~50mcg of LSD Rectal ROA Trip Report

[ZenSwift]

So this idea of rectal Route of Administration was from this thread: 

One thing that I CAN confirm right off the bat is that the come up IS twice as fast.

Anyways...

 

LSD Trip 002 - My First Mega Download

November 24th 2021

This is the first trip where I really let my self dial in focus on contemplating the nature of reality, and the rapid flow of insights kept me up till 6am.

I think you'll find some very interesting things if you read this report in full. Also, I am letting you know that I am leaving many things in this report.  Things such as stuff related to my life purpose that doesn't need to be shared for the purposes of posting it here. But to also distill it down to the most juicy bits.
Also, the things that I find the most interesting, will be bolded, underlined, made bigger, highlighted, etc.

>Lines that have ">" are written after the trip (A week later)
 

Trip Report

Intention: What is Context?

 

So while tripping I listened to Guided exercise for realizing you are God.

 

 

I need to take notes on this and identify each individual point that I have grounding my reality.

>I know now that I need to further define things such as what does Leo really mean when he says Biology.

>The reason why I need to further define these things is because when the idea is fully present, then that's what you know what you are letting go of. It's hard to let go of something that is vague. Which is why the ego must become more present in order to let it go.

 

Woke up.

Did an enema 3 -4 times. 

Dose: 50mcg LSD

Taken @ 12:10PM, Rectally. ( Just put the raw tab in my butt, half a finger depth, nothing fancy, next time I might try to dissolve it in vinegar and then a couple drops of coconut milk  [As Leo suggested in a thread] and see if it does anything differently. )

Proceeded to clean my room.

I put my phone in Focus mode

 

18 mins

Subtle energy shift in the chest?

 

24min

Maybe some vibration in my chest?

 

34 min

Kicking in

Frosted glass is moving. Body feels different, Consciousness different

The comeup is like a vibratory "anxiety". But it can totally just be interpreted as excitement.

>The comeup is definitely twice as fast with rectal ROA, people have experienced the tripping time being cut in half as well, but that MAY or may not be the case. Because at least for my body I'm not sure how long LSD actually lasts for me, it could last 24 HOURS for me, rather than 12. I know that when I compare myself using THC edibles with my friend, 2 hours later after my friend has come down, I am still flying.

 

43 min

Yawns

Tired

Pupils dilated

 

1h12min

You can trip about contemplating the same thing over and over and go deeper and get more value.

 

The mind is the net that holds reality in it.

> I would now rephrase it as: You mind creates reality by interweaving a web of contexts.

Without the network of the mind, reality doesn't hold.

Without context, there's no reality. What you call "reality" is just a context.

 

Consciousness is spawned in the moment.

The moment feeling like forever is BECAUSE that is all there is. This moment can be whisked away thanos style, snap of fingers. Everything is being held together.

In this moment. The eternal now. And at some point, it COULD just not exist. But yet it does atm...

 

Opening your mind to the point of crazy is simply opening your mind enough...

It's a double edged sword.

It's that freedom of consciousness

>When you open your mind this far, it gives you freedom to create any story about reality and it will be true for you. Which is why it opens you mind to levels of crazy, which is WHY you can EASILY believe that you are a prophet, because when your mind is open enough, it is simply the case when you make it so. When the mind is so open, you can write ANY story about it and call it truth. The amount of responsibility you take when you open your mind this much is insane.

 

Enlightenment is simply just stripping all context. To the point that it deconstructs your ego, your self. All the ideas grounding you in this room, then all the ideas grounding you in the body. Then all the ideas grounding your consciousness in your head.

>I think so.

 

I have the freedom to imagine anything, yet the only thing that happens is this experience. Why is that the case?

 

How do I get out of my head?

>I still believe that "I" am in between my ears.

 

 

I can see very clearly now that the ego is what gets in the way.

It grounds reality stronger than an idea.

 

 

4hours in, still going hard

 

Reality is just a tightly-knit context. So tightly knit that it feels real. It seems real. But it's a net of context. It's so tightly knit that the illusion is TOTAL.

As you unwire each strand of the net you realize just how loose it is. Once you unwire enough strands then you realize that IT IS A NET.

>You unravel the illusion.

 

You becoming conscious is you becoming conscious of how Consciousness creates itself. Of how reality weaves itself into a net suspended up in the air with no ground.

 

This full realization of all the contexts I create would reach a peak if my ego was dead. Which is why I see now the serious practicality of doing 5 MeO DMT. And I see how you need to be like there for a while to understand what the hell is that space. 

