New relationship and 5-MEO

[spinderella]

Hi all -

So I'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy I see myself marrying.  I don't have that "head over heels" in love feeling, but I'm 38 and have dated a lot and have been in love before so I'm not expecting to have crazy butterflies all the time.  With this guy, we are extremely compatible and are both committed to a life of freedom, adventure, and exploration.  Sounds great to me.  

Things are good.  

I'm in the process of making many major life changes (quitting job, starting business, travelling for two months, moving, new relationship) and I'm being called to 5-MeO.  I'm not new to psychedelics having done ayahuasca and mushrooms and ketamine (for depression), and I have always been way too scared to try 5-Meo although I've always been curious. 

Sometimes I get worried that I don't have the 'head over heels' feeling.  I talked to a therapist about it and she said it's fine, that the head over heels feeling is never sustainable and usually isn't a sign of healthy stable love. 

Here's my deal.  I'm concerned that taking 5-MeO is going to make me question my relationship that's still pretty new.  I don't want to fuck this up, I really don't.  I like the relationship I have, even if I'm still gaining my footing in it (I'm a little avoidantly attached).  

I know everybody's experience is different, but I'm curious how 5-MeO has impacted your relationships?  Does it improve them?  Make them strained?  Does it just accentuate what's already there?  

I'm so on the fence with this.  On the one hand I REALLY want to do it, on the other hand I really don't want to risk straining my new and really good relationship. 

I should also add that one of the things I worry about in relationships is losing my spiritual connection to myself.  Hence why I think my desire to do 5-MeO is high right now. 

Thanks for any insight  

Edited February 10, 2022 by spinderella

[Cristina]

Well  I don't think 5-Meo will impact your relationship in the way that it will make you question everything, unless you already have doubts which you are choosing to ignore or hide out of fear. 

Try not to overthink it and trust the process. If you want to take 5-MeO, do it with an open heart and whatever this experience will bring up, embrace it.

[Barbara]

7 minutes ago, spinderella said:

Sometimes I get worried that I don't have the 'head over heels' feeling. 

Why do you get worried? 

8 minutes ago, spinderella said:

Here's my deal.  I'm concerned that taking 5-MeO is going to make me question my relationship that's still pretty new.  I don't want to fuck this up, I really don't.  I like the relationship I have, even if I'm still gaining my footing in it (I'm a little avoidantly attached).  

What I sense is that you feel 5-MeO would blatantly show you things you don't want to see. Your concern is your answer.

Why would it be so bad to end this relationship? Just asking, not suggesting.

[spinderella]

9 minutes ago, Barbara said:

Why do you get worried? 

What I sense is that you feel 5-MeO would blatantly show you things you don't want to see. Your concern is your answer.

Why would it be so bad to end this relationship? Just asking, not suggesting.

Well, I think I see the things I don't want to see.  I wonder if I "need" to be with someone more spiritual.  I sometimes feel concerned that he has children and that will limit our freedom.  I sometimes feel concerned that I have had better conversations with other men prior to him.  Sometimes I don't feel like he is my "soulmate".  But he is certainly an incredible potential life partner.  

But ultimately there is so much good, we are aligned in our goals, our vision, we are extremely compatible, he is a good honest reliable exceptional man.  I love how he treats me.  Are these things deal breakers?  I'd like to think not.  Sometimes, though, I do see myself running off into the jungle to study with a shaman for a month, or living free as a bird, and I've done some of these things in the past.  But I want to settle down into a relationship with a good person, who I believe I've found. 

I don't want to end the relationship, but it is a good question as to why it would be so bad.  Because I want to be with him, I guess is why.  Does that make sense?

[peanutspathtotruth]

8 minutes ago, spinderella said:

Well, I think I see the things I don't want to see.  I wonder if I "need" to be with someone more spiritual.  I sometimes feel concerned that he has children and that will limit our freedom.  I sometimes feel concerned that I have had better conversations with other men prior to him.  Sometimes I don't feel like he is my "soulmate".  But he is certainly an incredible potential life partner.  

