Verg0

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Posts posted by Verg0

  1. Posted

    I want to move out (feel like that is quite an important step towards my life purpose and my personal development in general) and that requires a little bit of money so I need to get a new job. 

    Any ideas for a high paying job that doesn't require a college degree and that is possible to apply for during covid? In the best case even a job that can teach a very useful skill for life in general ^_^

  2. Posted

    One of the next possible steps towards realizing my life purpose is to do an shamanic apprenticeship.

    Possible action steps that I´ve discovered so far: 

    -Buy one that is offered online (extremely expensive, not unique and kind of a bad commercial vibe)

    -Visit different Ayahuaca retreats and ask the shamans that truly resonate for an apprenticeship. (expensive and must be executed over a long timespan)

    -Travel to South America and search randomly (kind of dangerous?) 

    Any thoughts about how to find an authenic shaman who is ready to take on a student? Where to go? How to search? 

  5. Posted

    Great shows that were not recommended yet: 

    Casshern Sins (dystopia, what does it mean to be human, what is death) 

    Ergo Proxy (what does it mean to be me?)

    Texhnolyze (Nihilism) 

    Haibane Renmei (what is heaven, life and death, culture, angels)

    Kaiba (what is memory, who am I) [more spiritual] 

    The Tatami Galaxy (is there a perfect life) [very spiritual, just a masterpiece] 

    Kino no Tabi (travel, freedom, belief systems) [similar to Mushishi] 

    Great movies:

    All Satoshi Kon Movies 

    Tekkon Kinkreet

    Tenshi no Tamago

    Night is short, walk on girl 

  6. Posted

    Great recommendations, thank you! I really love Mushishi ^_^

    Here are some great philosophical / spiritual anime:

    Barakamon (Peaceful living, life purpose) 

    NHK ni Youkoso! (Social anxiety and life as a nerd) 

    Casshern Sins (dystopia, what does it mean to be human, what is death) 

    Ergo Proxy (what does it mean to be me?)

    Monster (Morality, Life and Death, psychology) 

    Serial Experiments Lain (ideas about the internet in 1998) 

    Texhnolyze (Nihilism) 

    Shinsekai yori (Growing up, culture) 

    Haibane Renmei (what is heaven, life and death, culture, angels) [more spiritual] 

    Kaiba (what is memory, who am I) [more spiritual] 

    Ping Pong the Animation (Mastery, life purpose) 

    The Tatami Galaxy (is there a perfect life) [very spiritual, just a masterpiece] 

    Kino no Tabi (travel, freedom, belief systems) [similar to Mushishi] 

    Great movies:

    All Satoshi Kon Movies 

    Saint☆Oniisan (Movie) 

    Tekkon Kinkreet

    Tenshi no Tamago

    Night is short, walk on girl 

  8. Posted

    Part of my Life Purpose is that I want to lead people to the realization of Infinite / Divine Love and Infinite Self-Understanding, but first I need to define it clearly for myself, have realizations into the nature of it and embody these things in my own life more. 

    My questions: How do you define Self-Understanding for yourfelf? How do you define Infinite Love? 

    How do you realize / awaken to Infinite Self-Understanding and Infinite / Divine Love? 

    What are you doing daily to integrate and embody these realizations? 

     

    How I define Self-Understanding so far (I have formulated it in the form of affirmations):

    Self-Understanding is the Awareness of Truth. I understand myself/ my Self as God, as infinte consciousness, as that which is unlimited, one and self-created. I am Truth. Therefore I recognize that I am always already free. My true nature is bliss. I am worthy. I realize that infinite abundance is always here. I do not lack anything. Joy and fulfillment are natural to me. I am able to do what I want when I want. I am at peace I am in alignment. I have got an understanding of my own capabilities, character, feelings and motivations. I know who I am. I am Love. From being in harmony with God, I recieve wisdom. Wisdom is the power to percieve Truth and the ability to make the best us eof the knowledge of Truth. 

    How I define Divine Love so far: 

    Absolute, Infnite, Divine Love is the essence of Truth, Consciousness, God, Reality and my Self. It is ablolute acceptance of everything. I love everything and everybody. Love is the Awareness of the beauty of creation. Love is Selflessness. The purpose of my life is to love. I love all men as God. Everything that happens in the universe, happens to maximize Love. Love is having a vision for my life and a vision of what I can offer to mankind. Absolute, Infinite, Divine Love is unconditional. I am unconficionally loved by God. 

    What I already do: 

    Daily meditation, affirmations, being in nature, journal, doing psychedelics, reading books, meeting like-minded people, be as loving, accepting and present as I can

    What I want to do now: 

    Create a specific vision of myself embodying these things, study spiritual texts, do reatreats (darkeness, vipassana, isolation, psychedelic), try fasting, get a mentor 

     

    Do you have any more ideas? How are you guys doing it? What kind of intentions do you set for a psychedelic journey when you want to explore these themes?