 

I need the neti neti method right now. 

>I listen to this right to hour 16, where I'm constantly pausing it and writing down more and more insights, keeping me up to 6am.

 

I wonder how powerful it would be if Leo was sitting right here hammering me with questions about self. Like guided self-inquiry.

 

I need to deeply understand what is Fear

 

The search for the true self STARTS when you strip away all context.

>This includes stripping away the contexts that you are attached to, which are the contexts that ground your ego.

 

4hours, 48 min

Still going hard.

Going deep as I can.

 

Is the "I" present when this body dies?

 

I feel like there's gotta be this big letting go moment.

Like my ego is holding on.

 

"I" cannot be sight because that is not ever present.

 

Am "I" a constant? What is that?

 

5h

Visuals in the wall still going hard

 

The amount of concentration I have is unbelievable.
I've built up an insane amount of momentum here.

 

It seems like an ego death, an enlightenment is simply a momentum build up?

I see how an enlightenment requires momentum.

Which makes sense as to why Leo says that a retreat is what's necessary for an enlightenment.

 

I can SEE now how much wage slavery can take away from this momentum.

 

The things that you are alone with are where you're forced to be an expert on.

To become awake, I feel like I just gotta do boatloads of self-inquiry for it to work.

Patiently neti neti'ng myself over and over.  Doing psyches to help during this process.

 

The neti neti method is making you become conscious of certain things.

 

What does it mean to open the mind?

To get the courage to see the reality constructs that you create?

Your enlightenment search is fueled by your curiosity in finding yourself.

 

6h 14 min

I might actually be coming down now.

 

"What is Context?"

It's a perfect question to ask and trip about several times over.

 

Why does the mind love patterns?

Because of its ability to give your reality a construct. A context. A context is a pattern that is recognized.

>A context is what grounds your reality, making your ego seem more real. The more contexts, the more TOTAL the illusion is.

 

6h 52 min

Sobering up a bit?

Still MEGA concentrated.

 

What is Value?

To create value is to create a suspended network.

Value is a suspended network grounded in context, grounded in absolutely nothing.

 

Why do I feel the need to be better than everybody else? Even if that means just me being better in my own very specific way? Is it because that way I will have a sense of mastery? A sense of accomplishment?

 

At this point I was drawing and writing stuff down, trying to comprehend the magnitude of Leo's genius with his vision of Actualized.org. 

 

There is nothing to accomplish, yet reality pushes me in ways in order to evolve my consciousness. The way reality functions is it's evolution.

There's nothing to accomplish, yet I'm stuck in a situation where I feel pain if I don't do stuff.

 

An ego was created as a tool. In this tool is very useful because it gets things done.

There's too much demonization of the ego. Rather it must be just understood of what it is and the role it plays. It plays a very important role.

Without the ego it would be a lot worse in terms of getting stuff accomplished.

 

^^^but that is all ego justifications. Without ego it's okay if you die. 

>^The Ego is fighting Ego.

 

 

I intuit that I must first build a massive lattice structure of understanding in order to get to that enlightenment point.

 

7h 30 mins

 

Pretty much sober. But it's hard to tell because of the amount of momentum that I built up with my concentration over the past several hours. My head has been massively worked.

After I am well versed in stripping away all of reality Constructs, that is when I will smoke 5meo, plug 5meo.  At that point enlightenment will be easy to attain.

 

"I" am a lattice structure.

>The ego is a tightly weaved context weaved in itself. Creating the FULL and TOTAL illusion that it exists. Just like negative space art.

>I am starting to understand how "you" are the triangle!

>Each circle is the context that you ground yourself in.

 

You can always deepen your understanding on every single idea, on every single word. You can deepen your understandings of every single thought.

 

Is it possible for the eyeball to look at itself seeing?

>Is it possible for consciousness to look at how it creates itself?

>Is it possible for consciousness to be conscious of consciousness?

 

8h

Still mega focused in thought.

Deconstructing realities contexts.

I need to patiently shake each assumption of reality loose.

>Like how the brain doesn't exist.

 

This here really helped me and I understand it a lot more now since I read it during my trip. And Even now I understand it more.

>Also I think I now understand this more

>Reality appears as it is, as itself. It it not grounded in anything. Whatever contexts that you project onto it is also reality because that is reality IS'ing as the context being projected through your rose coloured glasses of perception. Now I want to watch Leo's video, What is perception?