But ultimately there is so much good, we are aligned in our goals, our vision, we are extremely compatible, he is a good honest reliable exceptional man.  I love how he treats me.  Are these things deal breakers?  I'd like to think not.  Sometimes, though, I do see myself running off into the jungle to study with a shaman for a month, or living free as a bird, and I've done some of these things in the past.  But I want to settle down into a relationship with a good person, who I believe I've found. 

I don't want to end the relationship, but it is a good question as to why it would be so bad.  Because I want to be with him, I guess is why.  Does that make sense?

It really does makes sense. These things are not so easy to grasp, and I share a similar situation and temporary confusion as you do. If you're mostly femininely polarized, you highly value relationship, possibly (but not necessarily) more than life purpose and such things. And it's beautiful to admit and align with that.

I hear a tiny bit of urgency in your writing, as in: if you actually wanted someone more aligned with your spiritual heart, it would mean letting your current relationship go and being unsure about when and if that someone else is coming. It's okay to be honest about these doubts: Is the alignment enough? Are you happy with what you have or does your heart crave for more alignment spiritually? That's no easy question to answer. Can be ego, but can also be authentic desire that is bringing up these questions. Also, since you mentioned your age, does a wish for children play a role? 

5-MeO throws you into God consciousness and initiates deep balancing energies - which in turn can lead to intense purification. I would go with the basic advice of not making major life decisions shortly after the trip. There's nothing to fear. If the truth is you want someone else, then be happy that the trip shows you that before you find out later. If it shows you you want to make this relationship happen, be happy that the trip strengthened your commitment. If you're not gaining clarity over this matter, be happy that the trip showed you that uncertainty and flow are things to embrace in life.

You got this Don't make it a problem to be solved, make it a unique and beautiful play to design. 

[Barbara]

@spinderella It's normal that new relationships need adaptation and when you're with someone there is a whole other individual you have to consider when making decisions that might affect them. It's hard! Ahah 

The way I see it it's a tradeoff. You get new great things, you lose some other great things. And at the beginning that might be weird. I don't know what things specifically you have to "lose", that's something you both have to figure out. It's different for everybody. But be in peace with that tradeoff.

I'm telling you this because you referred that you can be a little avoidantly attached. And the point I want to get across is that I believe you would benefit from talking through boundaries with your partner. Like, where does he stand regarding this for example: 

1 hour ago, spinderella said:

I do see myself running off into the jungle to study with a shaman for a month, or living free as a bird

Then you can both adjust where you feel comfortable, whether that means acting accordingly in the relationship or following different paths.

1 hour ago, spinderella said:

Because I want to be with him

Contemplate for a moment if what you want is being with him, John (sorry for calling him John), with all of what he stands for and represents, or with someone that is compatible and shares the same life goals and visions as you, that is reliable and honest and treats you well? Because I'm sure there are a lot of people like that, but there's only one John 

Edited February 10, 2022 by Barbara

[Leo Gura]

5-MeO is too far beyond such petty human concerns as marriages and relationships. 5-MeO doesn't care about that stuff. It will take you to God.

[Hello from Russia]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

5-MeO is too far beyond such petty human concerns as marriages and relationships. 5-MeO doesn't care about that stuff. It will take you to God.

What substance you would recommend to contemplate specifically about mundane life bullshit?

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

What substance you would recommend to contemplate specifically about mundane life bullshit?

I don't know. Contemplating about that is a waste of a trip.

[PurpleTree]

2 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

What substance you would recommend to contemplate specifically about mundane life bullshit?

vitamin k

[spinderella]

3 hours ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

It really does makes sense. These things are not so easy to grasp, and I share a similar situation and temporary confusion as you do. If you're mostly femininely polarized, you highly value relationship, possibly (but not necessarily) more than life purpose and such things. And it's beautiful to admit and align with that.

I hear a tiny bit of urgency in your writing, as in: if you actually wanted someone more aligned with your spiritual heart, it would mean letting your current relationship go and being unsure about when and if that someone else is coming. It's okay to be honest about these doubts: Is the alignment enough? Are you happy with what you have or does your heart crave for more alignment spiritually? That's no easy question to answer. Can be ego, but can also be authentic desire that is bringing up these questions. Also, since you mentioned your age, does a wish for children play a role? 

