MDMA and Social Anxiety

[kylan11]

This is meant to be a reflection about a recent experience I had on low-dose MDMA and its potential use for treatment of social anxiety, which is a problem I've personally struggled with since high school due to constant bullying. It's not supposed to be a linear trip report.

See, I thought MDMA was gonna be a weird weed + alcohol-like feeling. When you drink, it's like a whole part of your brain shuts down and you become an extroverted, unencumbered version of yourself. And you know it. It feels free, fun, energizing. 

On MDMA? The usual thoughts are there. You retain a total lucidity that I did NOT expect, at all.

Your brain keeps throwing you the usual ego-fueled, self-referential, miserable shit like "I'm being awkward", "These people think I'm weird", "What should I do now?" and a thousand catastrophic scenarios of how you're gonna ruin the whole social gathering and how everyone is looking at you etc. and how ugly and cringe you are.

But here's the twist, all these usual thought patterns are entirely robbed of their emotional content. You are so hopelessly used to them immediately eliciting an emotional reaction that, when it doesn't come, you are immediately stunned. You are still at peace.

That feels so distinct and baffling that it opens up the possibility of reflection: Holy shit, guess what? Whatever happens now, whatever the fuck I say or do in this social situation... the Earth will keep spinning, the Sun will rise in the morning, and nobody fucking cares.

This is a thousand times more helpful than just shutting down your nervous system with alcohol. The latter will leave you with the feeling of "how nice it would be if I wasn't such an awkward piece of shit when sober". MDMA, on the other hand, teaches you that that black void of fear and anxiety can only grip you if you let yourself be captured by such useless mind-chatter, that will vaporize at first glance if you simply observe.

I knew that already, conceptually, but experiencing it as a real possibility for YOU is something else. As I'm sure you know very well if you've dabbled in any kind of spiritual work.

Mind you, this was a low dose experience. I don't know exactly how much I took. No boundless feeling of love or anything metaphysically significant. But it does have its place in snapping you out of things you thought were an indivisible part of you.

Have you guys had any similar experience? Did the insight stick or fade away in time? I'd like to eventually try a bigger dose.

[theleelajoker]

The emotional content you mention - what do you think, it's truly a obstacle to overcome or is a feature of reality , like a quest in a video game? Or both?

IME, you go MOSTLY go back. Welcome to the show. Ready for the second act? Grap your popcorn 🍿

[JosephKnecht]

1 hour ago, kylan11 said:

Have you guys had any similar experience? Did the insight stick or fade away in time? I'd like to eventually try a bigger dose.

Yes. I think MDMA removes all your inhibitions temporarily.

The lesson of psychedelics is to reveal to you what is possible within you.

Additionally, you can gain valuable reference experience from those moments and apply it to the rest of your life.

At higher doses, it makes you super loving to everyone and everything.