Emotionalmosquito

Thrown out of bar for being myself, again

46 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

This may be a tad lengthy but try to bare with me. 

So last night I went out to chat up some Stacies and practice socializing. As usual, I find a group to sit near so I can people watch and eavesdrop until the inspiration to swoop in and join the fun occurs. Most of them leave so I go into the main area bar and karaoke room. As I’m standing there, I get tapped on the shoulder and led outside. The female bar owner basically tells me “we don’t like your kind around here” although in a subtle more polite way. When I asked she said the reason was because apparently I said something “extremely inappropriate” to a group of ladies last time I was there. Let me elaborate.

It was slightly more crowded there that night and I was standing alone watching a game of corn hole. A nearby table of the aforementioned group invites me over to hang out with them. A few more minutes pass and I do. Since I despise small talk I immediately jump into the good stuff which surprisingly seems to not put them off at all. I may have achieved some level of small talk leading up to it but ultimately I ask and get them all to agree that they are indeed open minded and curious of what I have to say. I then proceed to start talking about my fascination with period blood and possible benefits it may have beyond a mere waste product. To put things into perspective for them, I used the example of fecal transplants. “People used to think obviously since shit is pure waste it couldn’t possibly have any health benefit, but now they squirt healthy bacteria rich poop up peoples’ asses to save them from potentially lethal bad bacterias like C. diff as a standard medical procedure. So just imagine all the things we’re still missing out on because the normies deem it too icky to think about.” I go on to speculate of the possible uses of period blood as topical balms or oral supplementation. I also talked about seminal fluid in the same light. Half jokingly, I also said something like, “Perhaps if you were to wire whisk sperm and period together in a goblet, maybe throw in some spirulina/chlorella and light some candles you could make it all ritualistic and call it the Speriod Sundae.” (One of them even acknowledged spirulina being a good ingredient to add.) “Because you would be taking the vital essences of both genders and blending it into a super serum to achieve god tier levels of health and vibrancy.”

Now here is the most important part. The whole group was completely intrigued and invested in the conversation. It wasn’t one sided because they gave me plenty of feedback. I got genuine smiles and giggles throughout. One of them complimented my skin and said “idk maybe there is something to it because your skin looks amazing.” “Question is how much do I really want to know, L0L” Keep in mind I didn’t suggest I’ve actually tried this, at least not to this extent. The approach ends up being a fun and light hearted interaction and I leave feeling more confident. So unless they were Hollywood level actresses deceiving me, why the actual fuck did they feel the need to report me to management?!!

The other thing that gets me is while I was being chewed out by the owner, she told me the last few times I’ve been there I’ve made everyone uncomfortable yet she never once warned me of misbehavior, so how the fuck was I supposed to know? I now have a permanent ban even though tons of others are 10x rowdier than I ever am and all they have to do is go home for the night. Also, people sing terribly vulgar songs at karaoke and they all jam out to it. It makes zero sense. 

Another hypocrisy is what I call the “South Park Bias”. A different much more laidback bartender that I talked to afterwards at the neighboring bar confirmed this. If I would have told them I was completely kidding and I saw it on South Park, odds are it wouldn’t have been nearly as big a deal. In general people love and admire that show for its cutting edge and boundary defying humor. But when random ass me comes along playfully using the exact same humor, suddenly it’s war because I’m not a rich famous content creator yet. 

Part of the reason I selected this topic to present with is because I’ve been seeing people around this forum and other sources say women love it when a man is able to be bold and talk about whatever is on his mind because it means he’s confident, and it makes them feel more comfortable opening up about the weird thoughts they have. Furthermore, I figured this specific topic would show them I am capable of accepting women for everything that they are, complete with all their functions including the ones 99% of other guys find repulsive. I couldn’t have been more wrong. How is unconditional love not a turn on?

The other time I got kicked out of a bar was at a different place and it was for very similar reasons. Only that time the manager was nice enough to say I just had to throw in the towel for the night.

When I arrived home last night, I used the rage to fuel a very juicy workout. Problem is, as usual, I couldn’t turn it off all night. I was burning alive with anger, blood pressure through the roof and heart palpitations all night. I had a kratom, cbd and turmeric stack and it had about as much effect as a queef to a category 5 hurricane. I’m on the verge of fully joining the incel brotherhood but I want to be better than that. The fact that I’m not able or allowed to express myself in the social matrix is currently my biggest challenge. I even told the bar owner that chads and girls get much more leeway than me and she couldn’t give a straight answer.

