samijiben

I have reached a critical junction in my life and call upon the graceful wisdom of the Actualized.org community to help guide me. For background, I am 21 years old. I spent the last four years living abroad. Israel, India, Nepal. Sitting back home in California, It's almost like I never went. The memory is just dust. But, I swear, when I was there, it was the time of my life. Anyways, fast forward to present day and I, Ben, will be going to university. The problem is, well... the problem is that university is not in alignment with my vision. But I'll get to that later. Need more background. I left to Israel when I was sixteen, spent a year "studying" in university, got kicked out of the school because of a romantic escapade, returned home for a few months, found work, and off I was to Nepal, and I stayed there and also in India for a year, after which I had gotten accepted into university but declined, so returned home again, worked again, and returned right back to South Asia. So, all my life, I kinda knew that I wouldn't end up working for a bloke, nor would I settle for a senior position in an established company. Fuck all that nonsense. I won't live my life having to wake up for another person. The video "Should You go to University" beautifully illustrates the poiint that university can impede on certain goals. My goal, my objective, my vision, is kind of like this: I want to be financially free as soon as possible so that I can actualize my plan to spend the next ten years around the globe, learning languages. I love to learn languages and travel, so I want to do that. I like doing that very much. It makes me feel alive. This idea of travelling around the world and learning languages — that is, on my own accord, as opposed to that of some group or program — is great but hard to make a career. I don't want to vlog or be some reporter journalist fucking skunk. I want to travel on my own terms, doing what I do best — learning languages and making field-analyses and on-the-spot investigations into human nature. The thing is, I'm quite lazy. For years, I had an idea of creating an online business that sells hemp and wool clothes out of Nepal and makes 10x profit, but I never even tried. I had all the resources, connections, and time, too. I'm just fuck all lazy, especially in the cloud of this fucking hash. I recognize that to do what I want, I'll need some remote income. That has to be my main source of income. Not just for the purpose of enabling my plan to have financial mobility and travel around the world, but for the even bigger picture goal of not wanting to be tied down by an individual company or corporation. Therefore, I decided that the answer is freelancing some remote skill. Not some virtual assistant entry level bullshit. A real career, offering a solid service. Something that requires real skill and has a high ceiling. I had gotten accepted into a great uni back when I was 18 but declined to go. I decided to keep fucking around in Asia. Time well spent! This time, I am sure I am going. The biggest reason is my parents. They are paying for the whole thing. They have no qualms doing that, even after I explained to them over the course of years that I do not think university is for me and that it'd be a waste of money. My hacker friend told me that if I want to do what he does, which, to my eyes, looks like click-clacking away at the computer and making money, enabling him to travel around the world, I have to learn computers. He told me to get a computer, install linux, and start learning how a computer works. So this is what I have started to do. I got this big, fat old book about the linux programming line, and I'm taking this free python course also. The learning curve is pretty intense. It's nothing like learning a language. It's more like learning 30 languages at once, and there's always questions and unfilled spaces where I just don't know what's going on. It seems like you kinda got assume some magic sorcery going on to use a computer. Anyways, that's not the point. The point is, I've decided to go full-in on this programming-computer stuff with the goal of becoming financially independent, by which I mean making at least 3 grand a month, in the next two years. I plan to self-study most of my time, my major is linguistics which should be easy. I'll just pour most of my resources and time into studying this computer shit. Hopefully I'll be able to jump ship a year or two into university. I told my parents that I imagine myself dropping out of university, and they still want to send me. They say, "Ben, just go for one semester, see what it’s like!" You see, my parents are hell-bent on their son going to university no matter the price. They seem to think that university means my ticket to success. I am going, therefore, both to appease my parents and because going there offers me some kind of launching pad, a place where I can do my work and live for free. My parents said that if I really don't want to go to university, I have to fuck right off now. So, yeah, it makes sense to go, if only to use my time to try to get out of there ASAP. So, yeah, that's about it, I wanted to hear what anyone has to think about my plan. One problem that has already arisen is that laziness I was talking about. At first, like the first few days, I felt pretty good, learned how to make directories and move files around and can even send an encrypted message. But I've been lagging and know I need to put wayyy more time into this if I am to achieve the goal of making money remotely in two years or less. The whole computer world seems fascinating, but it's not a field that I am particularly passionate about. Nevertheless, I concluded that this is the only reasonable plan considering my goals. Again, I want maximum location mobility and freedom. I want to travel around the next few years and learn different languages. And I need remote income for that. What better plan is there? Now I have university as a fail-safe so my plan B can be to graduate university with a fucking degree if this doesn't workout. But that would be the worst possible scenario. My parents say, you'll still be young, only 24, after you get out of college, that's more than enough time to travel the world. But they don't understand. I've experienced the joy of travelling solo around the jungles and slums of India at 18 years old. There's nothing like it. I wanna get back out there now. And, even if I did pursue university, that would only help me get a job, and I do not want a job. That would tie me down to some location and further delay my goal to jump town and go to Kyrgyzstan or China or something. Anyways, done rambling, what do you all think of my plan? Any advice? Is this realistic?

