why is this work so confusing?

[Yoremo]

why is it that there is so much advice and things you can do? everything feels so overwhelming and I don´t know where to start. And the same thing kind of goes for this forum (not that there is something inherently bad about, thank you for all of your help), and I must be missing something because I am not going to blame it on anyone else. I have tried so many times in the past to do too many things and I am quiting things because I always get the unsure feeling whether what I am doing is worthwhile, and then I slip into unconsciousness and just forget about what I did, or I just felt very negative feelings about what I did.

How did the guys here on this forum handle the meaninglessness, pessimism, overwhelmedness, insecurity whether what I am doing is right or wrong or not?

I have been on this forum for 3 months now, and if I am honest I have not achieved a shit more than a couple of "maybe´s" in forms of things I am doing. And I am not fulfilling my potential to one bit, and I honestly don´t feel much willigness either in my day to day. I am asking for you to help me see my bullshit and call me out, because I have always had a problem of "not getting it". My classmates and family etc. has always been better than me at this but I think this has not much to do with me being actually bad, but just some deficiency I can develop. I have read like 4 books on self development and each and every one of them has been pretty good, but I have in no fucking way implemented them whatsoever because I don´t really "get it", or maybe something else is the problem? It doesn´t feel right, like I don´t have the capability to use advice and actually just take it in, my mind is so full of doubt, insecurities anxiousness etc. which you may see reflected in this post. My mind is as foggy as it has ever been, so I don´t know if it needs to be that I am doing it wrong, I am taking notes etc. but I think there is something else going on.

My mind is always racing and questioning everything which makes it hard to commit to one thing. for example, one moment I feel that all I need to do is inner work and work on my emotions, then I feel that I only need to do practical stuff and get my shit together, but then my mind goes "if you do the inner work you will be able to do the practical stuff more easily", and then my mind will come up with some other bullshit which has me thinking and doubting all the time.

I am sorry for the rant, and if I left out something or included too much but please be brutally honest with me. I can take it. have a good day!

Edited February 4, 2022 by Yoremo

[Matthew85]

@Yoremo I would start with getting better control over your mind and thoughts. Your mind currently is like a wild stallion. It needs to be tamed. Do you have any daily spiritual practices? 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Matthew85

[Yoremo]

@Matthew85My mind has been crazy for the last year or so. I have done 30 min meditation pretty consistently for 7 months or so, have skipped quite a lot of days in the last weeks or 2 months. Haven´t felt that much from meditation, but I have come over that initial feeling as a beginner that "I am doing it wrong" and I am more accepting and allowing of my mind to veer of. Now I am starting to do the meditation on my busride to school and home so that I have more time to do shadow work once i get home, since shadow work is something I have tried for the last month or so (but I am not doing it anyways). 

[puporing]

This work takes time, I think Leo mentioned it too in some of his videos, it could take you years to awaken fully, and then another some years to integrate that stuff into your life. And the catch is there likely won't be anyone out there to validate your growth. Accept where you are right now, there's no need to 'rush'. The confusion, overwhelm, meaninglessness is a normal part of the process. How did I deal with it? Trusting that this is part of growth. It's like metamorphosis and when a caterpillar goes through this process nothing seems to happen to the outside world, but a great struggle is happening inside. 

43 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

for example, one moment I feel that all I need to do is inner work and work on my emotions, then I feel that I only need to do practical stuff and get my shit together, but then my mind goes "if you do the inner work you will be able to do the practical stuff more easily",

The practical stuff is still important to get a handle on, most teachers don't recommend going too fast without handling the practical side of things first. Internal growth does not necessarily make practical stuff 'easier' especially in the beginning, coz you might notice more and more how misaligned you are as you grow. They don't always have to move in synchronicity if that's what you're noticing one is lagging behind the other but more than likely you won't be able to stand not matching them up. That's why Leo stress so strongly having a life purpose/vision as well, so you don't get lost in the inner work and have this massive misalignment when you're spiritually developed but can't function in day-to-day. 