Apologies for my poor writing skills and any input on the situation is appropriated.

TL;DR: kicked out of half the places I try to have fun unless I go full robot.

 

Edited by Emotionalmosquito

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

It's entirely impossible to say what you do wrong man. It's all in the way you're being when engaging other people that determines whether people receive you well or not. There's a level of communication that underlies all of what you're saying and that is related to your level of emotional embodiment. It's about what emotions you feel inside yourself and how they transfer onto other people. 

You should surround yourself with people who have this down and preferably get coaching. I recommend 'the fearless man' workshops which are all about fixing your emotional embodiment issues. 

For people to receive you well, you need to have different aspects in place such as grounding, open heart, turn-on energy which comes through the pelvis. When you have these 3 in place, what you say matters a lot less. People start to pull into you more and you can say ridiculous stuff and that won't turn them off. 

Edited by JonasVE12

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, that's just bad luck. Unless you are painting the picture extra pretty here about yourself (which I don't think you are), I don't think anything is really your fault. You were having a great time with people and someone got bitter.

Sometimes shit just happens. Don't overthink and blame yourself for it. Just go find another bar or place to socialize. I'm sure there are plenty.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Learn to read vibes and concentrate on listening more. They prolly weren't liking what you were communicating at all, and just being nice to avoid a scene. Cause chances are that people who talk weird shit do dumb weird shit. Don't make autistic monologues about period blood infused with jizz, unless you are very good at reading the room. Yes, we all hate small talk....but it's supposed to be a precursor to vibe and find the real conversation that you can have between each other. In a convo, all participants have to compromise and meet in the middle to find a subject they can all relate with, not go on autistic rants about some weird shit only they care about. If the conversation stays stale and on the surface or you veer it into unrelatable weird shit, you gotta ask yourself what you did wrong. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, TK2021 said:

Learn to read vibes

The only vibes I know are “Get the fuck away from me now” and “I’m enjoying this, keep talking.” 

Anything in between is like trying to solve advanced college calculus as a 3rd grader

 

@Roy Thx. I think it’s more than just bad luck though because I’ve faced this same demon most of my life.

 

23 minutes ago, JonasVE12 said:

It's entirely impossible to say what you do wrong man. It's all in the way you're being when engaging other people that determines whether people receive you well or not. There's a level of communication that underlies all of what you're saying and that is related to your level of emotional embodiment. It's about what emotions you feel inside yourself and how they transfer onto other people. 

If that’s true then how is it acceptable to have fear when approaching? RSD and even Leo says approach anxiety almost never goes away yet girls can still overlook it because they know the courage it takes. 

Not my experience at all 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

Thx. I think it’s more than just bad luck though because I’ve faced this same demon most of my life.

It seems you have quite a bit of emotional awareness for a mosquito to know if you were being genuinely offensive or off putting. When you know you've done nothing wrong, it's not rational to pick at yourself.

Someone probably saw that you were being confident and socializing outside the normal matrix of things, and it made them insecure and took away from the fun "they" should have been having. So they went and cried about it. Or maybe the bartender was just on a power trip.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

31 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

If that’s true then how is it acceptable to have fear when approaching? RSD and even Leo says approach anxiety almost never goes away yet girls can still overlook it because they know the courage it takes. 

Not my experience at all 

You need a more body based perspective to look at this stuff more clearly. You can do a good approach when you experience fear, but it's about not letting that fear own you and becoming reactive to it. It's about not shutting of the energy flow throughout your heart, pelvis and legs so all energy is in your head. That's nervous energy out of reactivity. That's what turns off women. 

2 guys who experience fear when approaching women can have 2 different reactions. for one guy she can get attracted, and by the other guy she'll be creeped out. It's about how those guys handle that tension (fear). Meaning how their nervous system proccesses it. Do they ground the tension out into the earth and become present? Or do they get up their head?

It's not fear that turns off women. When you experience fear when approaching women, but you can show up in the midst of that and be like 'yeah I'm nervous, but fuck it, I still show up', that's attractive. You need a grounded energy instead of reactive fearful energy. 

