Women are poor judge of character

[Ulax]

I think most women need to learn healthy ways of embodying their anger, overcome trauma, understand healthy boundaries, and move into a secure attachment style.

Otherwise, psychopath here i come!

 

[eos_nyxia]

As a woman this thread is pretty unrelatable to me based on overall life choices, lol. A lot of the girls/ women that I have known and been closest to were either:

1. had a "young and dumb phase", but in their case, it was pretty short (as in, through highschool)
2. actively not interested in men, or avoiding them (school, preparing for career, just not that attracted to them overall, very introverted/ isolated (the last two groups which is just not being accounted for when people are like WOMEN THIS, WOMEN THAT.)

Generally, I actively avoid people who are in a state of frequent crisis as a result of their decisions though.... that's my bias/ preference. I have just had enough other things to work on (whether on myself or some other aspect of my life) so I generally don't pick people who destabilize that. Sometimes I've felt overly selfish about it, but in my experience, the consequence of ""giving people a chance"" when I knew they would be trouble or we would not be good fits has pretty much never been worth it.

Anyway, I think selecting for """DUMB WOMEN""" is apparently other people's bias.

4 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I think that most people are poor judges of character.

Yea... I would agree that this is not a gender-specific issue, really.

I've watched a good number of men/ boys make dumb-as-shit choices since puberty. Some people keep repeating them. But to be hearing stuff like "ALL WOMEN ARE >>>insert negative traits<<<<" as a result of their own choices.... in my head, I have been quietly shaking my head from a distance.

Like for example: lots of dudes seem to be wired toward the "SPARKLIEST" woman wherever they are. (Which I generally consider to be fair play; you want what you want.) But predictable things then happen. Then they wonder why all women are shit. But then you hear this train of thought: "Oh, all women are like this, even the super shy ones/ good girls?"

Dude. Ok.

I've gone through this one before, and you probably should too. Are you sure that you're not just a "shit magnet", as in, you have a knack for attracting and not choosing people who are not good for you? That you have some unconscious bias for selecting terribly?

If you're explicitly attracted to emotion and following your appetite for sparkly displays.... generally, you get drama?
 

 

There are literally whole groups of women who are just INVISIBLE.  And that has not changed since puberty.

Edited November 27, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[eos_nyxia]

I will say though that the states for "losing" in choosing poorly are higher, specifically in terms of men being a direct risk to your body and physical health. But I really don't quite get what's going on here. There is something not right about this whole thread.... that does not serve the highest good. And saying WOMEN ARE THIS, WOMEN ARE THAT, this is simply supposed to be about pointing out "unpleasant truths", right?

I think one of my issues is with gender-essentializing all emotion. First of all: ANGER is still an emotion. Men (I assumed cishet in the past)... in my experience, are highly emotional, and not even with anger. But how MANLY OUTBURSTS and MANLY TEARS don't get written as a man having an adult temper tantrum has seriously been beyond me. How you get to be considered a logical person as a result of being man/ "having testosterone" (??) makes zero sense. How can this be accepted tolerated as professional behaviour (or behaviour appropriate for public) if "emotional outbursts" are just not acceptable? I just don't get it.

When I was younger especially, I often presented as on the dry/ logical side. Especially in conflicts (with partners). I.... don't think it was considered particularly attractive overall. But I was raised that way.

IMO there is something super dysfunctional if the only thing you can get from that is that I'm a super masculine woman by nature.

I know that I'm a bit different in this way though: like for my husband, feeling like/ identifying as a man is intrinsic, to the point that he takes it for granted. It's like breathing, eating, or sleeping. For me, "femininity" has always been like a sort of hyper-conscious, performance art. Often, it has felt very real, but also paper thin. Like a beautiful illusion. .....this means though I tend to take the stuff I like, and reject things that I don't like and see value in.

In general: I don't think it's right to too heavily genderize "logic" or "emotion", even if trends emerge. This is to say, with your rhetoric (your way of talking about things, your perspective), you should NOT  be making it harder for people to become more balanced by spreading your "TRUTHS" about the world around and around.

In other words, you dudes: don't go around claiming all of the good attributes for yourself! And unless you are a Vulcan (like a Spock!), perhaps you are not in the position to be judging so freely because you also, at times, have this human-thing called emotions leaking out of you too, in your particular way?

(Not that it will make any difference to me personally, because it never has.)

 

Edited November 27, 2022 by eos_nyxia

[eos_nyxia]

Realistically, if you have biases that you insist on protecting in a way that you get super attached to, and you get defensive about it... Congrats! You got emotions. Defensiveness is rooted in emotionality.

Just because it is latent does not mean that it doesn't exist, haha.

You make decisions based on such all the same.

