Idiocy and Ignorance

[Marcel]

I feel very very feed up with this forum.

The lack  of empathy, understanding, holism, kindness, respect and simple manners in conversations makes me feel sick to stomach.

Not everybody of course. But there seem to be a lot of people who just act like total asshats and then just play their disrespect off and say that they we’re „just playing“ or that I „shouldn’t take it seriously“.

I want to punch a f*cking wall Right now ?

Try to stay calm when you’re traumatic memories, panic attacks, self harming and suicidal thoughts get triggered.

Also. I am absolutely not trying  to play the victim card here or come up with a sob story. This is a serious issue for me and anybody giving me shit for this post. I’ll just immediately block. I have zero tolerance for ignorance and idiocy anymore. 

To anybody thinking I’m overreacting.
Here’s a short summary of all the things I went through in my life for clarity and why this bothers me so much. This is not supposed to be a pity party either, anybody who thinks that can please just fuck off.

1. A suicidal mother. Told me she would kill herself every day after waking me up in the early morning hours for years. She got sent to mental Institutions 15 times, ranging from 2 weeks to 6 month stays. In the closed section. I had to stop her from leaving the house and wanting to throw herself in front of a train countless times by myself in my teen years, because nobody else was around. I tried to hug and comfort her in those situations, but she literally physically pushed me away and completely zoned  out at times, not even noticing my presence while trying to push me away.
2. An impulsive granddad. Completely addicted to starting fights and arguments unprompted. Crazy moodswings from calm to blazing fury. I was genuinely terrified that he might  beat me or my grandma up at times. He used very disrespectful and hurtful words and later played it of as „not so bad“ and thinking that giving me a piece of chocolate is a valid apology. He peacefully died 4 years ago. I hope he is in a good place now and I’ve forgiven him. But this fear of mood swings and sudden changes in my environment has been very ingrained in me for a long time now. Hence why I don’t tolerate any form of nonsense or the slightest disrespect.
3. A cold and emotionally distant father. Who would scream and verbally abuse my mom from time to time as his form of emotional realise. I did not feel safe anywhere. I did not feel safe at home and I did not feel safe at school. Speaking  of school.
4. Bullying. Finding no friends and being ostracised at school while all of the above was happening at home. I was good at school. I was the top student in my class in fact.  It was an escape for me to just immerse myself in learning and studying and I got picked and jumped on for it. My saving grace was that I am good at sports and slowly was able to fight myself to at least some basic level of respect over time. I hated everything about school. I played the role of the responsible top-student and this mask was making me feel miserable. All of my teachers and everyone  in my family congratulated me for my grades, but gave a shit about my mental health. They never even tried to actually understand me and just played fake games for the most part. My family is a fucking shit show.

I could go into A Lot more Detail, but I think you get the picture dear whoever is reading this right now.

Im cool with my mom and my dad nowadays. I love them dearly and want the best for them.

But, I still have a lot of unresolved issues and the forum tends to bring out the worst in me from time to time. Hence why I, just like my girlfriend will stick to the journal section, in the hopes that things will tone down and become peaceful again. 
 

We have met each other on the forum, so the forum is inevitably an important part of our lives. It means a lot to us and seeing it succumb like this is just sad and infuriating. 
 

If there is one thing I would want to see change on the forum, then it is just having the ability to create actual closed journals that are still publicly visible, but can only be commented on by the creator and people he or she wants to have the ability to do so.
 

This would solve a lot of issues for me and possibly others.
 

To anybody that has actually read this entire post up to here. Thank you very much for taking the time to do so. I hope it was at least somewhat insightful and / or helpful to you.

Have an amazing day ?

 

[Marcel]

 

This song perfectly describes where I feel the forum is at Development wise as a collective.

About toxic stage orange on average.
 

 

[Proserpina]

30 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 

This song perfectly describes where I feel the forum is at Development wise as a collective.

About toxic stage orange on average

True. It has a lot of potential but it's held back in its ignoring of other schools of thought. It's cold, cold, cold. Agreeableness (in the big 5 sense) has been thrown aside. 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Proserpina

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I'm sorry you're having a hard time on this forum. I apologize that because of me you had to face the haters. 