In your story you write that you have problems relating to people and being social. When you go up to people and talk about the things you mentioned, of course you're not coming off well calibrated. You can only pull that of if you are completely in the zone, confident, embodied and present. 

If that was your first approach of the night and you're still somewhat in your head, then yeah...

Maybe next time be a bit more relatable at the start of your night and when you get more into a flow state, then you can do more risky stuff.

Usually if you suck at socialising, you need to think about how you can take smart consistent action on a daily basis so you can gradually build up your ability to be social. It can start wherever you feel you are stuck. If you suck at being social all around, then start doing the following exercise for a month and see how it improves your emotional embodiment.

The exercise is called '100 hi's'. It's something they practice at the fearless man. Say 'hello' to 100 people you cross on the street and practice opening your body and grounding your energy. When you are not embodied, you should receive almost no reply from those strangers. If you are though, almost 90% will say hello back or smile. If you are really really embodied, then lots of people will want to start talking to you.

If you can do this, you'll learn lots about subtilities of subcommunication and you'll know how to transfer this to approaching women. 

Edited by JonasVE12

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to say you did nothing wrong but you've been kicked out of multiple places for the same reasons? At that point you gotta start looking inwards

I got kicked out of a place recently for far far less, now I go to another place and haven't had a problem. Some places are just shitty and sometimes you just get unlucky, but this is clearly a pattern in your case

You seem super authentic which is great, but you need to accept that some social rules are there for a reason and you need to follow them and sprinkle your authenticity in over time, build it up

Learn the social game before you start trying to transcend it

Bold authenticity is scary unless it's extremely skillfully applied with social awareness. That's why small talk exists. It's a tease. A lubricant. Designed to let you slowly work your way into the good stuff while letting others know you're safe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

This may be a tad lengthy but try to bare with me. 

So last night I went out to chat up some Stacies and practice socializing. As usual, I find a group to sit near so I can people watch and eavesdrop until the inspiration to swoop in and join the fun occurs. Most of them leave so I go into the main area bar and karaoke room. As I’m standing there, I get tapped on the shoulder and led outside. The female bar owner basically tells me “we don’t like your kind around here” although in a subtle more polite way. When I asked she said the reason was because apparently I said something “extremely inappropriate” to a group of ladies last time I was there. Let me elaborate.

It was slightly more crowded there that night and I was standing alone watching a game of corn hole. A nearby table of the aforementioned group invites me over to hang out with them. A few more minutes pass and I do. Since I despise small talk I immediately jump into the good stuff which surprisingly seems to not put them off at all. I may have achieved some level of small talk leading up to it but ultimately I ask and get them all to agree that they are indeed open minded and curious of what I have to say. I then proceed to start talking about my fascination with period blood and possible benefits it may have beyond a mere waste product. To put things into perspective for them, I used the example of fecal transplants. “People used to think obviously since shit is pure waste it couldn’t possibly have any health benefit, but now they squirt healthy bacteria rich poop up peoples’ asses to save them from potentially lethal bad bacterias like C. diff as a standard medical procedure. So just imagine all the things we’re still missing out on because the normies deem it too icky to think about.” I go on to speculate of the possible uses of period blood as topical balms or oral supplementation. I also talked about seminal fluid in the same light. Half jokingly, I also said something like, “Perhaps if you were to wire whisk sperm and period together in a goblet, maybe throw in some spirulina/chlorella and light some candles you could make it all ritualistic and call it the Speriod Sundae.” (One of them even acknowledged spirulina being a good ingredient to add.) “Because you would be taking the vital essences of both genders and blending it into a super serum to achieve god tier levels of health and vibrancy.”

Now here is the most important part. The whole group was completely intrigued and invested in the conversation. It wasn’t one sided because they gave me plenty of feedback. I got genuine smiles and giggles throughout. One of them complimented my skin and said “idk maybe there is something to it because your skin looks amazing.” “Question is how much do I really want to know, L0L” Keep in mind I didn’t suggest I’ve actually tried this, at least not to this extent. The approach ends up being a fun and light hearted interaction and I leave feeling more confident. So unless they were Hollywood level actresses deceiving me, why the actual fuck did they feel the need to report me to management?!!