 

[Checkpoint 1]

>Reality IS ITSELF AT EVERY LEVEL. If you zoom in,  it spawns as reality at that level, if you zoom out, it spawns at that level. But they're not grounded in eachother, they're not made up as eachother, but when you investigate, you can create a STORY that is the case. BECAUSE reality can be infinitely zoomed in, but it doesn't mean that lets say that your hand is made of atoms. Your hand is made out of itself, as itself, as it appears right now.

>At least that seems to be the case...

 

Your confidence is grounded in context.

>SERIOUSLY! If  you are not confident in a situation, change the context, and if you are able to open your mind enough to actually belive the stories you tell yourself, then that confidence will come effortlessly.

 

[Checkpoint 2]

>Which brings me to another point that I am starting to realize about the dangers of this work, and that is the dangers of deconstructing reality this much and opening your mind this much. If you are able to deconstruct reality to the point of throwing away all context to reach the absolute, then you literally lose your mind because your mind is a tightly knit web grounded in context, and when you start pulling the web apart, you lose you mind because your mind is a construct that is suspended in nothing. But also, more importantly, when you realize that reality is nothing but contexts and stories, you start to learn that you can easily write your own contexts and stories, and you can just as easily believe it as truth. Which is why it makes sense as to why enlightened people can see themselves as a prophet, simply because they lack ANY epistemological rigor in their understanding of reality. SO when your mind is that open, you can believe anything to your advantage, while at the same time forgetting that you did so.  And because by DEFAULT you are epistemologically lazy, you default to believe the content that you have been fed by your culture, your experiences, your people around you, and most importantly, yourself. And in fact, that is exactly what you are doing RIGHT NOW sober,  in your unenlightened, mind-not-lost state! But you are grounded in the collectively held social matrix that is your reality bubble. When you deconstruct your reality this much I see how it is so easy to write your own story. And how reality magically molds to your contexts. In which I realize that reality will bend to whatever context that you project upon it. Which is how you LITTERALLY CREATE reality.

 

>Whereas Reality with a capital R is none of that, (Reality with a capital R )is an infinite shapeshifting infinite void of nothingness, and then your ego comes along and projects its contexts onto it, creating a reality (with a lowercase 'r' ) of it's own, as a TOTAL illusion, separate from the source, the absolute. The illusion being grounded in nothing but a massive web of contexts, suspended in the air.

 

>I see now how everything in reality is simply a web of contexts, and relationships between these contexts, suspended in the air. A Network!

>This idea explains the structure of

• Value, how value is a collectively held hallucination, think of how any inflation happens, that's only a result of the collectively held perception. Such as the dutch tulips. Value is nothing but a held perception.
• The "self", such as an artichoke, and you looking your self is like looking for a fruit in the center of an artichoke, peeling back every layer until you find nothing.
• Knowledge, how NOTHING IS KNOWN, and how knowledge is grounded in nothing, yet it exists, as a network, suspended in the air, in itself.
• Learning, where you realize that all learning is, is weaving an increasingly complex and interconnected web of knowledge, and how every idea leans against another.
• Culture, how it's a collectively reinforced massive hallucination.
• Paradigm, Construction (of reality), Perception.
• Language, such as how every word leans onto itself.
• Leo's YouTube channel. Why it is so valuable, because every concept leans on itself, creating a NETWORK EFFECT. This explains why every couple of months of studying Leo, my reality literally SHIFTS, simply because I have created a synergistic, network effect, connecting all these fundamental topics together, weaving them together into a strong net. This net of understanding start to take up a reality of its own.
• Everything, how all aspects of reality is just an infinite collection of interconnected networks. And how I am learning now that your life becomes better and better the more you understand this network because you are able to become conscious and appreciate the infinite beauty of GOD, Reality, Consciousness. I can intuit now how oneness can be so beautiful and powerful...

>"reality=Network" - - (Notice how I use "reality" with a lowercase 'R')

 

I could see myself surpassing Jordan Peterson easily. But Leo on the other hand...

HAHAHAHA

>How far I have come haha. I want to be able to teach as good, if not better than Leo does.

 

You CAN'T have anything planned for your trips like this. Plans WILL fuck up your focus massively. The ENTIRE day has to be sanctioned off. Even if you were okay enough to go swimming later for example, your mind is still extremely sensitive and could be harmed with a negative experience and because of the sensitivity of your mind. It can sour the preciously aligned insights that the New Foundation was created upon.

 

The only way I'll understand the massive amount of effort it takes to become a teacher as good as Leo is to go through the effort myself. The only way I'll understand how to make such a good teaching is by going through that process itself.

