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About AdamDiC

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    Butt Monkey
  • Birthday 02/15/2000

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    Toronto, Canada
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  1. This past week I have been struggling with socializing. It's just my thoughts, ideas fly around and affect me. I've been doing mindfulness meditation for 8 months now and now i can carry it into my daily life a bit more now. Into my school life. Before meditation school was just one unconscious fuck fest. People, homework, sports, girls all contributed to my uncoscious robot routine. For 3 years i created my highschool ego. Smart, strong, athlete, musician, funny, ok with the ladies. but my last year ive gained some awareness and beginnign t inquire. So basically the more mindfull i am the less I am highschool me. What's been bothering me, or highschool me, is that I'm changing. The more conscious i am the less highschool adam lives. And i get depressed you know. I think Im a loser. Im turning introvert with focusing on actualizing so my social life has decreased and my stimualtion. and i know this to be true because sometimes i can just let me guard down (not be mindful) and my ego has fun, it goes crazy, talks to everyone, does pranks, gets in peoples faces, its cool, but i feel at the end of the day im just fucking exhausted What do you think? Ego backlash? Am i repressing my needs? Can i mindfully incorporate that part of me? Or does this sound stupid and Im wasting my time? Thanks.
  2. @aurum Thanks for the awesome response. I think you're right, it's part of the path and shouldn't be rejected, in fact it's part of my biology. So I'll enter the game, not because i need to, or because I feel unfullfilled, just solely to have fun and express myself as a human. P.S I'll tell you when i get laid
  3. So I'm 17, never had a girlfriend, made out with a couple girls before but that's the farthest I've been. Don't have the best pick up skills at the moment, but I think I underestimate myself. I know some girls who like me and honeslty if i get in the right mindset I'm Alpha. I'm 3 months into NoFAP, feel good, lots of energy, and a clean mind for dating. But the only thing that's holding me back is myself. My level of consciousness. I think I'm better then girls because they are clueless and that I'll be wasting my time just chasing pussy and stimulation. Is it a worthy goal? I have been feeling down lately, my ego is becoming a introvertish type over the past 6 months. I've changed my life a lot to self-actualize and after a 3g shroom trip I had last night I think I need to take a break. I can just be mindful of the depression, loneliness, and stuff. Or I can go out and have FUUUN. I think I need to get this out of the way. A lot of people say you should know what you have before you lose it. I did this last year, went out with a girl just for fun and I ended up doing nothing after the date. I wasn't in love in the first place, just thinking with my dick. What's your opinion???
  4. You just sit down and be present. Drop all expectations for what you want out of the music. Make your first note pierce the silence. Feel it. Don’t try to do anything. To sound like something, or to be good. Whatever comes out is the music accept it and move with it. THEN GO FUCKING CRAZY. SMASH THE KEYS, PULL THE STRINGS, SCREAM ITS ALL PART OF THE CELEBRATION. just realize that anything you do is music, feel it, enter it, and watch it grow, play with it then lay it to sleep.
  5. This process works but is very hard to do mainly because of lack of mindfulness. If you can't keep a steady flow of mindfulness before, during, and after the event then it wont be as effective. This alone got me out of my porn addiction. You have to let yourself do it. Let yourself be a dirty piece of shit. You can't deny that part of you. It's in there, you think it's not, you lie to yourself and say "oh that's just my lowerself, my ego". Nah nah nah, thats you. So get used to it. Let it burn itself out. @Process If your problem is negative thinking, positive thoughts won't do anything. Like leo said "Thoughts dont change other thoughts". Just let yourself be a witness to the negative thoughts, see where it takes you. Does it make you feel lazy, angry, anti-social? Be mindful of the whole process. Once you build enough awareness around the problem you gain some profound insights about it. So keep mindful. Keep strong!
  6. For me, it creates an experience of no-self. One becomes totally absorbed in the music that all sense of reality dissapears. If you close your eyes and really get into the music, into the not-knowing of existence, then playing an instrument is quite amazing. It's like a meditation, focus on the sounds, the feelings, and things will pop up. But it gets cool when mere sound can bring up emotions, sounds that you create. And when those emotions can be felt by others, then that is the ultimate form of communication.