The other thing that gets me is while I was being chewed out by the owner, she told me the last few times I’ve been there I’ve made everyone uncomfortable yet she never once warned me of misbehavior, so how the fuck was I supposed to know? I now have a permanent ban even though tons of others are 10x rowdier than I ever am and all they have to do is go home for the night. Also, people sing terribly vulgar songs at karaoke and they all jam out to it. It makes zero sense. 

Another hypocrisy is what I call the “South Park Bias”. A different much more laidback bartender that I talked to afterwards at the neighboring bar confirmed this. If I would have told them I was completely kidding and I saw it on South Park, odds are it wouldn’t have been nearly as big a deal. In general people love and admire that show for its cutting edge and boundary defying humor. But when random ass me comes along playfully using the exact same humor, suddenly it’s war because I’m not a rich famous content creator yet. 

Part of the reason I selected this topic to present with is because I’ve been seeing people around this forum and other sources say women love it when a man is able to be bold and talk about whatever is on his mind because it means he’s confident, and it makes them feel more comfortable opening up about the weird thoughts they have. Furthermore, I figured this specific topic would show them I am capable of accepting women for everything that they are, complete with all their functions including the ones 99% of other guys find repulsive. I couldn’t have been more wrong. How is unconditional love not a turn on?

The other time I got kicked out of a bar was at a different place and it was for very similar reasons. Only that time the manager was nice enough to say I just had to throw in the towel for the night.

When I arrived home last night, I used the rage to fuel a very juicy workout. Problem is, as usual, I couldn’t turn it off all night. I was burning alive with anger, blood pressure through the roof and heart palpitations all night. I had a kratom, cbd and turmeric stack and it had about as much effect as a queef to a category 5 hurricane. I’m on the verge of fully joining the incel brotherhood but I want to be better than that. The fact that I’m not able or allowed to express myself in the social matrix is currently my biggest challenge. I even told the bar owner that chads and girls get much more leeway than me and she couldn’t give a straight answer.

Apologies for my poor writing skills and any input on the situation is appropriated.

TL;DR: kicked out of half the places I try to have fun unless I go full robot.

 

Brother you need to learn social calibration and how to read cues better.

Bars do not just kick people out. Notice how you’ve framed this whole situation as if you’ve done nothing wrong and the staff is just being unreasonable. That’s not what happened.

Bars actually want people there. You pay them pay money. To get kicked out, you basically have to be a complete fuck head. Situations where people are unfairly kicked out are very rare.

Consider that you actually are being a fuck head. Despite how you interpreted the situation.


Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/akourakin/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, something_else said:

 

I want to say you did nothing wrong but you've been kicked out of multiple places for the same reasons? At that point you gotta start looking inwards

 

 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Notice how you’ve framed this whole situation as if you’ve done nothing wrong and the staff is just being unreasonable. That’s not what happened.

 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

Consider that you actually are being a fuck head. Despite how you interpreted the situation

Fellas. I literally didn’t do a goddamn thing last night when a got removed. Nothing whatsoever. I was just standing there watching the crowd and trying to psych myself up for action. They suspected I was going to act weird based on my previous visits so that’s why. Even then my only crime was talking about subjects that fall outside the Overton Window. @aurum If by complete fuck head you mean guy trying to push his comfort zones, sure. I was still holding back 90% of what I would have liked to do/say but I guess even that wasn’t enough. Who’s the shady one if I wasn’t issued a single warning even though the staff was fully aware they could and should have? The least they could have done is extending me the courtesy of a three strike policy, but no, i was judged so harshly that ill intent was assumed of me until it was too late.

2 hours ago, Roy said:

Someone probably saw that you were being confident and socializing outside the normal matrix of things, and it made them insecure and took away from the fun "they" should have been having. So they went and cried about it. Or maybe the bartender was just on a power trip.

Very much this. Especially the last part. She always seems to be in a bitchy mood so I imagine seeing a guy acting outside the norm was the perfect target to take it out on. I forgot to mention that when I moved to the next door bar, the owner from the first one came in and I started pushing her for answers as respectfully as I knew how. Naturally, this lit her fuse so her and some tweaker crackpot started double teaming me with raised voices and I got accused of being disrespectful for trying to stand up for myself. Mind you I stayed calm and collected throughout.