That's WHERE I'm trying to understand what the process itself is!

>I mean there's gotta be SOME practice routines involved in this process... 

>Zone of Genius work...

>Anyways...

To me it seems to be

• Learning a bunch of shit
• Interweaving and contemplating deeply about my understanding. Becoming conscious about a bunch of shit,  such that I OWN the wisdom / teaching.
• Doing practice routines of how to teach it. Like just learning presentation and speaking skills in general.
• Teaching it.

 

 

True spirituality is the most true "science".

To invigorate spirit into your reality.

True spirituality is truth seeking.

Yo what the hell, I love truth seeking now!

 

Realizing no self is like unwiring the Ultimate indoctrination.

 

 

YOOO I fucking love religion class now.

Leo's videos is religion class.

 

I have to say that I'm becoming conscious of how your mind creates stories about everything. And how you just have to write your story to become the hero of your own story

 

>I just noticed that I wrote down much more but it didn't save?? Fuck!

 

> I had a lot of deep insights about manifestation itself, the structure of manifestation, and how it connects with this idea of a network. A self constructed, tightly weaved net, which is basically what all manifestation boils down to. Creating a net between your current net and the nodes you want your net to be a part of. Like the "Successful Youtube Channel" node, the "Great teacher" node.

>At the end of the night at about 5AM, I start to think about pickup and how I would need to feel to be picked up, trying to get into the perspective of the hypothetical women in my mind.

>My conclusion was that I needed to feel that I was everything.

>I started to think about the people in my life, especially my mother, in how they make me feel like I'm everything. I cry at the love I feel.

>I think of my Mom, and I text her how she is EVERYTHING I could ask for in being my mother. And how I love her very much. And that she makes ME feel like I'm everything!

>I think of my best friends, and I tell them that they are everything I could ask for in a friend.

> I think of my siblings, and I text them that they are everything I could ask for, and I love them very much.

>I think of my dad, and how I want to say to him, that he is EVERYTHING that I need in a father, even though that is not the case at all, but I want to tell him that such that he feels love. So instead I text him that he is everything I could ask for in being my father, which is technically the case, rather than saying that he is everything

 

>I think of Leo, and I think: LEO... YOU are EVERYTHING I could ask for in a teacher. I love you very much.

 

>I realized that there is a deep connection with Intelligence and Beauty. Simple example, if your hair looks stupid, do it up, put more intelligence into it, then it all of a sudden becomes beautiful.

>The difference between beautiful art and not beautiful art is the intelligence put into it.

 

 

If you read all this, you are a real one.

 

 

Trip Report Summary

I'm learning about how your reality is an interconnected web of stories, ideas and contexts.

I can see now that after building more foundation, I'll be soon ready for 5meo, as I see where it practically fits in gaining understanding.

 

What's next?

Creating a MASSIVE UNDERSTANDING of all these concepts

• The Many facets of awakening
• What is Love. Pt 1&2, Self Love
• What is Perception.
• What if reality was nothing but perspective? (The damn near opposite of Leo's video "What is Perception")
• Self Deception.
• What is Fear? Pt1&2
• How To Discover What's True - A Deep Inquiry
• What is Truth?
• What does an awakening feel like
• Leo's videos on enlightement.

Thanks Leo!

 

Read books on what consciousness is.

 

Study and create a network around the things I need to learn to actualize my life purpose.

 

Contemplate

What is Context?

What is Relationship?

That is my next thing to trip to?

What is Beauty?

What is Intelligence?

What is Emptiness?

 

What are the relationships between all of these?

 

What is Love?

What is Ego?

What is Confidence?

What is Value?

What Makes a great Teacher?

What is Learning?

What is Teaching?

What is Communication?

 

 

 

 

Questions & Requested Feedback

Can I get input on what I said in:

(Ctrl+f)

• [Checkpoint 1] Where I talk about reality spawning as itself, not as an amalgamation of stories like atoms. I mention this a few times in the report.
• [Checkpoint 2] Where I talk about the dangers of unwiring reality this much. I mention this a few times in the report.

Edited December 2, 2021 by ZenSwift

[Leo Gura]

Sounds like you accomplished some serious work on 50ug. Keep at it. It takes a lot of trips to interconnect all the facets and nuances.

[Tim R]

That's a great post man, hats off to you.

[Loving Radiance]

7 hours ago, ZenSwift said:

[Checkpoint 2] Where I talk about the dangers of unwiring reality this much. I mention this a few times in the report.