    Thank you for your time, I really apprechiate it.  ^_^

     

  10. Posted

    Heyy! 

    I just met a woman at a little healing gathering a month ago and we started to connect very quickly. After the week ended we started to spend a lot of time together and we got to know each other on a deeper level. 

    What comes up a lot when we spend time together is that she feels like I am hurting her through my words and actions. Even though my intentions are purely to love her in her being and support her on her way, she still feels like I am holding her back or I am mean or just focusing on myself and at the same time harrasing her in some way. She often gets very very emotional (even with little things I don't even recognize) and I don't know how to deal with it.  In these situations I get very quiet and meditative because I just don't see the significance of giving these 'problems' the importance that she expects me to give them. I don't want to give up my sense of peace and happiness for petty little problems that an ego mind is clinging to, so I just stay in my space of peace. 

    I think a relationship is a beautiful mirror and a very good chance to reflect on my behavior and become more aware and conscious in everyday life. So I thought I would start to work on my communication skills and learn  a lot about relationships and sex to develop and improve myself in that area. I'm at a point in my life where I have a lot of freedom and I am in the researching phase of realizing my life purpose.  But I can't improve my relationship skills instantly overnight. 

    So on the one hand I take responsibility for my actions and try to improve myself and our connection but on the other hand I see in her a deeply traumatized person that is very sensitive, gets easily mad and angry, holds on to the past, doesn't love herself, doesn't even want to take responsibility or improve/learn/self actualize/become more spiritually aligned and has a completely different worldview and slightly different values than myself. That part triggers me because in my last relationship I spend 3 years trying to inspire my partner to go on that journey with me and it got to the point where I realized that it will not happen, no matter what I do because I cannot change another person. And now the same dilemma comes up for me again. I want to love her unconditionally but at the same time I feel a deep 'wish' in myself (or I have the expectation?) that I want to create a vision with a partner that is also passionate about Self-Understanding,  the embodiment of Love and spiritual practice or Self Actualization. And I don't know why, but I feel the desire to help her, support and give her the tools so that she can heal herself to match my (or hopefully 'our' ) vision more. 

    Another thing I noticed in myself is that I have the fear of hurting someone else. So I tend to hold my full potential back and/or sacrifice myself for the well being of another person. I guess that is something I need to work through. 

    And now I'm at a point where I don't know what to do or say to her anymore (yes I tried to communicate everything I just said here with her). I don't even know how to think about the situation, because everytime I try to think about it (or everytime I am in the situation where she get's so emotional) my mind goes straight into silence (which is also a beautiful thing I guess haha, but not really practical). 

    And the last thing is that I don't really feel needy or like I need a partner in my life right now, because I want to focus my attention on my life purpose (which is also something that requires that I need to spend time alone and do solo retreats or move to a different place etc.). But again, I can also imagine to go on that journey in a relationship where we lift each other up. 

    Thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts or questions about more details, please feel free to answer! I would really appreciate it. ^_^

    Verg0 

     

  14. Posted

    @astrokeen Thanks for your kind concerns! ^_^

    2 hours ago, astrokeen said:

    have your parents noticed anything different about you? How are you relating to them and to other people?

    Not really, maybe that I am loving life more than ever. I have a very loving and unproblematic relationship with my parents. We spend a few hours a day together and have a lot of fun and good conversations every day. They are a bit concerned (in a loving, caring way) about my use of psychedelics but they accept it (but they don´t know how often or when I am doing it and they don´t want to know it). 

    To other people I am relating totally normal. Maybe a  bit more authentic. 

    2 hours ago, astrokeen said:

    Please do take care of your health. Are you being able to exercise and eat healthily while micro dosing? 

     Yes, I am exercising every day (more than ever) and I am eating more healthy than ever. 

    2 hours ago, astrokeen said:

    Take a day off in between to make sure you are not suffering from withdrawal and have an urgent need to get back at DMT the next day - a sure sign that you are addicted.

    Yes I will do that and already did it yesterday. I think I am done with the microdosing, but I will continue to take a trip every few days. I will also take a 2 week long break, because I will be traveling a little bit. 

    At the moment it just feels like an extreme cold shower, or like visiting the greatest teacher in the universe. I just jump into the ocean of infinite Beauty every once in a while and remember how precious this life is. How beautiful this existance is. What a gift it is to be alive. What a miracle it is that we are not only part of this Infinite Beauty and Love but that we are IT. 

  18. Posted

    I have one true friend right now. It is kind of a blessing to have someone to connect with that is somewhat on the same page.

    I like to spend time with like minded people.

    What do I get out of the relationship? Fun, laughter, someone to experience adventures with, great conversations and a different perspective. 

    I guess the question "Why do I need friends?" only you yourself can anwser. I think it´s different for everybody. You can build connections with people who are deeply connected to your heart, who you can trust and support and who you genuinely want to be happy or if it feels right for you to live in solitude at the moment (or for the rest of your life) then do that. Follow your heart.