Damn! This reeeealy makes me look like I’m trying to use the victim card and blame everyone else. But I’m just telling the story like it is. How else can I say it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Roy said:

When you know you've done nothing wrong, it's not rational to pick at yourself.

I don’t think it’s a guilt problem I have. More like the opposite, grudge problems.

honored to be your 2000th post btw. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Maybe don't talk about shit, sperm eggs, and rituals in public. People generally don't wanna talk about that at a club I would assume. 

"I then proceed to start talking about my fascination with period blood and possible benefits it may have beyond a mere waste product."

If this was the first thing some random guy started talking to me about at a club I would ask him to get the fuck away from me. "This guy is weirding me out.. okay don't add to the awkward,,, just nod and smile.. casually play along... wtf" not saying to offend you. That is just my imagination of what I would think if I heard some random person say these things to me. It would kill the vibe for sure and I would be like.. damn why did I invite this into my head space.

Now, if I I get it maybe you were trying to be funny or something. But, its just not cool imo.

That as an opener has some serious weirdo vibes, though I could listen and joke if I Knew you and knew you were kidding.

People were having a good time and probably just played along because they were having a good time.

You can be confident, fun, talk about things that are edgy. But, you gotta be able to read the room and understand what the limits are.

Simply avoid opening talking about bodily fluids, and other creep zone things. Try to be more accessible. Don't do stuff that is widely considered creepy and then play victim when you get the results that that action sows. 

Edited by Thought Art

"When you Look in the sky, Just try looking inside, God Knows what you might find... "Here Comes The Nighttime" -Arcade Fire 

Qigong and Spirituality +Vlog - Thought Art

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

Fellas. I literally didn’t do a goddamn thing last night when a got removed. Nothing whatsoever. I was just standing there watching the crowd and trying to psych myself up for action. They suspected I was going to act weird based on my previous visits so that’s why. Even then my only crime was talking about subjects that fall outside the Overton Window. @aurum If by complete fuck head you mean guy trying to push his comfort zones, sure. I was still holding back 90% of what I would have liked to do/say but I guess even that wasn’t enough. Who’s the shady one if I wasn’t issued a single warning even though the staff was fully aware they could and should have? The least they could have done is extending me the courtesy of a three strike policy, but no, i was judged so harshly that ill intent was assumed of me until it was too late.

Sorry, I’m sticking my with opinion on this one. Going to have to disagree with @Roy.

Look at the way you even worded your post. “Got thrown out of a bar for BEING MYSELF”.

No one has ever been thrown out of a bar for being themselves. The world is not that harsh of a place.

I’ve been out to a bar more times than I could ever count. I’ve done egregious things at many of them. I’ve been “myself” to the max.

And yet I’ve only been kicked out of one bar in my entire life. Which I deserved, because I was in fact being a fuck head.

And when I say fuck head, I’m being tongue in cheek. I really just mean someone acting without social grace.

I know you’re just trying to push your comfort zone and grow. That’s commendable. I don’t think you’re bad for what happened.

But good intentions doesn’t mean people are going to love what you’re doing.

Here’s what I think: you are hurt that the people at this bar didn’t like and accept you. And to justify why you’re still lovable, you constructed this narrative about how you were victimized.

Which is not to say the other actors in this story were saints either. Maybe they were being assholes or just drunk. Who knows.

But no where in your story do you admit that you might be at fault or share some of the responsibility. And that’s just not the reality if you got kicked out of two bars in a short time period.


Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/akourakin/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, aurum said:

Sorry, I’m sticking my with opinion on this one. Going to have to disagree with @Roy.

Look at the way you even worded your post. “Got thrown out of a bar for BEING MYSELF”.

No one has ever been thrown out of a bar for being themselves. The world is not that harsh of a place.

I’ve been out to a bar more times than I could ever count. I’ve done egregious things at many of them. I’ve been “myself” to the max.

And yet I’ve only been kicked out of one bar in my entire life. Which I deserved, because I was in fact being a fuck head.

And when I say fuck head, I’m being tongue in cheek. I really just mean someone acting without social grace.

I know you’re just trying to push your comfort zone and grow. That’s commendable. I don’t think you’re bad for what happened.

But good intentions doesn’t mean people are going to love what you’re doing.