Much love.

Edited February 4, 2022 by puporing

[Matthew85]

@Yoremo If you have been meditating for 7 months without seeing improvement you may need a different technique. What type of meditation do you practice? Sometimes you need to try a few different methods to find the best one for you. Mindfulness practices are very helpful for cultivating focus. I would look into that and also cognitive training. 

[Yoremo]

@Matthew85 mainly just focusing on my breath. But when I am doing my meditation now it goes by so fast, 30 min feels like 5, but I am not aware of my breath almost any time. It is almost like I am sleeping through the whole meditation. Do you do the mindfulness very rigourosly or more loosely? I have been not so strict and have been letting my mind wander because that has felt good.

What is cognitive training?

[Matthew85]

@Yoremo I would recommend you look into mindfulness practices. One of the great things about it is you incorporate it throughout your whole day. Cognitive training is different practices and games that help improve focus and cognitive abilities. Also, mix up your meditation practices. Add some mantra or Japa meditations. Experiment with different styles. 

[AuroraDream]

i don't think its the abundance of techniques and information that's the problem, its the massive amounts of pressure and pushiness to change and be "better" given off from the YouTube channel and the forum. 

i think an abundance of techniques and different approaches to things are great, can allow someone to freely explore for themselves and have fun and play with what works and what doesn't. 

But the amount of what i would call, "spiritual bullying" going on here, which is trying to push someone somewhere bluntly, with lots of arrogant energy and setting high expectations expectations can make someone feel overwhelmed and feel like they're "not enough". Not to mention the amount of people who buy into this, can make newcomers feel overwhelmed and like they dont know what to do. 

Just so you know, all of this actualized stuff is bs, its just a more elite/arrogant form of comparing themselves to one another, which makes "newbies" feel like theyre not doing it right or "getting it" 

On 2/4/2022 at 2:15 PM, Yoremo said:

but I have in no fucking way implemented them whatsoever because I don´t really "get it", or maybe something else is the problem? It doesn´t feel right, like I don´t have the capability to use advice and actually just take it in, my mind is so full of doubt, insecurities anxiousness etc.

there's nothing you need to get, just follow your heart and what feels right to you  

[Yoremo]

@AuroraDream I really feel zeeeero pressure. All of the pressure in my life comes from me.

The thing is I am fucking depressed, and my emotional quality is so low that doing anything is really hard, and I have always had a lot of insecurities and beliefs which have been really negative for me.

The reason for this thread is that I am getting overwhelmed by all the things in the self help worlds and the lack of clarity. I don´t commit to anything fully, because when the chips are down I get hopeless and quit more or less. 

these are the things I am wanting to change, the pressure is only from me because I have always felt disgusted by the thought of living a mediocre life because of a lack of mastery. It fully originates from me, the problems for me is my emotions hindering me to do what I want to do and prevents me from seeing a purpose in life and I am trying to resolve this 

Might just be me that was a bit unclear in my posts, my brain is in a quite dense mental fog so... And I am NOT out for anything spiritual, I haven´t seen anything of life and the spiritual path will not be my focus for a long time, if ever

[Yoremo]

But be honest guys, is there anything you can say to help me, really?

I am kind of realizing that I am lonely af, and I will need to kind of come up with the answers and the strength myself, as the answers I have gotten on this forum hasn´t really helped that much so far. And maybe I just need to stop to expect some dude or gal on the internet to be able to tell me what I need to do. I really don´t fucking know anything haha

[Space]

@Yoremo I feel like you need to go back and start watching Leo's videos from around 2016 and watch them all chronologically. Because there is so much material to learn and understand. And also Leo's understanding has developed and changed over the years so it would be useful to start near the beginning and kind of develop/work through stuff with him. I was lucky that I started watching back in 2015/16 so my understanding of the actualized.org topics has developed and grown with Leo. 

