I'm in Hell. AMA (Ask me anything)

[Eph75]

Ah yes, the day you get that realization, remember this day ?? until then, contemplate what dropping the resistence would look like. 

[Proserpina]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

Unfortunately no. I feel that reality is mind-boggling, mysterious, fascinating, etc, but it doesn't alleviate my pain.

Maybe you don't need your pain to alleviate. Maybe that fascination is enough.

Its a deeper bliss that goes beyond the emotions. 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[snowyowl]

"The whole problem is that I don't have anyone to talk (or write) with."

Can you contemplate on this, what are the obstacles you face with talking and making friends, what actually happens when you try talking in real life? If you're about 32 now, you will have tried many times, have you noticed any patterns going on? Here's a few thoughts off the top of my head: 

You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do?

Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? 

Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? 

Do you have a mental illness or condition like social anxiety, depression, autism spectrum or aspergers? 

Something else? Can you describe a real example of what happens and how it feels?

Edited October 21, 2021 by snowyowl

[Proserpina]

@Blackhawk I had that realization when I was 15. I was being excluded and bullied at school.  Abused at home. Things didn't really improve after the realization, in fact they got worse (physical illness, abusive relationships, isolation) but a part of me was always in heaven after that. And the divine started channeling through me

Not trying to make the thread about me but trying to point to something.  MAYBE you don't need success,  you don't need happiness.

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Tudo]

Bro, 32 is still super young, don't worry,  you still have a lot of time to get out of hell.

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, Loba said:

What steps have you taken so far so we don't offer the same advice again and again?

Yeah dude, you're cool.  Feel free to message me anytime if you're feeling down.

I've been through some pretty tough shit so I get it, hell is not easy to escape.

I have tried medication, therapy, etc..

Good that you're out of it now.

4 hours ago, snowyowl said:

"The whole problem is that I don't have anyone to talk (or write) with."

Can you contemplate on this, what are the obstacles you face with talking and making friends, what actually happens when you try talking in real life? If you're about 32 now, you will have tried many times, have you noticed any patterns going on? Here's a few thoughts off the top of my head: 

You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do?

Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? 

Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? 

Do you have a mental illness or condition like social anxiety, depression, autism spectrum or aspergers? 

Something else? Can you describe a real example of what happens and how it feels?

I have shyness, introversion, and self-doubt. And I don't know what to say.

4 hours ago, Proserpina said:

@Blackhawk I had that realization when I was 15. I was being excluded and bullied at school.  Abused at home. Things didn't really improve after the realization, in fact they got worse (physical illness, abusive relationships, isolation) but a part of me was always in heaven after that. And the divine started channeling through me

Not trying to make the thread about me but trying to point to something.  MAYBE you don't need success,  you don't need happiness.

I see.

30 minutes ago, Loba said:

What is your favorite animal, I would like to draw something for you to cheer you up and it will take me a few weeks to complete.

I'm at a standstill with my other projects until I can bring the rest of my equipment over from my old home (moving), but that will be in less than 2 weeks and I have enough supplies here to start a new project but I don't have any inspiration right now and don't know what to draw.  I prefer drawing things for other people.

Oh  My favorite animal is cats. What is yours?

Edited October 21, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

11 minutes ago, Tudo said:

Bro, 32 is still super young, don't worry,  you still have a lot of time to get out of hell.

Thanks..

[Proserpina]

15 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I see.

Okay. I gave it my best shot to try to help you lol

[Blackhawk]

15 minutes ago, Loba said:

None of it helped?

Yeah none of it helped.

5 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Okay. I gave it my best shot to try to help you lol

Hehe, well, thanks for trying.

[Ilan]

God made a very bold move incarnating as a Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

4 hours ago, Loba said:

? I'm so sorry to hear that.  Meds seemed to work well for me, as well as moving out of my old place, maybe you need a new fresh start?

I don't think that a new fresh start would help.

[kag101]

loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring.

i hope you make some good friends you can hang out with and have relaxing moments together. you seem like a nice person.

btw - do you have a cat? they can help

Edited October 22, 2021 by kag101

[snowyowl]

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I have shyness, introversion, and self-doubt. And I don't know what to say.

These are all issues which can be worked on, if you seriously want to, there's a lot of resources out there. Why are you so convinced that nothing works? There's other introverted people in the forum, another thread about it at the moment. There is help, it just needs consistent effort, discipline over a long time. Don't give up on yourself so easy. 

I used to be stubborn, I had depression for over 20 years until I finally got a suitable treatment. Anxiety too, which I'm still working on although it's less severe now. 

