h inandout

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About h inandout

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    Lesser Chimp
  • Birthday 11/21/1988

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  1. Thanks for the question!
  2. I am in an "Inner Tracking" course right now. We mostly work with guided meditations that the teacher has worked with to release emotion that has been stored very deeply in our emotional system. Tonight we did some work with the inner child, and things have a tendency to come up that you completely forgot about when you open yourself up to allowing someone to guide you through this work. A memory of a time when I was 8 and I felt deep sorrowful compassion came up for me tonight. I came back as an adult and told that little girl that she doesn't have to be stuck there anymore. I realized that literally noone else could do this for me but me, and I felt so much release from doing this work that I was sobbing. I realized that if I do choose to have compassion, really, it is helping me nuture that place within myself that really needs to know that there is compassion out there in the world for me and for everyone. This is so rewarding. I also have learned to lovingly give people back their burdens for then to take and do as they need. It would be selfish and unsustainable for me to take on their suffering as my own, and thus amplify it, rather than assisting their release. I feel so connected and that to keep doing and cultivating the Work within myself is one of the mpst important things I can pffer the world.
  3. Love your sibling even though they have not had an opportunity to come to their own personal realizations of the meta-nature of the universe. Allow your view to be known, and that is enough. If there is fertile soil, the seed will grow.
  4. I am wondering about other people's perspective on the things that get stirred up when meditating. Meditating too much actually brings me a great deal of heart pain. I also notice that when I center my awareness of higher order spiritual concepts - like the timeless nature of the universe - that I have a vicerally fearful reaction. Intellectually, these concepts mostly give me peace because they helps me make sense of things... Where is the discrepancy?
  5. If I could do my engineering degree agaim, I would absolutely take more time to do fun interesting creative things with my friemds and aquaintances. We're in this thing for the long haul anyways right. Today I am trying to remind myself to slow down on the path I've chosen to allow answers to come to me. NASA is a great goal. Maybe even narrow down what skill you would like to bring to an organization like NASA and focus on cultivating that skill. Even if you don't end up there, as you interact with people and tell them your fantastic goal, a path will begin to unfold in it's own time. No hurry, just enjoyment.
  6. You are absolutely right about this being a tricky situation. No matter how much you beg for love and aproval and respect, your parents will never be able to satiate the deamon that has resulted from your self-hate filter. Yes that is tricky, and I know about that, and I want you to know that whhile your sense of dread is not misplaced, that there are ways to bypass those glass walls that keep you from becoming you most passionate loving self. By now you are aware that you thoughts shape your actions and your actions shape your universe. Stop reading for a second and breath that in. Say, "Mom, I forgive you for not being who I needed you to be. I now take responsibility for doing my own personal best as I move forward." No this mantra will not work overnight. So, remember that also, by now, you have felt what it's like to change your mind about something, and to be more allowing of another's perspective. Breathe that in. Let it sit with you for a moment when you need it, and then set it aside and work on something else.
  7. @sjonesartist It is possible to be addicted to praise. I had was so successful and so praised academically that as soon as began to encounter the real world and my own individual need for self expression, all I could hear in my head was a gaping void of praise partly because I had surpassed my mom's awareness of what was praise worthy. Usually that void got filled with snippy side comments that I picked up from incomplete conversations. To this day, I find myself seeking out relationships with older people who will simply tell me they believe in me without having to beg them for it. I wish my mom would tell me directly that she believes in my ability to do the best I can for myself always. She doesn't appear to want to or understand why that's so important but she refuses to be my yes man. So really there is a big miscommunication/misunderstanding between what we are saying to each other. I hope my perspective is helpful?
  8. Which one feels like it would enrich you personally the most? I went to study engineering and realized I didn't like it and that I wished I had more real-world work skills so I went out to find work instead. There is less of a formula for the order in which we have to do things as adults. We are all equals in this learning experience we are sharing.
  9. I think you can find the tools to come out of your specific variety of neuroticism best on you own because nobody knows you better than you. Try to be more creative and brave and loving about the way you approach anxiety.
  10. Go be amongst people who are hip and whole. Aya can be just as much of a cultural experience as a botanical or psychological one. It's like finding a soul mate, the opportunity might drop into your lap when you're least expecting it...
  11. @Visitor that's beautiful! I would love to see what happens if you feel called to finish that painting, like maybe even just finish defining the lids, and put it out into the world to see who's attention it catches? Such striking symbology come out of attunement with subtler sub-concious energies... Thanks for the rhodiola tip. I am not sure how all these realizations amalgamated, but it was something about the seductive black slipery energy of the snake that brought me into a really subtle enchantment with death, which - don't ask me how - allowed for my intellectual awareness of the terror that has been my battle with self-esteem and mom issues to go to a mystically, emotionally experienced whole awareness so that it could actually be an obstacle of support to my purpose on this journey rather than being an annoyance that I know but don't get. This is my interpretation based on where my mind-body-spirit has taken me. Deja vu, whether in the 3rd dimension or in the dream space, to me means: pay attention! Your being is creating repetative experiences to inform you that it is time to integrate what has been learned in between and move into the next karmic cycle. That's cool you could have such vivid experiences. The reason I've been getting into this really is because I've been listening to Michael Meade's album on Fate and Destiny. Michael Meade's work is a lot like that of Joseph Campbell in using myth to inform our journey. His extensive body of work really suggests that when we are in touch with our big dreams we are being guided back to our deep self, and our truer sense of connection to oneness and conversely to our seperate purposes.
  12. I write down a lot of relatively superficial dreams too. The point of the exercize is to allow those patterns of small malaises to emerge and cohear, and to also be in the habit of it for when you mind really is trying to tell you something big. Big dreams keep us from living petty lives. It also makes life more magical and mystical in a realistic way.
  13. Saw a snake in my dream last night and because of the startling nature of the image, first I realized I shouldn't be eating bread anymore (I wasn't recognizing the signs conciously). And that the reason that I have failed to land a career is because the little child in me still hasn't accepted the responsibility and priviledge of actually earning an adequate income. Mostly because my mom chastised me for having low self esteem because that was a quality that she left in me and doesn't like in herself and is thusly projecting her self hate onto me. Now I can begin the important work of encouraging and loving and embracing that inner child, because anything less than loving her would be dishonest. Tell me that writing down your dreams isn't a valuable tool. Lol.
  14. Sometimes we have to live with our choice even when we see the potential of another choice. Should I get pie or cake, or no maybe I should get a healthy snake instead, but that will affect the drink I choose! It's normal. It's okay either way, and while the indecision will make you uncomfortable, you will be happy once you are forced to have a path. Try to pick one you have a preference for, and be okay with the fact that you can only one you for now, and that later you will have opportunities to experience other wonderful things. You will also be allowed to learn both fun and hard lessons from the path you do choose. Try to imagine yourself in each scenario for a few minutes and listen to your own subconcious indications to which one makes you feel happier for the next few months (not more logical or even more long term).