There are so many things in his recent videos that link back to old videos which link to another 5 videos and so on. So to properly understand Leo's recent videos, the really advanced stuff, you have to have watched his older stuff.

It's perfectly expected that you don't really understand this stuff after 3 months. 

 

[Yoremo]

@Space how did you start watching his videos? Like how did you make these videos a part of your life?

I think I need to be more contemplative of his videos and all the other advice I consume. Also I think I need to get rid of trauma and negative beliefs and negative self image and that is something I am working on. Maybe that is enough for me now, to just focus on fixing trauma and just challenging myself? I am also going to begin therapy this week so that might also help

btw. I am not really watching his recent videos, I am watching those older videos. But the last few weeks I haven´t watched anything because I have tried to just journal and contemplate and find some answers fro myself, not just consuming content as I have done now for 8 months or so

Edited February 6, 2022 by Yoremo

[itachi uchiha]

to get very good result from self improvement, u need to work for a minimum of 4 to 5 years. upto those years everything was a mindfuck and confusion. i was in a labarynth for 4 or  5 years before something clicked and everything made sense. let me tell u , after those 5 years u will be an extra ordinary or amazing human if u do the work daily .

[Yoremo]

@itachi uchiha yeah that makes some sense. But how would you suggest I do this work then, just trying to discipline myself and trying trying trying to understand and grinding to put things in practice and then with time these good intentions and good efforts will result in clarity so I can then get the results I want?

you can tell me how you´d think the most optimal approach would be if you want

Edited February 6, 2022 by Yoremo

[itachi uchiha]

@Yoremo start tiny. make u r actions tiny. know your capacity and your limits and plan your first actions within your limit. for example if u have the ability to meditate only 3 min, then start meditating only 3 minitues. after 3 or 4 months or after 1 week or after 2 week or after some time it will be easy . when those 3 minute of meditation is easy then increase the meditation habit to meditating 6 min per day. do it for months or weeks and it will be easy . then increase 6 min meditation habit to 9 min meditation per day. in this manner u can easily meditate 2 hours per day.

 

using the above example u need to do the action within your limit and gradually increase your capacity .

for more information, read the book tiny habits by bj fogg

[QandC]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xggTJCCxFss

[Ulax]

If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say its because you've got some deep rooted trauma.

I'd look into a depth psychotherapy, which it sounds like you're doing.

I'd learn about toxic relationships and life circumstances too.

[Dryas]

Models of development i.e. Maslows hierarchy, Spiral dynamics, Sussan Cook’s model etc. are helpful for clearing at least some of the confusion. 

Edited February 6, 2022 by Dryas

[Yoremo]

@Ulax Probably trauma is the thing for me. Because I can see that most other people aren´t having the same problems as I am having, they go through life pretty easily. I am starting cbt therapy on wednesday. That therapy is free from the wellfare in sweden so that´s why I have access to that. It is founded on slowly exposing me to situations that I have problems with if I understand it correctly, aswell as me talking to the psychologist and I don´t know if they can help me relieve the deep trauma or if this is only a relief from the symptoms. Because as an example, last week I had presentation in front of the whole class both thursday and friday, which I am terrified of but I did it. And on friday I was jumping with joy (can´t jump but you know what I mean) because I felt so good about myself and I had gotten so confident. But I am very unsure whether that kind of thing really resolves something for me and if something like that would have any value. Well I guess I´ll find out when I have been going to that therapy for a while.

5 minutes ago, Ulax said:

I'd learn about toxic relationships and life circumstances too.

Hmmm, I think this is a big component of suffering in my life too. Do you have any suggestions where to look through that facet of life more thoroughly?

[Yoremo]

@Dryas yeah might check into that, right now though I don´t feel like I would handle going into a topic like that deeply though since I don´t feel so good, because what I know of these topics are quite deep? Or would you say that it is worth the struggle?