOT. FUCKING. GO INSIDE. Adding to my anxiety. She stayed on the balcony, in plain sight for everyone to see, all the time. She was in the midst of a very profound trip so I get it, but fuck. Never mind the police ("oh! you're a witness, good, what happened?"), it's never a good idea to get too curious about this kind of deep organized crime shit. Mind your own business. The whole criminal gang including the kingpin gathered around the poor fellow.
  2. As title says. I'm curious about the weirdest/most shocking thing that ever happened to you mid trip. Parents call, family emergency, police knock, all that. Basically real life situations or nightmare scenarios you were NOT prepared to face in that state. How did you react? What happened? What did you learn? Just to be clear, I mean strictly external, consensual reality factors. Nothing that your own mind generated (yes, I see the irony, you know what I mean) due to dark thoughts or ego resistence. Mine has to be when I literally witnessed a mafia homicide on LSD, right from my balcony. Haunting to say the least. The guy was shot twice in the head. Few minutes later my house was surrounded by cops while we were on the 3rd floor tripping and smoking weed. Literal nightmare. When I write that trip report it's gonna be one for the ages. What about yours?
  3. I can build the software to automate that in a few days. I would only need an approved user for the bot and an inexpensive server to host it. I can set it to automatically answer every thread or only when someone tags it. Could be an interesting addition to the forum. @Leo Gura Let me know your thoughts on that.
  4. Keep in mind that the effects vary greatly between individuals. I never experienced what you're talking about, but I would agree that generally it's much easier to go into paranoia and anxiety with edibles than it is with classical psychedelics. Plus it's psychologically addictive and really screws with your short-term memory, even if used occasionally. Overall I'd say it's a pretty mediocre drug. Since it's so mild it works well for relaxing after a stressful day or for a quick burst of creativity, but I don't think it's worth the downsides.
  5. Yea, I've noticed that weed in any form (actually, any psychoactive substance including alcohol) got way better, stronger and more profound for me since I've had psychedelic-induced awakenings, it seems to be somewhat of a common thing. My guess is that you become much more sensitive and observant to changes in your perception and consciousness, and feel more free and open minded to explore that particular state of being. Which only gets you into even deeper states. Not nearly to the extent that you're talking about, though, that's truly fucking amazing dude.
  6. There's a major difference to be made here between smoking cannabis and ingesting it thru edibles. I was a heavy weed user, at my lowest I was smoking like 10 joints a day, yet when I made cannabis cookies I got so high it became a full-on psychedelic experience. Like a mild mushroom trip with somewhat of a different flavour. There's a scientific explaination too: THC processing by the liver converts it to another, much stronger chemical psychoactive compound. I've heard Joe Rogan mention this as well. Yes, you're not gonna "trip" by smoking a blunt, but try ingesting that same amount of weed. Let me know how it goes.
  7. I couldn't disagree more. You are completely misunderstanding the nature and the good faith of my hypothesis. Very briefly, what I'm trying to do here is exactly the opposite: I HAVE HAD direct experiences that were paradygm shattering, more "real" and shocking than you could ever imagine, and my ego is in the (probably futile) process of trying to rationalize them into a coherent idea with some explanatory power over literally everything in existence. Think that's easy? We are fighting literally against ourselves in this attempt. You seem to think it's the other way around, some guy that has accepted New-agey thought as his lord and saviour and tries to justify it no matter what. Now, one more comment. Please do not immediately reject other interpretations of what is happening here as misguided attempts to fit into a convenient little narrative. Cause I have the feeling that your posts don't really come from a place of genuine open mindedness or curiosity to get to truth, they sound more like attempts to prove to others and mostly yourself that all spirituality is a delusion (I would argue, in order to defend your own delusion). I have been there and I understand. But there IS something profound to this (Is-ness itself) that cannot be possibly be denied, only taken for granted. Don't just put a label of "DOGMA" all around philosophical inquiry and dismiss it. I get your frustration, like I said, many people here are guilty of the same thing. But it's like you've put this label automatically to everything spiritual, and immediately stop listening. It's like a defensive mechanism used to conceal guess what? Your own personal dogma. Of which you have ZERO proof as well. (What is your definition of proof, by the way? There's a dogma hiding there too.) I have much more to say on this, but it's outside the scope and purpose of this thread.
