Productivity makes me depressed, need advice

[caspex]

Yesterday while journaling I realized that the reason I keep falling into procrastination cycles and bad habits of distraction is so that I do not feel lonely. Whenever I have a successful day where I did everything that I intended to do and was productive towards my goals, at the end of the day, I come away feeling unhappy, lonely and sad. I don't understand why this is happening. When I have procrastinated and am worrying about something all the time, that distracts me from this loneliness, is why I procrastinate in the first place. And then to distract myself from those worries, I procrastinate more by watching shows, movies or waking up all night(real bad for productivity) with friends on calls. I am pushing through the loneliness anyways and am trying to maintain a streak of productive days, but I keep doing things that will mess my days up because I want to make myself worry and distract myself. This depression after I am done with everything at the end of the day is no joke. How am I supposed to max out the orange in me if I can't enjoy productivity?

[vishnusavestheday]

do something productive for your self-esteem...something that makes you feel badass

 

that way you won't have to feel your self-esteem drained through your other routine habits.

 

unless you are intentionally trying to do something badass, you probably aren't.

there really aren't many activities that are accidentally badass.

like sprinting... if you got so good at jogging your running path around your neighborhood that you just started sprinting it... that would be badass.

 

just do something that makes people turn heads and you wont worry about unhappiness, loneliness, or sadness in an unproductive way. it's called taking souls for a reason. you have to steal a sense of awe from others to compete // max out your orange potential..

 

also try not to ejaculate until you are satisfied with your life. imagine ejaculation needs a set/setting and, if you aren't ejaculating in a self-sufficient environment, it's probably best you never ejaculated at all. 

[Leo Gura]

Which of your emotional needs are not being met?

[Aiwass]

3 hours ago, Swarnim said:

Yesterday while journaling I realized that the reason I keep falling into procrastination cycles and bad habits of distraction is so that I do not feel lonely. Whenever I have a successful day where I did everything that I intended to do and was productive towards my goals, at the end of the day, I come away feeling unhappy, lonely and sad. I don't understand why this is happening. When I have procrastinated and am worrying about something all the time, that distracts me from this loneliness, is why I procrastinate in the first place. And then to distract myself from those worries, I procrastinate more by watching shows, movies or waking up all night(real bad for productivity) with friends on calls. I am pushing through the loneliness anyways and am trying to maintain a streak of productive days, but I keep doing things that will mess my days up because I want to make myself worry and distract myself. This depression after I am done with everything at the end of the day is no joke. How am I supposed to max out the orange in me if I can't enjoy productivity?

Don't ejaculate for 7+ days, in Ketosis, using kambo after chelating #MentalAlchemy

[Aiwass]

51 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

@Aiwass love the "gentle" approach ?

When I re-read what I wrote after reading what you wrote, I just died laughing ???

[caspex]

@vishnusavestheday I AM trying to be badass and do succeed in it however I still feel like shit at the end of the day when I am alone and have nothing to do. I have been building up to a 5K run for past 3 weeks and constantly see my endurance increase each day, I break through more mental barriers and even reached new personal top speed(felt amazing). I read more books now than I did last month, look better and all that good stuff. Yet I face this problem I outlined above.

Not ejaculating is something that I am doing as well, infact, I am not looking at porn or masturbating at all, but it doesn't effect the loneliness.

@Lila9 I do have a bunch of loose time here and there between some activities, usually of about 10-30 minutes. I plan for each day the night before and my plans are usually all slightly different. I also have free time from 1930 to 2100, then I prepare to go to sleep and sleep at 2200. The act of sleeping at a proper time seems so lonely and sad to me. From 2100 to 2200 where I am preparing to sleep, I feel the most loneliest. The rest of the day is fine but the loneliness is starting to seep in there as well
eg. I am walking to the store, and start to feel depressed seeing how serene and peaceful the surroundings around me are. Sometimes it's because I see other people living their lives and I feel sonder, which makes me feeling lonely again. The point is that it can be for any reason. On a productive day, when I am not doing anything, like sitting around, I feel lonely. I feel that adding more loose time will make me feel lonely more, unless I do something fun in that time, which, I don't think will affect the loneliness I feel between 2100 - 2200, but I will try what you have said.

 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Which of your emotional needs are not being met?

@Leo Gura Familial Love and Warmth

@Aiwass No money or access to Kambo

[Ulax]

@Swarnim Are you able to connect to people in at an intimate and deep level?

[LostSoul]

@Ulax im not the topic startera but i relate yo what he said, and myself im not able to Connect to people in that way. What can I do?

 

[Ulax]

@LostSoul Hey mate. Its something I struggle with myself. But my best current understanding is to journal about events from your past and engage in humanistic psychotherapy. Humanistic psychotherapy is the most empathetic and human centred psychotherapy I've personally come across.

 

[Leo Gura]

38 minutes ago, Swarnim said:

Familial Love and Warmth

You should elaborate on that and explain how it connects with your productivity situation.

[gettoefl]

got to have balance, got to have social outlets, community activities and emotional/intimate connection on a day to day basis

else life is wasted, you can't do it on your own

[caspex]

6 hours ago, Ulax said:

@Swarnim Are you able to connect to people in at an intimate and deep level?

@Ulax Yes, if our interests match

 

 

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You should elaborate on that and explain how it connects with your productivity situation.

@Leo Gura I'd rather PM you about it than to explain it here. Check your PM