5-MeO throws you into God consciousness and initiates deep balancing energies - which in turn can lead to intense purification. I would go with the basic advice of not making major life decisions shortly after the trip. There's nothing to fear. If the truth is you want someone else, then be happy that the trip shows you that before you find out later. If it shows you you want to make this relationship happen, be happy that the trip strengthened your commitment. If you're not gaining clarity over this matter, be happy that the trip showed you that uncertainty and flow are things to embrace in life.

You got this Don't make it a problem to be solved, make it a unique and beautiful play to design. 

I've reflected more on what you have said, and I think there are some things I have been afraid to admit but am willing to.  For example, yeah I would "like" somebody more aligned with my spiritual heart, but I do believe he is on the path.  He is incredibly open minded and we do talk about some spiritual things, but he's not quite where I am - and YES I am okay with that.  It feels very good to admit that.  Thank you for asking the question, I could eel some defensiveness in my answer and you made me feel safe to look at it.  This is making me feel more confident. 

And the earlier question to why would it be so bad if the relationship ended made me see that I'm grasping onto it.  With that awareness, I was able to let go.  I'm gripping on hard because I feel like if I don't, the relationship will die.  Or that if I'm not thinking about him so much, the relationship will die, but I can see that I have zero reason to believe that's true.  What's happening is the gripping is making me feel like I'm losing myself, which, in fact, is what would make the relationship die.  

It's not so much about kids.  I used to think they were essential to feel whole and complete but I no longer feel this is true.  

Thanks for your thoughtful responses

[spinderella]

3 hours ago, Barbara said:

Contemplate for a moment if what you want is being with him, John (sorry for calling him John), with all of what he stands for and represents, or with someone that is compatible and shares the same life goals and visions as you, that is reliable and honest and treats you well? Because I'm sure there are a lot of people like that, but there's only one John 

Hey, thank you for asking this.  I do actually want all of him and what he represents.  He's a bit behind me spiritually but I believes he has the open mindedness to catch up if he wants to, and the acceptance to let me be who I am without catching up, if he doesn't want to.  And, I do believe I can 100% accept him as he is whether he "catches up" or not. 

[spinderella]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

5-MeO is too far beyond such petty human concerns as marriages and relationships. 5-MeO doesn't care about that stuff. It will take you to God.

I guess I meant more like after.  I know the experience itself won't teach me stuff like that, but like, I'm afraid I guess of losing my rational thought post-experience.

[Barbara]

@spinderella I'm glad for you. If it fits any purpose, I was a bit behind relative to my partner when I met him. But the will to learn and explore is what matters! 

[Leo Gura]

31 minutes ago, spinderella said:

I'm afraid I guess of losing my rational thought post-experience.

Again, 5-MeO is beyond such petty human concerns.

[peanutspathtotruth]

54 minutes ago, spinderella said:

What's happening is the gripping is making me feel like I'm losing myself, which, in fact, is what would make the relationship die.  

Beautiful, I can very much relate!

You're right on track, you're very open, inquisitive and honest, as well as valuing Truth/Love highly. He's a lucky guy  

[Space]

7 hours ago, spinderella said:

Here's my deal.  I'm concerned that taking 5-MeO is going to make me question my relationship that's still pretty new.  I don't want to fuck this up, I really don't.  I like the relationship I have, even if I'm still gaining my footing in it (I'm a little avoidantly attached).  

I know everybody's experience is different, but I'm curious how 5-MeO has impacted your relationships?  Does it improve them?  Make them strained?  Does it just accentuate what's already there?  

No this isn't going to happen whatsoever.

5-MeO isn't the kind of substance you take and start thinking about all your personal stuff. It's far far more profound and metaphysical. All your personal stuff will completely dissolve if you take a large enough dose and are ready for it/able to fully let go. Even at low doses, personal stuff doesn't come into the mix. No reason to when you're God.