  8. There's a case to be made that before you were born, you still existed, in an absolute sense. You just didn't know it. Meaning: there was just no YOU (as in ego) to form a sense of self and other, and experience other as self. There's nobody to think back on experience if you ARE experience. At one point, this process of individualization became such that you formed your first "conscious" memory, and the process of constructing an identity started. If you think about it, you don't remember anything from the first 3-4 years of your life, so by all means (if being is memory of past), you were NOT. Yet your parents saw you speak, play, and walk around at 4 years old. The same thing can be said about sleep. It also makes sense from a materialistic perspective because nothing cannot possibly generate something. So I'm logically sound on the fact that my true Self is immortal and eternal. Why did I choose to be limited to my POV right now? I don't know. Regarding your last point, yes, I agree with you. Many people on this forum are much less open-minded than one would expect from people that claim to reject dogma. But ego is a smart mofo. It always strives to create beliefs that become central to one's identity. It weaponizes and sacrifices truth for consistency through confirmation bias. Nobody can escape this process. One can only become aware of it and always be on the lookout, but never fully conquer it, because it would literally mean giving up your whole identity. Or, in other words, death. But hey, this is a lot better than church, so...
  9. That is undoubtedly true, but in my view, this is only the starting point to pursue serious philosophical inquiry. In fact, I think Truth goes deeper than what Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, and yourself have already eloquently expressed. Yes, reality is one, this, the present, NOW. The rest is concepts to keep me entertained. But how did this eternal NOW come about? Why? Why this way and not another way? Was this the only way I could construct a universe? To what extent am I separated or united in regards to the Absolute? Why did I decide to experience this illusion of limited egoic life? Am I conscious when I sleep? Is my girlfriend the same as me or am I imagining her? Can't she say the same? Using reason we can go further than "Oh yea, NOW." and in my opinion, we should. While this is enough to alleviate suffering, that doesn't stop the curiosity of an intelligent Being. What else is there to do that's meaningful, after all?
  10. Solipsism is the only logical conclusion to this question, but that seems to be only half of the truth (or part of the equation), because if it were the ONLY truth, by answering this way you are denying your own sovereign POV. Or you could choose to deny mine, and no matter how much I try to convince you that I am indeed another sovereign Being, your equal, I can never prove it to you, or vice versa. So I've thought about it deeply and here's one way that I'm trying to conceptualize it. Here it goes: there's ONE physical computer with solid hardware, with infinite RAM and processing power, and on this computer, there are billions of virtual machines running simultaneously. From their own perspective, they are a real computer with real hardware, but in truth, they are but a virtual partition of this one infinitely powerful PC. Each VM can exchange information via APIs on a LAN network hosted by the PC. Metaphysical solipsism, in my view, seems akin to a VM convincing itself that it is the only VM. And this is only logical, since a virtualized machine cannot definitely prove that there are others outside of itself. The VM environment is all it has ever known. Enlightenment, in this analogy, would be a VM realizing that it is a VM connected to the "real thing" by infinite layers of virtualization and interfaces, but never being able to fully have access to the all-powerful kernel. This would be a very basic high-level explanation that includes both panpsychism and solipsism. Of course, that leaves the question of why this Oneness has consciously decided to create all sorts of virtual partitions of itself. As simple, unrealized fragments of It, we can only speculate. My deepest trip into the void so far has left me with an interesting theory that includes self-love and the eternal orgasmic cycle of separation and reunification, but I'm humble enough to imagine that it is nothing but a minuscule part of the reason. I truly appreciate every comment. Thanks Leo, hopefully my silly analogy is not too distant from something profoundly true about this reality of ours.
  11. I'd start with Google IT Automation with Python. Great course, great instructors, a complete know-how to become a promising junior Python coder. Doesn't just deal with the code but also practical aspects about working in IT. I don't have any specific recommendations for the job hunt (I'm in Italy and I don't really know how it works outside of it :P) except making a professional looking LinkedIn profile (make sure to link your Google certification). I get about 10 job offers per month there. There's so much demand for programmers it feels like cheating when compared to the reality of finding a job as a young person in other fields. Well that depends, if you're looking to become a front end developer having a solid grasp of HTML and CSS is a great place to start. Yes, 2 months or less should be enough for you to become decent at Javascript, Typescript and Angular, granted you are serious and motivated. Following a structured online course is a good idea, even better if there's some sort of certification to show in your resume.