Good! Great! So DO IT! also, as for the family, dude, you're almost 30, you're getting old. Even if you had "the perfect family" (which, by the way, does NOT exist), it's time to jump gun. Start moving and working toward your independence if you love the only thing you have: yourself

Listen here, cupcake. Go to Michigan or whatever. Or go abroad to Vietnam. Do something. You got 20,000 bucks, that ain't chump change. There are people 20,000 in debt and counting and with far worse mental problems than you. You are in a good place, all things considered. Go find a job anywhere doing anything and get a shitty studio or live out of a van. Then you can learn some skill if you don't want to take advantage of the one you already have and tutor kids in chess as others suggested. Problem there is that all requires action and you gotta get up off yo ass and stop with the mental loop bullshit. It comes down to you knowing exactly what you gotta do to save yourself but you not doing it. Just gotta rip off the bandaid. Aint no one coming to save you bro. What do you think?

The past is a fantasy, and it also happens to be a dead one, so if that's what you want to share with your girlfriend (a dead fantasy), then go for it. But I remind you of the possibility to be in a relationship that is alive and creative, that never finds itself reminiscing because it's always at the edge, the tip, the breaking point. No room for history, not to mention personal history, when everything is on the line now. Live in a real way. Don’t resort to having to talk about these things in your personal past to someone else, let alone a girlfriend, or even yourself. Don't get caught up in the past. You got life right now to look at, and that can and must be shared with everyone some way.

If you yourself forgot what happened, then what she gonna do?

Instead of bringing another person into this world, spend your time helping one that already exists. Otherwise, devote all your attention to yourself as the entire field of sensational goodness that must be God. Obviously, having a kid is a personal choice. You would probably be well equipped to have some money and the slight remnants of a plan before you get intl the child-bearing business. Having a kid means caring for their survival. It probably also means a wife, a house, and a job. Now, if you want that kind of conventional life, a kid is for you. The other way is to have a kid with no regard for their life, like Genghis Khan. But anyone with a university degree and any bit of cultural decency will tell you that that's a bad decision, a reckless decision, and an invalid motivation to have a kid. If you just want to impregnate a woman with your child for the purpose of going on with your life under the conviction of a father, that is fine, but what would be the purpose of having a kid anyway? Ask yourself why you really want to have a kid, and understand that having a kid usually necessitates taking care of that kid. In my personal opinion, you should only take on that responsibility if you already care for yourself fully and unabashedly. But if you cared for yourself fully and abashedly, why the fuck would you want a kid?