Quote

when you realize that reality is nothing but contexts and stories, you start to learn that you can easily write your own contexts and stories, and you can just as easily believe it as truth. Which is why it makes sense as to why enlightened people can see themselves as a prophet, simply because they lack ANY epistemological rigor in their understanding of reality. SO when your mind is that open, you can believe anything to your advantage, while at the same time forgetting that you did so

Assuming there are separate humans called prophets:

Note that what prophets spoke was recontextualized to the people's understanding at that time.

And I also feel that you assumed that prophets see themselves as that - consider that people put that label on them. Also consider that how you interpret their words is that there is someone chosen. Being chosen and not being chosen at the same time. The mind just so happens to project its individuality onto prophets and sides with the side of the chosen one. AND of course zen-devilry (not deconstructing epistemics) is also possible.

So, what's the danger you speak of here? From this perspective there is noone deluding themselves because delusion needs the social matrix as authority what the ground is and what not. What could be imagined is bringing your body in danger. And even danger to the body is deconstructed. There also could be the danger of surrendering to non-existence which would be the death of existence. What do you mean?

Btw, great trip report. It's mind blowing. I now feel more & more that LSD is better for me personally than psilocybin just from reading these reports.

Edited December 1, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Cubbage]

This is a phenomenal post, possibly one of the very best on this forum. Would you be alright with me featuring this on my YT channel if I gave you full credit? @ZenSwift. No worries if not, thank you for sharing such a wonderful overview of your experience.

[cjoseph90]

wow great trip report, very intresting read. I like how many insights you had and how you will continue with the work. Truly mindblowing descriptions too of what youve discovered, nice! cool actualized vids as well that you mentioned too.

[ZenSwift]

On 11/30/2021 at 11:25 PM, Leo Gura said:

Keep at it.

@Leo Gura Thank you!

 

On 11/30/2021 at 11:55 PM, Tim R said:

That's a great post man, hats off to you.

@Tim R I appreciate it! 

 

On 12/1/2021 at 5:02 AM, Loving Radiance said:

So, what's the danger you speak of here?

@Loving Radiance

I see the danger with massive self-deception once you ground your epistemic and metaphysical authority in yourself. Which is why it is so necessary to study so many perspectives, and to develop a good radar on figuring out what is true and what isn't true. I need to figure out how to distinguish truth vs falsehood. I do think grasping the absolute will help a whole lot here.

I just need to keep mindful of self deception happening at every turn. Familiarize myself with self deception and contemplate what is self deception for myself.

 

On 12/1/2021 at 11:38 AM, Cubbage said:

This is a phenomenal post, possibly one of the very best on this forum.

@Cubbage I really appreciate the kudos!  When that video is done I will just attach it here in this thread!

On 12/1/2021 at 0:32 PM, cjoseph90 said:

Truly mind-blowing descriptions too of what you've discovered

@cjoseph90 Thanks! I really like trying to describe reality through my writing!

 

On 12/1/2021 at 8:51 PM, AMTO said:

I’d like to ask about your manifestation insights

@AMTO What you focus on grows.

Here's a visual lesson on manifestation.

Look at how your knowledge network manifests:

https://imgur.com/gallery/FkeYl89

https://imgur.com/3FKlCpf

Keep adding nodes to your knowledge network, and then the network of your knowledge starts to manifest and take shape.

Imagine each crack in the glass is a context, a node, an assumption, a piece of knowledge.

Becomes

Becomes

See?

 

Look at this dream catcher as nothing but a network of nodes and connections between them. This is how you literally manifest things in reality.

Look at this spider web, how it is a network of just singular strings, and how it manifests into a network, creating an illusion of a "web".

 

Look at this image of how your ego is created through just a nest of contexts, assumptions and misguided correlations. It's all illusion. You can easily recreate your "self" by just changing the strings and nodes that make you up, change the strings and nodes that makes your reality up.

 

Where you are now is an unconsciously created illusion. It's an unconsciously written story.

Where you ought to be is a consciously created illusion. It's an consciously written story.

All you have to do is write the story bridging the two stories.

 

First, clearly define the vision of your ideal self and ideal reality. Then interview your ideal self, asking him questions on how he got there, and how he manifested it. The power of asking questions!

[ZenSwift]

Additional Meta-Commentary on this Trip Report. Lots of additional articulations here:

Parent Document of My Trip Reports

[OBEler]

You took the most out of 50 micro lsd. Congratulations!