After the trip the personal stuff reforms and remains mostly untouched. Not saying 5-MeO cannot create a permanent transformations - it can. But not in the realm of relationships, personal beliefs or other personal stuff etc.

If there was an impact on your relationships, 5-MeO can only improve your relationships, in my experience. I don't really see how it could be otherwise.

[spinderella]

2 hours ago, Space said:

No this isn't going to happen whatsoever.

5-MeO isn't the kind of substance you take and start thinking about all your personal stuff. It's far far more profound and metaphysical. All your personal stuff will completely dissolve if you take a large enough dose and are ready for it/able to fully let go. Even at low doses, personal stuff doesn't come into the mix. No reason to when you're God.

After the trip the personal stuff reforms and remains mostly untouched. Not saying 5-MeO cannot create a permanent transformations - it can. But not in the realm of relationships, personal beliefs or other personal stuff etc.

If there was an impact on your relationships, 5-MeO can only improve your relationships, in my experience. I don't really see how it could be otherwise.

Thank you for this, much appreciated. 

[blessedlion1993]

@spinderellaI'm in a similar position, been doing ayahusca shrooms etc for a while now and am called to 5 MEO DMT

I plan to do it this month

I don't think you have anything to worry about, if anything it will give you clarity and you might realize that you do get that head over heels feeling for him and have appreciation for what you guys can build, and excitement. 

Just don't make any decisions post-trip, give yourself some time to integrate and sit on it after. There's no rush. 

Also, it's a lot juicier to build a deep stable love versus just getting that initial high, it's usually a let down and there is a crashing point. But seriously question your level of attraction for him and don't settle, what is your body saying? Tune into your intuition.

[flowboy]

On 10/02/2022 at 11:00 AM, spinderella said:

Hi all -

So I'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy I see myself marrying.  I don't have that "head over heels" in love feeling, but I'm 38 and have dated a lot and have been in love before so I'm not expecting to have crazy butterflies all the time.  With this guy, we are extremely compatible and are both committed to a life of freedom, adventure, and exploration.  Sounds great to me.  

Things are good.  

I'm in the process of making many major life changes (quitting job, starting business, travelling for two months, moving, new relationship) and I'm being called to 5-MeO.  I'm not new to psychedelics having done ayahuasca and mushrooms and ketamine (for depression), and I have always been way too scared to try 5-Meo although I've always been curious. 

Sometimes I get worried that I don't have the 'head over heels' feeling.  I talked to a therapist about it and she said it's fine, that the head over heels feeling is never sustainable and usually isn't a sign of healthy stable love. 

Here's my deal.  I'm concerned that taking 5-MeO is going to make me question my relationship that's still pretty new.  I don't want to fuck this up, I really don't.  I like the relationship I have, even if I'm still gaining my footing in it (I'm a little avoidantly attached).  

I know everybody's experience is different, but I'm curious how 5-MeO has impacted your relationships?  Does it improve them?  Make them strained?  Does it just accentuate what's already there?  

I'm so on the fence with this.  On the one hand I REALLY want to do it, on the other hand I really don't want to risk straining my new and really good relationship. 

I should also add that one of the things I worry about in relationships is losing my spiritual connection to myself.  Hence why I think my desire to do 5-MeO is high right now. 

Thanks for any insight  

You could do with a little more trust (in the Universe, God, Life, whatever is your cup of tea)

Trust that if you feel a pull, that that is the right thing.

You don't know what will happen.

Certainly your prediction that it could cost you your relationship is based on nothing, and humans are notoriously bad and self-deceptive when it comes to knowing what is on the other side of their next spiritual evolution.

You just gotta jump and trust, if that's what you are called to.

For all you know, the 5-MEO makes you feel so much radical love, that you are finally able to feel those butterflies.

Butterflies can be tied to people who resemble familiar patterns (from how we grew up), rather than who we are most compatible with.

Perhaps the trip can break through that and unlock the butterflies for who you are actually compatible with.

I don't know, and you don't know. It's equally possible.

You either take the leap or you don't, and either decision is fine.

I'm just making the point that you can't know what's on the other side, and so all this overthinking is not going to bring you security.