I made a new year's resolution to not ask any people any questions. I am travelling still. I get asked many questions. Where are you going, what are you doing, where are you from, how did you learn our language, do you have business here, do you want to come with me, have you eaten your lunch yet, Sir? For fuck's sake! People speak so much. And they do it in a robotic way. I know because everyone (most people, anyways) ask the same, mindless questions. This is all in the effort to "get to know you," by the way, but what fucking difference does it make as to the effect of "who I really am" if I'm from Mexico or Kashmir? Anyways, this all came about because I got tired of being asked so many questions. At times I felt like the subject of an interrogation, but usually just bogged down by the monotony of small talk. At the root, it seems like I am fed up to a certain extent with average human communication. It always turns sour fast. The first smile fades and you realize that this motherfucker wants something from me. Even if he doesn't know he wants something from me, he wants something. Maybe it's immaterial like attention. Usually it's material like money. In any case, I want shit to do with it. For this reason, I have proposed said new year's resolution in the name of compassion, solitude, and silence. Chatgpt can help me navigate this God forsaken country, and in the meantime, I will be issuing orders for tea from now on instead of politely asking the man if he can give me a cup. No questions, no question about it. Move in silence. If opportunity for genuine connection arises, then I snatch it like hungry dog. Blessings to Actualized.org communidad

I am still caught up in the massive volume of shit that clouds the way and effectively prevents the emergence of real freedom. There is so much shit. Every avenue I face is jampacked: I'm swimming in the shit here, folks, and I want to get a chance at seeing something new. For context, I have completely lost my mind and have nothing to stand on. My moment to moment existence is an unending journey of the harrowing depths of shit that continue to stretch out into the horizon, the brown, gleamy abyss. I want out. God, give me the power to fix my broken, lying ways, let me cry for the seriousness of my shit, and may your light dawn upon us sooner than later, for I am growing tired of this shit.

Staying grounded in truth while engaging socially seem incompatible. If anyone has an answer to your riddle, I would be happy to hear it..

What is the best mode of behavior considering the circumstances? How would you carry yourself, speak, use body language, and make an effort to connect with others? Let's say you have all the above under control: you can choose how to act. Depending on what kind of folk you find yourself with, and considering what goal you have, granted that you have one, you would want to optimize your behavior accordingly. Let's say you want to make an impression of being the smartest one in the room, by far? So, how would you act? What would you do? How would you use all the communicative tools at your disposal, like the subtelities of body language, tone of speech, and even such specifics as eye contact and blinking frequency... — to achieve your goal? Let's say the goal is to come across as a respectful, humble person — same questions apply. How would you optimize your behavior to this end? Let's say the goal is to be seen as confident and mature? Let's say the goal is to be seen as no-one, that is, not to be seen, to blend into the room, to fit in naturally, to "become one of them?" I could go on. There are all kinds of different goals you may have considering the circumstances, the people you are with, and how you wish them to perceive you. So, for each desired outcome, how would one optimize their behavior to achieve it? There are obviously so many factors at play here such as where you are, who you are with, what they are doing, and much more. Still, I want answers, people! Thanks

Thanks

Good for you. Next step is follow-through cash-out. This is where you gotta dangle your balls in front of the world because you want em licked, you dirty bastard. Who you are and what you want has nothing to do with your persona-game of getting them titties in your face. You should change your bio to this: "I bear witness to the reality that I am a titty devil and Leo Gura is the motherfucker that I use to buttress this point while simultaneously ignoring it because, deep down, I know better." Mashallah

No, actually, you are asking nonsense question, Princess. If I said, blahblahblah, look at my toes, now look at my arse, now scratch it while doing a backflip and EXCALIM "OM MANI PADME HUM!" And this is not even to mention you are expecting an answer?? And have audacity to say other people response not logical enough??? Your op didnt even pose a proper question. You just said, look here, look there, now abracadabra whizzlepop, what happened? Explain me that. No! No one gonna explain you that! You are fknnnn insane! Insane! If you are not joking, and seriously looking for an explanation for whatever the fuck kind lf question you hopefully don't still have, then 1st place to look is psychiatrist office. All the best, Princess.

I also believe you are strawmanning the fuck out of Israel. If savages came into your backyard, raping the women and burning the babies, what happens next? To call it a genocide is intellectual laziness. The issue is more nuanced than that.

How do you figure the dog dies before you pull the trigger? This is not Einstein's physics. This is Gura's physics.