Here’s what I think: you are hurt that the people at this bar didn’t like and accept you. And to justify why you’re still lovable, you constructed this narrative about how you were victimized.

Which is not to say the other actors in this story were saints either. Maybe they were being assholes or just drunk. Who knows.

But no where in your story do you admit that you might be at fault or share some of the responsibility. And that’s just not the reality if you got kicked out of two bars in a short time period.

This.

Yeah own your shit. These people are not all somehow just magically victimizing some patron for no reason.

You are still 100% lovable though.

Just, really reflect even though it hurts.


"When you Look in the sky, Just try looking inside, God Knows what you might find... "Here Comes The Nighttime" -Arcade Fire 

Qigong and Spirituality +Vlog - Thought Art

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, aurum said:

And that’s just not the reality if you got kicked out of two bars in a short time period.

The first one happened almost a year ago today. It was Halloween night and I was wearing a scary costume.

6 hours ago, aurum said:

And when I say fuck head, I’m being tongue in cheek. I really just mean someone acting without social grace.

 

6 hours ago, aurum said:

And yet I’ve only been kicked out of one bar in my entire life. Which I deserved, because I was in fact being a fuck head.

 

When I hear someone say fuck head I think total belligerent, boundary disrespecting, non self aware, obnoxious asshole. But if instead you mean simply lacking social skills, the term loses all meaning due to the overwhelming and rapidly increasing amount of people who fit that description. That’s a shit load of fuck heads.

So you were booted for lacking social skills? Who’s in the wrong if that’s the case? If you say it’s you, I fundamentally disagree.

6 hours ago, aurum said:

But good intentions doesn’t mean people are going to love what you’re doing.

Completely agree

6 hours ago, aurum said:

Here’s what I think: you are hurt that the people at this bar didn’t like and accept you. And to justify why you’re still lovable, you constructed this narrative about how you were victimized.

First sentence yes. Second sentence not really.

Im describing what happened exactly as it happened. I do feel victimized but I’m not trying to paint a special picture of it.

6 hours ago, aurum said:

Look at the way you even worded your post. “Got thrown out of a bar for BEING MYSELF”.

No one has ever been thrown out of a bar for being themselves. The world is not that harsh of a place.

I was being myself as much as I possibly could have been given the circumstances. Besides, how is it even possible to be anyone other than myself? I mean who else could I have been, Belle Delphine? Apparently all it takes is one person to dislike the self you present and boom, you’re gone.

 

6 hours ago, aurum said:

I’ve been out to a bar more times than I could ever count. I’ve done egregious things at many of them. I’ve been “myself” to the max.

And yet you’ve only been booted from one joint? Please teach me your Jedi mind tricks.

 

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

These people are not all somehow just magically victimizing some patron for no reason.

Correct. In their mind they’ve justified demonizing me so they don’t have to challenge their tiny paradigm locked  reality bubbles. At least that’s how I see it.

 

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

People were having a good time and probably just played along because they were having a good time.

 

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

This guy is weirding me out.. okay don't add to the awkward,,, just nod and smile.. casually play along... wtf" not saying to offend you

Why the hell would they be giving me flat out compliments if they were disgusted? Wouldn’t that just add fuel to the fire they’re trying to extinguish? “Dude, you are so weird. Get tf away from us! You do have a cute face though.”    WTF Who does that? They clearly were not drunk. It’s not hard to tell.

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Maybe don't talk about shit, sperm eggs, and rituals in public. People generally don't wanna talk about that at a club I would assume.

Imagine a world where it is forbidden to speak of the literal building blocks of all human life. That is hilariously absurd.

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Simply avoid opening talking about bodily fluids, and other creep zone things. Try to be more accessible. Don't do stuff that is widely considered creepy and then play victim when you get the results that that action sows. 

It isn’t just that. I open with a wide variety of topics and more often than not it fails. Do I explicitly ask her what topics are and aren’t acceptable to talk about and bend the direction of the dialogue around that or should I have telepathic abilities so I can just automatically tell? I have nothing in common with most people.

 

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

you gotta be able to read the room

LOL! Maybe when we all get neuralinked that will be possible.

