Psychosis and its relation to the Godhead (in my case)

[KatiesKarma]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Have you tried literally just sitting down and doing that?

I think I tried almost anything you could spontaneously come up with right now. Maybe I just need to do these things 100 times instead of 10.

I would describe it like this: I've been completely emptied of emotions. It's not just a mind problem, my body changed Too. I literally perceive the world completely different in comparison to the average person

Edited August 7, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[Leo Gura]

@KatiesKarma Your situation is so unique that it's hard to say. You just gotta keep trying stuff with the hope that you will stumble upon something some day.

Maybe emotions are not gonna be your way. Maybe you can find happiness just in being conscious and at peace, like one of those Buddhists. Maybe what you're looking for is just classic enlightenment.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Anon212]

Hey, I can empathize with you because I grew up in brutal household. Every form of abuse was present: physical, verbal and emotional. I could be beaten up at school and then later at home the same thing. At 20, I had to get two reconstructive surgeries. It was tough.

I developed various traumas. OCD, being perfect, nice guy, extreme social anxiety, sexual problems, depersonalization, very VERY severe sleep paralysis, paranoia and nightmares and sensing the presence of demons. I don't think the demonic stuff went as far for me as it did for you.

What worked for me is this, I started meditating and meditating ALOT. Off the bat I started doing 3-4 hours every single day and that alone helped a lot. Then I started going to therapy and it was great. But the two most important things I did were this: kriya yoga which literally gave me life back and much more. I also did a retreat with the Isha Foundation called Bhava Spandana which was a kundalini retreat but really it was a trauma intensive. Between 20 and 23, I focused solely on healing and yoga. I forgot about girls, college, career, everything... doing this created radical transformation.

But please don't go into deep spiritual states if you are unstable. The most important thing is a healthy mind and BALANCE. Deep spiritual work will amplify your trauma 1 million fold and literally drive you insane. Don't do it without establishing a strong framework and for me a strong framework includes both a strong body and mind.

[KatiesKarma]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

@KatiesKarma Your situation is so unique that it's hard to say. You just gotta keep trying stuff with the hope that you will stumble upon something some day.

I think I am the only person on earth who has what I have. DPDR and Schizoid personaliy disorder might come close to being a label but it's still different, otherwise suggested therapeutic interventions would have changed me.

Maybe my ego actually died. Maybe the trauma caused a irreversible neural change. Maybe my heart and mind chakra is severely blocked. I just don't really know. 

 

[Leo Gura]

@KatiesKarma Have you tried Kriya yoga? It might have a good chance of helping you if you do it for at least a year.

[KatiesKarma]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

@KatiesKarma Have you tried Kriya yoga? It might have a good chance of helping you if you do it for at least a year.

(No because some priest once told me he did this for a while in the 80s and it opened his 3rd eye and he started seeing demons everywhere. I can have that just by reading "omens" and I get the result)

I guess there more outlandish things I have not truly done yet i.e. kriya yoga and extensive psychedelic therapy.

I hate exercise and yoga, because when you are empty like me one minute feels like eternity and you don't really get any dopamine that fuels motivation so it's a pain in the ass. Same problem with breathwork.

So basically everything is very strenuous, promises no results and I really need to force myself to do it

[KatiesKarma]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@KatiesKarma Your situation is so unique that it's hard to say. You just gotta keep trying stuff with the hope that you will stumble upon something some day.

Maybe emotions are not gonna be your way. Maybe you can find happiness just in being conscious and at peace, like one of those Buddhists. Maybe what you're looking for is just classic enlightenment.

I can't really imagine living like this for the next 80 years at some point I would kill myself. What's the point of doing anything if you get literal zero inner reward for it?

 

[Twega]

What mental illnesses do you have exactly?

 

Did you realize you had this before or during covid?

 

What are your symptoms?

 

From my understanding, weed/THC can induce psychosis in those who are genetically susceptible to it. Weird that it "calmed you" down instead of inducing even more psychosis.

[KatiesKarma]

2 minutes ago, Twega said:

What mental illnesses do you have exactly?

 

Did you realize you had this before or during covid?

 

What are your symptoms?

 

From my understanding, weed/THC can induce psychosis in those who are genetically susceptible to it. Weird that it "calmed you" down instead of inducing even more psychosis.

I don't know. Something that is similar to Depersonlization and derealization. 

Total inability to perceive emotions. If emotions were a color I would have lost that ability to see them due to a traumatic injury.

Even just truly grasping concepts does not happen like I dryly know things but it never touches my heart or something

Nothing about anything makes any sense

Edited August 7, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[cetus]

@KatiesKarma This short vid popped up randomly on YT just before reading your post and I wanted to share it with you. Synchronicity?