I will never comment on the forum again. I left it forever. 

Please ignore anyone who is trying to antagonize you. That's the best you can do right now. 

 

[TripleFly]

Take therapy, why do to look for compassion elsewhere?

[Raphael]

You both are incredible human beings, you have my support.

@Preety_India Some of your comments may have triggered me in the past, but I did my best to not take things personally and not react so that everyone can experience a minimum of decency and self-respect here.

[Raze]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel I'm sorry you're having a hard time on this forum. I apologize that because of me you had to face the haters. 

I will never comment on the forum again. I left it forever. 

Please ignore anyone who is trying to antagonize you. That's the best you can do right now. 

 

try internal family systems

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Raze said:

try internal family systems

I do not want any suggestions. Just leave me alone and I'll be good. 

 

[Marcel]

1 hour ago, TripleFly said:

Take therapy, why do to look for compassion elsewhere?

?

Im not looking for compassion on the forum. But I’d like to have a baseline level of respect in conversations.

That‘s it. 

Edited September 30, 2021 by Marcel

[Marcel]

@Proserpina

5 hours ago, Proserpina said:

True. It has a lot of potential but it's held back in its ignoring of other schools of thought. It's cold, cold, cold. Agreeableness (in the big 5 sense) has been thrown aside. 

Agreed. I see incredibly potential in a forum like this, unfortunately it’s just equivalent with a dumpster fire right now. 
 

This song perfectly describes what I want the forum to be.

More so the video, especially the ending.

The forum is the classroom and the couple in the end symbolises stage green to me, the thing the forum must gently glide into, slowly, with enough time and care.

 

 

[TripleFly]

Can you show an example where someone went out of his way to dislike you, unprovoked?

I don't see anyone hurting you intentionally, but I do see you demanding special attention. 

[Marcel]

1 minute ago, TripleFly said:

Can you show an example where someone went out of his way to dislike you, unprovoked?

I don't see anyone hurting you intentionally, but I do see you demanding special attention. 

LMAO

You didn’t understand and completely misinterpreted my post and I’m so tired of having to explain myself. 

If you’re actually interested in understanding me, read it again. I explained everything in my post.

Also to show you how much I crave your attention. You’re blocked ?

[Marcel]

9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel I'm sorry you're having a hard time on this forum. I apologize that because of me you had to face the haters. 

I will never comment on the forum again. I left it forever. 

Please ignore anyone who is trying to antagonize you. That's the best you can do right now. 

 

Dealing with haters is fun.

I’ll just verbally slap them in the face and block them if someone gets on my nerves.

In regards to blatant trolls and spam Accounts. We know what to do hun. The mods and Leo do a good job and put effort into making sure that stuff like this doesn’t happen. Some people are just to determined to be stopped. So be it. Let them waste their time.

Thank you for deciding to leave the forum hun. You could still use it if you want to. I really don’t mind. But I suppose we both made enough experiences with hatred and toxicity to even want to interact with the general forum population in general.

It‘s probably for the better that we just stick to the journaling section. I love you ❤️

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you 

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, Marcel said:

Thank you for deciding to leave the forum hun.

You made it possible. I almost felt like I was dying here and I felt like I was unable to escape because I had such a long standing relationship with this forum 

You helped me achieve a difficult decision. You almost rescued me. You helped me so much. 

You gave me a new birth and a new pair of wings. My wings were broken and I was a girl trapped on this forum. You liberated me. You set me free and saved me from destruction. 

You gave me shiny wings. You are so nice and loving and I can't get enough of you. 

I would have died if you didn't come. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Putting in all the hard work for him. 

 

                          

 

[Preety_India]

 

I love you so much. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

?

[Marcel]

 I feel this song perfectly describes what the forum needs to go through to evolve.

I am aware that this song is about being famous, but the message in the end is what it is important. A transition from toxic stage orange to green collectively.

“Instead of focusing on fame, I should have focused on the love“

 

[roopepa]

It's weird to me to hear this critique from you and @Preety_India. I have never really seen any bullying or hateful speech here. I have always found this a very friendly place, especially when compared to other internet forums.

What kind of bullying exactly have you experienced? Can you link any threads where this happened? I'm interested to see it.