[Gesundheit2]

@eos_nyxia I see what you're saying, and I agree with all of it. I would even dare say that many men are way more emotional than some women. I've also met some really cold and logical women, and some really irritatingly emotional men, at least on the surface. However, there is a part that you don't seem to be taking into account in your perspective.

The difference is that women, unlike men, act mainly based on emotion. The decision-making process for men is mostly a logical one with a clear goal in mind, while for women it's mostly aesthetic and socially aware, i.e. For guys, the new IPhone has a 13megapixel dual camera (my phone info are a bit outdated, but that's not the point), etc. For women, it's mostly just the pink color that matters.

My friend is a doctor, he told me that his girlfriend once made him a crafty thing of wooden tongue holders that doctors use. She thought that would impress him. He facepalmed and told me it's the silliest thing he'd ever seen.

[Intraplanetary]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, of course, unconsciousness. Emotions tend to make one unconscious. Emotions are animalistic.

There is a huge spectrum of emotions. You yourself said that emotional mastery is more important than intelligence. Emotions are the key in growing spiritually. Love is emotion as much as understanding; and there is nothing more fundamental than love. 

What you said here contradicts everything you teach unless you are talking about people who are not aware of their emotions and get themselves trapped into dysfunctional relationships.

But emotions certainly don't turn you into an unconscious animal.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

There is a huge spectrum of emotions. You yourself said that emotional mastery is more important than intelligence. Emotions are the key in growing spiritually. Love is emotion as much as understanding; and there is nothing more fundamental than love. 

What you said here contradicts everything you teach unless you are talking about people who are not aware of their emotions and get themselves trapped into dysfunctional relationships.

But emotions certainly don't turn you into an unconscious animal.

 

I like this post. 

[Tyler Robinson]

1 hour ago, Intraplanetary said:

people who are not aware of their emotions and get themselves trapped into dysfunctional relationships.

I actually did not quite understand this statement. 

 

[Intraplanetary]

20 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I actually did not quite understand this statement. 

 

I mean that the more I master my emotions the more I become aware and make wiser decisions in dating. I believe people with lower emotional mastery tend to get hurt or fooled. There is also a lot of trauma bond between people which can be mistaken for love and since most of us have issues since childhood there is a lot of it going on. A very feminine woman with high emotional intelligence and intuition is a wise one and I don't see how she is going to fall for an asshole. I think in the end, the success to long-term relationship boils down to a person's development and maturity level regardless the gender.

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Intraplanetary said:

I mean that the more I master my emotions the more I become aware and make wiser decisions in dating. I believe people with lower emotional mastery tend to get hurt or fooled. There is also a lot of trauma bond between people which can be mistaken for love and since most of us have issues since childhood there is a lot of it going on. A very feminine woman with high emotional intelligence and intuition is a wise one and I don't see how she is going to fall for an asshole. I think in the end, the success to long-term relationship boils down to a person's development and maturity level regardless the gender.

Yea but women have lesser development or maturity in comparison to men because they simply aren't exposed to that many situations as men are, men are generally the bread winners and they have to learn early on to make a living and go face the world around them. Men also do a lot of the approaching giving them a wide spectrum of both opportunities and experience to build from. However women just sit and wait because we aren't traditionally required to approach so we have little experience in terms of dating since we don't expose ourselves to the dating market as much as men do, as a consequence most women are ill prepared in the areas of social intelligence and our emotional growth only happens when we are hit by something since we aren't actively encouraged by either family or society to focus on emotional intelligence or awareness. When I was 16, there was no rulebook in school or at home no teaching from mother on how I should navigate through my emotions, I lived my life completely unaware like millions of women and not every woman is so gifted with such great intuition. In fact most aren't that's why such a huge pile up of women stuck in abusive relationships. 

 

[Intraplanetary]

10 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Yea but women have lesser development or maturity in comparison to men because they simply aren't exposed to that many situations as men are, men are generally the bread winners and they have to learn early on to make a living and go face the world around them. Men also do a lot of the approaching giving them a wide spectrum of both opportunities and experience to build from. However women just sit and wait because we aren't traditionally required to approach so we have little experience in terms of dating since we don't expose ourselves to the dating market as much as men do, as a consequence most women are ill prepared in the areas of social intelligence and our emotional growth only happens when we are hit by something since we aren't actively encouraged by either family or society to focus on emotional intelligence or awareness. When I was 16, there was no rulebook in school or at home no teaching from mother on how I should navigate through my emotions, I lived my life completely unaware like millions of women and not every woman is so gifted with such great intuition. In fact most aren't that's why such a huge pile up of women stuck in abusive relationships. 

 

Emotional intelligence and intuition are developed in solitude through practise and not by going around talking with people. Yes, a woman can sit work on herself and wait to be approached and it won't take her long to figure the guy out.

