Amazing Results in Emotional Healing with MDMA

11 posts in this topic

Hello everyone!

Just like many of you guys, I used to struggle with a lot of emotional baggage. I mediate every day since 2017, plus I had quite some mushroom trips. And I still felt miserable, I could not integrate my insights. At the beginning of 2021 I discovered MDMA and I'd like to document my results after about eight trips in the course of this year.

My Situation in January, 2021:

  • I lived with my parents, lots of conflicts with them.
  • I considered myself a highly sensitive person, constantly feeling overwhelmed by basically everything.
  • I had a crippling fear of other people.
  • I could not set boundaries: I would work too much, eat too much,...
  • I could not focus on one thing at a time.
  • Working would trigger fear of death.
  • I could only work for 2 to 3 hours per day and would feel totally miserable while working.
  • I had an underpaying job as a language teacher, could not support myself.
  • I was well-educated, but had no idea what to do with my life.

The Healing Process with MDMA

I weigh about 65 mg of MDMA plus a microdose of magic mushrooms (about 0.16 gr). This is an ideal combination for me, I get more creative with the mushrooms.

 I am sensitive to these substances, so I don't need much. Regarding MDMA it's especially important not to take too much and not to trip too often. Nowadays I trip about every six weeks, the periods of abstinence have become longer.

I meditate in the living room with my two roommates (one of them is my brother). Then I take the substances, set an intention, and continue to mediate. As soon as the MDMA kicks in, I'll lay down in my bed. I talk about stuff which moves me, and my roomies are my "therapists". It works like in this manual by MAPS:

After about 2 hours, as soon as the effects start to fade away, I take the second dose of MDMA, about 30 mg.

The experience is just incredibly nice. I never felt fear in the process, MDMA is far from being as scary as other psychedelics. It's like psychotherapy on steroids: You talk about stuff that bothers you, deep-seated trauma. In my case it was mainly my birth. It was tough and confusing to have a near-death experience back then, already feeling you're back with the Absolute and then abruptly being born in a Cesarean; I was born after only seven months in my mom's womb and with only a third of the weight babies usually have when they are born. One of my core beliefs was that I did not deserve to live.

In the MDMA sessions I could access the trauma easily and feel more and more love for all my past suffering. I could see the intelligence behind it. I could accept it. In the weeks after the sessions I integrated the insights.

My Situation in December, 2021:

  • I live with two roommates in a great apartment. We love self actualization and support each other on our paths. Good relationship with my parents.
  • I wouldn't consider myself highly sensitive anymore. This was just a label, an identity which has been perpetuating itself. I still feel intense emotions but I guess that's totally normal and I can deal with them.
  • I feel a much broader spectrum of emotions. I finally begin to understand what joy and bliss are.
  • Minor fear of other people.
  • I can set boundaries automatically in most cases. If my boundaries are crossed, I'll notice it relatively quickly.
  • I can focus on things and get them done.
  • I love working.
  • I can work long hours, 8 to 10 hours per day if necessary.
  • Relatively well-paid job in teaching, I can support myself and afford some little luxuries. 
  • I'm on track with my career in journalism. I already write about one to two articles per week for the local newspaper, and started networking within the organisation and with local politicians and activists. I'll be working full-time for the paper from April onwards. 

So here you go, these are my results. For those of you doubting if personal development works: It does definitely work, you just need to find the right method. As for emotional healing, I prefer MDMA over all other psychedelics, because you can go very deep and integrate your learnings relatively easily. And yet it's not scary. You don't drift off into madness. You simply talk about everything that's important to you, and it feels like you got God's support in the process.

Much love <3

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That's absolutely amazing, seriously. God damn I'm happy for you:D

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@Advocate Wonderful! Sounds amazing. A few questions:

1)  Have you ever done MDMA by yourself, and if not would you consider it?

2) Following on from the above, how important is having other people to communicate to during the trips?

3) How does a low dose of 60mg MDMA feel? Do you get any of the hyper-stimulation, restlessness, jaw clenching etc?


"Find what you love and let it kill you." - Charles Bukowski

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Very nice!

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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It's great to hear that MDMA worked for you. 

My ex boyfriend used to be an ecstasy addict before he met me, his cycle of addiction ended when he tried candyflipping for the first time. I took MDMA with him a few times too, however when we took it the trip quickly turned into sex/porn marathon because that was how he used it all of his life. While it was good to talk openly about pretty much anything, I felt weird and uncomfortable most of the time. He even told me I was the only person he saw that resisted to the high of the MDMA. I wish we used it solely for personal development rather than recreational purposes. Maybe we were taking it too much but I was feeling shitty for a week after the trip ended. I don't plan to use it again for a long time. 

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@Tim R @Leo Gura @Nahm @Space  Thank you, guys. I really appreciate your work in this forum.



1) I have never done MDMA by myself, although sometimes I felt like being alone during the trips and so the others leave me alone for 20 mins or so. Actually, I'd consider doing it by myself, just as an experiment.

2) There is something special about communicating with others on MDMA. It feels totally natural to talk about stuff you would normally hesitate to share with others. Sometimes my brother's guidance can be too much, then I'll tell him to give me more space. At other times his guidance is super valuable, because he can see through the mind's blind spots (projection, distraction etc.).

3) The experience is relatively "normal", especially if you take very pure MDMA. Your body feels warm and you feel love. I did not experience the side-effects you mentioned except a bit of jaw clenching in one or two trips.

I used to feel very tired after the trips, it felt like I did not have any remaining serotonin in my system. It has gotten better because of the more pure MDMA, and I guess because of the mushrooms which I did not take during the first couple of trips. 5HTP and Magnesium supplements after the trips also help.

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@decentralized Thank you for sharing your experience! Too bad that it turned out for you that way. Yes, the dose was probably too high and the substance was not pure enough. If this was the case, it makes sense that you felt terrible for a week after the trip.

I've never used MDMA for recreational purposes and honestly wouldn't know how.

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@Advocate by the way you might be doing it too frequently, as far as I know you need to give it a break for 3 months before having a new trip. That substance leads to addiction terribly quickly, so be careful with that! 

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@decentralized  You’re right, at the beginning I was doing it too frequently. The thing is: I feel better after every trip - sustainably so, thus I am less dependent on the high and naturally take MDMA less frequently (or any other stimulant like sugar or chili, for that matter).

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