 

[gettoefl]

if you like IFS and Alexander Technique i will recommend you check this site and if it resonates you can set up face to face with the author:

https://lovingawakening.net/

 

[LSD-Rumi]

@KatiesKarma It seems that you went through the classical symptoms of Schizophonia. What you described as loss of emotions is one of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia along with social isolation. The negative symptoms start before the positive symptoms which you described later like hallucinations and delusions.

How long have you been stable? Are you on medication? Were you diagnosed in the first place?

[KatiesKarma]

59 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@KatiesKarma It seems that you went through the classical symptoms of Schizophonia. What you described as loss of emotions is one of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia along with social isolation. The negative symptoms start before the positive symptoms which you described later like hallucinations and delusions.

How long have you been stable? Are you on medication? Were you diagnosed in the first place?

It's very hard for me to judge whether or not it's schizophrenia. Schizoid personality disorder is not that different from it.

My guess is that I am not schizophrenic. I had delusions but I never truly believed in them. I knew they were garbage. I am talking about delusions that kept disturbing me deeply without ever truly believing in them.

I took antipsychotics, they removed some of certain hallucinations. Although in my perception that was the delusion itself it's hard to explain

[KatiesKarma]

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Leo Gura The dude is obviously schizophrenic. He needs some antipsychotics not kriya Yoga.

What he describe as lack of emotions is very common among Schizophonia patients and can be reversed by medication.

I have never ever read anywhere someone claiming that something like an antipsychotic somehow gave them their emotions back.

My whole story sounds like the worst schizophrenia episode but..

It felt like fake demonic possession. It always had the fake Qualia to it that's why I could not get lost in it. I cannot put it into words it's impossible

 

Edited August 7, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[LSD-Rumi]

22 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

It's very hard for me to judge whether or not it's schizophrenia. Schizoid personality disorder is not that different from it.

 

I think you meet the criteria. You have at least hallucinations and negative symptoms. You should see a psychiatrist, they will give you the definitive diagnosis. Don't get slobby when it comes to your health.

"The DSM-5 criteria for a diagnosis of schizophrenia include the presence of at least two of the following symptoms, each present for a significant portion of time during a one-month period (or less if successfully treated):

Delusions: False beliefs that are not based in reality and are resistant to reason or contradictory evidence. Delusions can involve various themes, such as being persecuted, having special powers, or having a grandiose identity.

Hallucinations: Perceptions in the absence of external stimuli. These most commonly involve hearing voices, but can also involve seeing, feeling, tasting, or smelling things that are not actually present.

Disorganized speech: Incoherent or jumbled speech that may be difficult to understand, with individuals jumping from one topic to another without a logical connection.

Disorganized or catatonic behavior: Disorganized behavior may manifest as a range of unusual or unpredictable actions, while catatonic behavior may involve decreased motor activity or extreme resistance to movement.

Negative symptoms: A reduction or absence of normal functioning and abilities, which can include reduced emotional expression, social withdrawal, lack of motivation, and decreased ability to experience pleasure."

How long have you been stable without medication? You should be careful, it may just be a symptoms-free period.

Edited August 7, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[LSD-Rumi]

14 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

I have never ever read anywhere someone claiming that something like an antipsychotic somehow gave them their emotions back.

 

According to medical literature they do and that's why they are used in depression too.

[KatiesKarma]

@LSD-Rumi ugh imagine having schizophrenia but being incapable of seeing it lol

Why would puffing a joint resolve my Psychosis?

Why am I able to articulate myself perfectly fine? I have never had problems with this.

The more severe indicators such as disorganized speech and catatonia does not apply to me. 

I stand by the Schizoid disorder. It's a better fit

If this happens to me again I would get myself a brain scan and see what that says.

Edited August 7, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[LSD-Rumi]

@KatiesKarma Go see a psychiatrist, don't self-diagnose yourself. There is a reason why psychiatrists exist.

27 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

I stand by the Schizoid disorder. It's a better fit

Do you mean Schizotypal Personality Disorder? This is more of a personality disorder that sticks with you since birth.

Schizoid is also a personality disorder in which you don't like socializing and that's it.

Those disorders don't cause dysfunction. 

You also may have depression with psychotic features. 

 

 

Edited August 7, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[LSD-Rumi]

27 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

Why am I able to articulate myself perfectly fine? I have never had problems with this.

The more severe indicators such as disorganized speech and catatonia does not apply to me. 

At least two criteria are required. And I think you meet 3 or at least 2.

27 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

Why would puffing a joint resolve my Psychosis?

 

Who knows why?

 

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Léo Gura 

The guy is obviously schizophrenic. He needs antipsychotics, not kriya yoga.

What he describes as a lack of emotions is very common in patients with schizophonia and can be reversed with medication.

mhh...

What do I must understand ?

+ She's a woman, her profile picture is a woman, there's a woman's name in her nickname and there's the gender "woman" on her profile.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Schizophonia