But it's entirely up to you, lecture over and good luck 

Edited October 22, 2021 by snowyowl

[Gianna]

On 10/21/2021 at 0:28 AM, Rilles said:

Or maybe you just THINK noone understands you..

@RillesYou kind of know you’re not being understood when people invalidate you.. haha. So it’s not something you 'think', it's something that happens. It's not like a, “I THINK people misunderstand me”. It’s more like a, “I fucking know you don't understand me because you're spitting in my face and telling me that I'm wrong and that these experiences aren't happening. That it's 'just me'." Haha. Kind of like what you’re doing with me right now, "You really think out of 7 billion people no one can understand you. Come on man..." Haha. 

You have to keep in mind that the higher your consciousness level, the lower the probability of being understood— so that ‘7 billion people’ that you make sound so inevitably relateable dwindles quickly. 

So recognize that your response assumes surface-level understanding. Some people are trapped in depths that the vast majority of people aren’t even interested in— so can you see how lonely this could be? People not even desiring to connect with the most intimate parts of you? The parts where you need understanding the most? And yeah, not ‘everyone’ but the practical people of your day to day life. 

Once you're at certain places, most people aren’t even capable of understanding you at the depths you need them to and that’s not their fault but it doesn’t mean that it’s not fucking miserable and lonely. Disconnection is hell. 

You're right, there is 7 billion chances. But you better hope you have the resources to find those people and connect with them practically because the internet and forums can only go so far. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Gianna

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, kag101 said:

loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring.

i hope you make some good friends you can hang out with and have relaxing moments together. you seem like a nice person.

btw - do you have a cat? they can help

Thanks.

No I don't have a cat.

3 hours ago, snowyowl said:

These are all issues which can be worked on, if you seriously want to, there's a lot of resources out there. Why are you so convinced that nothing works? There's other introverted people in the forum, another thread about it at the moment. There is help, it just needs consistent effort, discipline over a long time. Don't give up on yourself so easy. 

I used to be stubborn, I had depression for over 20 years until I finally got a suitable treatment. Anxiety too, which I'm still working on although it's less severe now. 

But it's entirely up to you, lecture over and good luck 

I don't know what to say.

Thanks.

[Gianna]

6 hours ago, kag101 said:

loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring.

Exactly. And so much ignorance comes from that– from people talking about places they've never been. This is where you get the, "Oh, don't you know your thoughts create reality? That you're actually just creating this experience yourself?" That's the most ignorant fucking thing you can say to someone in this place. But you wouldn't know that unless you've been there. Even though these people are technically right, it's not about being 'right' it's about actually knowing where someone is coming from. People are so disconnected from each other it actually makes me sick to my stomach. And yet, we're all one right. 

[Proserpina]

@Blackhawk If you're doing everything you can (Even if it appears you're not) conditions will eventually shift.  Even if you're clinging to them for dear life.  

[Proserpina]

46 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Even though these people are technically right, it's not about being 'right' it's about actually knowing where someone is coming from. 

I wouldn't say law of attraction is always accurate.  You can be doing everything in your power and conditions can get worse initially for a long time.  That could make someone give up.  There are many stubborn factors at play. Sometimes this life time can be a test or a clearing of karma or a valley lifetime and that can make someone fall into despair if they are going soley by the principles of law of attraction.

[Gianna]

@Proserpina Oh, I completely agree. It's defeating and definitely makes you want to give up– like you say. Except you feel like you have no choice but to keep on trying because its your own happiness at stake. Haha. So you keep trying and trying. Except in the 'trying' you send the message that it's not here. And so the 'law of attraction' 'matches' that by not having it here. But what are you supposed to do, stop trying? Stop trying to change what's miserable? To 'love' what is when what is fucking sucks? Haha. It's a fucked cycle and I agree, it throws you in despair. That's why i think the conditions get worse before they get better– they get worse and worse and worse until you throw your hands up and just give up; give up the effort, the trying. And giving up kind of equates to acceptance in a way (not totally, but kind of. Like a, "whatever I'll just sit with this then" kind of thing) and so things can begin to change, somewhat! haha. I don't know actually I haven't gotten that far. For me, I think things are beginning to change because I'm giving up on certain people. So the suffering is alleviating a bit because I quit trying with those people. And so without the trying for those people the suffering with those people is gone. Bit by bit of course! It's not as easy as it sounds. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Gianna

[Proserpina]

@Gianna  Hm. Interesting.  That's very true. Almost every time I let go of people and stopped trying I had a breakthrough. 

I think also that when you feel safe conditions and circumstances can arise for you to face and clear.  Kinda like how trauma frequently doesn't arise until adulthood when we are established and it's safe to explore those parts of ourselves.