  7. I just started doing this (8 days) and I have to say there is no better way to start the day. I wake up at 6 and jump in. The first few days were nice and refreshing but now im resisting it a bit more. But thats the point!!! I shall destroy the ego, cleanse my soul, and boost my immune system. Self-actualization winnnnn.
  8. Just make sure to be mindfull of the judgemental thoughts as they arise. Kinda sounds like ego judging ego.
  9. Last year of highschool
  10. Hey man, you're not alone!!! I'm 17 and started meditating 8 months ago. Have done shrooms and a few retreats and I can relate. The avergae kid at school isn't thinking what I am, sometimes I feel lonely and resentfull and nihilistic and shit. I got depressed this summer but it passed. Its impermanent. But its worth it!!! I think you're undervaluing the power of meditation. Just hang on, meditating is supposed to make suffering arise, its testing you. Good luck!
  11. sounds amazing, like damn i can understand it , but i also can't. What'd drugz did you take?
  12. Hey guys, this was a journal entry i wrote, they tend to be more sincere then if i try writing for someone. i initially wanted to journal about my negative relationship with my mom, and then i kinda got some insights into emotions and self. ITS FUN STUFF. Enjoy this is real, dont hide it. dont hide anything ever. for no one. be open to yourself. whatever you are feeling right now, is the most important thing in your life, the only reason you suffer is because you hold it in. is because you're afraid to be you. you're afraid to be seen as someone tender, someone afraid, someone angry or silly or stupid or nervous or ugly or quiet. you want to be perfect, so you lie to yourself and push the feelings away deep down. you cover them up with music and drugs and food and sex but they never go away. they harbour and grow stronger. and you never go anywhere but your thoughts. you are already perfect. you just dont know how to realize it. tend to your present moment emotions. your mindframe and thought pattern. understand that whatever you are now is perfect. theres no need to be something else because if it is happening now, it is infinitley perfect. its not easy tho, we have been conditioned to always be seen as someone we're not. we believe the images we have created for us. that people have of us. and the problem is. everyones image of us is different. and we try to serve them not realizing the lie and pain we are causing. juggling all of these masks and hats creats a lot of problems. What if you could be the same person for everyone? not actually the same. but authentically the same. true to yourself. you have to unwire all the habitual thought patters that go with each image. you have to realize everyones playing this game to. being someone they are not. they really dont care how you act. because theyre stuck insude their own head and full of unauthenticity. its liberating to know this. that the only persons judgements you need to be free of is yourselves. then you can sit in any situation and just feel amazing. you conquered yourself so now everyone else feels like a bonus. no more getting nervous no more being afraid. but you will forget. i have, and it will take a long time till i realize it fully but its worth every fucking shiny penny knowing i can be free and full of love. i love you. all of you. sincerely. be brave, be yourself. its the only thing you can do.
  13. I like music. Creating my own is like a spiritual practice. You loose yourself in it then come back to reality. You dont exist, nothing exists except for the music and the energy of creation. Not-Knowing. Bliss. But it's not permanent. It doesn't happen everytime I pick up an instrument. In fact the more I try the harder it is. Because if I try, I'm trying, not doing. But that feeling, the intrinsic love for music. Is that worth pursuing? Im young and have only scratched the surface of music. I know its infinite. I guess its a part of life purpose not all of it. It's just so odd of a thing to pursue, a feeling, a state, a level of being. Just do it, be it, forgo everything else? What else is there to do?
  14. @lennart @Afonso @Space Thanks guys, you're right I should do it. I know want to, but it's just so radically different from what everyone else is doing around me that i felt i needed to hear someone say agree. The only people i NEED to say yes are my parents, they both need to give me permission to go, it's a monastary thing. SO wish me luck!
  15. Nice work man! Remember feelings are like the wind, they come and go. But you are a steady rock. A 500 tonne boulder that cannot be moved. The wind and rain may chip away at you and the sun might shine its grace, but you'll lay there untouched forever. Start meditating too.