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Intraplanetary said:

Emotional intelligence and intuition are developed in solitude through practise and not by going around talking with people. Yes, a woman can sit work on herself and wait to be approached and it won't take her long to figure the guy out.

I disagree with this. I think emotional intelligence needs learning. Every learning comes from growth. This growth is generally facilitated by interactions in the real world, socializing, experiencing, going through shit etc. Life can never learned in solitude. 

[Intraplanetary]

Just now, Tyler Robinson said:

I disagree with this. I think emotional intelligence needs learning. Every learning comes from growth. This growth is generally facilitated by interactions in the real world, socializing, experiencing, going through shit etc. Life can never learned in solitude. 

You really need a lot of time alone to be able to go through your emotions. Other things just going to distract.

[Bad_anarchist]

This thread is so sad and just overall a huge WTF........

[Bad_anarchist]

@eos_nyxia 

3 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

There is something not right about this whole thread.... that does not serve the highest good.

I 100% feel the same way......

I do not understand this "Men are intelligent and women are emotional" thing either......... The most feminine women out there are super intelligent and articulate in their speaking. Being unable to control your emotions and being unable chose what partner is best for you is not "feminine". That is the result of poor self worth and emotional issues. A healthy human being, man or woman leads with their intelligence. Men are equally as dumb in choosing partners as women, it is just that when women chose the wrong partner the consequences are more visible. 

[Tyler Robinson]

8 minutes ago, Bad_anarchist said:

@eos_nyxia 

I 100% feel the same way......

I do not understand this "Men are intelligent and women are emotional" thing either......... The most feminine women out there are super intelligent and articulate in their speaking. Being unable to control your emotions and being unable chose what partner is best for you is not "feminine". That is the result of poor self worth and emotional issues. A healthy human being, man or woman leads with their intelligence. Men are equally as dumb in choosing partners as women, it is just that when women chose the wrong partner the consequences are more visible. 

 

Not trying to be sexist but pointing out obvious observed facts. Also not interested in derailing the thread because the thread was to find solutions and healing for females rather than a debate on intelligence so I would keep it short. 

How many women are interested in spirituality? Few. 

How many women are interested in science? Few. 

How many women are interested in gossiping about boyfriends? Too many? 

 

[Bad_anarchist]

Feminine Women don't end up with abusers, Women with low self worth end up with abusers. There is nothing sexy or feminine about having a shitty confidence and emotional problems. You not knowing what kind of partner is best for you is a problem that has nothing to do with what you have between your legs. Men chose shitty women all the time, it is just that the consequenses are not the same and not as visible. Feminine women lead with intelligence, they have their emotions under control and they don't chose shit guys because they actually have a sense of self worth. Also what is up with this "Women are careless" kinds of bs? Women are the ones saying no to men, not the other way around. Women are by default not as reckless as men are, you got that part completley wrong, it is the total opposite. 

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Bad_anarchist said:

Feminine Women don't end up with abusers, Women with low self worth end up with abusers. There is nothing sexy or feminine about having a shitty confidence and emotional problems. You not knowing what kind of partner is best for you is a problem that has nothing to do with what you have between your legs. Men chose shitty women all the time, it is just that the consequenses are not the same and not as visible. Feminine women lead with intelligence, they have their emotions under control and they don't chose shit guys because they actually have a sense of self worth. Also what is up with this "Women are careless" kinds of bs? Women are the ones saying no to men, not the other way around. Women are by default not as reckless as men are, you got that part completley wrong, it is the total opposite. 

I welcome your opinion. But I'm not sure if I agree with your assessment. My experiences have always lead me to believe that women are quite fickle with their choices and date whoever ticks them in the moment. 

Maybe your experiences were different from what I have seen, I don't know but good for you if you made better choices or found better people.

[Byun Sean]

well if you become more conscious as a woman you should be able to be a better judge of your mates.

 

Self Love is key. If you love yourself enough, you would see through more scumbags and assholes and more importantly, you would just be more fulfilled on a daily basis regardless of the people in your life.

 

Thats why dating is probably the biggest waste of time to find a quality partner unless you've already developed yourself sufficiently. 

But hey, most people don't wanna wait and women also do have a biological clock so its a bit of a bind for sure.

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, Byun Sean said:

well if you become more conscious as a woman you should be able to be a better judge of your mates.

 

Self Love is key. If you love yourself enough, you would see through more scumbags and assholes and more importantly, you would just be more fulfilled on a daily basis regardless of the people in your life.

 

Thats why dating is probably the biggest waste of time to find a quality partner unless you've already developed yourself sufficiently. 

But hey, most people don't wanna wait and women also do have a biological clock so its a bit of a bind for sure.

Do you mean to say that being more emotional makes a woman less conscious?