 

It pisses me off that I have to learn to flawlessly execute my sets at the risk of being permanently labeled creepy if even the slightest error is made. Where is the open mindedness? Where is the goodness of the human spirit in this case? Incel culture is packed with delusion no doubt but they are right on some things. Most of the guys I see with girlfriends are tall and handsome, with a few exceptions of course. Connor Murphy the six foot four male model body builder gets tons of girls effortlessly even when he acts like a total nut case. 

 

Edited by Emotionalmosquito

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

proceed to start talking about my fascination with period blood

Dude...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

You need a more body based perspective to look at this stuff more clearly. You can do a good approach when you experience fear, but it's about not letting that fear own you and becoming reactive to it. It's about not shutting of the energy flow throughout your heart, pelvis and legs so all energy is in your head. That's nervous energy out of reactivity. That's what turns off women. 

2 guys who experience fear when approaching women can have 2 different reactions. for one guy she can get attracted, and by the other guy she'll be creeped out. It's about how those guys handle that tension (fear). Meaning how their nervous system proccesses it. Do they ground the tension out into the earth and become present? Or do they get up their head?

It's not fear that turns off women. When you experience fear when approaching women, but you can show up in the midst of that and be like 'yeah I'm nervous, but fuck it, I still show up', that's attractive. You need a grounded energy instead of reactive fearful energy. 

In your story you write that you have problems relating to people and being social. When you go up to people and talk about the things you mentioned, of course you're not coming off well calibrated. You can only pull that of if you are completely in the zone, confident, embodied and present. 

If that was your first approach of the night and you're still somewhat in your head, then yeah...

Maybe next time be a bit more relatable at the start of your night and when you get more into a flow state, then you can do more risky stuff.

Usually if you suck at socialising, you need to think about how you can take smart consistent action on a daily basis so you can gradually build up your ability to be social. It can start wherever you feel you are stuck. If you suck at being social all around, then start doing the following exercise for a month and see how it improves your emotional embodiment.

The exercise is called '100 hi's'. It's something they practice at the fearless man. Say 'hello' to 100 people you cross on the street and practice opening your body and grounding your energy. When you are not embodied, you should receive almost no reply from those strangers. If you are though, almost 90% will say hello back or smile. If you are really really embodied, then lots of people will want to start talking to you.

If you can do this, you'll learn lots about subtilities of subcommunication and you'll know how to transfer this to approaching women. 

This is an underrated post. I like the idea of unblocking energy channels to become a magnet. I reckon I need to get back into a consistent yoga routine 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe not

But to most people at bars it is.

But hey, do you right? Just don't blame others when they don't want you in there bar.


"When you Look in the sky, Just try looking inside, God Knows what you might find... "Here Comes The Nighttime" -Arcade Fire 

Qigong and Spirituality +Vlog - Thought Art

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Maybe don't talk about shit, sperm eggs, and rituals in public. People generally don't wanna talk about that at a club I would assume. 

"I then proceed to start talking about my fascination with period blood and possible benefits it may have beyond a mere waste product."

If this was the first thing some random guy started talking to me about at a club I would ask him to get the fuck away from me. "This guy is weirding me out.. okay don't add to the awkward,,, just nod and smile.. casually play along... wtf" not saying to offend you. That is just my imagination of what I would think if I heard some random person say these things to me. It would kill the vibe for sure and I would be like.. damn why did I invite this into my head space.

Now, if I I get it maybe you were trying to be funny or something. But, its just not cool imo.

That as an opener has some serious weirdo vibes, though I could listen and joke if I Knew you and knew you were kidding.

People were having a good time and probably just played along because they were having a good time.

You can be confident, fun, talk about things that are edgy. But, you gotta be able to read the room and understand what the limits are.

Simply avoid opening talking about bodily fluids, and other creep zone things. Try to be more accessible. Don't do stuff that is widely considered creepy and then play victim when you get the results that that action sows

Basically this. I know you want to get out of your comfort zone, that's awesome. Just avoid these topics. You can get out of your comfort zone in some other way. There are millions of other topics. 

If a complete stranger approached me and started talking about period blood, yeah... A bit uneasy I would feel.  

You can talk about those stuff when you're a little bit closer to a girl (like in a relationship or something)... Otherwise don't talk about sperm and other disgusting stuff that most people don't like to talk about, especially with someone they don't know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now