  12. So this question came up during my last psychedelic trip (a few months ago). I was having an intense spiritual experience, laughing like a maniac at the cosmic joke. The fact that each of us is constantly subconsciously searching for ourselves in everything except where we're supposed to, and never finding it (no shit) was so hilarious I couldn't stop. Meanwhile, this friend of mine – we'll call him Tom – who in the previous trip had the first awakening of his life, was struggling with this question, however, and I couldn't really answer it in a way that I found straightforward and satisfying. If we are all one, "Being" itself, and Being is Divine, Infinite awareness, why can we only perceive our own thoughts? More generally, even in profound mystical states of consciousness, we can see consensual reality dissolving along with its illusory boundaries, yet we seem to do so from "our own" point of view (POV). In that way, we are limited to one POV only, aren't we? Even if we reach Infinite states of consciousness and transcend habitual reality, that seems to only happen for that particular fragment of Being that we call "me". Through senses that seem to be bound to our body. So if I'm Tom, and assuming Tom's consciousness (my own) really did perceive a thought that said "I can only perceive my own thoughts", why wasn't it in my direct experience? Did that thought exist at all? Does Tom even have his own POV? If so, isn't there an "ownership" there? HIS qualia that is somehow distinct and inaccessible to me? There seems to be a force that keeps us separated in some very fundamental sense from being One qualia all the time. But if it's possible to trascend it during an enlightened human's lifetime, in higher planes of existence, why is there no verified case of telepathy ever? Shit, I'm sure I need to contemplate more on that. Any insight would be apprenciated.
  13. So I've basically spent my entire adult life so far (I'm 24) without experiencing a single fully lucid dream, even though I enjoy exploration of consciousness more than anything. This has always been frustrating for me, especially since my girlfriend (and many of my good friends, only girls though for some reason, something about feminine energy?) seems to be able to do it effortlessly, almost at will, and very frequently. In the last 12 hours I've had two. Major milestone for me. One was prior to my normal waking up in the morning (briefly turned a normal boring dream into a magnificent huge psytrance party where I was the DJ) and this other one, which ended no more than 20 minutes ago (it was just supposed to be a nap), was by far one of the most profound experiences of my life. This second dream was very dark, but allowed me to talk to an "avatar" of my subconscious and ask him what my mind was trying to communicate with me using this dream device. Amazing insights into myself and reality. I was also able to "spawn" two LSD tabs, which I took. I swear, try it in your lucid dreams if you can. Fucking glorious. As Leo and others know, your mind can generate psychedelic experiences without chemical help. Dreaming about taking psychedelics is one way. So, if you're like me and you've tried lucid dreaming for a while without success, do NOT give up. It's worth it. It may happen when you least expect it. I'm new to this and have lot to learn, but so far it has been incredible. My 2 cents: your memory is your greatest asset when trying to become lucid. Train it like it should. Don't just read books, study them like you would if you had a school test the next day. Quit smoking weed, it wrecks your short-term memory.
  14. Software Developer, fully remote, hands down. If you have a somewhat logical, problem-solving oriented mind, you can do a day's work in like 2 hours or less and then fuck around while keeping an eye for the occasional unexpected Microsoft Teams call. It's amazing how little it's expected of you as a junior programmer. Just spend 2-3 months learning the basics of programming (I'd pick Python and Java), find a job (stupid easy to get an entry level IT job in this day and age) and have fun. During the pandemic I was so addicted to weed I was stoned all day, could barely function, had serious short term memory deficits, yet I was able to keep my remote job without any issues and even be fairly productive. At least my manager seemed to think so. Plus you get to wake up at 8:59 AM, turn on your laptop and voilà, you're officially at work. Of course by doing the bare minimum you're not going to get promoted but it will be enough to get by while you cultivate your passions.